I'm tired, chief. I hate being up late and it dawning on me again and again, that even among other queer people I'm disposable. Trans Women are just- Always the disposable ones. And it keeps getting proven and shown time and time again, and it's tiring and frightening, because it feels like we are eternally stuck as second class citizens. And, the second we can be thrown on the pyre to keep the others warm, we will be. Even if the regime changes, peacefully or not, I genuinely don't think there will be rollbacks on our rights being stripped in the US. Because, the total lack of opposition, and the other party is likely going to put a "bipartisan" ghoul as their front runner; who already has a track record of throwing trans folks at large under the bus. But, even then, so much of this is focused on trans women. And, the people within the greater queer community at large that despise us or see us as lesser, make it obvious. And, what sickens me, is the amount of others willing to ride the fence or move to their side because we're inconvenient.
It's tiring. I hate having to harden myself. I hate having to be strong. I hate having to do so much just to survive and exist as who I am because of how many people apparently just don't want us to exist. Other trans people treat us as less. Other parts of the queer umbrella do the same. When, we really just want to be respected and left the fuck alone at the end of the day. Why is that so hard? And, you know what I really hate? I made this vent post, and I am already bracing myself for the people who are going to attack me. The people who are going to make it about themselves or others. The people who are going to harass me for stepping out of line or speaking out if this post ends up getting spread around. I shouldn't have to do that. But, I do. And, it just makes me more tired. I can't even say it makes me more angry, because anger is just my default now. I am just angry at a world that seems to fucking hate me and other women like me.
