(no, unfortunately this is not a how to guide. Special Branch can now unhitch from outside my house)
To quote The Lion King... The Circle of Life. Monarchs are born, they live, they die. But what exactly happens when a monarch dies?
Dying
The monarch is on their deathbed. Their family, their friends, their advisers (their bit on the side sometimes) are lingering in the room or in the corridor. But of course, death isn't always expected. Usually, if the death is sudden, such as during a military campaign or an assassination, there is a scramble to preserve the news of the death for a time in order to make the necessary arrangements.
Causes of Death
"... Let us sit upon the ground. And tell sad stories of the death of kings; How some have been deposed; some slain in war, Some haunted by the ghosts they have deposed; Some poison'd by their wives: some sleeping kill'd; All murder'd," - William Shakespeare, Richard II.
Monarchs die like everybody else. They can die from anything. Disease (Alexander the Great), death at war (Richard I), assassination (Philip III of Macedonia), old age (Elizabeth II), starvation (Richard II), misuse of a hot poker (Edward II), murder at the hands of family (Edward V), childbirth (Jadwiga of Poland), accident (William of Orange... Pussy) , poison (Emperor Claudius) or on the toilet (George II). The death of a monarch is something at will be contested sometimes. If the body is not seen, there may be a belief that they live on. If the monarch dies suddenly, there may be rumours of foul play. No matter how a monarch dies, it will lead to uneasiness.
After Death
The steps after the monarch dies, usually include securing the next heir, proclaiming them to the people, and then working toward a clean succession. This time is delicate, it can be the breeding ground of coups and treacheries. Any claim other than the designated heir must be silenced by the proclaimation of the next sovereign as soon as possible. Child monarchs are extremely at risk during this period as the adults around them will seek to take custody of them. They who hold the monarch hold the power. It is imperative that the heir be notified at once so the stability of the kingdom can be assured.
The X is dead, Long Live the Next Guy
Once they breathe their last, all attention will turn to the next monarch or the scramble to find one. Be it by succession by blood or an election, the designated successor will immediately (even in the absence of a coronation) become the next monarch. Likely they will have been near their predecessor, either at their bedside or at least in shouting distance. But if they are away, they will quickly return to claim their throne. Without delay. Elizabeth II was actually on royal tour when she recieved news her father had died, leading to a hasty scramble back home.
When things don't go according to plan
The monarch passes away. There are tears. Sometimes. There are sometimes coups as I mentioned. Young would be monarchs could be kidnapped, eg. Edward V. Another heir claims the throne instead of the designated heir, eg Lady Jane Grey and King Stephen. Monarchs who die on battlefields can have their bodies stolen (James IV of Scotland) or thrown into a ditch with their crown snatched (Richard III). The death of a monarch is a delicate time and dangerous for all royal family members. In some instances, it would lead to murder. If a son of a previous Ottoman Sultan wished to be the next Sultan, they would order the mass murder of their brothers upon their father's death - usually death by strangulation.
Funeral
The funeral of the monarch is something that is usually planned from day one. There would be some sort of plan in place for the funeral, the when, the where and the how. The monarch might know these plans but the upper rank of courtier and aides would know. Funerals would follow a certain pattern, likely adapting from previous funerals. They would be a public, a lavish ceremony that would see to the closure of businesses, entertainment venues, the arrival of foreign dignitaries and a long procession of the body surrounded by military forces, watched over by the grieving public. If they actually liked the monarch. Some deaths of Kings were met without any sadness such as George IV. There might also be lavish games thrown in the monarch's honour.
Mourning
Mourning is the period of time that the country, the court and royal family grieves publicly. It can last a week or so, like today. Or up to a year. In China, sometimes mourning lasted 3 years or more. Mourning period often came with strict rules about what one could do or dress in. In Edwardian times, there were stages in mourning. Full mourning could last up to a year, with women wearing black with very little ornament and widows covering their hair with bonnets of veils. Second mourning (6-9 months), women's clothes could be adorned with trimming and finally half mourning is the 3-6 month period where colour started to be reintroduced, restricted at first to greys and mauves. There would be no balls, no parties, no sporting during the deepest part of mourning.
US americans, how do medical bills work in the hospital? do they charge you, like, in the building? do you get a notice in the mail? do you talk about it with your doctors? do they let you leave without discussing it? specifically in the context of an overnight hospital stay in new jersey, if that helps, but im really not pressed about state accuracy (i made up which state the movie takes place in anyway). I Am Writing Fanfiction And I Am Confused (and Canadian)
OK, research done, and little disclaimer before you read this, so you know i didn't just use wikipedia (its a good thing for an overview, and the references are genuine academic articles but not good to base research solely off of) and paste it here. And note, this is research, personal experiences vary, and severity varies. With that in mind, I have also included quotes from people who live with these conditions, describing what it is like.
Now, when scientists publish their work, it's often in academic journals. These journals are ranked based on how trustworthy and influential they are. One common way to rank them is by quartiles (Q1-Q4). Think of it like this:
Q1 Journals are the top 25% of journals in their field. They represent the "Gold Standard" of scientific evidence, meaning the research published there is highly respected and rigorously reviewed. All the main research sources mentioned in this guide come from these journals. There is a list of references and works consulted at the end of the post.
This post includes research on Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), Psychopathy, Sociopathy, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD), Panic Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a long-lasting mental health condition that can be very disruptive. It involves two main parts:
Obsessions: These are unwanted, recurring thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your mind and cause a lot of anxiety or distress. For example, a constant fear of germs.
Compulsions: These are repetitive actions or mental acts that a person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession. They are often an attempt to reduce the anxiety caused by the obsession or to prevent something bad from happening. For example, excessive handwashing to combat the fear of germs.
For someone to be diagnosed with OCD, these obsessions and compulsions must take up a significant amount of time (more than an hour a day), cause significant distress, or interfere with daily life, work, or relationships.
OCD affects about 2-3% of people worldwide and usually starts in childhood or early adulthood. It's important to know that OCD is now considered separate from anxiety disorders because it has its own unique brain patterns.
Research suggests that OCD is linked to a problem in certain brain circuits, particularly those involving the cortex (the outer layer of the brain responsible for thinking), the striatum (involved in habits and motivation), and the thalamus (a relay station for sensory information). In people with OCD, these circuits can become overactive, creating a “stuck" feedback loop. The brain keeps signalling that something is wrong, which drives the person to perform compulsions to try and fix it.
Chemical messengers in the brain, like serotonin, glutamate, and dopamine, also play a role. Some people with OCD have genetic variations that affect how these chemicals work.
OCD isn't exactly the same for everyone. Researchers have identified several common "dimensions" or types of OCD symptoms:
Common Types of OCD Symptoms
Contamination / Cleaning: Fear of germs, disease, or feeling "dirty." Leads to excessive washing, cleaning, or avoiding perceived threats.
Symmetry / Ordering: A strong need for things to be exact or feel "just right." Leads to arranging, ordering, repeating actions, or counting.
Forbidden / Taboo Thoughts: Unwanted aggressive, sexual, or religious thoughts. Leads to mental rituals, seeking reassurance, or trying to "neutralize" the thoughts.
Harm / Checking: Fear of causing harm by accident or negligence. Leads to checking locks, appliances, or constantly reviewing past actions.
Hoarding: Fear of losing important items or strong emotional attachment to objects. Leads to an inability to throw things away and excessive collecting.
(Note: Hoarding is now considered a separate diagnosis but is closely related to OCD.)
The most effective treatments for OCD are:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): This is a type of therapy where a person gradually faces their fears (exposure) without doing their usual compulsions (response prevention). Over time, this helps break the cycle of obsessions and compulsions. It's often considered the best treatment.
Medication: Certain antidepressants, particularly SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors), can help balance brain chemicals and reduce symptoms.
For severe cases that don't respond to these treatments, other options like different medications or even brain stimulation techniques might be considered.
Psychopathy, Sociopathy, and Antisocial Personality Disorder
These three terms are often confused, but they mean different things in psychology.
Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)
This is the only official medical diagnosis among the three. It describes a long-standing pattern of ignoring and violating the rights of others. This pattern usually starts in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood.
People with ASPD might be deceitful, impulsive, aggressive, reckless, irresponsible, and lack remorse for their actions. It affects about 3-5% of men and 1% of women.
Psychopathy
Psychopathy is a more specific and severe condition. Not everyone with ASPD is a psychopath. Psychopathy is usually assessed using a specific checklist that looks at two main areas:
Personality Traits: Being callous, unemotional, manipulative, lacking remorse, and having a superficial charm.
Behaviour: Being impulsive, needing constant stimulation, having poor behavioural control, and engaging in antisocial or criminal acts.
Another way to look at psychopathy is through three main components:
Boldness: Being fearless, socially dominant, and immune to stress.
Meanness: Being callous, aggressive, and lacking empathy.
Disinhibition: Having trouble controlling impulses and emotions.
Research shows that people with high psychopathy scores often have differences in their brains:
Amygdala: This part of the brain is crucial for processing fear and emotions. In psychopathy, the amygdala is often smaller and less active, which might explain their lack of fear and empathy.
Prefrontal Cortex: This area is involved in decision-making and moral reasoning. Differences here can lead to poor choices and a lack of empathy.
Brain Connections: The pathways connecting the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex may be weaker, disrupting how these areas communicate.
Psychopathy is believed to be heavily influenced by genetics (about 50-60%), but early life experiences like trauma also play a role.
Sociopathy
Sociopathy is not an official diagnosis. It's a term often used to describe people whose antisocial behaviour is mainly caused by their environment, such as severe childhood abuse, neglect, or growing up in a criminal environment.
Unlike psychopaths, sociopaths might still be able to form emotional attachments to certain people or groups, even if they disregard society's rules. Their behaviour is often more erratic and driven by emotional outbursts rather than cold, calculated planning.
Traditionally, mental health conditions have been diagnosed based on a checklist of symptoms (like in the DSM-5 manual). However, this approach has limitations because people with the same diagnosis can have very different underlying causes.
To address this, researchers are moving towards a new framework called Research Domain Criteria (RDoC). Instead of just looking at symptoms, RDoC looks at the underlying biology, genetics, and brain circuits. The goal is to understand the root causes of mental health issues to develop more targeted and effective treatments. This doesn't mean ignoring psychological or social factors; rather, it combines biological data with these other factors for a more complete picture.
Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
Major Depressive Disorder (MDD), commonly known as depression, is a very common condition affecting millions worldwide. It's more than just feeling sad; it's a persistent feeling of sadness or a loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
To be diagnosed with MDD, a person must have several symptoms for at least two weeks, including:
Depressed mood
Loss of interest or pleasure
Significant weight changes
Sleep problems (too much or too little)
Feeling restless or slowed down
Fatigue or loss of energy
Feelings of worthlessness or excessive guilt
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Thoughts of death or suicide
MDD is more common in women and is a leading cause of disability worldwide.
The exact cause isn't fully understood, but several factors are involved:
Brain Chemicals: The classic theory is that depression is caused by an imbalance of certain brain chemicals like serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine. Antidepressant medications often target these chemicals.
Stress and the Brain: Chronic stress can over activate the body's stress response system (the HPA axis), leading to high levels of cortisol (a stress hormone). Over time, this can damage parts of the brain involved in mood and memory, like the hippocampus.
Inflammation: There's growing evidence that inflammation in the body might play a role in depression for some people.
Brain Structure: Studies show that people with depression may have a smaller hippocampus, less activity in the prefrontal cortex (involved in emotional regulation), and more activity in the amygdala (involved in negative emotions).
Common treatments include:
Medication: Antidepressants (like SSRIs and SNRIs) are often used.
Therapy: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) are very effective.
Other Treatments: For severe depression that doesn't respond to standard treatments, options like ketamine, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), or transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) might be considered.
Anxiety Disorders
Anxiety disorders are the most common type of mental health condition. They all involve excessive fear or anxiety, but they differ in what triggers those feelings.
Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
GAD involves persistent, excessive worry about everyday things like work, health, or family. This worry is hard to control and happens most days for at least six months. It often occurs alongside depression and shares some similar brain patterns.
Panic Disorder
Panic Disorder involves sudden, unexpected panic attacks—intense episodes of fear with physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, shortness of breath, or dizziness. People with this disorder often worry constantly about having another attack.
The amygdala is the brain's threat-detection centre. In anxiety disorders, the amygdala is often overactive, reacting too strongly to perceived threats. Different brain chemicals, including GABA, serotonin, and norepinephrine, are also involved.
Therapy: CBT, especially exposure therapy (gradually facing fears), is the most effective psychological treatment.
Medication: Antidepressants (SSRIs and SNRIs) are often the first choice. Other medications might be used for short-term relief.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
PTSD can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, such as a serious accident, violence, or a natural disaster.
Symptoms fall into four main categories:
Intrusion: Flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive memories of the trauma.
Avoidance: Avoiding thoughts, feelings, people, or places related to the trauma.
Negative Changes in Mood and Thinking: Persistent negative beliefs, feeling detached from others, or an inability to experience positive emotions.
Changes in Arousal: Being easily startled, feeling constantly on edge (hypervigilance), irritability, or sleep problems.
PTSD involves changes in three key brain areas:
Amygdala: It becomes overactive, leading to exaggerated fear responses.
Hippocampus: It may become smaller and less effective at processing memories, making it hard to tell the difference between a safe situation now and the dangerous situation from the past.
Prefrontal Cortex: It becomes less active, making it harder to control the overactive amygdala.
Therapy: Trauma-focused therapies are the most effective. These include Prolonged Exposure (PE) therapy, Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), and Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR).
Medication: Certain antidepressants (SSRIs and SNRIs) are approved for treating PTSD.
Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia is a severe, long-term mental health condition that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. It usually starts in late adolescence or early adulthood.
Symptoms are often categorised as:
Positive Symptoms: Things that are added to a person's experience, like delusions (false beliefs) and hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that aren't there).
Negative Symptoms: Things that are taken away, like a lack of emotion, reduced speech, or a lack of motivation.
Cognitive Symptoms: Problems with memory, attention, and decision-making.
What Causes Schizophrenia?
Dopamine: The most prominent theory is that schizophrenia involves an imbalance of the brain chemical dopamine. Too much dopamine in certain areas may cause positive symptoms, while too little in other areas may cause negative and cognitive symptoms.
Genetics: Schizophrenia is highly heritable, meaning genetics play a major role.
Brain Development: It's increasingly seen as a condition related to how the brain develops, with subtle changes happening long before symptoms appear.
Antipsychotic medications are the main treatment, primarily targeting dopamine to reduce positive symptoms.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for psychosis (CBTp), family therapy, and support with employment and social skills are also crucial for managing the condition.
Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar Disorder involves extreme mood swings, ranging from emotional highs (mania or hypomania) to deep lows (depression).
There are different types:
Bipolar I: Involves at least one full manic episode, which is a period of extremely elevated mood, energy, and activity that can be severe enough to require hospitalisation. Depressive episodes are common but not required for diagnosis.
Bipolar II: Involves at least one major depressive episode and at least one hypomanic episode (a less severe form of mania).
Cyclothymic Disorder: Involves numerous periods of milder mood swings over at least two years.
Bipolar disorder shares some similarities with both depression and schizophrenia.
Genetics: There's a strong genetic link, with some overlap with schizophrenia.
Brain Structure: There are differences in brain structure, such as a smaller prefrontal cortex and a larger amygdala.
Circadian Rhythms: Disruptions in the body's internal clock and sleep-wake cycles are closely linked to mood swings.
Medication: Mood stabilisers (like lithium) are the main treatment to help prevent mood swings. Antipsychotics and sometimes antidepressants (used carefully) may also be prescribed.
Therapy: Psychoeducation, CBT, and therapies that focus on maintaining regular daily routines and sleep schedules are important.
Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)
Dissociative Identity Disorder is a complex condition that usually starts as a way to survive severe and ongoing pain during early childhood. Imagine the mind is like a house with different rooms, but the doors are locked and you don't always have the keys. The brain "fragments" a person’s identity into different parts, often called "alters," to wall off traumatic memories that would be too much for one person to handle alone.
People living with this often feel like there are different "versions" of themselves taking control of their behaviour at different times. This can lead to big gaps in memory that go beyond normal forgetfulness—like forgetting everyday events, personal details, or even the traumatic things that happened to them. They might also feel detached from their own body, almost like they are watching themselves from the outside, or feel like the world around them isn't quite real.
Research shows that this isn't just "in the mind"—early trauma can actually change how the brain is built. Areas responsible for memory and emotions, like the hippocampus and amygdala, are often physically affected. In fact, brain scans show that activity patterns actually change depending on which "alter" is currently in control.
"Split" Personality (Structural Dissociation)
The most widely accepted scientific theory is called Structural Dissociation. It suggests that when a child experience extreme trauma before their personality has fully "fused" together (which usually happens around age 6–9), the brain keeps the personality in separate pieces to survive.
One part handles daily life—going to school, eating, and playing. This part often has no memory of the trauma so it can stay "normal."
Other parts hold the memories of the pain, fear, and anger. These parts stay "stuck" in the past to protect the daily-life part from being overwhelmed. Over time, these parts develop their own names, ages, and ways of speaking, becoming what we call "alters" or "identities."
One of the biggest breakthroughs in DID research came from brain scan studies (specifically by researcher A.A.T.S. Reinders). They compared people with DID to professional actors who were trying to "act out" different personalities.
When a person with DID switches to a different identity, their brain activity changes in ways that are impossible to fake. The parts of the brain that control memory and emotion literally "shut down" or "light up" differently depending on which person is "out."
Research has documented that different alters in the same body can have:
Different Heart Rates and Blood Pressure: One alter may be calm while another is in a "fight or flight" state.
Different Vision: Some alters may need glasses while others don't, or they may have different colour-blindness patterns.
Different Allergic Reactions: One alter might be allergic to citrus or bees, while the other parts of the system are not.
Different Handwriting and Handedness: One part might be right-handed while another is left-handed.
For the person living with DID, the "truth" is that they are a system. While the world sees one body, the person inside experiences a "committee" or a "family."
Internal Communication: Many systems describe an "inner world" where they can talk to each other. Research shows that as therapy progresses, these parts can learn to share memories and work together, which is called "co-consciousness."
Switching is often a physical experience. It can feel like a sudden "fog," a headache, or a feeling of being pulled backward while someone else takes the "driver's seat."
"False" vs. "True" Allergy (Psychosomatic Response)
In most cases, these aren't "IgE-mediated" allergies (the kind where your DNA tells your body that peanuts are poison). Instead, they are psychosomatic physiological responses.
The brain has a massive influence over the immune system. If a specific alter holds a traumatic memory involving a certain food or smell, the brain can trigger a full-blown allergic reaction (hives, swelling, or even trouble breathing) as a defence mechanism.
To a doctor looking at the body, the hives and swelling are real. But the "trigger" isn't the substance itself—it's the brain's reaction to it. When a different alter (who doesn't have that trauma) takes over, the brain stops sending those "danger" signals, and the symptoms disappear.
Psychoneuroimmunology
There is a whole field of science called Psychoneuroimmunology that studies how our thoughts and mental states affect our immune system.
There are famous medical cases where a person with DID had one alter who was allergic to citrus and would break out in hives if they ate an orange. When they switched to a different alter and ate the same orange, the hives would vanish within minutes.
How it works: The brain can release chemicals like histamines or cortisol (stress hormones) in response to a "perceived" threat. If the alter believes they are allergic, the brain makes the body react as if it is.
Other "Impossible" Physical Differences
Allergies are just one part of the physiological changes doctors have seen. Because the brain controls almost every system in the body, different alters can also show:
Some cases have shown one alter being diabetic (requiring insulin) while the others are not. This is because the brain can influence how the body processes blood sugar.
One alter might be easily knocked out by a certain dose of anaesthesia, while another alter in the same body might require a much higher dose to stay under.
Some alters actually need different eyeglass prescriptions because the brain can change the tension in the muscles around the eyes, altering the shape of the lens.
Essentially, while the "hardware" (the body) is the same, the "software" (the brain/personality) can change how the hardware runs. It shows just how powerful the human mind is—it can literally turn an allergic reaction "on" or "off" based on who is currently in control of the body.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a condition that involves a long-term pattern of needing to feel superior and a deep struggle with understanding the feelings of others. While someone with this condition might seem extremely confident or even arrogant on the outside, that behaviour is usually a shield protecting a very fragile and hidden sense of self-esteem.
This pattern typically shows up in early adulthood and affects every part of life. A person might have an exaggerated sense of self-importance, constantly needing praise and validation from everyone around them. They often feel "entitled," expecting special treatment or getting upset if people don't do exactly what they want. Because they struggle with empathy, they may be unwilling or simply unable to recognize that other people have their own needs and feelings.
Scientists are finding that there are biological reasons for this. Some studies have found that people with this condition have less "grey matter" in the insula—the part of the brain that helps us feel empathy and emotional awareness. There are also differences in the brain’s "reward system," which might explain the constant, painful craving for admiration and attention.
Here are some quotes from people with these conditions:
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Uma Chatterjee
“It felt like endless fear,” she said. “I was feeling constant shame and guilt because of the taboo thoughts I was having. I truly felt like I was the worst person alive, and because of that, I deserved to die.”
Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD)
Andy
"I had no clear path in life and wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. Even now all these years later, I still don’t. I have ideas about things and careers but because I’m perpetually bored it’s hard to do something that is satisfying in the long term. People have careers and goals that they can throw themselves into and be passionate about. I am completely unable to do that."
Psychopathy / Sociopathy
Patric Gagne
"Sociopaths can feel the primary emotions, like happiness, sadness and anger. But sociopaths have a harder time feeling the social emotions [emotions that depend upon the feelings or actions of other people, such as embarrassment, guilt, shame and empathy]. Sociopaths can learn social emotions, they just learn them differently. I call sociopathy an ‘emotional learning disability,’ since that’s what it feels like."
Major Depressive Disorder (MDD)
Tasya
"I first realised that I was experiencing mental illness when I was constantly feeling like everything I did wasn’t good enough. Initially, I found it overwhelming to find support because I felt like I had to take every step to getting better at once."
Anxiety (Generalised Anxiety Disorder)
Emily
"I’ve always been anxious for as long as I can remember. My family describes me as a ‘worry wart’, ‘overly sensitive’, and ‘easily offended’. My worries relate to several aspects of my life, and sometimes I just can’t shake the feeling that something bad will happen... Hundreds of thoughts race through my head at once. Each thought is just an irrational problem I’ve created, and with each problem I create, I also come up with a solution – a solution to a problem that doesn’t exist."
Panic Disorder
Olivia H.
"I’ve always had anxiety but actual panic attacks for me started around the age of 19. Naturally, they’ve tended to occur when I’ve had big life changes or stressful life events happening. When it first started happening, I didn’t know what was going on. I thought I was having a heart attack or was dying. But, after years of therapy, I’ve learned how to really distinguish the symptoms of a panic attack, which for me are a racing heart and thoughts, feeling overheated, (TMI but) diarrhea, dizziness, like I’m going to pass out, and extreme feelings of anxiety—like a fear in my throat that just won’t go away."
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Jacqui, Founder of PTSD UK
"My PTSD... left me with debilitating, exhausting, uncontrollable and crippling fear – stuck in the fight/flight/freeze adrenaline surge. Fear of everything, and unable to do almost anything... I became a highly sensitive faulty CCTV system. I didn’t sleep for more than an hour at a time, I bought a baseball bat to keep by my bed to protect me in case someone broke in, my muscles and joints were in agony from being tense, I’d chip my fillings out from clenching my teeth so hard without knowing... I’d become very angry, and at times aggressive. I could hear my husband scrabbling around in the kitchen drawer and my mind took me straight to a place of overwhelming fear. 'He’s getting a knife and he’s going to kill me'. I made him stand like a starfish and spin on the spot to prove to me he didn’t have a knife. I was cowering on the bed, hysterically crying, unable to breathe and I felt like I was watching myself – I could see the fear on my face... And actually, it was caused by him scrabbling in the kitchen drawer to find a pen, so he could write a list of all the things I’d told him he was an awful husband for, so he could do better."
Schizophrenia
Elyn R. Saks
"Schizophrenia is a disease of the brain... It's not a split personality; it's a shattered personality. The person's mind is literally coming apart. You're losing your sense of who you are, and the world is becoming a very frightening, very unpredictable place. Imagine that you're in a waking nightmare, and you can't wake up."
Bipolar Disorder
Emily
"Bipolar can be hard to explain as my moods rapidly cycle. The highs associated with the illness are enjoyable. When I’m in mania I feel amazing – enthusiastic and overly confident. When I experience a high, it feels like your brakes have failed and you are going too fast and too far. However, after feeling high, I drop to a low, a major depressive episode... I felt worthless and I began to develop thoughts of death and suicide."
Dissociative Identity Disorder
Carolyn Spirng
"There are columns in my mind, columns of information and knowledge. That’s what it feels like. I can only know what is in one column at one time... It takes an extraordinary effort to look at the others."
"When I switch it does not feel like waking up. It feels like laughing and not knowing why, or reading a book and having to read the last couple of pages again because I don't remember them."
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Anonymous
"I can only offer a comparison: a person who has been in a wheelchair since infancy cannot have any notion of what it feels like to walk, run, jump... In the same way, I have no notion of what it feels like to truly care for another person's needs above my own."
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