I'm sorry if you don't want to see this, just scroll if it makes you uncomfortable. I just need to express myself somehow.
Mentions of eating problems, hygine, self image issues, etc.
I just really need to get this off my chest because I've literally been so down and not myself lately. My boyfriend left for Marine boot camp in August and I haven't been able to talk to him except for a couple of short letters. I can barely get out of bed and brush my teeth or take a shower. I feel gross, like I want to take my skin off and wash it in a bath of bleach. All I do is cry all day and eat junk, then wonder why I gained 5lbs and then stop eating... I've lost basically all of my friends except for 1 and they don't even talk to me much anymore. I sometimes talk to people online but that's it. So I'm literally in this rut that I can't get out of because it's like, I don't have anyone to talk to, nobody to ask if I'm okay. But it just sucks because I do that for other people and I don't get it back in return. I stayed with this friend's side for a long time, even when they shut me out while in a complicated relationship with a guy who was a pos. When they didn't want to talk to me and blocked me on everything, I stayed. I just don't understand what is so hard about checking up on my at least once, knowing I'm not okay right now. i expressed it many times. And yet I get left on open or im given an excuse as to why they can't talk. But they can still post on social medias, just not check on a friend.
Hii Madi!! Can I request a Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and Bokuto + fem! reader (separate), where their s/o is depressed (in general like she feels worthless and useless she feels like a burden to the people around them, she feels like she’s not enough and she feels alone even though they have each other) and they don’t know about it. And when they found out they comforted her as much as possible saying comforting and reassuring words (can you please put some cause one of my love languages is words of affirmation :)). This is how I feel everyday🙂🤧
# — haikyuu boys with an s/o who’s depressed
includes: k. bokuto, h. iwaizumi, & t. kuroo x f!reader
genre: hurt/comfort (i think??)
warnings: tw!depression, tw!feelings of worthlessness, swearing
a/n: hi lovely! ofc!! i’m so sorry that you have to go through that, and hopefully this will make you feel a bit better! you’re stronger than you think bby, you’re important and you’re so so loved! i hope you enjoy this <3
main masterlist fukurodani masterlist
aoba johsai masterlist nekoma masterlist
BOKUTO:
“you’re pathetic.”
“you’re worthless.”
“you’re such a burden.”
negative thoughts were clouding your brain. your body felt heavy, your vision hazy, you felt helpless. you tried your best to keep your mental health a secret, a fear of people looking at you different, treating you different. especially your boyfriend.
bokuto was nothing but loving when you two got together. you can’t remember a time where you weren’t smiling around him, his aura gave you so much excitement, it was foreign to you.
although, those moments were always short lived when you felt like there was a shadow looming over you constantly; a shadow that always had you in your own world of self-doubt.
the last thing you wanted was to see the wing spiker look at you with pity, feeling like he can't help you. no one knew how to help you, so you stopped giving people chances and hid your feelings away.
unfortunately, your secret didn't last long.
bokuto had come over at a rather unfortunate time. you had been laying in bed all day, emotionless eyes staring at the ceiling, tears slipping down your cheeks as your breathing became heavy. you had made the mistake of not messaging him back that day, which led to bokuto becoming worried. you had no energy to talk to anyone, to get up and brush your teeth, to shower, eat, to do anything really.
so, when bokuto barged into your room unexpectedly, the last thing he expected to see was his girlfriend laying almost lifelessly in her bed. he walked over to your limp figure, laying down next to you as he tried to get you to look at him.
"baby, what's wrong? why haven't you been answering my texts?" you could feel his worried gaze, but you were too scared to look him in the eyes, too scared of letting him in, too scared of feeling weak in front of him.
bokuto was met with silence. he was growing more and more confused and increasingly worried, all he wanted to do was help.
the next best thing he thought of was to pull you into his chest. you gave little to no resistance when you felt yourself succumb to his warmth. it all felt like a blur, your body felt heavy, the world around you dimmed down to a sort of gray undertone. you didn't even feel your boyfriend's hand crawl it's way into your hair, playing with the ends mindlessly.
as bokuto laid next to you, he tried to piece together why you were acting this way. there were times where he would notice the dullness in your eyes, small moments where your bright, warm smile turned into a dark, cold frown. but he never really thought much of it, he thought you were happy.
"baby... you gotta talk to me. i want to help you," he said after a few minutes of silence.
you barely registered his words, taking a deep breath as your body shook with fear slightly. you swallowed heavily, "i have depression, kou."
he barely caught what you said from how small your voice sounded. you sounded so tired, exhausted even. bokuto felt like his heart was sinking. you, on the other hand, were waiting for him to release you from his hold, to look at you with the same eyes everyone else has, to leave you.
instead, you felt him hold you even tighter, your eyes widening slightly at the action. you opened your mouth to speak, but the golden-eyed male beat you to it.
"i'm not going to say i understand what you're going through, because i don't," he started, "but what i am going to say is that i love you so much."
you laid your head on his chest, his voice relaxing you as he spoke. he pulled back slightly in order to match his gaze with yours, "you are such a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman. i wish you would've told me sooner about this, but i'm going to support you and help you anyway i can. i'm not going to look at you or treat you any differently. i'm going to be here on the bad days and the good days. you're my baby, and i'm here for you."
you didn't know when you started crying, but you never felt more thankful for being with someone like bokuto.
"i love you, kou. thank you."
IWAIZUMI:
iwaizumi has always been observant. he doesn't let anything slip past him when it comes to you. he knew how you were feeling whenever you both were together, he knew when your smile was genuine, he just knew you.
unfortunately, you were just that good of an actor. after years of constantly bottling up your feelings, hiding away your mental health, it became second nature. you knew how observant he was, which led you to put on an even stronger act. it worked most of the time. occasionally he'll ask the simple "are you okay?" or "what's wrong?"
all of which you would respond with reassurance saying that you were perfectly fine.
in reality, you were miserable. as soon as you and the athletic trainer were apart, you let your true side come to light; the negative voices bouncing across the barriers of your head, the dull, lifeless eyes, the permanent frown etched on your lips. you felt tired at the end of every day from the constant pretending. but it was all worth it as long as no one, especially your boyfriend, ever found out about what was really going on inside your head.
one day, though, after spending the whole day with iwa, you were practically spent. you had just kissed him goodbye as he shut the door to your apartment, letting the fake smile drop almost immediately. you dragged yourself to sit on the sofa, leaning over to rest your head in your hands.
the negative thoughts slowly crept in, making your head have a dull ache. you breathing felt heavier, like each breath was taking all of your energy. you felt tears slip down your cheeks, your bottom lip trembling as you bit back your sobs.
you were too engrossed in your world that you didn't hear the door open again, a breathless iwaizumi staring at you with wide, confused eyes.
"hey, i forgot my... keys..." his voice startled you, immediately standing up and wiping away any stray tears. you tried your best to put on a big smile, but with the redness of your eyes and tear-stained cheeks, you knew he wouldn't be fooled this time.
"oh! they're on the counter, i'll grab them for you!" you didn't recognize the way you were speaking, sounding a bit too cheery.
you tried to walk past him, but he gently grabbed your forearm to pull you in front of him. you tried your best to avoid his concerned gaze until he grabbed your chin with his hand, his gentle touch sending some feeling down your spine.
"what's wrong, doll?" he asked quietly.
you shook your head a little too quickly, "nothing haji! i'm fine, just a little tired. let me go get your keys!"
his grip on your forearm tightened when you tried to escape. he had a frown etched on his lips, his olive eyes boring into yours.
"baby, i know you're not fine. tell me what's going on," he pleaded.
you felt your heart speed up, the fear of him leaving you seeping its way into your mind, the fear of being rejected, the fear of being vulnerable.
"y/n..." he leaned forward and nudged your nose with his, then resting his forehead against yours.
you couldn't take it anymore.
you grasped his shirt in your nimble hands, gasping slightly as you were hit with all the emotions you've bottled in.
"i have depression, hajime," you confessed.
you were met with silence, so you took that as a sign to continue, "i've, um, been hiding it for years. anyone that i've been around have a-always treated me differently or left me. i didn't want you t-to become one of those people."
you felt one of his warm hands creep around your waist, but you continued to ramble, "i- i understand if you want to leave, i know that being with someone like me is-"
you suddenly felt your head hit his broad chest, strong arms wrapping around your trembling body tightly. at that, you let your emotions go. sobs wracked through your body, hands scrambling to hold on to the olive-eyed male, all the exhaustion from pretending to be okay soaking your boyfriend's shirt.
iwaizumi cooed at you quietly, hands rubbing your back in comfort, "i'm not going to leave you, y/n."
you sniffled slightly as you pulled back, gasping a little when you saw the amount of love he held in his gaze.
"i love you so much," he pulled one of your hands to his lips, kissing the back of it, "you are so important to me, and i can't believe i didn't notice sooner."
"haji... it's not your fault-"
"i know, but you're my baby, the girl i want to spend the rest of my life with. that means supporting you, loving you, and appreciating you for who you are. i want to help you overcome the bad days, and celebrate the good ones. you mean the world to me, baby girl."
you felt like your heart was going to combust, and you couldn't be more grateful to finally let someone like iwaizumi into your life.
KUROO:
you couldn't understand.
your life was going great! you had a loving boyfriend, a good education, a fairly nice childhood, you couldn't complain about anything!
so why was it that every single day you felt like you were being dragged by this weight that was permanently attached to your body?
you tried your best to wake up every day with a smile, to put on a positive front in order to push back the demons. for the most part it worked rather well. but there were always the bad days that weren't too far behind when it came to dragging you down.
those days were the worst. you'd be at a point where you would get nothing done. you would let assignments stay missing, limiting communication with your loved ones, barely having the energy to get up and get a glass of water. you hated feeling like you weren't enough, like you had no right to feel this way.
you gave your all at hiding your mental health from everyone, especially from kuroo.
unfortunately, kuroo caught on to what was happening fairly quickly. when you two first started dating, he took note of how your smile always seemed forced, or how your eyes had a glint of sadness and exhaustion, or how he would come over and still see a slight redness to your beautiful eyes.
kuroo didn't want to confront you about it, though. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable or make it seem like he's nosy. it was hard because he loves you and wants to know all about you, but you wouldn't let him in.
for months this routine continued; you pretending everything was okay and him having to hide his concern.
his breaking point was when he happened to stay the night one day. you were a bit hesitant on letting him stay, but you figured there was no harm in it. it had been a couple days since you've had an episode so you figured you were safe.
but, luck was not on your side when it was almost 2am and you still could not sleep. kuroo was sleeping soundly beside you, his light snores filling the silence in the cold room. you were laying on your back, your eyes tracing the patterns of the drywall on the ceiling. your mind would not shut up, consuming your thoughts with negative phrases.
"you have no right to feel this way."
"he's going to leave you."
"just give up."
"why are you even trying?"
you sat up slowly, attempting to sneak into the bathroom without waking the rooster head. surprisingly, he felt himself wake up when he felt you sit up beside him. he sat up as well when he heard the bathroom door shut, walking over quietly as not to startle you.
you turned the sink on, running your hands under the cold water before splashing some on your face. when you looked in the mirror, you could barely recognize yourself. the bags under your eyes looked heavier than normal, hair disheveled, eyes drained of color, your complexion looked worse as each day passed by.
soft sobs left your mouth as you kept staring, wondering why you were like this. you felt nauseous, slowly sitting on the ground, the water from the sink providing some background noise. you pulled your knees to your chest, burying your head between them to hide from yourself.
kuroo felt his heart twist when he heard your cries, the way you sounded helpless. he couldn't take it anymore.
he softly opened the door, thankfully it was unlocked, and felt his own eyes tear up when he saw your helpless figure sitting on the ground.
you didn't resist when he sat down next to you, pulling you onto his lap as he tried to silence your sobs. he combed his fingers through your hair, legs wrapped securely around his waist, your face buried into his neck as tears dripped onto his soft skin.
"kitten, you can't keep hiding stuff like this from me," you felt his chest vibrate when he spoke, his voice laced with sleepiness.
"i don't deserve to complain about this, i have everything i could ever want. i have n-no right to complain," you sobbed even harder at your confession.
kuroo let out a deep sigh, "y/n, the love of my life, just because you have everything you want, doesn't mean that your feelings don't matter."
you pulled back slightly, opening your mouth to protest before he stole a quick kiss, tasting the saltiness from your tears.
"i know there are people out there or may have it worse, but their feelings matter just as much as yours do. you deserve the world, sweet girl. i'm going to be with you every step of the way, if you'll let me."
despite the tired look in his eyes, you felt the weight attached to your body loosen a bit when he looked at you like you were the most precious being in the world. and you were.
he nudged your nose with his to bring you out of your thoughts, "i love you, princess. please don't hide from me anymore."
you hugged him tightly, pressing a light kiss to his neck, "i love you, tetsu, so much."
summary: y/n’s mirror breaks while Reiner hears her crying, and Reiner is on damage control. emotional support ensues. angst and fluff.
a/n: I relapsed a week or so back, so this is my therapy writing. I was abused by my biodad as a child and this contains some irl examples of my feelings and experiences. Given that it’s pretty personal for me and lots of tears and vulnerability went into this, please keep feedback positive, respectful and constructive.
tw: mentions of abuse, assumed self-harm, depression, self-hatred, self-isolation
I can hear y/n sobbing again. Is that all she does now? Being a soldier is supposed to make you tough. Granted, I’m not any better. I knock lightly on the door. She must’ve covered her mouth, because her cries sound a little muffled, though the volume is still there for the most part. “I’m sorry, I’ll be quieter.” She calls. Suddenly I hear glass shatter and a shriek.
I quickly push the door open, and find y/n in her bathroom, standing with her legs against the tub, trying not to step in the broken glass. Her mirror somehow fell off its’ hinges despite being newly installed. I’ll have to report the renovation error. “Are you okay?” I ask, trying to be polite even though the direction of the question could provide two very different answers.
She looks down and whimpers, “I’m sorry.” Since I’m wearing boots, I trudge over through the mess, the crunch of the glass almost sounding like that of snow. “It’s alright. Let me carry you out of the room?” She nods in understanding, and I sweep y/n up bridal style, placing her on the carpet. I grab the standard broom and dustpan behind every door and start sweeping. “So, mind telling me what those other noises were about?” I ask, and hear her footsteps and the creaking of the door closing, the handle clicking into place.
“You would think it’s stupid.” Y/n says. I can tell she’s trying not to start crying again.
“I think you think I would think that, but I still would like to hear it.” I push. “You’ve been crying every day at this point. You’ve been missing from our group for so long that Porco stopped being an asshole to me. It worries me.”
She sniffs. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Well, I care about you, so I’m going to worry anyway. It’s kind of my job,” I state, “As your friend, and as your superior. I need you around, no matter which role I’m playing.” I deposit the swept up shards into the waste bin, put the tools away and cross my arms, leaning against the door frame in wait.
“I-“ She starts, then pauses, taking a deep breath. She looks up at the ceiling, exhaling slowly. A fruitless endeavor, really - sorrow is a wild river, flowing of its’ own accord, without regard for fragility of mind - she squeezes her eyes shut as if to dam the water, keep it from overflowing. “I’m not trying to cry, I’m sorry-“
“Don’t apologize.”
“Sorry, I just- I mean- um.” She fidgets, rubbing the inside of her wrist awkwardly. I notice faint scratches. My stomach flips, and I reach out to grab her hand before she can hide it.
“What is this?” I ask, already knowing the answer. I feel my throat tightening, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. “Why would you do this to yourself? Do you have any idea how many people care about you? Do you have any sense of self-preservation? I- what?”
She’s murmuring something quietly, the tears she tried to trap spilling down her face like rain on a windowpane. She speaks up, just a whisper louder than she was before. “P-p-please l-let go of me.” I realize I’m squeezing her hand and let go, snatching my arms back and stuffing them in my pockets. Why am I so angry? That’s not the kind of person I’m supposed to be. Who am I supposed to be?
Y/n gasps, the sadness too much for tears alone. She starts shaking. “I’m sorry, I just- when I look in the mirror every day, I- I hate myself. I l-ook like him, inside and out, and, and I see-“ She swallows as if she’s trying not to drown and got water in her mouth. “I see what he did to me. I didn’t-“ She looks down. “I didn’t do that to myself, I-“ Another gasp, like she’s struggling to breathe. “It was done to me. When I was in trouble. So were the other marks. Not that I ever got to know what I did wrong.”
So stupid of me. Why did I just assume? Is it just because of my own ideas? God, this is why everybody thinks I’m selfish. “Other marks? He? Who is he? Is he still around?” I ask.
She sits on her bed, tucking her legs beneath her and hugging her knees, making herself visibly small. A whisper: “My dad.” The two words sting like white-hot iron. The gears are spinning in my head - how to find him, how to make him feel the pain his actions caused and then some for good measure. She must notice, because she says, “Please don’t do anything. It’ll just come back around to me.” The fog in my mind clears when I see her scooting away from me, physically distancing herself from my anger. I sigh, calming my violent thoughts.
I climb onto the bed, crawl toward y/n, and wrap her up in the biggest hug I can manage. Partially to comfort her, partially so she doesn’t see my face while hers is buried in my chest. “I am so sorry,” I say. “For what happened to you, about your mirror, and for getting angry. That’s not helpful to you right now.” I can feel her sobbing quietly into my shirt, the tears making it wet. “None of this is your fault.”
Her voice is muffled, but I can make out: “How can I possibly be good? How can I love myself? How can I not hate everything I see when all I see in that stupid, broken mirror is him, and everything he did to me? Why did he do it? What did I do wrong?”
I sigh, holding in the tears belonging to my own eyes. “Because you’re not him. Even if you look like him, that doesn’t mean you did what he did. You’re so kind, y/n, you’re too kind to even let anybody worry about you. You have so many friends and comrades who respect you, respect your integrity, your thoughtfulness, your contributions to not just the mission but to the entire world. Even if you don’t get a fancy plaque or title for it, you stay late, you do extra, you take the time to do your homework when you have an idea, and people look to you for leadership. You make the unit a family, not just an army. You’re more of a warrior than I am, y/n. You fight, every day, to overcome something so huge, and somehow you still have enough left in you to fight a couple other battles for our people, and for humankind. And you do it for all the right reasons. I envy you. I may be a warrior, but you’re a commander, a ruler, an Emperor, yet for some reason, all you want to do is help other people.” I pause, taking a breath. “He did what he did because he, a small minded, selfish excuse for a man, saw something in you that he knows he will never have for himself. That thing is your heart, your spirit, your character. It attracts all kinds of people to you, and he wanted to break your spirit, because he knew he would always be lonely and miserable. You are a good person, with a good heart, and there is nothing you did that places any blame on your shoulders. You were a child, and he was an adult who made choices of his own accord, and he will suffer the consequences of those choices by never feeling your warmth, never feeling your love.”
She looks up at me, shakily raising one of her hands to touch my cheek. Her fingers feel like the sun, dancing on my skin. She really is light, heating everything she touches. I want to close my eyes, lean into her touch, but her e/c eyes bore into mine, sharing this moment with me in its’ fullness. “Thank you.” Y/n says. “I-I don’t know if I can believe everything you said yet, but I want to try. And thank you for being a good friend.” She looks away and lowers her hand, doubt filling her features with lines. I immediately wish it was back where she had it, but I know this isn’t about me right now. She needs a friend. “I just wish I didn’t have to look like him. After he’s done such ugly things-“ A quick glance at her wrist- “I can’t help but feel...” She trails off, burrowing deeper into my embrace.
On cue, I hold her tighter. “Well. I don’t know how much help it is for me to say it, but when I look at you, all I see is you. You truly are beautiful, and no matter the marks he left on you, his efforts will never hide that beauty. I see a person who can gentle any horse, can make any jerk nice-“
She laughs, “Don’t talk about Porco like that!”
“-And you make the people around you better people. You don’t need a Titan form to be powerful. You already are.” I smile. I’m pretty sure Porco likes her, otherwise he wouldn’t mind his manners and his attitude around her. Something stirs in me - what is that? Jealousy? Or just the usual hatred? Whatever. Doesn’t matter right now. “I just wish you could see you through my eyes. You’d realize why everyone cares so much. So, stop keeping your problems to yourself, we’re called your friends for a reason.” I order.
Her face gets a little red. “Oh. Right. I just... didn’t want to bother anyone.”
“Bother everyone. You owe yourself that much.” I say, getting up after giving her one more squeeze. “Will you be coming to dinner later? No one’s seen you in public for a week.”
She looks at her feet. “I probably should, just so everyone thinks I’m okay.”
“You don’t have to be okay, you know,” I respond, “Just alive, so we can be of help. If you do come, I promise I’ll be nice to Porco. Also, Pieck has been asking about you.”
She smiles. “I do miss Pieck. And Porco. And I missed you, too, Reiner.” Something flutters inside my chest at hearing my name on her on her lips. “But, um. I’m just curious.” She says.
“Hm?” I prompt, giving her my full attention.
“How did you know what to say?” She asks.
I shrug. “I didn’t really know, I just... went with what I would want someone to say to me. I... I can kind of relate. In a way.” I turn the doorknob, but before the door opens, I hear her climb off her bed, rising to her feet. I wait.
“Reiner, I-“ Silence. Her feet pad across the floor, and I feel her arms wrap around me. I let go of the knob and turn to hug her back. “I really appreciate you,” She says quietly. “I’ll come to dinner, if that’s what you want.”
I say, “It’s what everyone wants, but yes, I admittedly, specifically, am hoping you will feel okay enough to show up. Plus, I don’t think staying alone in your room is super healthy.”
“It’s not so lonely when you come to visit.” She says to the buttons of my shirt.
“Perhaps I’ll visit more often, then.” I smile. “Just to check in, of course.” She nods her head and releases me, even though I wish she could’ve held me for just an eternity longer. She really does have healing hugs. I smile one last time, then make my exit, closing the door quietly behind me.
I sigh, the usual tension I feel missing from my shoulders. Even if I didn’t say much, opening up even a tiny bit about my feelings felt... nice. Maybe I’ll start visiting y/n instead of sitting alone in my sadness. She has a way of making me feel better, even when she isn’t trying. And she said she appreciates me! That makes one person, at least. I don’t let the smile I feel ghosting my lips stay for long, but it lingers a few seconds while I head down the hallway to the main corridor.
I have been relatively silent. But I feel like...I need to speak and I need to be very blunt and honest here. I can only speak for myself, so this is your disclaimer that I speak for no one but me.
I have been on a relative hiatus. I did not get involved for drama. I got involved to prevent more occurrences. To speak up. Because I felt, and feel, it was the right thing to do.
I have been depressed, my seasonal depression hit hard and the things that came after the post were not easy. It has been an effective litmus test and sadly I have lost people I thought were friends.
And then, this week as I was preparing myself to return, my mother told me she has lung cancer. My boyfriend's mother fell and has a pretty bad concussion. His dad relapsed. My cat was in the hospital and almost died from a urinary blockage. I myself was diagnosed with skin cancer two days before the Born from Blood shakeup when Berrod and I had to make some huge decisions and I was given a crash course in actually leading.
To ice the cupcake of utter crap, this week, at a long overdue eye appointment, I was told I have lost over half the vision in my left eye. My eye structurally looks great, so now I have to go for a scan of my brain to make sure I don't have a tumor pressing on my optic nerve.
I've seen posts. Your own mental health absolutely comes first. If you don't have the ability to handle it or see it, absolutely avoid. ABSOLUTELY PUT YOURSELF FIRST.
I've had...a couple weeks that I wouldn't believe actually happened if I didn't have forms, receipts, appointment cards. I have been depressed with brief flickers of thoughts of self-harm and suicide. I have no spoons or forks to give right now and my health, my wellbeing are first.
But if you're avoiding just because it's not pretty, that's...I have no words for that. I'm not talking about small disagreements either, but things that impact many people in the community.
I've had a really down day. My depression has been kicking my ass for the past few days so could I request a scenario for maybe Shikamaru or Kankuro noticing that his s/o's depression is flaring up and he talks with her about it an that leads to cuddles? Super fluff please?
Since I am not doing scenarios at the moment I hope that headcanons will be alright! But to make up for it, I am doing both Shikamaru and Kankuro!
Below the cut may be triggering content for some readers! Please proceed with caution!
-|- Shikamaru -|-
SFW
I am going to be blunt here at first. He will not notice at first, and that sounds horrible but it is true. It is not like he is ignoring it he just isn’t getting the hint that it is flaring up, he also low key may not exactly be looking for it. Even if you have told him about your past with it, he will most likely set those thoughts aside
He only realizes it when someone points out that you have been acting different lately and then he pays attention more to your attitude and how you interact with others/him. Once he realizes that your depression is flaring up again he will feel really guilty because he did not realize it at first, but will pull you into a hug and cuddle you. Even if he is not a cuddling type of guy
-|- Kankuro -|-
SFW
He will probably notice the moment your attitude and interactions change, but won’t say anything because he does not want to assume anything. He knows that you won’t ask him for help so he will end up taking matters into his own hands after a few days, if it gets worse. In those few days though, he would want to be around you more and asks if you are okay more often than he usually does.
Once he actually sits you down to talk about it he would express that he wants to help. When I say ‘sits you down’ he will literally make you sit down at the table and sit across from you, grabbing you hands and talking seriously. Once the conversation is over though he would stand you and pull you into a hug before ending up cuddling on the couch for the rest of the day.
summary: Reiner comes across a kitty. kitty decides Reiner is his person. this is Reiner’s written experience.
tw: mentions of depression + ptsd. cute cuddliness and Reiner being adorable.
a/n: cats are cute and well-suited for many lifestyles! but please adopt responsibly and don’t take on a cat unless you’re ready and financially able to do so! please remember: 1) keeping your cat indoors is the ONLY way to prevent them from being hit by a car, stolen, attacked by other animals or exposed to diseases! 2) be careful and do your research and consult your cat’s vet before giving your cat a flea treatment! some brands cause seizures that can kill your cat or shorten their lifespan severely! protecting your cat from fleas and other sicknesses should NEVER cost a cat their life! 3) declawing a cat is NOT taking away their fingernails, it’s taking away their FINGERS! cats need their claws to climb and declawing them is inhibiting them from doing what they were born to do! 4) if a cat can reach it, they can wreck it, and that’s on you, not the cat, and that’s on PERIOD! if you have items that you want to keep safe 100% of the time then keep them AWAY!!! you can’t tell a cat to not be a cat, but you CAN tell YOURSELF to be a responsible cat owner!
Entry 1 - Monday
I’m not all that sure what I’m doing. Pieck gave me this, and suggested journaling to help me. She said there’s no wrong way to do this but I’ll probably fuck it up like everything else, so here goes. I uh... had a pretty average day today. Full of planning, saluting, groveling to Marleyans while they called me a devil, and pretending like I don’t hate myself and hate existing. I can tell Gabi is worried about me. Nothing out of the ordinary at this point. A cat followed me home, a yellow tabby. Cats are a rare sight nowadays. They were skinny.
Entry 2 - Tuesday
The cat was sitting outside my door when I left today. It rubbed up against my legs when I was locking my door, and made a noise that sounded like a tiny motorcycle. I think it’s called purring. It followed me to work, and it followed me back home again. I feel bad that it’s so skinny.
Entry 3 - Wednesday
I set out food and water for the cat today when I left. Just some sardines I had sitting in my cupboard. The food was finished and the cat was there waiting for me when I got home. It meowed at me until I pet its’ head.
Entry 4 - Saturday
I had a nightmare last night. Not uncommon for me. Today was my day off, and when I woke up in the morning I heard a scratching noise at the door. Turns out it was the cat, because when I opened the door it ran in and sat in my reading chair like it owned the place. I guess it’s here to stay now, because it runs every time I try to grab it, and it’s not really scratching anything up, so... I don’t know. I moved the food and water bowl inside.
Entry 5 - Sunday
Second day off. I spent the day reading. The cat came and napped in my lap. I fell asleep at one point, too. What? The cat was warm. And the sun was shining on us through the window.
Entry 6 - Thursday
I wish we could take afternoon naps at work. The cat followed me to work again. Pieck saw and asked me about it, so I told her what I told you. She said the cat picked me, whatever that means. I’m not really an animal person so I don’t get why. When I got home, there was a dead bird on my doorstep, and the cat was licking its’ chops. Kinda disgusting.
Entry 7 - Friday
Today I woke up to a crow on my doorstep. This cat is crazy. I asked Pieck about it, she said cats bring gifts to their masters. Some gift, if you ask me. Another observation: cats like boxes.
Entry 8 - Sunday
Something peculiar happened. I had a nightmare, but when I woke up, the cat was there kneading on my chest, licking my nose and rubbing their face against mine. They haven’t left my side yet. Literally. When I took a shower they just sat on the toilet seat lid next to it, and every time I’ve sat down today they’ve climbed in my lap and purred really loudly, rubbing their head against my hands when they could. It’s almost like they could sense my unease. It feels... calming. I usually write at the end of the day but the experience made me want to take note.
Entry 9 - Friday
I’ve missed a couple days, to sum them all up: I go to sleep with the cat under the blankets and wake up with them curled up under my armpit or in the crook of my neck. Today they brought me a squirrel. Their presents are getting to be terrifying, but also normal. They brought me a couple rats the past few days, too.
Entry 10 - Monday
I’m getting this heathen a collar. I woke up to them holding a goose twice their size in their mouth, and the poor creature wasn’t even dead. I had to put it out of its’ misery.
Entry 11 - Tuesday
I came home to find the cat napping in my untouched potatoes. I think I’m gonna call him Potato.
Entry 12 - Tuesday
I think the collar worked. Between the bell and his tags jingling, Potato must scare off every animal in sight because he hasn’t caught anything in a week. Or maybe I’m just not seeing it and he’s been eating his catches after my last reaction. He’s been getting a little fat. I’m worried I’m feeding him too much, I’ve been refilling his bowl every time I saw it empty, which is about twice a day. How much do cats normally eat?
Entry 13 - Saturday
Potato’s not acting normal. He’s been meowing a lot, which is cute, but he also hasn’t been moving as much. And he’s been eating even more than he usually does. I just hope he’ll be okay. Cats aren’t usually kept as pets anymore since they’re so scarce, so no veterinarian will take him. They all keep laughing at me when I tell them my problem. Why is it funny to them? They’re being rude and cruel. If anything happens to Potato I don’t know what I’ll do. Potato is my best friend. Even when he steals my dinner from time to time, I don’t get mad at him. I talk to him about my day like he can hear me, and I tell him about the things I’ve experienced and it really feels like he listens, because every time I get to a bad part and start panicking or crying he’s there, helping me calm down. I haven’t had nightmares even half as often anymore and when I do, he’s there on my chest when I wake up, making me feel better. I can’t call out of work to stay with him. I’m worried he might die. If he does, I’m just glad I have these last two days off. So I can say goodbye.
Entry 14 - Wednesday
He’s getting worse. He’s been laying in the same spot in my closet for awhile. I moved his food and water there and brought blankets and his favorite box to make it cozy for him, but I don’t feel like I can do anything.
Entry 15 - Friday
Well... it turns out Potato was a girl. I came home from work today to find her laying with two kittens - a brown tabby and a black one. I’m just glad she’s okay, and trying to not to think about the fact that I now have two more cats that I’ll have to start feeding myself in a couple weeks. Potato’s been back to her normal self, mostly, but she splits her time between me and running to check up on her babies.
Entry 16 - Saturday
A couple weeks have gone by and I’ve been too busy to write, but the kittens are up and running around now. The black one seems very sure footed and confident in her steps, but the brown tabby runs into walls when he gets excited. He’s... kinda stupid. I made sure to actually check their undersides this time instead of just assuming. I’m hoping to find someone who can get them all fixed at some point so I only have to pay to care for the three I have now.
Entry 17 - Sunday
I have never found myself so content. Or maybe just so distracted. I don’t know. The kittens are cute and so soft but they’re also little nuisances, racing around at night and scratching up the inside of the closet door. They’ve bitten through my lamp chord three times now. I didn’t realize damage control was more expensive than the actual care for them. Why can’t they be like their mom?
Entry 18 - Monday
Gabi wants the brown tabby. I’m kind of attached despite his idiocy, but I see the way her eyes light up when she comes over to play with the kittens. He picked her as his and always cuddles with her. He won’t even sit in my lap now. He just wants Gabi.
Entry 19 - Thursday
Gabi took Porkchop home today. She picked out his name and I paid for the collar and tags. Her mom was already cooing to him within the first five minutes of him being there. Letting him go was the right choice.
