chaos and vibes

Talon | 23 | they/them | i reblog with chaotic abandon and zero fact checking | there are fully clothed lesbians in my pinned post and yet it's listed as "potentially mature content". shame on you tumblr. you're a fucking disgrace. | 🇬🇧 | 💛🤍💜🖤 | 🖤🩶🤍💜

[talontheacedragon]

so i had this art done of a couple of npcs in my campaign a while ago, the artist @sinqie was incredible and so talented i’m in love, i couldn’t visualise them properly and this art is just so perfect that i don’t have words

and then earlier this year i got their formal official battle outfits done by vivalavia on Instagram, also very cool, had art done by her before for a different character, and they wear cloaks in each other’s colours!!

and now with the new hero forge updates, i was finally able to get them just about right in 3D!

look at them! they are so in love! they are my best girls and i adore them!

Hurricane is a stormborn tiefling storm soul sorcerer, and Elaina is an antler elf oath of devotion/oath of love paladin and they are such a power couple, and i have such feelings and i would let both of them step on me. probably i’d pay them to do it.

they are soul-bonded, which allows them to share thoughts, hit points and even class abilities (to an extent) and i-

send help, i cannot stop thinking about them!

[foldingfittedsheets]

DMing is hard. I acknowledge this. Weaving a story with words for long periods of time means you’re gonna say something silly sometimes when your brain blips. And it’s not your fault that it’s so silly that your players share it around turning it into an inside joke, immortalizing your brain fart moment forever.

My DM was narrating a scene between our tiefling rogue and the NPC she was romancing. He was trying to set the mood for their first kiss, up on a tower overlooking the city, looking into each others eyes. They’d just been on a romantic date, there was a bottle of wine between them. And this was their moment.

The NPC leaned in to kiss the rogue and the kiss was, according to our DM, “long and normal.”

The entire session went off the rails. We became ungovernable creatures of hilarity. How long is normal?

We are informed normal is six seconds and we devolve even further into chaotic paroxysm of laughter. The DM desperately tried to rein us in but for the rest of the session everything took a long and normal amount of time.

My betrothed and I would kiss each other while counting to six in our heads then declare afterward, “Ah yes! Long and normal!”

I accidentally told my school team about it, reasoning that they’d at least never meet the DM who lives out of state. They’d say we needed the scene to be the long and normal length, or hold a pose for a long and normal time.

At the end of the year I invited them to my house for a celebratory meal and was surprised when my DM joined the DnD video call early. My teammates looked at him, expressions slowly spreading into evil grins. “Long and normal!” They greeted him.

He turned a look upon me of utter betrayal while I hustled them out of my house.

“It’s been a year!” He cried at the unfairness.

“Maybe it’ll phase out by next year,” I told him.

[mark-gently]

"baby names" is a real misnomer because they're often permanent

[aheartofdawn]

there's three rules of naming babies:

what do the initials spell? (I was *this close* to being DMV)

what are the the different abbreviations/contractions/etc? (Michael Hunt, William Stroker, Richard Small, etc)

the name that sounds cute on your little gurgling bundle of joy will still be the one they have when they are an adult filling out a job application. Remember that.

[retirededgelord]

Optional Bonus: if your baby will ever have a job one day, ensure that their email address (if in the standard First Initial, Last Name format) will not be something embarrassing.

Sincerely, someone who had to email an S. Lutz (slutz).

[the-davest-of-uncles]

[twofingerswhiskey]

[dragonpyre]

No one in this DMV knows I’m thinking about men getting railed

[dragonpyre]

No

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

now all of china, etc etc

ink: diamine oxblood

[johnny-depp-is-loved]

[herssian]

how do you explain to people that spending all your pre-adolescence and adolescent years in such deep depression you didn't expect to make it past 19 and somehow making it to 30 changes your worldview. like i don't need any aspirations, i'm just vibing with my iced coffee that brings me actual joy and contentment. might chuckle at a funny post later. life's simple. it's good

[lollytea]

My cow had a baby IF YOU CARE!!!!

[lollytea]

Lets glare at the intruder with Mama

[wiki-pettan-con]

they gotta invent shoplifting for online shopping

[lalatongzi]

Credit card fraud , gift card hacking, piracy of you believe big companies

[wiki-pettan-con]

i want a button on the checkout page that says "ship without payment" that they make you promise not to click

[youcanstillwhistle]

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

[donjuaninhell]

I swear, some of you people somehow manage to possess all of the three most unfortunate character traits someone can have: a) kinda stupid, b) obnoxiously contrarian, c) deeply annoying.

[tockthewatchdog]

stuff you say when you don’t give a fuck about women quite frankly

[cardassiangoodreads]

Hence the not-uncommon adage that the washing machine did even more for women's liberation than the birth control pill

[maybeasunflower]

Weird how using device that saves you time and generally does a better job that you makes you "lazy". Particularly when it's housework-related.

[quasi-normalcy]

I've reached the point where cynicism is a major turn-off for me. You're not smarter than idealists, and you're not helping.

[quasi-normalcy]

Funny that the stereotypical cynic is an idealist who aged out of it. In my experience, the reverse is true. I was an extreme cynic as a teenager and then I noticed how profoundly limiting it was, and also that "cynics are cool and smart" was a message that was being constantly reinforced by corporate media for some reason.

[quasi-normalcy]

#yes! cynicism reads as very juvenile to me#and yes prev often stemming from teen pain

Yeah, like I see black-pilled people on here and my default reaction isn't "oh, these must be world-weary old warriors who've lost their faith in humanity", it's "these people are in their 20s and need a hobby"

[quasi-normalcy]

I also think that the present era has proven that authoritarian leaders don't actually want a population of wide-eyed idealists, they want a population of jaded assholes who are convinced that everyone is lying, any resistance is either a scam or doomed to failure, and nothing can ever get better.

And that they're somehow better than everyone else for being aware of the scam.

[gatorzaeder]

Take my gay cats, Tumblr!

This is part 1, the next part will be gender identity centered :)

[putting-swears-back-in-images]

There is so much fucking rage in my fucking heart when I see people censor the swears

I saw someone censor their own fucking fanfic description on AO3!!! "[The characters] f*ck." DO THEY??? DO THEY?!?!??! HOW CAN I TRUST YOU TO WRITE THE FUCKING WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN DARE USE THE WORD.

Your blog soothes my rage. You make right what has gone wrong.

God fucking bless you.

Honestly yeah tho. That’s why I fucking do this. There is a lot of complying in advance I am seeing that we do not need to be doing at all.

Do not lay belly up and die. Say fuck like your life depends on it.

[the-haiku-bot]

Do not lay belly

up and die. Say fuck like your

life depends on it.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[vexwerewolf]

Organised crime? Nah girl I'm into disorganised crime. If a goon doesn't have ADHD they aren't getting hired

[vexwerewolf]

Cops can't stop us if they don't know what we're doing, and they can't find out if we have no idea either

[vexwerewolf]

Nah I'm safe it wouldn't happen twice

[vexwerewolf]

Minions stop this post from reaching 1k

[lesser-robot-cat]

On it, boss! Gettin' this post to 10k, just like you said!

[analog-autistic]

we've definitely posted about this before but if i see one more person act like the only forms of childhood trauma that exist are abuse from family or sexual assault i will actually start crying and it will be so so so loud everyone will hear it from every corner of the earth

THE SCHOOL SYSTEM !!! PEER ABUSE !!!!! ISOLATION !!!!!!!! RACISM !!! SEXISM !!!!!! MEDICAL ABUSE !!!!!! NONCONSENSUAL SURGERY !!!! POVERTY !!!! SO MUCH MORE !!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[analog-autistic]

!!!!!

[virtuevistavalley]

Natural disasters! I never see anyone talk about that one and as a result I spent years thinking that watching my hometown get destroyed on the news and subsequently having to uproot my entire life at the age of seven wasn't Real Trauma because there was no Abuser™

[catchymemes]

[wumbreon]

May we all know decadence such as this

[charlesoberonn]

"godless beast" and it's literally Dionysus in animal form.

[the-haiku-bot]

“godless beast” and it’s

literally Dionysus

in animal form.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[thefaultinourchickennuggets]

the bad thing about having unhealthy habits due to mental illness, is when you DO do something healthy style you can't brag about about it because then people will then know you've been doing it yucky style all along. Like you can't brag you changed your sheets or brushed your teeth because then ppl will be like oh did you not brush your teeth regularly before? Thats yucky disgusting! So you just gotta keep it to yourself. And be proud alone, I suppose.