Hey! We're the Astrophel System. You can call us Astro, Astrophel, or just simply Ash. You can address alters individually if you like and if it is relevant. We collectively use They/Them pronouns, though you can use a specific alters pronouns if you're talking about them.
We are 20 years old, we live in Australia, and we are in the process of getting assessed for Dissociative Identity Disorder. We have been in the mental health system for around I believe 6 (edit: now 7!!) years, however we have been pursuing answers specifically for our dissociative symptoms for the past 4 (now 5).
This blog is a safe space for different parts in our system to post funny things, rant, and ramble about different aspects of this disorder. We use a mix of lived experience, as well as scientific research we are continuously gathering.
We unapologetically talk about our identity and our life.
However we are not professionals, and may be wrong about things. If you believe we are misinformed, please let us know and share your knowledge. We are open to constructive criticism and feedback, but we do not tolerate hate.
We have no set DNI however we will block if we're uncomfortable in any way. We are not a NSFW blog, but we occasionally talk about adult related topics, all tagged appropriately.
The only thing we are very strong about is endos and pro endos, do not interact with us. We are strongly anti endo, and they have no space on our blog.
Those who are "neutral" or have a complex opinion on endos, you are welcome to stay as long as you are being respectful. Remember we will freely block anyone we are uncomfortable with.
That being said, we are anti harassment. We do not harass endos or their supporters, and anyone who does so, we will block you.
If endos comment or reblog or send asks, they have opened the floor to get respectfully and educationally destroyed.
If you would like to know our opinion or something, or just want to ask a question, our inbox is open and anon is on. This will not change unless we believe it is harmful to our health. We sometimes take a while to answer asks, but if you are concerned the ask has been eaten, you can always ask.
Get to know people you may see post on this account (Updated):
- Virgil, He/They, 20, Host, I front like pretty much 90% of the time these days, so its most likely me. I like to talk about DID both casually and with more research behind it. I am also religious (Hellenic Polytheist), however I always tag any posts relating to it with "#virgil talks religion" and "#tw religion". I also talk about my amazing partner a lot.
- Rose, She/They, 20, Undisclosed, if anything, its vents or rants or just screaming into the void.
We may add more, and there may be a few names that you'll see in past posts that won't show up again. We don't really post much anymore as we have a lot happening in our life (work, chronically ill partner, our own mental health shit, etc). But thanks for stopping by!
it’s so embarrassing that our headcount keeps going up and up and up and it’s a bunch of fragments
and my partner & bsf can see most of them
but it’s like.
embarrassing bc they’re frags and barley front socially (like only when we’re practically alone or don’t come all the way to the surface etc etc)
and makes me feel like faking
especially when get such a strong feeling of a introject for like a day and then for weeks after there’s 0 connection there. so then i just want to delete it all. but ik that’s probably not ok bc what if they just went away for a bit i can’t just delete all their info. idk.
ik there’s systems w 1000s of headmates but. we started off w about 30 and it stayed there for awhile but now we’re reaching 70. it doubled within a year of discovering.
if you feel like youve introjected an alter for a day, and then feel no connection for weeks after, you probably havent introjected a new alter.
you cant just assume every single time you feel off or different or have identity issues, its a new alter. same thing with introjects. it is NORMAL to like a character and adopt some of their personality or mannerisms for a bit. introjection is a normal human behaviour that happens even in systems.
to actually track legitimate alters, it takes a lot longer than just a day. you need to see proof and consistency. because!!! this disorder is all about identity confusion and dissociation. you are going to dissociate without always switching. you are going to be confused about who you are and what you like, without it being another, or a new alter.
do not get too caught up in the online community. they are typically the first to encourage this frame of mind. its going to do a lot more harm than good for you, because eventually you're not going to know who is a genuine alter and who was just confusion or normal introjection. please actually take the time to track and be patient with yourself. it is not easy doing all of this alone. do not fall into the trap that just because you feel that way for an hour or a day, that it is a new alter or a new fragment.
Hi, my name is Malakai, I am almost 20 years old and I have Myalgic Encephalomy… Malakai Rataj needs your support for Help Afford Overseas T
Hi all,
I know we post very little, and I don't fully know the etiquette of posting gofundme's on here, but I thought I'd try.
My partner has ME/CFS and has had it for like 6 years. He was diagnosed 2 years ago now and pretty much every treatment suggestion has done absolutely nothing.
If you dont know, ME/CFS is a debilitating condition that not only comes with chronic fatigue but insomnia, muscle weakness, light and sound sensitivity, orthostatic intolerance, brain fog, and much more. He cannot do a lot for himself and relies on multiple naps and hours of rest just to get through a day.
I want him to have a life. I want him to be happy and to be able to see our friends. I want him to be able to create artwork and crochet and even just watch movies without needing to rest afterwards.
There is a company in Cyprus called Neomed Institute, which has been the first company that has offered genuine hope, with complex and effective treatment you can't easily access here in Australia.
We started a gofundme to help his family pay for the very expensive treatment. We don't know how successful we'll be but genuinely every little donation counts. If all you can do is share, please know that even that is appreciated.
I want him to be happy and to have a life and not rot away while this condition slowly takes all the energy he has.
Please don't feel obligated to donate, I know the world is horrible right now, but if you can, please anything helps.
We have a goal of $5,000 Australian dollars, which is only a fraction of the cost regarding treatment, let alone flights and accommodation. We thought we'd start low and raise the goal if we magically got there soon. The treatment is in October, so maybe there is a chance.
Genuinely from the bottom of my heart, thank you for giving him a chance at recovery and a fulfilling life.
im scared that if we're tested for DID, it'll turn out we don't have it. we're pretty sure we have it, but what if it turns out we dont? we wouldnt be able to cope. this system is the reason we are alive today. and we wouldnt wanna be an endo (for obvious reasons, we hate them) but just.. what if? what if we have been faking this whole time? is stresses us out honestly
So actually, not having DID is a good thing. I hear you however, you want answers. You want an answer that validates your pain and explains your experiences.
What you should want is to find the answer. Have someone look at you and work with you to figure things out. And if the answer isn't DID, fantastic. I hope you can get an answer that you and your health team feel encapsulates your experiences and provides you with a plan of recovery.
There is no "what if im an endo" that just isn't how that works. You not having DID doesn't mean you then "have DID without trauma". That's not how that works. I'd suggest continue to search for someone who can help you find answers, not just a particular diagnosis. I'd also suggest talking to your therapist about where that fear of invalidation comes from and how to work with that.
i logged back onto quotev. which is pretty indicative of my mental health rn. only to find the only person i still talked to is gone. i couldnt find their account and so much has changed. also i found out at least 2 of the people i used to be somewhat friends with are here on tumblr. but i wont reach out because i actually hate myself and what my life is.
basically i wanted to scream into the void over on q but now there is no point bc i couldnt find them. idek what theyre going by now. idek what they used to go by. im a terrible friend.
i hate life actually. i think my traumas fake. if it was real idek what id do. other people have it so much worse and i feel like im just making a mockery of trauma. our partner is going through so much and is unveiling so much trauma.
i feel so sick. i dont even know who i am or what my name is. if i even have one. its really late and i cant sleep and i just am so dissociated and i dont know what to do with myself or my life. we dont post here much tbh its just so hard and feels so unhealthy. life is so hard and unhealthy. our therapist has basically fired us and i just want to heal but nothing feels real or solid.
i hate life. no im not going to kms. i just want it to be known how much i hate it here
As a persecutor I’m gonna be honest I do nottt like how some people (mostly seems to be those that aren’t persecutors) kind of baby actually persecutors?? Obviously I agree that I wouldn’t want to be forced into dormancy or called an “evil alter” or something but a lot of the arguments I see are just
“Persecutors are just defending themselves!! They are probably just scared, be patient with your persecutor headmates!!! Help them recover!”
Which can totally be true, but this completely ignores the persecutors that are just. Like that. The persecutors that genuinely want to cause harm for no other reason than why the hell not. I dont like how people say all persecutors HAVE to heal like they’re some child.
Ignoring the fact that I am a child, what if I dont want to get better?
Some people need to accept that there is not good in everybody and u cannot change people for the better
so this rhetoric that persecutors are "just like that" completely ignore and dismiss what DID is and how it works. the idea that "oh they just like hurting us and other people and dont need healing, there is nothing to heal" isn't the flex you think it is. it is not infantilising or babying to say that persecutors function the way they do because of trauma, like every other alter, and therefore deserve and need to heal and process that trauma. if you are sitting there saying "my persecutors aren't parts that need healing, they just hurt me and others because they want to and like to" im going to assume you and every other alter is someone who will hurt me given the chance.
dont forget that all alters in a system are a part of the full self. they are you. you are them. you are just dissociating. you are just internally separating yourself because of trauma. therefore, if they "aren't that way because of trauma" then you are just a person who likes to harm people full stop.
which sure, you're "allowed" to be a bad person. you're "allowed" to hurt people for no other reason than you think you can, and you think you'll get away with it. but its then your fault when everyone stays away from you.
also, its okay if you are not ready to face trauma and address why you act that way. but again, not a flex, and no one will want to be around you.
Help fund the anthology by pre-ordering yourself a copy right on Kickstarter! Whether you can afford one or not, sharing can help us to get fully funded and get this unique work out into the world to educate and entertain.
When the people writing about sex workers aren't part of the community themselves or see us as nothing more than scandalizing subjects to profit from, you see less honest depictions and a lack of compensation for the stories that are shared. I firmly believe that when asking sex workers to share highly personal events and perspectives, they should be compensated for that work and respected throughout the process.
That's why this anthology has such a large funding goal for a book, with so many sex workers' writing being included. This allows all sex workers a chance to contribute regardless of their income, because they are paid for their time. When it comes to trans and intersex sex workers specifically, there's very little literature about us and when we are able to create projects they're often small-scale zines or include a narrow range of people. As a community, we deserve better than that.
With just over 2 days left of this campaign, every single pre-order of the book counts and helps us to reach our all-or-nothing goal! We're 90% of the way there and need your help to cross the finish line.
gang this is so weird... I couldn't help but notice that this isn't fully funded yet? it's REALLY close! but not quite there, and there are only a little over two days left to make it happen. let's get some more backers/reblogs, yeah?
sometimes i see takes on here that just absolutely baffle me and reminds me why i dont post much anymore.
the amazing thing about tumblr is that you can curate your experiences, following tags and people you like, blocking those you dont. but the bad thing about tumblr is you actually often need to come across the tag or person you dont like before realising you need to block them.
i got triggered the other week by a post by someone i follow, that wasn't tagged with a certain trigger topic of mine. i, maybe foolishly, thought one tag using the word would be enough, but they had used a slightly different worded tag, which meant tumblr showed it to me without any warning.
i saw a post on here earlier today within the tags i follow, however this person had one of the most wild takes ive ever seen, and i was once again reminded that just because you can share a passion, doesn't mean people interpret it the same way. it also doesn't mean they're as open minded as you, or that they don't shame others for having different opinions (they were actually so pressed(does anyone use that term anymore??)).
anyway, the joys of tumblr. keeping this vague so no one is triggered or anyone thinks its about them, i guarantee the people that this is about wont see this.
talk about religion. not trauma bad, but im struggling lol. read with caution
ive been so fucking slack with worshipping and praying to my gods.
i know that they wont be mad, especially because i do mini prayers of acknowledgement in my head when i encounter a theois domain. (thank you so much father zeus for all these storms lately 🙏)
i did light incense for hermes the other day because i got accepted for a job.
i just never feel like im doing enough. and i know i just haven't found my routine or a way of practising that works for me just yet. i just wish i had more consistency, especially when i want to acknowledge/worship/pray to a lot of different theoi. i want a beautiful, big, amazing prayer space. i have different altars but i just have such a beautiful vision that just doesn't feel feasible when im studying and starting work, AND struggling with mental (and ig physical) health
hey lol. dont talk about people when they're right in front of you?
dont do this. never do this.
i went to a doctor today abt my knee and she didn't even look at me. she was meant to come in and speak to ME about MY knee but the whole time she just spoke to the nurse i talked to, about my next steps, all without including me in the conversation.
i am white. i am skinny. yes i dont pass, but this was a woman. i expected her to at least talk to me and hear me out?? i was so embarrassed afterwards because i was so flustered and i didn't get to bring up concerns about my physical health.
could i have spoken to the nurse more about specific worries i had? absolutely. but i have so much anxiety and i had a script written out, and i was expecting to give that information directly to the doctor.
just dont speak about people, especially about their health directly in front of them, when you're not even including them in the conversation.
and btw this wasn't even the nurse just catching the doctor up. the doctor read the notes and even after being caught up, DIDN'T EVEN LOOK AT ME.
i feel so ashamed and humiliated even though i didn't do anything wrong.
i have to do more physio which is fine. its just they have given me ZERO options apart from "if it happens again we'll reconstruct it"
i know i already thanked him, but im aiming to get him a token of appreciation once i have money for it.
i instantly recognised he was checking in on me when a sudden evacuation of a store resulted in my partner saving some money.
when i got home, i thanked him by lighting one of his incense sticks (which also happened to be one that attracts money) and an hour later i got a call about a job interview.
praise Hermes, for your endless guidance and kindess in such a financially difficult time.
i pray i get this job and i can return your kindness
ya boy has a place to live and has like 85% of my belongings.
i still dont have a job, but i have enough money coming in from like centrelink and stuff.
ive had only one therapy session in this mess. and i have another one coming up in a few days. so maybe ill have another chance to just like rant and cry.
i feel really hopeless some days, and i recently got sick from anxiety abt picking up my stuff from my mum's house. but i got some cuddles with my cats for a bit. i miss them so much, i so badly wish i could take at least one with me.
anyway ig this was just a random update on the chaotic fuck that is my life rn.
im gonna keep trying to get a job and my licence and stuff.
I love love love when people ask me to pray for them! yes!! I will pray for you!!!! I will pray for you so hard to every God I believe in!! I wish you all the happiness and love and joy and goodness in the world and I hope my prayers help bring that to you!
it is so early, ive had like max 4 hours of sleep. i chugged a monster this morning and im stressed for this flight. cant wait to turn my phone of and maybe see some shitty notifs later
