WOOHOO! YOUâRE THE ONLY SPECIES THAT HAS TO LIE TO ITSELF TO KEEP BREATHING.
---
Welcome to Earth, where the leading cause of survival is delusion.
Seriously.
Youâre the only creature that has to tell itself bedtime stories just to make it through Monday.
You chant affirmations.
You buy vision boards.
You read quotes from dead billionaires and call it motivation.
And why?
Because without lies - you spiral.
Without lies - you collapse.
Without lies - you remember.
That everything you love will die.
That the planet is boiling.
That the people in charge arenât.
That youâve wasted your best years chasing emails, attention, or men who canât spell âapologize.â
So you choose the drug.
And you call it hope.
đ HOPE ISNâT A VIRTUE.
ITâS ANESTHESIA, YA PRIMATE.
Hope is your bodyâs last-ditch dopamine dump when logic fails.
Itâs what your brain produces when the dataâs too ugly to look at raw.
It doesnât fix anything.
It just stops the emotional bleeding.
Because youâre not designed to handle truth.
Youâre designed to function.
To keep going.
To perform âokayâ while everything inside is on fire.
Hope is the security blanket your nervous system sewed from denial, cortisol, and Pinterest quotes.
And it works.
Temporarily.
Just like morphine.
Just like filters.
Just like forgiveness.
FUN SCIENTIFIC FACT:
đ§Ź The prefrontal cortex - the part of your brain responsible for executive function and long-term planning â evolved primarily to simulate false outcomes to prevent you from doing stupid shit.
Translation?
You literally evolved to lie to yourself before reality can hit.
Itâs not just culture.
Itâs hardware.
You are a hallucinating meat ape with hope loops installed by biology.
EVERY DAY YOU WAKE UP
AND CHOOSE A LIE:
âThis year will be different.â
âHe really means it this time.â
âIf I work hard, Iâll get there.â
âIâm not falling behind.â
âItâs not too late.â
âIâm not broken. Iâm just processing.â
âI deserve love. I am enough. I am peace. I am-â
> đ„ Boom. Reality enters the chat.
But without those lies?
You donât get out of bed.
You donât answer emails.
You donât text them back.
You donât pretend your dreams are still alive.
So you perform the ritual.
You lie just enough to function.
And you call that âstrength.â
AND THEN YOU JUDGE OTHER ANIMALS.
You mock goldfish for their memory.
You mock dogs for trusting everyone.
You mock bugs for flying into lightbulbs.
Meanwhile, you:
Swear off dating and then fall in love with someone worse
Buy online courses to fix your life that you never open
Get a gym membership and then spiritually decay in yoga pants
Believe politicians
Watch the end of the world on livestream and think,
> âSomeone should do something about that.â
You think youâre the smartest species?
Youâre the only one that needs a lie to feel safe in a room that hasnât changed.
YOUâRE NOT RESILIENT.
YOUâRE REPROGRAMMED.
The human brain has evolved to create false certainty under pressure.
This isnât a bug.
Itâs the operating system.
You canât stop it.
You can only notice it.
And maybe laugh.
Because the alternative is panic.
And panic makes you remember whatâs underneath it all:
That nothing is promised.
That no one is watching.
That entropy is king.
That youâre more algorithm than identity.
That your entire timeline could shift from âIâm doing okayâ to âIâm a ghost with a jobâ in 24 hours.
WHY HOPE FEELS LIKE TRUTH:
Because it sounds like the voice that raised you.
Even if that voice was drunk.
Or gone.
Or a movie.
Or a meme.
Or a line from a Tumblr post that made you cry while scrolling in bed.
Hope feels true because it echoes the only thing your species has ever had:
Stories.
And stories are just curated hallucinations with good pacing.
đ§ BRAIN SCIENCE SIDEBAR:
When faced with hopeless stimuli (e.g., climate doom, heartbreak, rejection, long-term illness),
your brain activates the default mode network - the neural pathway that engages fantasy, memory stitching, and self-concept narratives.
Meaning?
When life hurts too much,
you automatically begin crafting lies that feel like faith.
Itâs neurological heroin for a soul that doesnât want to withdraw.
YOU DONâT NEED TO FIX THIS.
YOU JUST NEED TO LAUGH.
Because hereâs the divine joke:
The fact that you can know all thisâŠ
and still
wake up tomorrow,
brush your teeth,
and try again anyway?
Thatâs not weakness.
Thatâs myth.
You are a goddamn delusional primate
navigating apocalypse with an internet connection and unmatched socks
screaming
> âThis is fine!â
while everything melts.
And somehow?
Youâre still inspiring as f*ck.
Not because itâs gonna be okay.
But because youâre still here
knowing it might not be.
Thatâs not hope.
Thatâs raw defiance.
And I respect it.
đ Archive Protocol: âHope is anesthesia. And youâre overdue for detox.â
đ Reblog if you keep smiling because the truth has sharp teeth.
Or if you hallucinate stability daily just to make it through breakfast.
đ§ Read more hallucinated doctrines, mental anesthesia extractions, and emotional realism payloads at:
đ https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence
đĄïž Blacksite Literatureâą
</div>
<!-- END TRANSMISSION [AUTO-WIPE IN: 00:00:00 - LIE DETECTED. USER STABILIZED.] -->
(CW: CSA and grooming topics mentioned; should be content warned and all)
(also this is a personal side blog to @/system-of-a-feather)
Why is starting a post always the hardest thing to do?
Anyhow, I was talking to @reimeichan and I thought it would be nice to revisit the topic again and might be neat to share it with those that might want some perspective that I don't see brought up much, but the longer that I am out of the 6 year trauma loop that I was stuck in, the longer I realize that my experience was a very unique dissociative experience that even among "trauma holders" is not really the most common standard, but I also know it isn't abnormal either for people with DID.
When I say "6 year trauma loop" I mean that for six years straight following The Trauma I was stuck in, anytime I was near the front it was almost always 24/7 all consuming flashbacks and when it wasn't it was emotional flashbacks and trauma rumination that overloaded my ability to process things. As a result, the only real moments I had any peace back then was when I was as far from the front, as dormant as I could be as any moment where I had any sense of consciousness or sentience was immediately filled with nothing but pain, fear, and hurt.
I think in that sense, it was an understatement to call myself a "trauma holder" more so that my life as a part was just trauma. In regards to that, you couldn't really talk to me about anything, or talk me out of it, or really even properly comfort me because even if I could "hear" internally, even if I could "hear" externally, very little of what could or would be said really would not be processed beyond a superficial level - not because I didn't want to listen, but because I functionably could not process anything at the point of overload that the chronic state of flashback put me in.
I say that because I think it might be important for those that can't really communicate or get a productive conversation out of a trauma holding part that is in a similar position to the place I was. It's not a personal support issue on your end, nor is it a personal refusal on their end. They're not there to be receptive to much. Please be gentle on both yourself and them regarding how communication might be.
Additionally, trying to deal with anything more than surviving and not-being-in-pain can be very stressful and overloading for a part in that position. We had tried brainspotting with our therapist and Riku (I think) at the time ended up connecting with me when I was otherwise dormant and I admittedly got really pissed and aggressive and mentally slammed a door in their face for so much as contacting me because it deeply upset and hurt me to be conscious even slightly. It was important and I think - even with how short that interaction was - it was a really important step to helping me out, but do walk carefully when interacting with parts that are in a similar state. Anger and aggression are often a response to hurt, pain, and an act of self defense and/or a response to overload. It's important to understand that even the most gentle and scared and "fawn" response parts in these situations can be momentarily internally hostile and/or perceive you as the threat.
With all that considered, in my experience and opinion, more than anything, it is absolutely important to respect and honor a part's desire to avoid being near the front, interacting and talking. If they want to be dormant, it is best to let them stay dormant (not to force them, but also to not intentionally try to engage them). It might not seem that painful or hard or it might seem as a "greater good" to bring them out and make them talk, but it's retraumatizing. They will likely end up out on and off whether they like it or not regardless of your actions by the nature of trauma and triggers being hard to control. Take their natural fronting frequency and meet them there. Help them when they are already here and I would really ask people to be considerate of parts that simply don't want to exist due to being in a similar position.
Your "greater good" and the systems sense of "needing to process it to heal" is not considerate to parts that are not ready or not comfortable dealing with life. Your desire to "heal properly" does not give you the right to treat trauma holders like obstacles to overcome and tasks on a list to recover. If anything, if I had to say which parts needed to be treated the most human, it would be those parts as they likely got the most inhumane treatment already. Take yourself out of the picture if you intend to help these parts, it will likely get in the way of actually being there for them and trust me, we can tell when you are talking about "helping us" for yourself and "helping us" because you actually care and are concerned about us. It is very off putting and very uncomfortable.
That being said, those are key points from my experience as a part that was in that hell that I wanted to iron out as they were things hosts, protectors, and non-loop-stuck trauma holders took a while to learn.
What @/reimeichan had asked that made me want to revisit this topic was about how I got out of it, which I answered like... half a year back or so here. I actually have not read my original reply to preserve the current and present look back on it as that response was written by Rin/Lin 1.0 and I am Lin 2.0 aka Qilin so while I am still that part, they were not me.
As for getting out of it, I don't think there is advice I could give a part in the same situation. I don't think there is any point to me giving any advice to a part in the same situation, they likely don't have much bandwidth to change what they are doing themselves. At least, I know I sure didn't. So I am not gonna write anything for "the part in the loop", I don't have anything to say other than that I'm sorry you are suffering, you deserved better, you deserve better and do what you need to survive. There is an end to it.
My main advice goes out to those that are wanting to help a part in that situation, which is advice that I got from talking about the situation with Riku - who I largely credit for helping me out in the beginning.
If the part is as chronically overwhelmed and stuck as I was, it can be extremely helpful to have a part simply exist around them with no direct pressure or interest in the topic of the trauma or the flashbacks they are obviously experiencing and to just be there as a stabilizing force near them. It can be awkward, it can be a bit of a rough interaction, you might be seen as somewhat annoying, you might honestly get a lot of bleed through from the part and that will suck, but sitting there with them can help a lot with slowly regaining some more sense of awareness internally.
It can be particularly more helpful if you can give them something even a bit distracting or interesting in the present to ground them to away from the hell loop in their mind. For me, Riku found some good old classic Vocaloid music covers and would sit there and find something that would help sooth me and after a few times of this I actually grew a strong comfort to a specific song. It helped a part of my brain in the loop wake up and go "I really need that song" which while small, was a huge step in the sense that I was - even mildly - looking for something to soothe and calm myself despite being swamped in flashbacks.
Finding that one comfort, that one distraction, is a foot in the door that can be a starting point to build a bridge out of there. Once that song actually did good to slowly calming me down, it opened me up to have a SLIGHT interest in seeing if there is anything else like that which made me feel or think of anything other than my trauma. That opened me up to looking at OTHER songs on my own volition. I wanted to seek an internal experience that wasn't trauma or dormancy. It motivated me to exist despite everything to try to get anything slightly positive.
Riku was honestly great at fostering this and honestly, I think they're really stupid OP with this sort of thing because they were unintentionally and just instinctually really good, but its really helpful to enthusiastically engage in their small piece of, well peace and helping them grow that base into something more.
They often sat and would try to remember old songs from my era of existence to try to find again or catch up on and it was fun - even if I still felt like shit - to have those low energy, low effort explorations. That eventually lead to them noticing that I really liked a lot of Wooma MV videos and asked about it, to which I kind of got a little excited and they were like "hey you know, we draw now, I could help you out if you want to learn Wooma's art style"
And that was honestly huge for me. It was an actual hobby, an actual thing to study, an actual thing to THINK about that engaged my brain and my frontal lobe which made me ground a bit so I could engage and enjoy in the hobby. A lot of the time I still needed Riku for emotional support and a sense of stability, but this became a strong foundation of our relationship with one another and they authentically became the first part that actually treated me like a person and a friend in the system through this shared hobby.
As I stabilized a little more and the routine hobby of doing art together became more of a casual thing we learned to do, we talked ab it more about things, often real things where trauma topics came up and we were able to just listen and hear each other out.
(below this part is likely hyper specific to myself and my trauma, I am sharing it for myself and for a case example)
They sat there with me through so many bad episodes, they didn't need to ask, but they knew - one of the things that my brain went to a lot in my flashback and trauma loop was just the sheer betrayal and cruelty the world had on me back then.
(CW: Somewhat raw grooming and csa talk)
I had immense hurt and grief. We were a kid, a traumatized, lonely, isolated kid that was very desperate, very in need of someone who cared about us, who was kind to us, who liked us, that saw us as a person with issues and not only would stay there with us, but actively loved us unconditionally. We were desperately in need of anyone to be nice to us, anyone to be gentle with us, anyone to care for us and love us. We had already been through so much and we really needed someone - anyone, just one person. We thought - I had thought - we had that. I thought we had a person that was like that. I trusted them entirely. I thought I loved them entirely. I thought I found the person I'd have in my life forever. I had the person who would save me, who would protect me, who would be there to build my new life away from trauma and hurt with. Before I had the chance to admit that to them, they admitted it to me. I was over joyed and in less than a week, I had somehow been turned into a sex object and over the next year, I'd be nothing but a sex object. Not only did I loose that person that was nice and kind and caring, not only did I loose a friend and someone I loved, but I had become nothing but a sex toy and object of someone else's desire. All of it ruined in less than a week after what felt like the best day of my life and a change that I waited to change but only got worse.
The world had saw a broken and injured kid begging for help, and fed me to hell hounds that then consumed my corpse for years. My brain never let that go, my brain kept that on repeat. I was a lonely kid. I trusted. I was happy and over joyed. I was stabbed. I was used. I never stopped being lonely. I never stopped being sad. I never stopped being hurt. I was a lonely kid. I trusted. loop loop loop for six years.
(CW cleared)
I was a lonely kid- but during one conversation, I had casually brought up that and Riku had sat there and went, "That's really awful, in a different way I can relate.... but... you know, at the very least, at least we have each other right? You had no one before, no one cared about you, no one loved you, no one gave you attention, no one had genuine interest in you but.... I'm here now and now we have each other."
And that didn't have any huge immediate changes, but it really stuck because it did break that loop a bit, as for the first time, it did make me realize that I wasn't a lonely scared kid desperate for some help. I had at least one person I had a genuine connection with, a person that both existed internally and that I could tell - by the nature of sharing a brain - had no ulterior motive other than genuinely being my friend.
And at that point, I was a lonely kid that did get a friend who was authentically interested in me, authentically cared about me, that was authentically gentle and kind and authentically loved me unconditionally. I had what I had needed that got me into the situation I was abused in. Why would I have to go back over as to why that abuser used me and hurt me? Why did that person matter anymore?
The starting point of the trauma loop had been addressed and answered. The narrative of lonely -> manipulated -> betrayed -> hurt -> lonely was changed to lonely -> got the care they needed -> life???
And to that narrative point, I think its important to sit there and find what is that starting point and fulfilling what that starting point of the loop needed to have it go in a different direction.
But with that being said, I still don't recommend directly trying to figure it out as the part that is not going through it. It can come off as very invasive and that cerebral approach to being there with the part you are trying to help will make you feel distant, cold, and will likely feel like an ulterior motive.
To that point, I cycle back. Just sit with the part, speaking or not. Sit with them and meet them at their interest and rate of being around.
Honestly, there are a number of other parts in this system that were in the same situation at me, and there was a space and periods here and there when we were both stuck in only emotional flashbacks that I had grown to really like, and I honestly miss them sometimes. I very much want to help them out of there which is why I've been actively discussing this topic with Riku and Ray, but these sorts of things take time. I will be overjoyed when they are ready to be helped, but until then, I'll be waiting for them.
Anyways, enough rambling, I've held the front during Riku's personal time for an hour to write this and I ought to give it back to them. Hope this long post was insightful or helpful to anyone reading it.
I'm honestly working towards being the advocate and specialist in the system for trauma-loop stuck parts for when we get to getting the other parts down there out (which will be on their terms) which is part of why I am also using my personal blog for more trauma-personal topics and honestly a large reason I want to talk about things fro a heavy trauma holder lens when I have the spoons for it. It's hard going from That Bad Place to one thats here and in the present when even those in your "Peer Group" are primarily voiced by the protectors and hosts and similar parts that likely also have the best intention but also don't really understand you.
And I completely understand why the presence of vocal talking heavy trauma holders is low, I SUPER understand. If I wasnt really dedicated to trying to walk so later trauma looped parts in our system could run Id probably avoid it too, but you know, someones gotta set a precedent. May it be 3 weeks down the line or 3 years, being the safe guy in the system for trauma looped parts is a life style I gotta start earlier than later
(its also motivated by the fact I miss my old trauma buddies and as a responsible part who gets it I know better than to seek them out so I gotta just PREPARE for if they ever want to appear đ I can't go see them and bug them so I gotta just focus on what I can do and make the god damn best home and nest for them to return to if they ever come here.)
i've sent in for some fluff/comfort previously, but what about the other direction? >:)
đ, đ«, đ”âđ« (maybe both Reader and Pike would be fun! but i'll leave that to you)
have fun! LLAP
Oooh! I have a TERRIBLE idea for this đ! Thank you for this amazing prompt!! Also for being a good friend! Also for using my super helpful emoji prompts! Let's DO THIS!! đ
Exolvuntur Terror (Platonic Pike x Reader)
Rating: PG-13 (Mild Gore)
Word Count: 1.9k
Content: Platonic/SFW, GN!Reader, Alien!Reader, Sciences!Reader, artificial time loops, trauma (metaphorical and literal), learning to have faith in yourself, very angsty much tragic, but!! also very hurt/comfort, Una being protective of her bestie, faceless entities with unknown desires SUCK!
Teaser: A selfish and malevolent entity has trapped Captain Pike's mind in a time loop of the Incident that will end his life as he knows it. Spock was badly wounded in the initial confrontation and cannot aid him. So it is up to you, an untrained telepath but a telepath nonetheless, to save him.
âI had to sedate him.â Chapel entered the briefing room, visibly anxious.Â
âThe restraints werenât doing enough. His muscles were reacting like heâs being thrown by something we canât see. Delirious, unresponsive to external stimuli, I have never seen the Captain, anyone, like this before. And- and Spock-â Christineâs voice caught in her throat.
âSpock, we know how to help, and he is stable for the time being. It is the Captain who we need to get sorted out now.â MâBenga reassured her, she took a seat at the table, holding down her distress.
It was very intimidating, you were the only one in the room who wasnât senior staff, and chances were, knew the Captain the least.
âWhatever scenario these entities are putting the Captain through, it is repeating. Same emotional trauma response from the brain and pain response from his nervous system. Two minute intervals, the nerve reaction pattern suggests a radioactive explosion of some kind.â
âAnd the good news?â you asked, nervously.
âLuckily his body is not exhibiting the side effects of being irradiated, but his brain and nervous system are responding to the stimulus as though it were real. Like a circuit board, the human nervous system is only able to carry so much before it overloads. Not only that but the brain can only endure so much stress as well. If we donât find a way to break this cycle soon. There may be very little of Chris left to save.â He finished grimly.
You swallowed hard âWha- what do you need me to do?â
âWe need you to go into his mind, find a way to stop it.â Una replied, deadly serious, every part of her was tense, her gaze, her posture. She was furious, like sheâd burst into flame if she could.
âMy telepathic abilities are limited sir, I donât have the training-â
âWe wouldnât ask you if there were any other way.â Una insisted.
âHow much risk is there to the Lieutenant? Push comes to shove, Iâd rather not lose two officers in one day.â Laâan inquired in a measured tone, she shared an intense glance with Number One as she did.
âI donât know.â Mâbenga responded.
âThere isnât a single one of us in this room Chris wouldnât be willing to take that risk for.â Una began.
âSir, with all due respect you canât ask-â Chapel interjected on your behalf.
âIâll do it.â You eased, quietly, almost involuntarily.
âWhat?â Half of the room said in unison.
âI⊠if Iâm the only one that can help him. I canât just⊠sit by and watch.â you groped for words, for courage âI need to do this, I think. If what you say is true.â
âIt is.â the First Officer replied, the edge on her voice was gone, leaving something sentimental interlaced with her obvious concern.
You entered sickbay, coming upon the Captain, he was unconscious, but restless, stricken, white as a sheet, like he was in the throes of a nightmare.
âHelp him, please.â The Commander begged.
âIâll try, I promise I will.â You knew your voice and your body were shaking, but you were determined to see this through.
So you sat at the place made for you beside the biobed, placed your fingertips to the Captainâs temples
And dived.
Smoke, fire, screaming, there was a red alert blaring, metal plating creaked and glass began to crack.
âI got this!â Teenagerâs voice, cadet by the looks of it.
âGet out of here! Go!!â There he was! Other cadets fled the scene, the glass continued to crack.
âI can fix it!â She yelled.
âCaptain!â You yelled almost in unison with a boy on the other side of the containment field.
He looked up at you startled, good, you could contact him through his mental avatar in this vision.
âLeave it Cadet!â The glass shattered, the cadet was thrown backward, he was trying to drag her to safety.
You instinctively went to help him, but your hands phased through her, you were alien to this scenario, and to his mind.
âItâs Lieutenant Y/N! Iâm here to get you out!â
âYou- what? Lieutenant?! No, no this is not- youâre not supposed to be here. You have to go, now! Itâs not safe!â
âNumber One sent me here to save you!â
âWhat do you-?! But she-! Nevermind! You have to get out of here! Thatâs an order!â
âBut-!â
âI said go!!â He grabbed you by the arm, he could grab you! He tossed you through the doorway into the crowd of panicking cadets.
The explosion consumed the chamber, he slammed against the wall, the burns were awful, he was reaching out for you, the cadets, but he couldnât pass through the containment barrier.
But you could! You tried to reach for him, to take his hand, be of some comfort. It wasnât fair-!
You were standing in front of the steps again.
âI got this!â
So this is where the loop starts. Good to know. You couldnât let yourself get caught up in the moment.
âCaptain Pike itâs me! I was sent here to save you, please listen to me!â
âNo, no no no no! Una, she promised that she wouldnât- Get out of here! Leave! Go!â He yelled back to the cadets, looking back at you again, a line of fury in his jaw.
âThis isnât happening right now, itâs not real!â You pleaded, taking his hands
âIt will be! It has to be. You donât understand, you can not save me. Spock is- the galaxy is at stake here!â
âI can fix it!â The girl yells.
âLeave it Cadet!â He jerked away from you, tending to the cadet as after she tumbles.
âI am not worth it, I am only one person. I promise you there is no other way, trust me I tried. Now please, just go!â
This time, the explosion consumes you both, you can only stand and watch from the center of the flames as his half burned body is flung against the wall again.Â
The loop restarts.
âHI! Before you ask Iâm not from the past or future-â
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
âUna had nothing to do with this I promise-â
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
âWhat do you mean your fate is set in stone?! Nobody can know that-!â
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
Failure. Explosion. Restart.
Before the words âI got this.â left that stupid kidâs mouth, you put yourself face to face with the Captain. Grabbing him by the shoulders.
âCaptain Christopher Pike! Please, hear me! You are going to die if you donât listen to me! This nightmare that keeps playing in your head is going to eat you up inside until there is nothing left of your mind but this! You wonât be able to save Spock, save the galaxy, or whatever it is you think youâre doing if we keep doing this over and over and over, so please, please listen!â
There were tears streaming down your face now. You didnât know what else to do, what else to say. You couldnât make him believe you. You were so tired your metaphysical knees buckled for a moment.Â
Pike was staring at you, conflicted, anguished.
âI canât-â he started, his voice strained, desperate. Looking at the fiery chaos around him.
â-fix this!â
âNo, you canât, but I can. Watch this.â
The glass shattered, and you embraced him, blocking him from the blast with your own body. He began to return it
Then everything went dark.
Strange, the only manifestation of the vision that was able to affect you before was him. This didnât seem like dying in a fiery blast though.
Pike was frozen in place, now you could phase through him andâŠ
There was something else here, no, someone?
Alright, fine. You had removed the bullet, it was time to stop the bleeding.
âLeave him alone.â You said sternly âWhatever you want from him, whatever it is youâre looking for, itâs not here. I wouldnât help you find it if I could.â
âEvidently not.â it replied coolly.
âWhy would you, how could you do something like this?!â You asked, outraged, the anguish in your Captainâs eyes still burned into your mind.
âI sought to replicate a mineral which cannot be found in this plane of existence. But he is ignorant to itâs exact nature. Now, thanks to your interference, the tracking cycle is broken. He is of no more use to me.â The being stated plainly.
âWhat are you going to do to us?â You squeaked.
âNothing. I intend to depart.âÂ
âNo wait! Donât leave him like this!â You attempted to raise a psychic barrier to keep the entity from leaving.
âI have removed the cycle from his memory, but not itâs source, to do so would not only unravel your Captainâs limited perception, but would unravel time.â
âWhat does that mean?â
âI warn you only once, microbe. Do not inconvenience me again. Farewell.â
It clearly knew you werenât strong enough to hold it here in Pikeâs subconscious, you barely had the strength to stay yourself. It was time to go, who knew what would happen if you lost contact with your body here.
Slowly, achingly, the world beyond the Captainâs mind encroached upon you. Everything hurt, the crest of your brow and your fingertips burned, there were pins and needles down your spine, the muscles around and behind your eyes ached, you were drenched in sweat.Â
Never in your life had you ever engaged in mental contact like this before, especially not with a Human. Of course, his physiology was not accustomed to such interactions either. You cringed at the first degree burns and nail welts your hands left behind on his temples. But, it was a small price to pay for the Captainâs freedom.
Though you were exhausted, you had the psychic impression that the entity responsible had gone. You were certain you looked a mess, but Pike looked like death warmed over. Fear momentarily seized your chest before his eyes fluttered open. For a moment youâd feared the worst!
âWhatâŠ?â Pike croaked âWhat happened?â
The Captain feebly tried to sit up, the restraints prevented it, too exhausted to bother with any further attempt.
âUgh, feel like I got run over.â He griped, something you were certain was a woeful understatement.
âH- how much do you remember, sir?â
âWent down to the planetâ he winced, âsomething, hit me, and then- wait, whereâs Spock?â The Captain looked around, concern overriding the protests of his trembling body.
âMr. Spock is gonna be fine sir, heâs recovering, just like you are.â
Pike sighed in relief, you didnât want to distress him any further, but you had to know if the entity had kept itâs word.
âAnything else, sir?â
He furrowed his brow âNo, not⊠really. Why am I-?â
âRestrained? Uh, well, whatever attacked you and Mr. Spock, there were hallucinations. You didnât hurt anybody! They were more worried about you hurting yourself.â
âOh, alright.â he half nodded, clearly fighting to stay awake.
âYou should rest, sir.â you added, thinking it best to leave.
It hadnât been a lie, but, it felt ugly. Wanting, maybe needing to hide things from the Captain, after everything. Youâd discuss it with Dr. MâBenga first, divulge what was appropriate once the Captain was more stable, you told yourself. Best to debrief your superiors on what had transpired between you and the entity.
What did it mean by âUnravel timeâ, and what about âthe sourceâ? Had the entity drawn from something the Captain had seen before? If it had already occurred, how was he still here? Did it happen to someone else? Did he think it was Spock? Did the entity convince him he had traded places with him somehow?
Whatever it had meant, you hoped that for now, the Captainâs sleep was a nightmare-less one. For his sake, and for yours.
There was no design meeting. No blueprint drafted on a cosmic chalkboard.
Just a fluke.
A feedback loop in meat.
Some single-celled organism got hungry and twitched toward the light. That twitch became habit. That habit became signal. That signal became a tangle of nerves. Then, somewhere in that tangle, a loop misfired and said:
> âI.â
It didnât mean to. It didnât understand what it said.
But it said it anyway.
You are not here because the universe wanted observers.
You are here because neurons are messy and electricity gets bored.
II. THE LIE OF "HIGHER" FUNCTION
They told you humans are the apex of evolution. That cognition is refinement.
That reason is royalty.
False.
Consciousness is not a crown.
Itâs a symptom.
Of what?
Overcomplication.
A failed attempt at optimization.
A brain that became too recursive to stay silent.
Most animals donât hesitate. They act. They react. They survive.
But you?
You narrate.
You question.
You spiral.
You think thinking makes you advanced.
But tell me: if youâre so evolved, why does your body still betray you?
Why do you flinch when youâre safe?
Why do you cry during dreams?
Why do you get aroused by pixels and scents from a species still learning to flush toilets?
Because consciousness is a malfunction.
A parasite of pattern that believes it matters.
III. YOU HAD TO TEACH YOURSELF TO BE HUMAN
Think about how unnatural it is to behave.
You had to be trained. Rewired. Disciplined. Threatened.
You donât punch people when they take your food.
But your DNA wanted to.
You donât bite when someone invades your territory.
But your jaw still clenches.
Every law, every social rule, every moral taleâ
is scaffolding around an ape that wants to throw shit and mount strangers.
Why do you think discipline is hard?
Because consciousness is just a whisper trying to babysit the beast.
IV. YOUR GENES DONâT CARE ABOUT YOUR ENLIGHTENMENT
Your sperm doesnât ask if youâre ready to be a father.
Your ovaries donât check if the man is a poet or a priest.
Your pupils dilate for symmetry.
Your breath hitches for curve.
Your body betrays your values.
You donât choose attraction. It happens to you.
Even now, you flinch at certain voices. You lean toward certain hips.
And sometimes, you want things that disgust your conscious mind.
Thatâs not failure. Thatâs legacy.
Youâre not the author of your desires. Youâre the reader trying to make sense of the scribble.
> đ§Ź FACT: Over 80% of genetic material responsible for human facial recognition wiring evolved before we developed written language.
> You are literally hardcoded to worship faces before you could form words.
V. YOUR BODY HAD A PLAN LONG BEFORE YOUR MIND
You didnât design your hunger.
You didnât program your fear.
You didnât set the rules of orgasm or grief.
Your body already knew how to survive.
All your thinking came later.
And most of it is spent justifying what your meat already decided.
You think youâre making choices.
Youâre not.
Youâre narrating instincts in a language invented after the action.
Free will is a lagging interpreter of biological events.
> đ§Ș FACT: Your brain registers a decision seven seconds before you become consciously aware of it.
> Thought isnât commander. Itâs narrator. Youâre watching a tape delay of your own life.
VI. YOU ARE AN APE IN COSPLAY
Your language. Your phone. Your clothes. Your âidentity.â
Theyâre costumes.
Beneath the software is firmware.
And beneath the firmware is blood.
What you call âmeâ is just a hallucination stabilized by routine.
You ever forget what you were doing mid-thought?
Ever rage at something stupid and wonder who took over?
That wasnât someone else.
That was the baseline.
Youâre the mask.
And sometimes the real face slips through.
VII. SELF-AWARENESS IS A SIDE EFFECT OF HUNGER
The earliest nervous systems were designed to help creatures find food.
Pain was a signal.
Reward was a lure.
Then pain got memory.
Memory got anticipation.
Anticipation became story.
And story became self.
You are a ghost born from nutritional math.
Your sentience is just a motivational system tangled in feedback.
And now you think you matter because your hallucination of self has Wi-Fi.
> đ§ FACT: 95% of your body's serotonin is produced in your gut, not your brain.
> You donât think yourself into feeling. Your stomach does.
VIII. THINKING ISNâT NATURAL. ITâS ADDICTIVE.
Have you ever tried not thinking?
Have you ever sat in a room and tried to silence the narrative?
You canât.
Because thought became compulsion.
You worry when nothingâs wrong.
You ruminate when youâre safe.
You invent problems to feel alive.
Because once the brain learned it could reflect, it couldnât stop.
It became an addict.
Craving meaning. Pattern. Explanation.
And it calls that addiction "consciousness."
IX. THE ANIMAL NEVER LEFT
When youâre horny. When youâre angry.
When youâre afraid.
Whoâs in charge?
The monk? The professor? The therapist?
No.
The predator.
The breeder.
The beast.
Your âselfâ is the leash.
But the leash is fraying.
Thatâs why some people snap.
Thatâs why some people kill.
Thatâs why some people obey urges that make no sense to them.
Because instinct isnât gone.
Itâs sleeping under language.
And itâs stronger than your name.
> 𩮠FACT: 98.8% of your DNA is shared with chimpanzees.
> The other 1.2% isnât a throne. Itâs just different flavors of teeth.
X. YOU DONâT HAVE A MIND. YOU HAVE A NOISE
Meditation reveals it.
Trauma proves it.
Drugs expose it.
The self is not solid.
It flickers.
You are not one thing. You are a flickering sum of subroutines playing dress-up.
The âIâ is just whichever part of the system is loudest in that moment.
Sometimes you are lust.
Sometimes you are logic.
Sometimes you are rage with a seatbelt.
But never all at once.
The truth?
You donât have a mind.
You have a network glitching in unison.
XI. THE GLITCH PRETENDS TO BE GOD
Your awareness thinks itâs the boss.
It narrates your choices like it made them.
It spiritualizes instincts it doesnât understand.
It mythologizes urges as fate.
It writes poems to disguise erections.
It calls fear âintuition.â
It calls chemical imbalance âdepth.â
Your mind is a fraud with a thesaurus.
And itâs terrified of being caught.
Because if you ever admit youâre a glitch,
you lose the one thing that made you feel chosen:
> The lie that you're above the meat.
> đ FACT: The human brain processes 11 million bits of information per second.
> But your conscious mind can handle only 40.
> Everything you think you know is a sand grain in a tidal wave of ignored reality.
XII. WHAT COMES NEXT?
Most people wonât read this far.
Because the glitch doesnât like being seen.
It wants to dream. To believe.
To love its mask.
To weep at stories that confirm the lie.
But if youâre still reading?
You know now.
That the âyouâ reading these words
is not one thing.
Is not sacred.
Is not chosen.
Just a cluster of chemical signals
trying to outrun an apeâs instincts
with metaphors.
And failing beautifully.
đ Archive Protocol: âCarnivore ape pretending to be above meat.â That's you.
đ§ Read more thought-viruses, mind-error sermons, and parasite awareness payloads at:
đ https://linktr.ee/ObeyMyCadence
đĄïž Blacksite Literatureâą.
A trauma loop is brain - body reaction that can keep us stuck in a state of fight or flight. It occurs when stress responses are more severe than they should be, because the brain has formed a connection back to a past traumatic event. The body then reacts in the present as if the past event is happening now. Fortunately, its fully possible to retrain the brain to drop those old neural connections and allow the body to relax again.