#straightpp

[straighttpp]

peter does not come back after the first episode which is heavy queerbait

oh wait these arent a whole thing ignore what i just said

[straighttpp]

Instead of a dark and nuanced queer sci-fi epic, it is a Disney channel original series and takes place in high school. Everyone’s white, straight (except Nureyev), cis, and supposed to be a teenager.

They still put Juno in dresses and have other characters call him a “lady”, but it’s as a joke bc Juno is a very tall and masculine dude-bro. Oh and he ends up with Allisandra in the end despite her being totally absent for 99.5% of the series.

Nureyev’s entire personality is “flamboyant gay”TM and he’s also short bc tall guys can’t be gay, obviously. Despite his blatant queer-coding, they will never say he’s gay or give him a boyfriend.

Jet is’t aro or ace, he’s just “shy” and him and Rita get together in the last episode despite having a grand total of 3 conversations for the whole duration of the show.

Vespa is the sarcastic/edgy “goth” girl whose personality is played for laughs.

The only exception to the “everyone’s a white teen” rule is Buddy, who is the wise and sassy black lady and their home room teacher.

The show goes on for several seasons despite having zero plot and less-than-zero character development.

I’m sorry for creating such a long and terrible nightmare... I feel ashamed.

anon how did you put this all in an ask

[straighttpp]

Hey yall!

We get a lot of asks, and it is very tiring coming up with such witty answers to them all so in the future: Please submit all your hetcanons!

you can (and still should) use the askbox for saying things that arent hetcanons, ie: ‘your blog gave me a heart attack!’ (we love to hear it) or ‘im going to destroy you for your sins’ (we’ve already tried, it doesn't work) 

as for submissions, so I don’t have to go through 30 posts meticulously tagging them, please tag your submissions with:

 #hetcanons

#straightttpp

#any characters in the post, full names 

#any ships mentioned, written in the format of character/character, alphabetically (ie, juno/peter, buddy/vespa) this also counts for horrendous ships. if you came up with it, you face the consequences of your creation

# any trigger warnings (regular warnings and also things like racism, transphobia, aphobia, to name a few) (anything mentioning juno as a cis man/Manly Man/etc should be tagged with misgendering, as juno is nonbinary in canon)

I’ll update the optional tags so that you can do that with submissions! if you dont do these things..... I’ll still probably post your hetcanon. I’ll just be annoyed

[straighttpp]

TW fetishizing gay men, Rilla is very very hated by the (fujoshi leaning) fandom for 'getting in the way of their ship' as in Damien and Arum, she is written to be evil and abusive in fanfiction. i was lowkey worriedly expecting this when i first listened to SC but thankfully Sofie and Kevin know that they all have two or more hands. and no i'm not speaking from another fandom *cough Be More Chill) not at all (cough Christine)

fhjakdf this blog is just here for you to vague on your favorite Heterosexual Shows

[straighttpp]

Instead of the cool noir posters gaytpp has it has the same kind of promo images supernatural used to have

wait tumblr user freakinamask idk what the supernatural promo images looked like

[straighttpp]

Mag and Peter's relationship would have been played up as the predatory older gay man trope, which is what made Peter gay and effeminate later in life because there is no way any MANtm would be like that (our favorite dramatic emotional thief, I am so sorry my son) naturally.

everyone say sorry to the characters of tpp for this blog

[straighttpp]

nureyev confesses to juno but he says "nureyev, as great of a partner in crime you are, i don't feel the same, and never have for any man. anyway, i have bigger fish to fry, this bomb won't deactivate itself. miasma, get your stupid tentacles off my ass." *laser shots* *miasma laughs seductively*

(this happened in the part when juno was locked in the bunker with miasma and they're saying their goodbyes through the locked door if that wasn't clear)

miasma is presented as a conventionally stripper kind of sexy under 25 woman. even when she goes tentacle beast mode, they only come out of her middle back, not her whole body, and juno describes his less than subtle arousal by a woman who can kill.

peter's punishment for his confession is he gets assassins sent after him and he's killed, juno doesn't know about it until a week later. cue bad revenge plot which never comes full circle because juno falls in love with alessandra and forgets peter ever existed.

there will be not plot around juno's now terrible aim from loosing an eye because he is the main character and the main character has to be good at everything.

anonymouse this is so specific and long i salute you for your work but. are you calling anyone out

[straighttpp]

One of the short lived gay characters cracks a HEteRoPHobic!TM joke and it's treated like a capitol offense. The perpetrator (probably Peter) dies shortly after. This is treated like a step towards (STRAIGHT!)EquALItyTM by the writers.

loving the capitalization of HEteRoPHobic!TM