Scary Dog Privilege Flambert but instead of Flambae being the scary dog it’s Robert
Mark my words, at some point in my Hands On series I’m going to write a fic where some asshole won’t quit bothering Flambae at the bar, and just as he’s about to haul off and singe the dude, his Committed Situationship Robert Robertson the Fucking Third flies past him in a blur and just absolutely beats the brakes off this asshole
And it’s gonna be so good, I swear to god. They get kicked out of the bar and Flambae takes a bruised but victorious Robert home and they get two steps in before he’s on him, practically panting, ‘That was so fucking sexy, defending my honor and shit’
And then he goes to kiss him but Robert stops him like, “Wait, let me brush my teeth first. I don’t want that guy’s blood in your mouth.”
And what he means is that he’s worried about cleanliness/possible bloodborne disease, but what Flambae hears is ‘I won't let any part of that man touch any part of you’ and it just makes him even more desperate to ride this man into a pile of ash
They do take a minute so Robert can brush his teeth, but Flambae lurks right behind him the whole time, staring at his reflection in the mirror with glowing eyes
"O pitiful shadow lost in the darkness, O evil spirit born of those drifting between Heaven and Earth. May the thunderous power from the garments of these holy delicate maidens strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger, shattering your loathsome impurity and returning you from whence you came! REPENT, MOTHERFUCKER!"
"Submissive, pathetic, and breedable. sopping wet cat :((((("
"I want to see what happens when his water breaks."
"The most breedable man of the decade, his nervous stutters, flustered whimpers, he's inspired a new wave of doms who want to see him cry."
"my friend likes him."
"Nothing like putting a whimpering/moaning/stuttering boy in a Situation. Waterboy lives to be passed around the Z-Team and you just know they’d all spoil the shit out of him. Perfect trad wife energy, but trad… janitor?"
[Lestat]
"he had a go at having a kid and fucked up BAD but i need him to be pregnant for real this time. he already behaves like a hormonal diva all the time he'd be sooooo annoying about it. don't get me wrong he'd still be an awful parent and probably give the kid whatever the vampire equivalent of FAS is but he wants an offspring sooo bad let him be a prissy controlling cigarette mom. again."
"Baby trapping Louis is the entire plot of the first book, I think it would be funny if that just became his MO."
I just KNOW being a mama would give Herm So Much more confidence. He would also get the best support from his team. (One or more of them is the father of that child so they better.)
He’s already terrifying when he actually crashes out. Just imagine what he’ll do zooted out on pregnancy hormones? The water damage alone!
already feel like deleting this LMAOOO ive never posted anything like this and it feels so weird and new but flambert took over me 💔 hoping to whoevers up there that ppl i know irl wont find this hsgsheb
It’s a minor nitpick, but it boggles my mind that so many people go for Robin as a female form of Roberts name…when ROBERTA exists. There is already a feminized version of the name.
And I Fully Believe that Robbie “Astral” Robertson would rather name his daughter RobertA Robertson. Because he’s THAT stuck on tradition.
Also, it gives people the ability to have her mistaken for a dude named Robert A Robertson. As if the A is just the initial of her middle name. HELL! Robbie could have had it written down AS Robert.A Robertson on her birth certificate. You know, like one of those weird types of white people. It’s just Pronounced ROBERTA but her name is literally Robert A.
Meaning she could still be technically called Robert Robertson III and her twinkish figure makes it easy to pretend to be a man and use the name Mecha Man.
GIVE FEMBERT THE HARUHI FUJIOKA TREATMENT!!! GENDER JUST ISN’T A THING FOR HER. SHE COULD CARE LESS IF YOU THINK SHES A MAN OR A WOMAN.
lol, I hadn’t thought at ALL that this post could be mistaken for being about anything else. That’s hilarious. I think I’ve only watched, like, 2 episodes of Lazytown. Collectively.
It’s a minor nitpick, but it boggles my mind that so many people go for Robin as a female form of Roberts name…when ROBERTA exists. There is already a feminized version of the name.
And I Fully Believe that Robbie “Astral” Robertson would rather name his daughter RobertA Robertson. Because he’s THAT stuck on tradition.
Also, it gives people the ability to have her mistaken for a dude named Robert A Robertson. As if the A is just the initial of her middle name. HELL! Robbie could have had it written down AS Robert.A Robertson on her birth certificate. You know, like one of those weird types of white people. It’s just Pronounced ROBERTA but her name is literally Robert A.
Meaning she could still be technically called Robert Robertson III and her twinkish figure makes it easy to pretend to be a man and use the name Mecha Man.
GIVE FEMBERT THE HARUHI FUJIOKA TREATMENT!!! GENDER JUST ISN’T A THING FOR HER. SHE COULD CARE LESS IF YOU THINK SHES A MAN OR A WOMAN.
I LOOOVE this idea of the z-team kind of, maybe a little bit, taking advantage of Robert’s affection for them and it kind of biting them in the ass, as in Robert needing to walk away from his desk and take a break somewhere and them kind of collectively spiraling thinking they’ve driven him off.
Like, it’s the z-team. The program is for all intents and purposes, probation. They’re still adjusting, they’re not gonna be perfect in a day. Add in that Robert is Definitely the first dispatcher to like.. give a shit about then in any long term capacity, so there’s some struggles.
They push, they poke, they irritate, but they love Robert and Robert loves them.. right? But ooh, one day it’s like everyone’s taken one massive step back and they’re All pushing.
Visi’s snappy, Flambae and Prism are tag-team antagonists, Sonar is side-tracked and irritating and pushing all kind of buttons. Mal is probably trying her best but is probably getting side tracked alongside Sonar. Punch Up and Coupé, while not actively contributing to the chaos, aren’t helping either. Golem isn’t really doing much one way or the other, more chiming in than anything else. Waterboy is probably trying to defuse, which only adds to it.
It’s just- Noise, yelling, bickering, stuttering and the accompanied mocking, people being shitty and snide for the sake of it; people just pushing more than they should. They’re snapping at Robert and each other, it’s a mess.
And finally, Robert. The man is all kinds of worn out; he’s at the end of his rope, he’s probably sleep deprived and hasn’t eaten yet today, his back hurts, his head is probably throbbing and just-
“FUCK! You know what, yeah! you’re right! You’re all so fucking right- I don’t know shit! So you know what, Do it yourselves. I’m fucking done with this shit-“
There’s a harsh clatter in their ears and the mic goes static, like Robert didn’t even take the time to turn off the headset- just pulled it off and dropped it onto his desk. There’s a faint shout- probably Chase yelling after Robert from the neighboring cubicle, before nothing else.
The team call is silent now, everyone kind of shellshocked.
Everyone kind of rushes to his cubicle, finishing their missions with insane efficiency, all paranoid the entire time. They rush to his space to see if he’s there and just giving them all the silent treatment- not that it wouldn’t be deserved, but at least they’d know he was still physically there. But he’s not.
His stuff is still there, he hasn’t packed up and left. the sticky notes, reminders, and thumb-tacked photos still in the space, Beef’s things still laying around and present. Hell, Robert’s untouched coffee from that morning is there still- sat in his usual ceramic mug. But Robert isn’t there. Chase isn’t there either, which only really adds to the Z-Team’s collectively increasing anxiety and blood pressures.
I don’t really know how to end this but I like to imagine the ZTeam spiraling for juuust a bit, freaking out that they’ve driven off one of the only people to give a damn about them. They love him, he loves them, but they all have such bad habits and there driven Robert off now— only to find that Robert was so overwhelmed and frustrated that he’s taking a decompression nap in the Mech. The suit is closed around him (I personally HC that the cushioning in the All New, Royd improved suit is adjustable, so that Robert is pretty much curl up and Nap if need / want be.) and he’s shut himself inside for the time being.
I love the image of the z-team, after finding Robert and feeling bad for the whole thing, basically set up camp in Royd’s workshop while they wait for Robert to wake up / while they wait for Robert to want to talk to them again. Extra bonus is most / all fall asleep in little stress comas while they’re waiting for Robert and he wakes up, finds them, has a little shaky breath, and joins the snuggle puddle with his team. His people.
Finally. I still haven’t fully scrapped my first design with Robert’s full body but to be honest portraits are my bread and butter - it is just what I’m best at so I worked on a composition where I could convey what I wanted that would also play to my strengths (faces and hands).
The meaning of the imagery is as follows :
Mech Suit - I wanted it to be looming in the background symbolizing the way it took over Robert’s whole life - constellations behind the suit stand for fate (what is written in the stars) recalling the conversation Robert has with Visi in the playground.
Flowers - the flowers are Delphinium or larkspur - I chose blue ones because Mecha Man Blue of course. The blue ones specifically stand for dignity. The meaning in general of the flower overall is an openness to new experiences and deep emotional bonds - things that I believe Robert felt he had to give up in order to become Mecha Man. These flowers are highly toxic - the way that I believe the persona of Mecha Man had become toxic to Robert as well. This is why I have them covering his eyes ( the window to your soul) since he has let Mecha Man be the forefront of his personality for most of his life and seems to think that his real self is the mask.
The 5 diamonds - in Tarot the diamond suit is pentacles so this can be read as the five of pentacles which can stand for financial, and health related hardships. It can also represent the need to seek support and help during a period of insecurity or due to feelings of abandonment.
Those are Flambae’s hands reaching out toward Robert of course because I am die hard Flambert and clearly he is the only one who can bring true love and warmth into this sad man’s life. I also chose to make the lines on Robert’s face be scars since I think that makes sense and I had to decide what to do since I was making this more realistic.
Overall I am incredibly proud of this one and sooooo happy with his hair! That’s the one thing I normally hate at the end of all my paintings but I tried something different this time and I think it worked out great! Oh and the Mech - holy shit I didn’t think I could draw the Mech helmet but I actually fuckin love the way it came out!
Anyway, thank you for looking at my art and reading my ramble.
Prompt/story concept inspired by @sunnyfrenchfries and @i-used-to-wear-the-fedora posting about Eldrich Robert and the pregnant Robert posts by @quitealotofsodapop
Thank you for having such big brains lol.
Warning:
This is mostly an excuse to talk about smut. Robert deserves to be the center of attention in a gangebang.
Setup:
Post-canon. Everyone knows Robert isn’t human. Including the rest of the Torrance branch of SDN.
Z team has worked through their issues with Visi.
Sonar was cut but didn’t go working with Shroud because Robert figured out a way for him to stay out of prison. (Maybe he somehow got Vanderstank to sponsor Sonar and the Phoenix Program as a PR move. Leading to more funding for the Phoenix Program. Sonar now has to wear Vanderstank branded suits)
Waterboy was chosen for the team but Phenomaman joined up after Sonar was allowed back. Just to even out the team.
Only Z team is the Polycule (sorry Blazer, maybe next time). Except for Golem (because he’s a construct. No blood. Sorry buddy.)
Chase is torn between being happy Robert has so many people that love him and want him safe but also “did it have to be those chucklefucks?”
Beef gets all the pets and loving but also put on a diet because “Robert, you can’t overfeed your dog just because you don’t think you’ll live through the night”.
Actually prompt/concept/ficlet/thing:
Robert finally feels comfortable enough to want to settle down. He’s wanted kids for years but never had time or energy to devote to having them. He can absolutely just self-reproduce but he wants the child to have a part from all his lovers.
So one day after work he sits his partners down and tells them point blank that he wants a child.
The ladies have worries on how that would affect their time as hero’s, since none of them could feasibly take the time off when their freedom is on the line.
Robert is kind of confused. After all, he said HE wants a child, so HE will be the one to carry it.
“Why would I ask one of you guys to do it? It only makes sense for me to be the one to carry it. I’m the one with a desk job.”
Cue “shocked pikachu” faces all around.
“So does that mean we’d have a baby blobert on our hands?” That was Sonar. Because of course it was.
“We are NOT naming the kid ‘Robert’ in any variation. That family tradition dies with me.” Pause. “But yes, it will take time for the baby to solidify into a human-ish form. It took about a year before I could maintain a mostly human body.”
“Wait, so we’re doing this? For sure? You get dicked down and then pop out a goo baby?”
“I want it to be related to all of you so it’ll be more than just me getting ‘dicked down’, Visi.” Hesitation. “And that requires all of you to want this too. If it’s not unanimous, then we won’t do it.”
“I would be greatly honored to impregnate you Third Robert Robertson.”
“Ok, hold on. How exactly would ‘We’ be able to contribute, babe? We don’t exactly have the right equipment for it.”
“…it’s less complicated on your end than mine. I’ll take care of the hard part. You all just get to enjoy yourselves.”
After a short explanation on how best to go about it, the whole team agrees to try. Plans are made. And a date for an orgy is set, though, it’s more like a gangbang.
The whole thing will be marathon sex for Robert, each partner taking a turn at him, and him ingesting some blood from them one way or another.
Now, orgies aren’t a rare occurrence for the team. They all love Robert and many of them have fun with each other too.
The only one that never participates in the sex part of full team ogies is Flambae. He literally just can’t get it up when women are involved. He’s just that gay. Ones with just the guys? Sure. Rare as those are. They do happen.
He Does get involved though. As a caretaker. Making sure people are taking breaks, drinking water, or eating small snacks of fresh cut fruit. It’s a time he gets to be Gentle. It’s almost meditative for him to be the calm in the chaos.
This orgy will Not be one of those times. Because he has to focus on his Other job before taking his turn last.
Getting Waterboy into the right mindset. This time, getting him out of his own head and so deep in the “studing” mindset that he can only focus on “breeding” Robert.
Flam is the only one that can consistently put Waterboy into the mindset of thinking only of sex and pleasing his partner. With Prism as a close second. Otherwise Herm guts hung up on if he’s even doing it right.
This is also why sometimes Waterboy joins Flambae as a caretaker. Wiping people down and cooling them off with his powers.
(Can you tell WaterBae is kind of a secondary ship for me? Same with SparklingWater. I love them. But also, the secondary relationships, outside of Robert being the nucleus, within the polycule are fascinating to me.)
So the rest of the team has to handle themselves without WaterBae there to take care of them. Not getting too hot’n heavy with each other. Keeping track of their own energy and water consumption. Helping each other either stay aroused until their turn or helping with the comedown of railing Robert into the California King they all pitched into to buy him.
They take their turns. The girls with their favorite straps and the guys going raw just in case it helps. Phenomaman thankfully, while not compatible with human women, IS compatible with Robert’s more malleable inhuman nature.
Then they leave the room for Waterboy and Flambae. Taking the time to eat the food and drinks Flam prepared beforehand.
Waterboy is so lost on the sauce he’s nonverbal. Just a living fucking machine keeping Robert locked in a mating press until he’s sure it “takes”. Not even minding the deep bite on the meat of his shoulder.
This just leave Flambae with a very worn out Robert. But that’s ok, because that means Flam gets to be gentle here too. Taking his time . Maneuvering Robert to lean back in his lap. Guiding him into just taking a nice slow fuck that’s more a careful rocking than the fast paced ruttings and poundings he just finished enduring. Crooning sweet, dirty, things into a chipped ear.
Basking in being Allowed this, even with their history. That Robert is so trusting even after how badly he reacted to the Mecha Man reveal. That he Understood how betrayed Flambae felt. And now Flam has the whole team. Soon they will have a child.
All thanks to Robert…
He still makes dumb “saved the best for last” jokes after Robert’s done chomping on his arm.
(I really took the “I can be gentle” line to heart. That line delivery was amazing. Like he’s just chomping at the bit to be gentle with someone. This man wants to let down his barriers so much. Let him be soft! Let him be doting! He deserves to not have his heckles raised all the time!)
The whole point of it being an orgy is because their blood has to be flooded with mating pheromones. It’s all part of the ritual blood sacrifice necessary to get Robert’s body to accept his partners as parents for the baby.
Highlights after pregnancy confirmation:
Robert gets cravings. But like, very inhuman cravings. Things like bones with the marrow still in, poisonous mushrooms, and a drink that’s only available in Hell.
He doesn’t really show he’s pregnant though. After all, he’s settled into his human shape. There isn’t a reason to let it change just because he’s pregnant. (So he basically has a cryptic pregnancy)
He’s actually got more energy because he’s taking better care of himself and has his whole team taking care of him.
The whole of SND Torrance starts using utinsles to pull meat off the bones in their lunches and leaving them in a box in the fridge for Robert. Everyone will contribute to keeping the pregnant eldritch horror happy. This is Chases idea. He remembers all the horror stories from Vitality about when Mrs. Robertson was pregnant.
Eventually the little blob is born rather casually during a shift.
“Hey Chase, can you take over for a bit. I have to go for a minute.”
“Fine. But don’t you leave me in charge of these fuckfaces for too long or you might come back to no team. Because I’ll have fired the lousy sombitches”
“Thank Chase. Alright, you guys behaved. I’ll be back in a few”
*40 minutes later*
“Ok, I’m back. Sorry that took a while”
“Did you fucking fall in?! How long does it take to take a sh- is that your granpappy’s thermos?”
“Yup. Hey team! Goo baby has successfully been born! You can all see them at lunch break!”
“YOU HAVE YOUR FUCKING BABY IN THAT THING?!?!”
“What? Dad used to take me to work with him like this too. Didn’t you think it was weird he never drank anything from it?”
“WHAT THE FUCK?!?! YOU WERE IN THAT THING ON HIS DESK?! HE TOOK IT TO PRESS CONFERENCES!!”
Goo baby is in this just without the vacuum seal lid:
(Was all this an excuse to have thermos goo baby?
Perhaps.
I also kind of know what their kid would eventually look like after settling on a human form)
Screenshot redraw 🩷🩷🩷 beef learning new things🩷☺️✨
Alternate title: how sonar lost beef privileges for over a month
I know he would try to pull some bullshit shit like this guys don’t even fight with me
I drew this on my phone with a pen stylus and you can very much tell
I absolutely adore screenshot redraws they make me laugh so hard
