Feeling like an outsider in their life
𝆹𝅥 Loid Forger, Fiona Frost (SPY X FAMILY)
Loid is more used to don't follow his feelings, he is a spy he is not allowed to have only one identity nor personal feelings, he is constantly changing from apparience and name, of life, he never lets himself forget about that and even when he has fallen in love with his darling he repeats to himself over and over again that those feelings are for the mission, he is just worried that something may go wrong so of course he has to take care of any threat, he has to make you happy just so you would not leave his side or the mision could be in danger
For the longest time Loid has been acting like the perfect husband while keeping everything under control, he is always taking care of everything without you even noticing, but, of course, when he thinks there is any threat for your "facade" he tents to get too invested on it, between wanting to prevent anything going wrong and his obsesive love that is making him obsessed over any posibility of something happening to you it can become a bit obvious whenever he is worried about something, but, of course, he always deny it
Loid always has the best in mind for his darling and the relasionship both have, he does everything in his own and everything he sees as necesary to protect this little paradise facade, but while doing so he seems to be pushing his darling away a little, he insist that it is nothing, just problems over work and even if he is greatful that you understand and don't ask for more details (or, at least not most of the time) the fact that you do it because you are starting to feel like an outsider in his life goes completely unnoticed
He is always finding excuses to sneak out, sometimes extra hours at work, sometimes he seems distracted and yet he always says that he is alright, even if it is a fake marriage it would be understandable if you feel like he doesn't trust you, like if you truly are nothing but the other part in this facade, still that doesn't mean you can't feel hurt or sad over it
And the worst part is that Loid won't really notice until it becomes too obvious, until you have even started putting distance between you two, it isn't that he doesn't worry about you, he does and a lot, way more than he would ever like to admit, the problem is that he has too much problems understanding feelings, he is more used to perfectly planned plans along with contemplating all kind of posibililities but you are free, you are free to feel whatever you want even if it is irrational, he doesn't want to take away that freedom from you (specially since he haven't fully accepted his own feelings for you, nor even taking in consideration the fact that he has pretty much woven a spider's web around you two to have everything under control), he wants to know what you are feeling but at the same time he doesn't want to assume
He will be trying to find out what are you feeling by paying more attention to you, he simply can't ask you right away and even if he does ask if you are alright almost imediatly to be polite he doesn't expect to have the answer he needs, he will change completely because now his whole focus is on you, the more time it passes without him being able to pin point what exactly is bothering you the closer and even clingier he becomes, he repeats himself that it is because of the mision like always, but it is not, he is worried sick, he doesn't like seeing you so distant from him, it hurts him
And when he finally understand that he have made you feel like you are an outsider in his life Loid feels like an idiot, like the greatest idiot in existance because how he did allowed this to happen? He can't let you feel like this, not when it hurts him so much, not when it is making him feel like he has failed and like he has betrayed your trust, he thinks that the suffering he is going throught right now it isn't even comparable to what he made you went throught
So he will apologize, but, of course, with a grant plan, a side of him wish to go to you and beg for forgiveness if is necesary, to tell you how sorry he is and how much he needs you in his life, but he would never allow himself to do that (even if he needs all the self-control he can gather to don't do it), instead he will take small steps to getting back to you, to reasure you that you are needed in his life and not only for this fake family, that your presence is very much apreciated, that he is just bad at expressing some times but that without you he doesn't know where he would be right now, and even if he thinks he is doing all of this to protect the facade and the mision everything he does and says for you comes from the deepest of his obsesive love
Since Fiona was under the strict guidence of Twilight she grew to become perfect, she is stronge, reliable, never showing her feelings and being more than enough for anything, being exactly that one of the things she holds so much pride on and one of the reasons why she feels like she is more than capable to keep her darling safe and happy at her side
Of course, the moment Fiona has fallen in love it was the moment she decided to spend the rest of her life with her darling, choosing that she will devote herself to her darling and to make a better world where you two can be together, but that only leaded her to forcing herself to handle absolutely everything, from the smallest problem to the biggest and more nasty threat that could appear in your way, all just so she can prove herself and her value to you
Sadly, what she was trying to do ended up having the complete opposite effect since she seems rather pushy with you, she has troubles expressing herself clearly and end up coming across as rude at times, whenever she tried to tell you that you have nothing to worry about because she will handle everything in the name of both she simply ends up sounding more like complaining, telling you that she will do it and you shouldn't get in where no one has called you
In her eagerness of wanting to do everything for you and your "happy love story" Fiona ends up putting more distance between you two, accidentally making you feel like, no matter what kind of relasionship you two have, you have no place in her life, that you two are together for mutual benefit but that you shouldn't even try to get closer because she will not answer. If you knew what she feels for you it would sound even imposible to ever think that she thinks of you in that way, but you have no way to know what she is feeling, only left with her sharp words and stoic expression
For a while things will stay as it is, with the biggest misunderstanding, all because both of you are convinced of what you two believe, Fiona thinking that she is doing a good job at showing you how reliable and loving she is and how you don't need anyone else than her, and you believing that you are nothing but an outsider in her life, someone who happens to be there without real purpose to be there
But, of course, Fiona will eventually understand what it is going on throught your mind, she has been rather blinded by her own obsesive love but the moment she finally looked at you she finally got to notice, that was when even the smallest hint was enough to make her stop and considerate carefully the situation, slowly leading her to find out the hints and the way your react to her more and more, initially growing mad because someone is making you feel uncomfortable until she realiced that it was her who making you uncomfortable
The moment she finds out the truth about how she has been making you feel it is like if she has done the worst thing she could ever have done, something unforgivable and yet she feels the impulse to go to your side and explain herself somehow, to tell you not only how sorry she is but how devastated she is by the fact that she made you doubt about your value and her love for you
But she doesn't, she doesn't have the right to see you at the eyes right now, she have done something horrible and she must make it up imediatly, she will not be able to live with herself if she doesn't fix this problem, she needs your forgiveness and to make you understand how important you truly are for her but even if you are willing to forgive her she will not forgive herself until she feels like she have done enough to make it up for you
