If I thought waking up at 4:30 was bad yesterday, I'm afraid it's only gotten worse. Today I woke up on 3:30 am. I tried to go back to sleep, although I wasn't quite successful. So I ended up laying in bed for two or three hours, listening to music and tossing and turning instead of sleeping. I think I only got four hours of sleep today, and that's probably not good for me. No, that's probably pretty bad. But I'll live. I know that, because I've probably lived through worse).
I still ended up looking up erotica to keep myself awake, and I hate myself for that one. I'm not even sure what to do about that part of things. Do I let myself just masturbate and get it over with? Or do I keep resisting it? I don't know. What I do know is that being awake since 3:30 in the morning means that 7 in the morning feels like it's noon already. So that's fun. Not really, but I'm being sarcastic.
I think I'll be okay. I should be, at least. But if my exhaustion makes me really sleepy, I don't think that's something I can control. Same with the erotica stuff, sadly. I don't know. But I'm just trying to find ways for me to feel less shameful if I do something like that again today. sigh...





















