I woke up in a better mood today. I usually do wake up feeling okay. Even when I’m deeply depressed, the mornings are usually okay. My therapist had said one time that that’s good, that it makes my prognosis good! In the dark moments it mostly feels like a big f-you, a tease, you know? But I’m not there right now, I’m okay, I’m managing just fine.
Right so this morning feels exciting. Like there are possibilities. I’m careful around things like that because it can so easily border on manic-type feelings. Like I feel it in me as an option as we speak: too much energy and excitement and it can bubble over into my other organs and taint them with chaos. I’m suppressing it. Or really idk wtf I’m doing bc I’m speaking so abstractly. But you get my point.
I don’t need to think negatively, is my point.
Last night I was Dwelling On Nonsense and I wound up taking my little writing board thing and finally actuallyyyyy writing was I was upset about. And I figured out that I was really mostly just worried that my emotions wouldn’t be heard understood and validating. I have a history of people not comprehending my feelings and perceptions. And this involved someone I really love and I didn’t want to let the same shit happen.
I won’t, it won’t, everything will be fine. But it was a freeing moment and I’ll keep it in mind.
It was actually based off something in a workbook/coloring book I just bought. The iceberg thing? The top is above water and it’s what seems to be wrong and under the water, under the surface, is a much larger area of what’s really wrong.
Anyway, I woke up, did my morning routine (which brings me such joy I can’t even tell you), FaceTimed my mom (I love this daily thing we do), had coffee and a little breakfast, and now I’m ready to take on the day.
Well first I’m gonna do this puzzle thing. A logic puzzle. I suck at them but I want to get better. I have a whole book.
Have a good day, people :)
