Sunrise, parabellum

you may know me as bram. she/her. assorted nonsense. sideblog.

[pcktknife]

creative droughts are so embarrassing yeah sorry man I forgot my shapes and colors

[comicaurora]

Knowing your reaction to the story, how do you feel about today being the day of there will come soft rains?

Relieved, and overwhelmingly grateful that There Will Come Soft Rains and other stories of its ilk and era successfully forced the world to reckon with what kind of sad, empty, poisonous future they would really be creating if they got too gung-ho playing rough with their shiny new toys. Sometimes being a storyteller feels like the emptiest, most meaningless job in the universe, so it's always nice to be reminded what stories can actually do.

[zukkaoru]

people are always just so desperate to ship aromantic characters, bending over backwards to explain why it's actually okay and they're not doing anything wrong. because fandom is meant to be fun (and aromantic characters are boring), because it's not explicitly stated (but they'd never ignore an implied bi / lesbian / gay sexuality), because aromantic people can choose to date (and wouldn't they get lonely if they didn't?), because maybe they're arospec and they experience some romantic attraction (which isn't ignoring their aromanticism at all, i'm just elaborating on it, because i want to ship them). an author will say "this character has never had a crush" and people will turn around just to be like "wow i can't believe she's so shippable!" a character will look at the audience and directly tell people, "i don't want to date anyone; i don't enjoy romance" and fans will turn around just to say "but he COULD still date someone!!!" a character will say, point-blank, "i don't experience romantic or sexual attraction" and fans will turn around just to say "oh my god she's so in love with this other character, she just doesn't know how to express it :(" and sure, it's fandom, you can do whatever you want, but you have to understand that it really sucks to see your identity overwritten and erased and discarded as boring again and again and again, almost always by other queer people, who are supposed to understand and have your back.

[plum-petunia]

It's also interesting how people are acting as if there are 0 real life consequences to doing this, too, as if actively alienating aro people means nothing, as if demonstrating that you find aro characters boring implies nothing about how you see aro people, as if abandoning your so-called principles for something as dumb and frivolous as shipping means nothing about what support you'd show when aros well and truly need it. Do these people think we can't read between the lines and see what they're actually saying just because they deny that they're saying it?

[icedandcubed]

story so good it makes me (deeply aroace) believe in profound romantic love

[sodiumvaporss]

ryland grace and the world he saved

[kittyote]

when youre aromantic you still get dead wife flashbacks but its just about that really fucking good sandwich you ate last week

[i-am-bic]

"There's no platonic explanation for this" <-you need to be nicer to your friends. Right now

[stephexmachina]

proposing a new genre of fiction called an anti-romance where u r presented w a couple at the start & the story is about their emotional journey towards a catastrophic break up

[ur-favorite-fishgirl]

sex is a distraction from your true purpose in life which is to go to the aquarium and look at the fish and go "wooooooaaah.... fishies". cmon guys we all need to lock in.

[fuck-customers]

[sentientsky]

so so confused by this culture of amanormativity. i was describing the love i have for my best friend the other day, and someone said "so you love them romantically. that's how it works" and no. no, that's not how it works. at all. intense and profound and overwhelming feelings of friendship and affection and adoration don't automatically tick over into romantic once they reach a certain level. my love for my best friend is deep and strong, and it hits me like a tidal wave sometimes. but it's not romantic

[queer-reader-07]

i think the worst part of the "everyone thinks i'm dating my best friend" bit is the amount of people that ask "well if she was gay too you'd want to date her right?" and like no. i'm not attracted to her like that. i'm not settling for best friendship because she likes men. this isn't a second choice. the shape of my love for her is profound and bone deep and wholly platonic. she's not my best friend because girlfriend wasn't an option, she's my best friend because that's how i love her. how i want to and how i choose to love her. day in and day out it's an active and wanted choice, never a concession. with a bond so deep it aches to see her hurt, and it fills my heart endlessly to see her happy, and not once have i ever had a romantic thought for her.

[prokopetz]

I find the "rules are toys" framing of tabletop RPG design useful for several reasons:

The idea that system matters is reducible to recognising that toys have affordances; while there is of course no "wrong" way to play with a toy, no amount of open-mindedness will readily fit a bicycle through a basketball hoop.

It puts a line under one of the main objections to the "why not just freeform it?" thing; if folks are discussing how to make or modify a toy to achieve a particular set of affordances, blundering into the conversation going "why bother with toys when you can Use Your Imagination?" is unlikely to be well received!

Sometimes it's helpful to take a step back from a critique of a particular system and ask yourself: is this set of game mechanics really broken or incomplete, or have I mistaken a bicycle for a basketball?

[prokopetz]

(I also find that this framing can be a useful way to think about player safety tools. I don't disagree that many games could stand to pay more attention to their players' emotional safety than they do, but I do disagree that the need for external safety tools is a failure mode. Some systems are skateboards; the changes that would be needed to entirely remove the risk of wiping out and cracking your head open on the pavement would also remove the affordances that render them fit for purpose. Sometimes you need to accept the risk and put on the damn helmet!)

[maxknightley]

They should make a game which is a farming sim for the first twenty hours or so, and then suddenly the Dark Lord's forces raze your village to the ground and it turns into a JRPG

[dhaaruni]

This is very good

[knifearo]

it’s really cool to see someone who is in the exact same kind of relationship that i am for once. i get comfort from both the “aros can be in romantic relationships too” as well as the “aros dont ever have to date” kinds of posts but it always feels as if both of these awkwardly exclude me. i never thought i’d find someone else who was fine with their partner calling the relationship romantic for them but not for themselves. relationships can be just as messy and nuanced as identity itself but i dont think most people are ready to admit that.

even in places where relationship anarchy is talked about (the aro community being a big one, at least from what i've seen) it's still difficult to find people's accounts of like. how they put relationship anarchy into practice. i don't know. relationships are like gender to me in the way that every social construct is the same. every person is an individual. every individual is going to have their own approach to gender: just because we have these two major categories doesn't mean that it isn't infinitely variable and extremely personal. relationships are typically categorized as romantic, platonic, or familial, but the truth is that those categories are just as made up as the binary gender system. sure, they pop up a lot, and sure, they might be helpful for you to apply for yourself, but ultimately, every relationship is unique. once you start thinking outside of those arbitrary boxes— hold on i got so caught up in thinking about how to explain it that i stopped writing this post to draw a diagram

with anything listed being a stand-in for whatever else you can think of, obviously. but that's the thing it's like. you don't have to use the presets. everything is infinitely customizeable. you are ALWAYS creating unique relationships with other people you just don't think of it that way... once you approach every relationship in your life with an open mindset suddenly there are beautiful beautiful possibilities for all kinds of connections with other human beings... as always i fall back on my favorite phrase. which is "you can do whatever you want forever". because you can

[misfitwashere]

I wrote a eulogy

"I wrote a eulogy for my best friend last week. Then I read it to him. At the pub. On a Tuesday."

He was alive, holding a pint, looking at me like I'd lost my mind. Maybe I have.

I'm Mick. I'm 70. The man across the table was Barry. Seventy-two. Best mate for 46 years. Met on a building site in 1979. He dropped a plank on my foot. I called him something unrepeatable. He bought me a pint after the shift. Haven't gone a week without talking since.

Three months ago we went to a funeral. Bloke we'd worked with. Cancer. The eulogies were beautiful - people saying what he meant to them, things they'd clearly never said to his face. And all I could think was, he can't hear any of this.

Every beautiful sentence. Every "he changed my life." Said to a room of crying people and a box of wood.

I turned to Barry. Whispered, "What a waste."

Drove home. Couldn't sleep. Because I realised, if Barry died tomorrow, I'd stand up and say extraordinary things about this man. Things I've never said in 46 years. And he'd be in the box, missing all of it.

So I wrote them down. Took a week. Harder than expected - not finding the words, but admitting I had them.

Rang him. "Tuesday. The Crown. Need to read you something."

"Have you joined a book club?"

"Just come."

Same corner table. Pint of bitter. Crisps. I pulled out the paper. He saw my hands shake.

"Mick. What's this?"

"Your eulogy. I'm reading it now because I'm not wasting it on a day you can't hear it."

"Have you gone mad?"

"Probably. Shut up and listen."

I read it. In a pub. To a man very much alive and very much uncomfortable.

I told him about the plank and how it was the best injury of my life. About the night he drove forty minutes in rain to help change a tyre. About how he rang every day for three months after my divorce and never once asked "Are you alright?" - just talked about football and weather, because he knew I didn't need a question. I needed a voice.

I told him he was the funniest man I'd ever known and his jokes were terrible and both things were true. That he'd been a better father than he thinks. That his wife's a saint and he knows it. That I'd have been a worse man without him.

He didn't look at me. Stared at his pint. Jaw tight. Doing that thing men do when the feelings arrive and they'd rather swallow glass than show it.

When I finished, long silence. Then he picked up his pint, took a sip, and said,

"You're paying for the next round. And the one after."

That was his answer. Perfect. Because Barry doesn't say "I love you too." He says "you're buying."

But in the car park, he hugged me. Not the quick back-pat. A real one. Thirty seconds. Neither let go first.

And he said quietly into my shoulder, "Don't read that again at the real one. I want new material."

Who would you write a eulogy for - while they're still here?

Don't wait. The flowers can't hear. The box doesn't laugh. Say it now. At the pub. Over a bad cup of tea. You'll feel ridiculous.

They'll look uncomfortable. It'll be the most important thing you've ever done.

Read them the speech while they can still hug you in the car park.”

.

[arowitharrows]

I feel like people struggle to understand that my life as an aorace person is not centered around an absence of relationships. There is no romance shaped void that I am trying to live with, or live around, or which my life's purpose is to fill somehow.

I go to university and I go to work and I volunteer in my community and in the in-between moments I drink tea with my friends and I plant tomatoes on my balcony and there is no need for anything else. There is no room for anything else anyway.

When I am asked how I deal with 'the hole in my life' or what I do with 'all my free time', I know these questions are not about me at all. They are a reflection of the person asking.

[thatsthebirds]

Its kind of asking how you cope with the lack of parking spaces when someone doesnt own a car

[ace-of-bass]

Ooh I love this analogy because not owning a car does come with problems (at least in the US typically), namely that US infrastructure is so reliant on cars that not owning one means that you deal with other problems, like lack of bike lanes, infrequent public transit, people always assuming you can drive places, etc. Aro/ace people do face problems due to amatonormativity in society, such as inaffordability of places to live alone (because it's assumed you'll live with a roommate until you're a "real adult" and live with a partner and also because of capitalism), lack of ways to meet new people that aren't specifically focused on dating, and people always asking when you'll settle down, aren't you lonely, don't you miss having a partner? as OP talked about.

Like, there are problems that one encounters as a carless person, and there are problems I've encountered as an aroace person. But the problem as a carless person isn't lack of parking spaces and the problem as an aroace person isn't lack of a relationship.