step lightly

Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the DREAMS in your h e a r t . ten lee. 980227 former idol 1MILLION & KARTS

[tenrk]

hold me tight (or don’t).

sichengrk·:

whenever sicheng is in ten’s presence, there’s like some sort of invisible magnet that pulls him in closer. it has effects on him ranging from physical to emotional. not only does he feel fonder, but he also seems to gravitate towards him, closing more and more space with every second. he’s curious and wants to see what ten sees, which is how he ends up right by his side, occasionally leaning down to look over ten’s shoulder, his face level with the older’s. he tries not to be too invasive or suffocating, but it’s also as if he can’t help it. 

“bullshit.” sicheng grins, very softly laughing as he turns to briefly look at ten instead of what he’s doing. he thinks maybe he’s distracted him and somehow managed to throw him off his game when it seems like he’s missed at first, but then it eventually falls anyway and sicheng smiles even wider, laughing along with ten. “yeah, just like i said. beginner’s luck…” he says it in a playful, mocking way, shaking his head. “beginner’s luck my ass. you are good.” he finally takes a step back, not wanting to cause any discomfort or make it so that ten can’t properly concentrate. “i just hope i can do as well as you are, because i absolutely refuse to leave until i have something for you since you’re more than likely going to win this.”

ten sort of wants sicheng to wrap his arms round him from behind, hold his hands over the gun and pretend he’s helping him aim. he wonders, for a second, if there’s a mini golf place nearby they can go, where he can make sicheng stand behind him with his hand on the club covering ten’s. it sounds cheesy, but there’s a lot of things ten’s imagined himself doing with sicheng that could be classed as cheesy; dancing and kissing in the rain being one of them. he’d not thought about it for long, the realisation that he was thinking about kissing him so seriously had made him nervous. he’d done it once, and he wasn’t about to do it again until he was certain of his feelings. 

something about sicheng’s confidence in ten is incredibly attractive. the way he scoffs at ten saying it’s merely luck sending shivers down his spine. it’s so hard to focus on the cans when he’s standing there saying things that make his knees tremble. yet ten’s still unwilling to think seriously about his feelings–he’s scared they may not be real, and that he’s just searching for affection he’d lost. the butterflies in his chest could just be ten’s body reacting to the kindness mixed in with attractiveness, making him yearn for something he’d lost. 

“i’m sure you will. you’ll probably be even better than me.” he says as he aims for the third can–if he gets this he’ll have only two left until he wins one of the largest plushies for sicheng. taking a deep breath he concentrates on the can, drawing his shoulders back and making his posture tall and steady, before he pulls the trigger and knocks the can right off the ledge. he grins, triumphantly, lowering the rifle a little. “well done to me.” he says with a laugh. 

[tenrk]

hold me tight (or don’t).

sichengrk·:

“alright, let’s see what you’ve got.” his sentence is accompanied by a fond smile, though it’s also challenging in a way. he crosses his arms over his chest and takes a step back to entirely examine ten and his efforts. it’s all so endearing to him, and he can’t do anything to resist the way his heart feels like it’s beating faster in his chest. though, at this point, he doesn’t think he’d want to even if he could. his feelings come as a bit of a rush, and it’s one that he seems to enjoy. even though he has his moments where he feels guilt and regret, it’s still not something he wants to try getting over.

“from you?” he pauses, then teasingly adds, “i expect everything. come on, there’s nothing you can’t do.” as if it’s his goal to prove sicheng right, ten hits the first can and knocks it off its shelf, causing his grin to grow as he lets out a soft, happy laugh. “see? you’re literally perfect. i don’t think you could fail at anything even if you tried.” he takes a step closer, watching ten as he concentrates and trying to ignore the way he longs to wrap his arms around him from behind and press kisses into the crook of his neck. “you’ve got this, keep going.”

ten’s started feeling a little nervous when sicheng watches him. ever since the kiss he’s felt like there’s something thick and invisible between them, as though there’s a constantly vibrating string attached to them that’ll make a loud, alarming noise if they get too far away, or too close. even now, as he holds the rifle and stares at the little cans he can feel something vibrating between them, the feeling of sicheng’s eyes on him raising goosebumps all down his arms. often he wonders if sicheng can feel it too, or whether he’s alone in this strange, tense situation he’s found himself in with his roommate. 

hearing sicheng speak with such utter certainty at ten’s abilities sends shivers down his spine. he remembers all the times when he was a trainee and idol that he’d wish someone would have faith in him, and tell him how much they believed in him. instead, the doubts and worries that people thought he was a weak link swam in his mind unchallenged. his breath shakes when sicheng calls him perfect, a flush arising on the apples of his cheeks. he can tell he’s moving closer, as though some sort of frequency between them is buzzing and vibrating louder and faster. it’s a prickly feeling down his back, and a warmth under his skin. 

“beginner’s luck, i’m sure.” ten says softly, glancing at sicheng then right back at the cans, moving the rifle to aim at another. he shoots, and for a second he thinks he’s missed, but the can teeters and falls, and he can’t help but smile. “or maybe i am just good.” he laughs, the sound of the can being hit, and falling from it’s perch drawing him out of his own head. 

[tenrk]

.all my love

rkjohnny·:

This whole just-friends thing is taking some getting used to. Especially when Johnny knows he still loves Ten. He’s not closing his doors to the chance of them just settling into a comfortable, platonic friendship. However, he knows it will be difficult. It took him so long to realize what he really felt about Ten, and he doubts that healing from that will be easy. 

Life just isn’t going the way it’s supposed to. Johnny is preparing to debut, assuming things go well with this project group. It would be unfair for him to ask Ten to wait. Besides, they have to work on themselves before they can get back together again. It’s either that, or their love for each other changes into a friendlier, more comfortable kind of affection. If you love someone, let them grow. Letting Ten grow is what Johnny chooses to do. 

It’s always been difficult to let go, but even more so when Ten is just within reach. However, Johnny has to let him go so he can breathe and tell his story properly. He always had a feeling that Ten wasn’t completely happy back when they were together. Maybe Johnny was to blame, along with other things. He will never get the answers until Ten talks. 

“Yeah, you told me you weren’t well, but you never went into detail,” Johnny says with a shake of his head. He ignores the way Ten’s touch feels so light and gentle on his hands. “I knew stuff was bothering you, but I never knew how much.” Johnny sighs, trying not to let his frustration show. If only he could have done more to help Ten back then. At least Ten is in a much better place now. “That was stuff I was hoping you’d tell me, Ten… But I trusted you to tell me when you were ready.” 

[ tw: eating disorder mentions ]

ten grew up learning that showing his emotions and feelings would get him hurt, physically, mentally, and emotionally. so, trying to teach himself that that’s not the case anymore, especially not with the people who most care about him, has been hard. he’s always apprehensive of what they might say, or if they’ll ridicule him for not being able to handle something that they can, or if they’ll find him expressing himself burdensome, or annoying. his brother showed him that expressing himself was a bad thing, and he’s only now unlearning that. 

he’d never told johnny all that was going on. he’d not wanted to worry him right form the start, when’ he’d been having trouble sleeping right before they got together. he’d been alright for a while after that, the boost in his mood very much thanks to their new relationship. but pretty soon johnny got busy and their time together lessened, and things began to get difficult for ten. he wasn’t sure how to cope with the pressure and overwhelming loneliness that came with being a trainee, and then an idol. 

ten draws his knees to his chest, his instinct telling him to make himself smaller for protection. he knows he doesn’t need to protect himself in this situation, but anything that’ll make speaking about it all easier he’ll do. after a moment he draws his hand back - touching johnny only distracts him from what he wants to say, so he keeps his hands to himself and sighs heavily. “i never really told anyone my problems...” he admits, tucking his chin against his knees for a moment. 

“i don’t know... how to start.” he says softly, feeling as though a lump is growing in his throat. how does one just come out and admit they stopped eating on anf off for months at a time for roughly two years? “i... i uh...” god, this is harder than he’d thought it would be. “i guess... well i had... a really bad relationship with food while i was a trainee, and then an idol. i stopped eating on and off for months over the course of those two years... you might... have noticed the effects.” ten says, wincing as he recalls what the effects were. 

[tenrk]

hold me tight (or don’t).

sichengrk·:

something about the way ten suggests that they see if they can win each other stuffed animals makes sicheng’s heart skip a beat. he always ends up reading too much into things and feeling all weird inside, even with the simplest of things. he thinks to himself that it’s kind of pathetic that he’s like this, but it’s impossible to linger on it when all he can seem to focus on is the smile on ten’s face and how incredibly beautiful he looks in the sunshine… this is hopeless.

“alright, that sounds like a plan.” he turns to look at all of the different animals that he could choose from, trying to decide which one was calling out to him the most. eventually, he ends up saying, “i’m not sure. if you can manage to win one for me, i’d want you to choose. i think that’d make it more special.” he pauses and quietly laughs, then adds, “but the tiger looks cool.” as soon as ten shares which one he’d pick (which is entirely expected), sicheng internally vows to get it for him one way or another. “i guess we better start playing then, because i’m not leaving here until you have what you want.”

ten knows this is something couples do - win each other prises on games like this - but he can’t help but want to do it. part of it’s because couples do it, he thinks. it’s the simplest thing he can do that makes things feel a way they aren’t. he can pretend, if only for a second, that they’re a couple, and indulge in something he really shouldn’t be indulging in. he wants sicheng to look at a stuffed animal ten won him and think of ten. though, in all fairness, ten wishes sicheng would think about him all the time. 

“i’ll go first, then.” he says, paying to play the game. taking up the air rifle he turns his body to the side and lifts the rifle up high so he can look through the little aiming thingy on the top. despite having done this before, he’s never learnt the proper terminology for the parts of the rifle - so aiming thingy it is. “i haven’t done this in years, so don’t expect too much.” he warns sicheng, before shooting at the first little can and knocking it off the shelf its sat on. 

[tenrk]

hold me tight (or don’t).

sichengrk·:

♟ starter for @tenrk· !

they grow closer with each day that passes, or so that’s how it feels to sicheng. although the kiss did make things slightly more complicated for a while, and some of sicheng’s nights are still occupied by constantly thinking about it and replaying the moment in his head, he feels like they’ve mostly moved on from that (whether or not he thinks that’s a good thing, he isn’t sure). he wants to spend every waking moment in ten’s presence and whenever something fun or exciting rolls around, he always wants to share it with his roommate. he’s content, light, and even happy as they walk side-by-side, the back of his hand occasionally brushing against ten’s while he tries not to focus on how much he wants to take and hold it.

“are you hungry?” he looks over at the older boy, a soft smile on his lips. “if you’re not yet, we could try to play a game and see if we can win something…” there are other things that call out to him, too, such as the tarot reading tent, but he wonders if he’d obsess over whatever he hears if he does something like that. he isn’t entirely sure what all of it is about, but that doesn’t stop him from fearing the outcome.

as time passes, and ten exists in the same space as sicheng day in, and day out, things feel increasingly more tense. it’s not so much a bad kind of tense, but the tension between them is hard to ignore. ten wonders if it’s all in his head, surrounding his feelings, and his confusion regarding his feelings for sicheng. maybe sicheng doesn’t feel the same tension that ten feels, maybe he’s blissfully unaware of ten’s internal suffering. 

even so, he manages to still enjoy his time with sicheng, wandering through the park in the sunshine, smiling as he fights the temptation to grab sichengs hand. “mmm... let’s play a game first. see if we can win each other stuffed animals? what animal would you pick?” he asks, sidling up to a air rifle shooting game and looking up at the array of cute stuffed animals. he pictures sicheng as a chick sometimes - little and fluffy and sweet. but, other times, there’s something far more ferocious about him, something ten would even say is sexy. the animals hanging up though are all far too cute to be big dangerous animals, even if there is a very adorable tiger plushie. “i’d pick the cat, obviously.” 

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

this probably wasn’t a fight that sicheng could win, so he decided he wouldn’t disagree. then again, he didn’t particularly think that ten was lying, anyway. he knew that ten genuinely felt like his friendship was worth a lot more than something material, especially when that something is money. it was a constant battle for him to remind himself that it wasn’t a huge deal to ten, but being that it’s never something he’s had an abundance of, he feels like it’s extremely important. 

then again, if the roles were reversed, he knows he’d never ever want ten to feel like he had to pay him back, either. in his eyes, ten is more valuable than anything or anyone else in his life. he wouldn’t trade his company for anything. as a matter of fact, he’d give every bit of money he owned just to keep him around, so he tries to consider that ten is capable of feeling the same… at least to an extent. “yeah… i know, don’t worry. no matter what i say or how much i think i need to repay you, me nor my friendship is going anywhere. you’re stuck with it, so it’s a good thing that it means so much to you.” he softly smiles at ten for a moment before shying away.

“of course. when are you going to learn that i’d probably follow you anywhere?” he says it before he even has time to think about how it’d sound. he just hopes it isn’t too much, though it’s true. he’s glad ten isn’t inviting him into a burning building or shark-infested waters, because he’d blindly follow the older without any questions asked. maybe that wasn’t a good thing. “a rich daughter, huh…” the comment reminds him of his own father. “well, i’m not any of those things, but maybe he’ll overlook that.” at the next question, he looks over at ten and quietly laughs, tilting his head. “what do you think?”

ten never shares just how much money he has, but most of his friends know he’s got a considerable amount. it isn’t something he shares until he’s already close to people, and when he does he’s already close enough to want to share his money with those people. sicheng is someone ten feels like he has no misgivings about spending money on sicheng, buying him things and providing for him. he just want sicheng to be happy and well fed. 

“good, because i don’t want to imagine my life without you in it.” he says, only realising how sappy that sounds after the words have left his mouth. he smiles, his cheeks dusted a light pink. “and i want to help you achieve things that you’re only stopped from achieving right now because of money. if the only thing stopping you doing something is money, then i want to be able to open that door for you. look at it like i’m investing in your future, which is one i think is bound to be bright and full of success.”

ten hopes sicheng means it when he says he’ll follow him anywhere. he likes to imagine going travelling with sicheng, maybe take him to a few of the places he went to when he was away last year soul-searching. he doesn’t say anything about it though, he just smiles, tightening his hold on sicheng’s arm. “maybe.” ten laughs, knowing his dad very much won’t, but not caring enough to think much about it. “so... guess we should get you fitted for a suit before we go then, shouldn’t we?” he says with a bright smile, imagining sicheng in a perfectly fitted suit and trying no to drool at the mental image. he turns into their apartment building as they reach the main doors and tugs sicheng along to the elevator.

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

his smile widens, pleased to hear ten agree with him. he knows that he is likely just humoring him, but it’s still nice to hear that he makes ten’s life interesting at the very least. he’s sure he brings more to the table than just that, however, even if he doesn’t entirely know how. he tends to underestimate himself, and he doesn’t think that it’s any different in this particular situation. at least he’s somewhat self-aware about it all and not wallowing in self-pity.

although he listens to ten speak, he isn’t convinced that he truly hears him. he would do his best to be respectful of the way ten feels, but at the same time… sometimes, he feels like he’s too willing to accept gifts from ten. maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t offer a gift in return. he just doesn’t have much that he can currently realistically offer. still, he softly smiles and even laughs a little, then looks up at ten with a fond look in his eyes. “thank you. really. i don’t intend on returning the same exact gifts, i just want to give you different gifts, too. something more than just my friendship, because you give me your friendship back, so that’s already evenly matched. i want to do more for you… though i’m not in any rush.”

“ah… i see.” once ten explains, sicheng knows for sure that this is something serious and it’s finally starting to sink in. he knows that he isn’t ten’s only friend, so he feels extremely honored that he’s the one being invited. maybe it shouldn’t, but it causes his heart rate to increase a little. “i’d be more than happy to go with you, ten. especially if you don’t want to go by yourself. i’m always willing to do anything and everything with you, you don’t ever have to be alone if you don’t want to be. besides, i’ve never been before. i’ve never traveled much in general, so… i’d like to see it. you don’t think your dad would mind?”

having sicheng in his life is more than ten could have realistically wished for. at the start of the year he’d wished for a good year in which he grew and learnt new things, grew close to new people and learnt to love himself, his hobbies, his work, and his time alone again. he likes to think he’d done most of, if not all of those things, but he realises he’s not have been able to do a lot of it without having sicheng live with him. to learn to love his time alone he needed to have someone at home who could make it not feel like a lonely place. ten, being an extrovert, thrives off of having people around, but he also needs to learn how to entertain himself sometimes, so knowing there’s someone just in the other room in case he needs them makes it easier to learn to be by himself. 

so, sicheng has, in ten’s eyes, already repaid him for what ten has given him money wise. money isn’t even as valuable as what sicheng has given ten. “your friendship is worth more than money, sicheng.” he says, though he notices a part of him, a quiet part whispering something in his subconscious. he wishes that more than friendship sicheng could offer was of a romantic nature... he has to shake himself to get that sudden thought out of his brain - where did that come from? he tries to ignore it, deciding it’s best not to think about that right now, or at all. 

turning his mind back to the trip, which ten has mixed feelings about, he smiles. “you would?” having sicheng there would make it so much more bearable if things went south. he feels, among his friends, sicheng is one of the few he’d feel comfortable letting see the darker, less happy side of his family relationships. “i don’t think so, though he’d probably rather i brought some rich daughter of a company or something, but that’s clearly not going to happy.” he laughs. “i take it you don’t have any tailored suits?” he says, pretty sure he knows the answer already.

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

the moment is soft and sweet and sicheng isn’t entirely sure how they ended up here when they were being their usual joking selves not long ago, but it warms his heart and leaves him with a gentle smile. he even ends up blushing a little, not understanding what he manages to contribute, but obviously ten sees something that he can’t perceive. “i think you’d still be doing well for yourself… maybe your life would be slightly less interesting and fun, but…” he ends up laughing at his own playful remark, despite the fact that he doesn’t fully believe it. he tries to silence the voice in his head that adds that ten’s life would also likely be less complicated or confusing if sicheng didn’t live with him.

“i could… but should i?” maybe there was still a part of the sicheng inside of him that had been conditioned by his father to believe that it was a waste of time. he would always have to deal with effects of his father’s words and the way he was raised. his eyes widen just a little at ten’s offer and he lets out a soft, nervous laugh. “that’s extremely nice of you, but… i still have so much i feel like i need to repay you for. i’m kind of nervous to keep adding to the bill.” although sicheng doesn’t necessarily feel like he has to pay ten back with money, he still feels like he needs to do something to make it more of a give and take relationship rather than take, take, take. once he figures out how to lessen the weight, maybe he’ll take him up on his offer.

he makes sure to stay close by ten as they near the exit, thrilled that he manages to look over in time to catch the way that ten beams up at him, causing his heart to skip a beat. he holds onto ten’s arm that’s linked with his own and smiles back, not wanting to look away from the older boy. he does, however, though he glances back again when he’s being spoken to. once the question is entirely out, sicheng freezes, trying to figure out if he had heard ten correctly. that was definitely not what he expected to hear. “um… assuming you’re serious and this isn’t some kind of hypothetical thing… i mean…” he softly laughs and shrugs a little. “i guess i’d say okay. but also are you sure?” 

ten’s surprised that sicheng doesn’t notice just how much of an affect he’s had on his life, but then he supposes he’s never really been too vocal about it. he’s not sure how to say ‘hey thanks for helping me no have a relapse from loneliness’ without it sounding a little too personal, not that he’d not share personal stuff with sicheng. the lighthearted playfulness of the second half of his response has ten smiling, though. “very true.” he’s not sure he’s in the mood to start telling sicheng all the ways he’s basically saved him from going south again. now’s not the time. 

money’s always been something ten’s had too much of, and has always liked to share. he loved throwing extravagant halloween parties and buying expensive gifts for his friends, treating people to dinner and drinks and coffee and treats - anything really. he just liked to buy things for people, so paying for things for sicheng didn’t seem like a huge deal, even if it was mainly just rent at the moment. “you don’t have to repay me sicheng, in fact i don’t want you to. everything i give you is a gift and it’s rude to return gifts.” he says with a playfully stern frown. he’s being serious, but he tries not to sound so stiff and strict about it. he doesn’t want sicheng to pay him back because he gains so much joy just from helping him out. “you simply being my friend is enough repayment.”

he’d been contacted by his dad recently with a request to visit and attend a fancy business party he was hosting for the company. he knows there’s an ulterior motivate behind the invitation, but he thinks he might as well try and either get on somewhat good terms with his father, or completely end their relationship through this visit. but, he doesn’t want to just go alone, and his dad has said he could bring someone, so he thought who better than his beloved roommate? “yeah it’s... well my dad invited me to this business party thing in bangkok, and i thought i should go and at least try to get on better terms with him, but i don’t want to go alone.”

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

“i mean, yeah, obviously.” sicheng laughs along with ten, even though he has to admit that the idea was kind of interesting while it lasted. he enjoys being playful and joking around, though sometimes the jokes seem way too appealing than he imagines they should. still, there was nothing serious about any of this so no harm was done. whatever goes on in his head can stay in his head, and ten would never have to find out. “yeah, i will.”

sicheng can’t help but smile when ten talks about how much he loves spending time with him. truthfully, he feels exactly the same. just being around ten, no matter what it is that they’re doing, typically gives him a sense of peace and comfort. he was lost when he impulsively moved to seoul, and at times he questioned if he had made a mistake. since he’s found ten, however, he’s never felt more at home. it was nice. “i love spending time with you, too. i don’t really know if i would’ve felt like i had a place here if it weren’t for you, so…” his grin softens once he admits that, looking down at the table as to not make eye contact. “i’m not sure what i’d want to study, but i’m still considering it. it’d be nice to learn again, i think. i just don’t know if i can afford it yet. i should probably focus on that job thing first.”

with a slight nod, sicheng answers, “okay, i will. we can talk about it more later, once we’re home.” he nods again in agreement to the suggestion of walking home. it was a nice day and he wouldn’t mind being out and about with ten for just a little longer. he finishes his water while he waits for ten to pay (which he always tries to remind himself he shouldn’t feel bad about), then he stands from his seat and takes a deep breath. “yep, let’s go.” he begins walking, then turns to face ten to add, “thanks for buying my meal.”

ten always wonders whether sicheng doesn’t like being dependent on him, or feels weird about their situation, but ten can’t imagine life without sicheng around now, and money doesn’t mean much to him anymore - he’s always had too much. so, hearing sicheng say something that indicates he’s grateful for ten helping him out with a place to stay and everything else he does for him makes him smile. what ten gains from having sicheng around is worth so much more than the money he spends on him. “i’m really glad i could help you. i don’t know what my life would be like right now if you weren’t living with me.” 

“you could do dance? do whatever you want.” he says, then chews his lip in hesitation, wondering whether it’d be too much to offer to pay for his tuition. “i... could pay for it if you want?” it’s a lot, he knows, but it’s not something that would be impossible, or even that difficult for him to do. he’s got more than enough money to pay for sicheng’s tuition, but he knows some people aren’t so keen on letting people spend that much on them. 

slipping his cardigan on ten heads towards the exit, looking back over his shoulder to make sure sicheng’s following him. “you’re welcome, it was my pleasure. thank you for eating with me.” he replies, beaming up at sicheng and linking his arm through his as they exit the restaurant. it’s then that he remembers something he’d been meaning to ask sicheng. “uh... chengie? if i asked you to come to bangkok with me, and potentially meet my dad, what would you say?”

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

“you could… what?” sicheng laughs a lot more loudly this time, not sure what to think of ten’s playful suggestion. “i mean, sure. i guess i’d trust you a lot more with that kind of thing than myself, but i feel like that starts venturing into some mighty different territory.” he still has a huge, amused grin on his face when ten quietly comments about taking good pictures of himself naked. admittedly, the thought isn’t too healthy for sicheng, because his brain insists on lingering on the image and thought of it, but he does everything that he can to chase it off. “oh yeah? well… i suppose you would be extremely helpful then. i’ll keep you in mind in case i really end up doing it.” he wasn’t going to really end up doing it.

hearing ten claim that they didn’t spend enough time together fills sicheng with a lot of joy and satisfaction. it’s comforting to know that he doesn’t think he’s too much. he feels as though he might be blushing, cheeks and ears unusually warm, but he hopes it’s not visible. “twenty-four seven? you sure about that? because if you are, i can totally make it happen.” he softly laughs, trying to play it off as though it’s less of a big deal than it truly is for him. “that’s true. speaking of uni classes, sometimes i also wonder if that’s something i should be doing.”

ten always manages to make sicheng feel good about himself, and it’s one of the reasons he’s grown even more attached to him since he’s met him. “maybe i’ll do it. if you’re really sure… i guess i could at least give it a shot, right? if it doesn’t feel right, then that’s okay, but at least i’ll have tried something new.” he’s basically finished his food shortly after, only having a little left that he doesn’t entirely want, so he gently pushes his bowl away. “alright, i think i’m done.”

“i’m joking, obviously.” he says with laugh, although he knows deep down if sicheng opened an onlyfans and asked him to be his photographer he wouldn’t be able to refuse. he doesn’t think he’d be able to take pictures of sicheng naked without it having some affect on him in more ways than just making him blush. even right now he’s picturing sicheng naked, and the mental images make his stomach twist and the tips of his ears go bright red. clearing his throat he takes a sip of water. “you’d better.” 

“i love spending time with you sicheng, even when we aren’t talking or doing stuff together just being in the same room is nice.” it’s almost a vulnerable truth, because he’s thought about it so much before when he’s simply sitting browsing social media on his phone with sicheng sat beside him on the couch doing his own thing - it’s easy, comfortable, and it makes something in ten’s chest blossom warmly. “if you think going to uni would be something you’d like to do i’d say go for it. i dropped out when i got picked to be in convex, but i regret that because it was sort of my only escape from being a trainee and being surrounded by people who were all wrapped up in the same life as me. it would’ve been nice to spent time with people who were on different paths.” now that he’s back at uni he realises how much it would’ve helped him to stay in school when he was training to debut, and then when he did debut. 

“exactly. give it a try, see how you like it.” he says, then finishes his water and looks around for a waiter, giving a little wave to one when he catches their eye. “i’ll pay then we can walk home? it’s nice out this evening and the walk will help us digest all this.” he gestures to their bowls and plates just as the waiter comes over. asking for the bill ten tugs out his wallet as the waiter goes off for the card machine, then he pays when he returns, thanking the waiter for the great meal and service. “you ready?” he asks sicheng, standing up and grabbing his cardigan and bag.

[tenrk]

☼ baby ballroom

rkyunho·:

Yunho smiled bashfully at the other, a faint blush dusting the apples of his cheeks. He nodded and combed his hair back with a hand. “Of course I want you to come back! I need your money after all,” he teased lightly, nose wrinkling in amusement. It had been a while since he’d been comfortable enough to relax around someone so fully but he enjoyed the feeling of being able to give and take in the banter instead of just looking like a flustered goldfish.

If only he could be this confident around Seokwoo.

“Your wallet isn’t the only reason I want you to come back,” he said giving Ten a nudge in return, “I want you to improve too. I mean, you’re already well versed in several types of dance and have great control over your body so i think you’ll be able to pick this up quite quickly… although dancing with a partner is probably something new for you, but I know you’ll adjust quickly.” Yunho nodded encouragingly and gave him a thumbs up.

He turned to get his things before impulsively turning around, nibbling on his bottom lip. “Um… what’re you doing now? Do you wanna… go eat something? My budget is like, non-existent, so it’ll have to be kimbap or drinks and anju…” Yunho trailed off looking down at the dance floor.

“Like friends do… because I need some.”

ten never really thought he’d enjoy ballroom dance, but here he is, after a class, tired out and feeling entirely motivated to come back next week. maybe one day it’ll come in handy, maybe it won’t, but either way ten’s finding it incredibly fun, so why not continue coming regularly until he feels like he’s made enough progress to split his attention again? 

“my money, huh? typical.” he jokes back, laughing and shaking his head. ten had had that exact thing happen when he was younger - kids wanting to be his friend just because his dad was rich and ten got anything he wanted. now though, his financial situation is a little more hush-hush, so he knows there’s no truth behind yunho’s words. “not like this, i’m not. usually i’m dancing beside someone, not so close i could crush their toes.” 

yunho seems nervous as he asks ten, seemingly, to hang out. it makes ten laugh a little, smiling up at the taller man. “i’d love to. but if you want something a little more substantial than kimbap i can buy us dinner somewhere? or we can get some fried chicken and beer and sit in that nice park nearby?” ten likes treating his friends, and he feels as though he can call yunho a friend, despite not having known him for a long time. he’s easy to get along with, and ten’s eager to get to know him more outside of the dance studio. 

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

sicheng can’t help but laugh, slightly shaking his head at the idea. “i wouldn’t even know what the best shots possible would be. i could have the best camera on the market and perfect lighting, but if i don’t know how to pose or what to… you know… take pictures of, i don’t think i’d make a lot of money.” it’s amusing talking about this as if it were real, especially considering he couldn’t see himself being brave enough to do anything like this. sometimes he surprises himself with his spontaneity, so he would never truly know, but he highly doubted it would happen.

at ten’s suggestion of the teaching position, his interest is piqued and he looks up from his bowl and stares at the older for a moment. he’s quiet, trying to figure out if this is genuinely something he should consider. “hm… i can’t say i’ve never thought about it, but i don’t know. i don’t want to suffocate you, you know?” he softly grins, looking down again. “i follow you around like a puppy enough as it is, don’t you think?”

despite his words, he still can’t ignore how appealing it sounds. besides, ten is the one that brought it up in the first place. if it was an idea that he hated, he likely would’ve kept it to himself. “i’ll think about it. i think i’d like assisting you. then i wouldn’t have too much responsibility, but i could still get some experience and see if it’s something i’d eventually like to do, too. i don’t feel too confident, but i tend to learn a lot from you.” with his last sentence, he fondly smiles up at ten before going back to quickly trying to finish his food.

ten laughs along with sicheng, thinking this whole conversation a little absurd. he doesn’t really take it seriously, even though their conversation about getting piercings together went from a simple jokey conversation to a reality, something tells ten that this one about sicheng making an onlyfans is a lot less likely to come to fruition. even so, it’s fun to play along. “i could be your cameraman.” ten starts, knowing full well it sounds ridiculous. “i know how to take good pictures, especially of naked me.” he finishes in a hushed voice, pausing before he bursts into giggles that he tries to stifle with his hand over his mouth. 

but then ten frowns a little - sicheng could never be around ten too much. he loves having sicheng around, and usually misses him during the day when he’s at college or work anyway. “not enough. i want you to follow me around twenty-four seven, actually.” he replies. he’s not even sure he’s entirely joking when he says that. “what’s a couple more hours spent together in a day anyway? it’s not like that would suddenly mean we spent all day every day together, just a couple more hours every day, or every few days. if i could also bring you to my uni classes as well, i would.”

something warm blossoms in ten at sicheng’s confession that he learns a lot from ten. it makes him happy that he can help sicheng in his dancing, even if he’s not entirely certain sicheng needs the help. “think about it. i really would love to have you help me out. i’ve not really looked for any assistants before because although i’d like one, i didn’t want to just have any old person helping me out.” finishing up his food he sets down his spoon and sighs, lifting his glass of water to his lips to take a sip, letting his meal digest as he watches sicheng eat.

[tenrk]

.teen spirit

rkhyeongjun·:

ifthere’s one thing that hyeongjun is then it’s a social butterfly, he’s thedefinition of an extrovert. hyeongjun talks greatly with everyone and has morefriends than he can count, and somehow he managed to keep in contact witheverybody. there rarely ever goes a day where hyeongjun isn’t hanging out withsomebody. and today was another day of hanging out with  friend, today?today it was ten.

theother was a lot older than hyeongjun himself, but hyeongjun didn’t mind, hesomehow had lots of friends that were older than him. to him age didn’t matter muchwhen it came friends, he was willing to be friends with an elder man or a baby.hyeongjun smiled happily as he took a sip of the bubble tea he had managed toget the older to buy for him.

“ah youre so curious” hyeongjun said and let out a giggle. “well his name is sopretty, he’s called beomgyu and ah” hyeongjun pouts “i wish i had a pretty namelike his, hyeongjun is cute but it just… doesn’t flow like beomgyu… i could sayhis name all day every day” hyeongjun laughs. “he’s not a rebel… not at all…but he’s very handsome and uhhh despite being so handsome he has never actuallykissed someone before” …. “it surprised me a lot”

hyeongjun often made ten feel both younger, and about 50 years older. he’d see how much energy and ambition and hope he had, and wonder if, when he was that age, he was that bright too? there’s such a divide between them because of their age sometimes that ten wonders if this is what it’s like when adult talk to their kids. time seems to go so fast - one day you’re a teen who only cares about making friends and having fun, the next you’re an adult who’s about to go grey from the stress that comes with responsibilities and expenses. 

“beomgyu, huh?” ten says with a hum, rolling the name round in his mouth and trying to create a mental image of this boy. “it is a nice name... but hyeongjun’s nice too.” he says, lifting his hand to playfully ruffle the youngers hair. he wonders if crushes for teens feel similar to crushes for adults. he supposes they must do - he can’t really remember his crush on jaehyun or johnny every feeling too different from how he’s feeling now- not that he’s got a crush now, of course. 

“well, i don’t think that’s that surprising since you guys are babies - he’s your age, right?” tens not sure he’d be all too pleased if hyeongjun came out and said this beomgyu fella was years older than him. his protective instinct whirrs into action and he frowns a little, praying the answer is yes. “you guys are young! i know people who didn’t have their first kisses until they were twenty!” sipping his bubble tea he’d bought before they started their walk. “tell me more about him.”

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

sometimes, sicheng ends up wondering if ten regrets kissing him. why is this even what he’s focused on right now? how did his brain venture here? all he wants to do is think about his new piercings, eat something, and get home. unfortunately, he finds himself here way more often than he wishes he would. it kind of sucks, honestly, because he never wanted something so small to change anything. he didn’t want it to change how he felt around ten, and he didn’t want ten to feel differently, either. the friendship wasn’t the same if he didn’t feel the same. maybe he’s in over his head, but it’s not possible to turn back time so he had to work on adjusting instead.

every time that he senses a hint of their original playfulness, he feels better. it distracts him from the heavier thoughts, so now he just needs it to drown them out completely. that’s why he tries lingering on the lighter topics so it can shift the mood entirely. “hey, yeah, you’re right. i almost forgot all about that. maybe i should start looking into what i’ll need to do as soon as we’re home.” he speaks softly, doing his best to fight back a smile or any laughter that threatens to spill. he’s being entirely sarcastic, but he doesn’t want that to be obvious.

finally, he finds himself eating on his own accord instead of waiting for ten. maybe his appetite is making an appearance after all of this time. though, it seems to be right on schedule because ten is soon mentioning that they can hurry through dinner and head back home. he nods in agreement, taking yet another bite. he hums in response to ten’s final comment as he chews, waiting until after he’s swallowed to verbally answer him. “yeah, that sounds like a good idea. kind of boring, but for the best. i feel like i do way too much of just sitting around at home.”

the worries continue to linger in the back of tens mind, but he pushes them way and tries to simply focus on the moment, on joking around and being playful. so, ten indulges in the conversation, throwing himself into it wholeheartedly. “yeah you’ll probably need a good camera and lighting to get the best shots possible.” he says, pretending he’s completely serious. he’s nearing the bottom of his bowl, only now beginning to feel full. 

“maybe you should let me get you a teaching position at the dance studio.” he suggests. it’s something he’s mentioned in passing before, though he’s never pushed it. he doesn’t want sicheng to think he’s pushing him to get a job so he can pay rent - ten’s more than happy to financially support him for as long as he needs, mostly because he’s comfortably able to, and because he enjoys having him around so much it’s almost more for his benefit than sicheng’s. 

“i could use an assistant in some of my classes, y’know.” he says. it might be nice for sicheng to get out and do something during the day rather than spending all his time at home. ten worries he doesn’t have enough opportunities to meet people, though a part of him whispers, deep inside, that he should be grateful for that - that sicheng doesn’t have the opportunity to go out and meet other guys and fall for someone who isn’t him. 

he shakes his head a little, as if trying to knock the thought out of his brain, before shoving a large spoonful of rice and meat into his mouth, chewing almost aggressively, slightly annoyed at himself for letting him brain go there. 

[tenrk]

➞ RKHITMAKER : OPEN EVENT

                                               renegade, renegade, renegade ...

                                                           🍒

whether this guy, junse, knows who ten is or not he’s come to the right guy. create a viral tiktok dance on the spot? easy, ten thinks. he’s got a tiktok, but he doesn’t post on it, he’s been meaning to, but his youtube comes first, and the community of teenagers on tiktok sort of scares him. but, if he’s doing it for someone else, then why the hell not, right?

but, ten knows he’s a pro at freestyling, so the request only makes him grin and stretch his arms out a little. “you ready?” he asks the guy with the camera, stretching his neck from left to right. he laughs, wondering what song the guy will have him freestyling to. hopefully it’s hip hop or pop, and not something contemporary since he’s more confident that he can create a catch, easy to follow but visually pleasing freestyle dance for hip hop. 

the music starts and he vaguely recognises it. he smiles, knowing, pretty confidently, where the beats fall and the drop and shift. he starts to move to the music just a little, before he twists his hips, tapping his heels against the ground as his legs cross over his body. his hands raised up, palms facing the camera, he then snaps them in a criss cross over his chest and as one hand lifts up and out he closes a fist and snaps his head the opposite way, dropping into a half squat with his legs spread wide. his hands drop to the top of his thighs, gripping his sweats as he lens for side to side and lifts his feet to tap his heels on the ground each time he leans away from one foot. then he pops back into a standing position, and then with a hit to the side of his head on a beat he staggers out of frame with a cheeky grin. 

“there. that good?” he asks the dude, junse, smiling at him. he was pretty pleased with what he’d done, and is sort of looking forward to see how it would do on this guys tiktok. “what’s ur tiktok username, so i can see it when you post?” he asks, then opens the app to go and find his account and follow him. he doesn’t really know what to expect from it, but he hopes people like it, since he doesn’t think he’s done too badly with the freestyle. 

“i hope it gets you lots of followers, bro. can i see it?” he says with a light laugh, tucking his hands into his pants pocket and peering round at the camera screen. he watches the video back and hums with a single nod. “i hope you... tiktokers like it.” 

[nctaezen]

TEN X WINWIN choreography : lovely (billie eilish, khalid) —beyond live

[tenrk]

.poked full of holes

sichengrk·:

sicheng continues eating slowly, taking small bites here and there, though it’s kind of difficult since his appetite was never huge to begin with. first it was the excitement and nerves that stopped him from feeling hungry, and now it was…everything else. still, he knew that it was important that he tried eating and since he already ordered, he didn’t want it to go to waste. each time he’d notice that ten was putting something in his mouth, he’d follow suit.

that’s what friends do. even though it’s exactly what he expects to hear, it still causes his chest to constrict and his stomach to churn. it’s like his heart has slipped from it’s place and everything inside of him was a huge mess. why did he feel that way, though? logically and realistically, why was this the reaction to hearing something that was natural? it was true. it was always going to be true. they were friends. as a matter of fact, ten was his best friend. it’s not like he had any sort of ridiculous hidden motive behind his word choice. “yeah, true.”

even so, telling himself that didn’t entirely calm sicheng. there was still the nagging voice that challenged, ‘what if he realizes? what if he sees the way you look at him and knows what you think about? what if he is trying to put you in your place before thinks get weird and everything falls apart?’ not fun.

sicheng shifts uncomfortably in his seat, an obvious look of distress on his face. if ten noticed, he’d just blame it on the physical pain. luckily, ten is soon adding a comment of his own that helps sicheng transition into a lighter mood, a gentle smile returning. “you definitely did. maybe even more than i did… maybe.” he feels the need to joke and tease, because it’s what he would normally do. it’s like he was an actor and his current character was himself but from two months ago.

“yeah, exactly. not to be a big baby or anything, but this is kind of killing me right now.”

there’s a tension surrounding them still, and ten can’t tell whether it’s from his mixed feelings towards sicheng and the kiss, and sicheng can’t feel it, or whether it’s both of them, and sicheng feels awkward with ten after the kiss. it’s bothering him a little since he’s not sure how to fix it, and he can’t bear the thought of that stupid kiss ruining things between them. hopefully, as time goes on it’ll be forgotten, and then can move on. ten just wants things to go back to normal, at least until he figures out what he’s feeling. 

the joking back and forth makes him feel a bit better, though. it feels a tad strained, but then that could just be him looking too much into things. he needs to stop thinking so much. this whole kiss thing had sent him reeling, his whole idea of their friendship being thrown up in the air. but, there’s nothing he can do other than try and act like nothing’s changed. so, he laughs and hums, lifting another spoonful of food to his lips. 

“now you can start that onlyfans.” ten says, his voice lowered a little so people around them don’t hear. he laughs a little, keeping his thoughts very base level, since he can’t help but overthink everything said. if he thinks too much about that suggestion he’ll start feeling weird again, and he doesn’t want that. 

“we can hurry through dinner and head home, okay?” his brow furrows a little in concern, feeling a little bad that sicheng’s in so much discomfort that he can’t seem the enjoy the meal. maybe tomorrow will be a home-cooked meal night, ten thinks. it’s been a while since he’s made a proper meal for them from scratch. “for the next few days you can just stay in and let them heal.”