if an archaeologist says an artifact was probably forΒ βritual purposesβ it meansΒ βi have no fuckin clueβ
but if they say it was forΒ βfertility ritualsβ they meanΒ βi know exactly what it was for but i dont want to sayΒ βancient dildoββ
Back in the day I worked at a certain very famous and very high caste art museum in the US as a junior curator. Part of my job was to catalog the objects in the museum database. This includes details like provenance, measurements, and a visual description of what the object looked like.
Like I said, the museum was a pretty snotty institution. Itβs got a LOT of objects itβs way famous for possessing, but nobody knew about the absolutely massive collection of Moche erotic pottery it had because the curators were totally embarrassed by this stuff.
Some examples:
Pretty hot shit, right? They never, ever put any of this stuff on public view or published it in any catalogues but - we legit had like several hundred pieces of Moche ceramics in theΒ βdirty potsβ category. Anyway, I was left alone to just do my job with regard to the database for several years, ok? And I figured, well, theseβre accessioned objects in the museumβs collection - better get down to bidness.Β
I catalogued every goddamn bestiality, necrophiliac, cocksucking, buttfucking, detached penis, and giant vulva drinking cup in that collection. Iβd be like,Β
A drinking vessel in form of a standing man wearing a tunic and cap. He holds an oversized erection in his hands and stares into the distance (note I did not say βlike heβs hella-constipatedβ). The vessel has a hole at both the tip of the penis as well as around the rim of the figureβs head, thus forcing the drinker to drink only from the penis or risk spilling wine all over themselves from the top of the vessel. Red and orange slip covers the surface of the piece.
Pretty straightforward, right? Apparently the deep seated fear of these objects that the curators exhibited was meant to spread to me as well, but - no one ever gave me that memo, because I guess Midwesterners reproduce asexually. When the curators understood that I had catalogued all of these objects in addition to the other, non-sexy pieces in the collection, they were apparently livid, but knew they had no legs to stand on in terms of getting pissed at me for it.Β
I visited the museumβs online public access database a few years back and - every single description I wrote of these pieces has been totally neutered to say something like Male figural vase.Β
Long story short? Just call a dildo a fucking dildo. Itβs all gonna be ok, I swear.
This is absolutely the MOST unusual reblog I have ever tagged with what is probably my second-favorite tag, βtalk to me about your work.β
Plus itβs hilarious.
I love ancient art history !!!!!
@lowercasetrashwriter
Museums should have sections dedicated to artifacts like these with a warning that says βThereβs a lot of private parts in here but weβre dedicated to displaying history so we wonβt censor these. Enter at your own riskβ or something. Itβs prudish to deliberately hide history because of some ding dongs.
Fucking Puritanism.
Unpopular opinion: Sex exists. Making body parts taboo is both psychologically bad for us and kinda stupid.
