I Do Not Know Why I Bite

pfp by sjonni33

[werewolfclaws]

i feel like this is a dying art called 'being a good human being' anybody else agree. anybody

[boybeetles]

What is going on in r/kitchencels

[kiburebuc]

some highlights from the comments

[bongwater-jpeg]

[stopoftouchingmywingsihurt]

[smallrat36wagon-deactivated2021]

LOL whos tye saultry little binch on the bottom lsft????

[foxyclock]

this post is less than 1% away from being completely incomprehensible

[beardedmrbean]

I love the midwest so much

[jame7t]

Dude my coworker left a scrumptious cookie unattended

[jame7t]

Uh, your honor? I scrumped it

[theradioghost]

[gorbling]

Im enjoying the longevity of tumblrs recontextualization style of humor. a seemingly innocuous post followed by like "posts that a gnome would make" or like "are you a phone"

[gorbling]

[hapalopus]

[hapalopus]

More from the notes:

[vexwerewolf]

I love this post

[karifaevt]

The horse thinks as it scratches an itch

[literallymechanical]

Did you just fucking quicksave

[finalhorsegirl]

obsessed with this stupid shirt i found at goodwill the other day

[sjonni33]

take and take and take (click for quality!)

ko-fi ☕ patreon 🥪 merch ❇️

[sjonni33]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

“If I had time travel I’d kill Hitler” “If I had time travel I’d stop my favourite politician getting assassinated” you’re all thinking way too small. If I had time travel I’d stop Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin from dying on the moon due to Soviet sabotage, kicking off the Great Nuclear War and devastating half of the planet.

[stavarosthearcane]

Good Job.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#this post gets me every time 

It’s from two days ago fam how many times could there have been

[heroofthreefaces]

do you think no one else has time travel

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Happy one month anniversary to this post that has not allowed me a single day of fucking peace since I made it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#surprise reblog!! 

STOP IT’S BEEN MONTHS. MONTHS!

YOU CAN STOP.

[roach-works]

wow if only you had a time machine

[transdaughterofthesun]

Honestly having reached a billion notes I think it’s safe to say that in the Year of our lord 2041, this is the most popular tumblr post out there.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I’m killing your parents before you’re born

[iforgotmyfandom]

:)

[idiototheinternet]

Still here, why’d you hesitate @derinthescarletpescatarian

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Your mum’s ability to hold up under active gunfire was really hot. I’m your dad now.

[lizyarikus]

Isn’t that the plot of Terminator

[anexperimentallife]

Where do you think the plot for Terminator came from?

[what-if-i-just-did]

This is such a classic trainwreck post that has the vibes of a 2014 screenshot posted to Pinterest and then the last addition is just last Tuesday I can’t even

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Imagine how I feel

[mrsjdavis]

POST, LIVE FOREVER!!!!!!

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

It doesn’t have to

[smegorl]

Yes it does.

[type-blaze0]

Of course it has to, it gets a billion notes in 2041

[angels-haven-official]

We all know who needs to be @’d

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[ppepohappy]

i think the catcher should be allowed to make out with the pitcher during the mound visit. as long as they want. this would be good for morale, ratings, and the game of baseball itself

[baseballheritageposts]

baseball heritage post

[sjonni33]

take and take and take (click for quality!)

ko-fi ☕ patreon 🥪 merch ❇️

[sjonni33]

[voyagevisuelle]

This a Moonmelon, scientifically knows as asidus. This fruit grows in some parts of Japan, and is known for its vibrant blue color. What you probably don’t know about this fruit is that it can switch flavors after you eat it. Everything sour will taste sweet, everything salty will taste bitter, and it gives water a strong orange-like taste. It’s also very expensive…costing about ￥16000 JPY (which is about 200 dollars).

or you know this could be photoshopped

but idk

you tell me

[meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerlin]

this is alexandrias melon (wow)

it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic)

it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds

it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy.

its really strange how all of these pictures look exactly the same because everything on the internet is true

[coolstoryrob]

This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus.

The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers.

It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza.

This planet is really just so amazing guys wow.

[bestrooftalkever]

Patrickmelon

The taste of this melon will always surprise you.

[ninja-sex-tarp]

I’m fucking done with this site

[celticpunkandcoffee-deactivated]

This is the evermelon.

If you cut this watermelon a certain way you will find that it has seemingly regenerated. You can do this an infinite number of times and will have a neverending supply of melon.

[deltadragoon-deactivated2018111]

[neenernina]

OH GOD I haven’t seen this post in YEARS and THAT is the fucking additon to it!?

[amor-moved]

ALRIGHT THATS IT ITS TIME TO STOP

[thereisagirlwhonevergoesoutpt2]

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Ravenmelon and I’m ebony black  (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips, and a lot of people tell me I look like watermelons (AN: if u don’t know what dat is get da hell out of here!).

[memeseverdie]

Nothing will ever be better than the last one

[theinfiknight]

HASHBFJGJDHRJFKFKRJ

[liquid-geodes]

That last one took me out at the god damn kneecaps-

[locatescape-deactivated20190801]

[mandatalks]

Someone wrote a really interesting article about why people believe these sorts of things so easily.

[marshmallow-gem]

:)

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[transhuman-priestess]

the way teenagers are treated these days is wild. when i was a teenager we were all watching porn, jerking off, and going to horror movies with 3000 gallons of blood. Nowadays they make kids get a permission slip to watch anything darker than Barney the Dinosaur. Insane.

[transhuman-priestess]

Every year we infantilize teenagers more and more and act surprised when they grow up to be terrified, angry, emotionally stunted adults.

[depsidase]

[sleepystrawberrybunny]

[tooies]

reblog and put in the tags what your childhood password that you just stuck with is!

[looseinthecatroom]

[thestateonmtv]

So with voting do you cum when a person get bitten into or when a person is swallowed or does it depend on the moment

[beachdeath]

usually you just mark a ballot with a pen or you select the candidate you want on a screen. sometimes you hole punch the ballot though

[velartis]

“what radicalized you” bro EMPATHY

[puppygirllaika]

"what radicalized you" well in kindergarten they told me to share things and be nice to people.