love loses

early 20s, they/she, aroace this is where i go to document the highs and lows of aromanticism and asexuality ✌️:p

[queerveganarchist]

i don't think i'm actually as scared of relationships as i thought? what i fear is amatonormativity, but not dating in general. like of course there's still the cptsd stuff, but apart from that, thinking about being in a non-restrictive qpr that's built around the experiences of those involved and not social norms or rules is such a pleasant thought. imagining myself in a traditional relationship makes me feel trapped and stressed and overall terrible. meanwhile being in an emotionally/physically intimate relationship that supports and acknowledges my atypical attraction is a genuinely joyous thing to think about. this is certainly one of the discoveries ever. split up and discuss amongst yourselves while i ponder

[queerveganarchist]

[thalassoaromantic]

isn't impossible easier to accept than possible but improbable

[benzohoarder]

[figural]

#google translate does not capture the tone switch so i have to say. first two sentences are like. normal maybe kind of feminine posting tone #& the last is like. shounen manga protagonist. action movie hero. jojo's bizarre adventure character. #the tone you would use if you were holding a gun with the safety off (– @chadlesbianjasontodd)

[saveyourhelplessspite]

its like [puts down mug] its like aromanticism is the lens for everything else i experience, theres no sexual attraction without the presence of my aromanticism, even if the absence of romance shifts that to the left just a little bit, it warps and bends the way i interact with concepts of aestheticism and platoncism too, shifts the way i walk through this world, the greens and golds and blues and browns are a part of me as much as my very bones are, ya know, its an absence that wreaks havoc upon every other aspect of myself in the best, and sometimes worst, ways possible— but hey just call me aro, we dont gotta worry about all the intricacies of the way that the weight of it all is heavier some days more than others

[dajo42]

does anyone else remember when peoples talking point against asexuality being a queer identity was to make up a cisgender heterosexual but aromantic man who wanted to get in to all the lgbt society meetings or was that just an embarrassing thing people i knew did

[dajo42]

the question was always "do you really think that guy should be allowed in" and it was like.... first off you made him up to get mad at for some reason. second off yeah he can come in if he wants. hes aromantic of course he can. other stuff doesnt matter to me. what are you a cop. why are you policing peoples identities so hard

[janokenmun]

[aro-culture-is]

aro culture is being legitimately afraid when you know someone has a crush on you

.

[thalassoaromantic]

i'm at the level of aroace that my brain responds to the concept of someone having a crush on me with "do you have a license for that"

[knifearo]

are people under the impression that aromantic people never want to have close personal relationships with the people in their lives. "oh i wish i was aro it would save me all this drama!" actually human relationships are always deep and complicated and messy and have the potential to hurt and help and change your life and being romantic is just one possible aspect of that. aromantic people want to be close to the people around them just like anyone else. and i know the real issue is that people think romantic relationships are the only way to be truly close to someone else but it's weird and off-putting to constantly hear the implication that aros are somehow fundamentally incapable of forming relationships that would impact their lives negatively cause they don't wanna go on dates with people. not even mentioning the aros who do

[forcewound]

stop getting married are you stupid

[i-suggest-aro]

ok it's time to get controversial and brave again. i genuinely believe that tropes like characters getting set up on dates by their friends without their knowledge, fake dating where one party is hesitant or outright opposed but eventually catches feelings, the same except it's "friends with benefits to lovers" etc. should be considered (and labelled as) a form of dubious consent. completely okay to explore in fiction, HIGHLY questionable and often morally fucked to try and do in real life. "character a thinks they don't like character b but after being forced to spend time with them they catch feelings" should be considered on the same level of dubious consent as "character a thinks they don't want to have sex with character b but after getting coerced into it, they end up enjoying it". something that should ONLY happen in the realm of fiction, and when possible, should be EXPLICITLY LABELLED AS DUBIOUS CONSENT.

i get why sexual consent is always on the forefront of people's minds, i get that on some levels it IS more serious than romantic consent (i.e. having something physically done to you as opposed to being forced into something socially), but it honestly pisses me off that romantic harassment and coercion is treated as a cute trope and not like. a serious topic that, if explored in fiction, needs to be tagged properly. i'm tired of reading fics with what, to me, very clearly reads as dubcon or even non-con romance, and then not having the author tag it as that at all, acting like it's a light and fun topic and not something that can leave a person in real life with life long trauma.

[deadinthename]

Sigh

[asexualfitzroy]

The aromantic agenda is a good one.

Go and think about what kinds of relationships you want. Don't think about labels like romantic or platonic or sexual, think purely about what relationships would make you happiest.

When I realized I was aromantic, I was asked things like "Would you still date? Would you have a QPR? Will you ever kiss?"

But the aromantic community didn't ask that. Instead, they focused on "What do you want in a world where anything is possible?"

And I realized I want to be alone, surrounded by friends and family I love who are close enough, I can bring them fresh baked scones when I overbake.

They asked me "What do you want?" and the question was so broad, I could weigh labels in my hand like queerplatonic partner and nonpartnering and significant other. I could look at these and shrug and say, "What I want is to not worry about questions I don't care about." I could shelve these indefinitely. Maybe even forever. And just enjoy being myself.

The aromantic community celebrates exploration. Tells people asking if they are aromantic, "This is a personal decision. Your personal decision. If this label helps you, take it. If this community helps you, stay as long as you need. You don't have to be labelled anything, aromantic or otherwise, unless it would bring you comfort. You don't have to be anything you aren't."

It's a good community with good philosophies born from a unique experience, not rooted in missing out, but in being forced to consider what you want when you don't want what's expected.

[theaspecyear]

People need to understand that the point ISN’T “being single is not a failure if you’re aromantic”, the point is being single is not a failure full stop.

You can be allo and be single; it’s allowed. You feeling attraction doesn’t mean your priority NEEDS to be finding romance (it can be! But it also can not).

Being single should be normalized no matter what your romantic/sexual orientation is. It isn’t a tragedy.

[thalassoaromantic]

do i feel like posting another really emo poem about being aspec

[quietwingsinthesky]

aromantic characters who treat being told ‘i love you’ like it’s a threat, my beloved

[quietwingsinthesky]

aromantic characters who realize someone they’re close to is developing romantic feelings for them and expects them to return those feelings and go into fight or flight mode, my beloved

[quietwingsinthesky]

aromantic characters who feel romance closing on them like a bear trap and would rather chew off their own leg than be caught in it, my beloved

[unheavenliercreatures]

aromantic not in the "doesn't want or experience anything similar to the feeling of romantic love" way, but in the "romantic love isn't real, it's just a label we put on a type of love associated with a socially constructed category of relationship that brings with it a specific (arbitrary, largely established by heteronormativity & misogyny) set of expectations" way

aromantic in the "i may or may not actually want any or all of the things tied up with romance (eg. sex, kissing, marriage, sleeping in the same bed, living together, possibly kids, going on dates, specific types of intimate conversations, etc.), but there is no reason they must all be with the same person--that is, outside of the aforementioned arbitrary categorization of the relationship" way

aromantic in the "I could have someone I live with and/or raise a kid with, but there's no reason i have to have sex with and/or kiss that person, I could have someone I have sex with and kiss and go on dates with and never want to do anything else re doing life with that person, I could want to marry someone for the sake of making financial and legal decisions with them but live in separate homes, never touch each other physically, and have our time spent together be functionally no different from just plain casual friends, I could have all of these relationships at the same time and never overlap them, etc." way

aromantic in the "I think approaching a relationship with someone under the understanding that it will either be "person i care about but never engage in physical affection with or make big life decisions with" or "person i do everything with, no nuance" without any inbetween is limiting, harmful, and sets the expectations for how that relationship will go as MUCH higher than is necessary" way

[moe-broey]

Being aromantic romance repulsed AND demisexual is one hell of a FUCK YOUR ENTIRE LIFE three hit wombo combo. I can't even be aro/allo about the sexual interest and desire, noooo, I gotta have a stupid fucking warrior's bond about it.

Sex itself is an action you can take, is clearly discernable as such. It is an action and behavior. Romance is more amorphous in that it can be an action as a social ritual according to societal expectations, but there's also a Prescriptive Factor. "Romance" is assigned to various behaviors, emotional states of being, and subsets of human connection Regardless Of if there is any actual romantic intent or interest behind it. Package deal buy one get one free with all of the expectations that follow.

Do you see the issue here. Do you see where I, someone with the romance repulsion SO fucking bad it makes me wanna tear off my own skin, am so severely fucked over here. With a side of has to like someone a lot and trust them completely to even have A CHANCE at attraction. It's not impossible, but god fucking Damn is it. Something. Said with an all consuming anguish and agony in the deepest pits of hell's bathroom where I'm in a reverse bear trap Saw style