The Devil's Dozen

Diagnosed DID system of about 13 main parts. Alters who may post here include but aren't limited to Amicizia, Gordy, and the teen. Bodily early 20s.

[the-devils-dozen]

An introduction

We're a professionally diagnosed dissociative identity disorder system of (as far as I know) about thirteen main parts. I'm hoping this blog will help us connect with each other more, serve as a place for us to communicate, and help us find people who understand what it's like to live with this disorder. On a day-to-day basis, we are very covert, but tend to present more authentically on the internet as we've always felt it's safer.

A bit about us:

Amicizia:

My name is Amicizia and I'm the host identity. I'm a woman in my early twenties and identify for the most part with our life and body. I'm in control of our body for the majority of the time and will almost definitely be the main part to use this blog.

I love literature and poetry, and also make collages sometimes. I tend to get creative burnout easily but I'm trying to work on myself more. I love being outside and enjoy taking walks and hiking. In my free-time, I like to do fun makeup, watch movies, and write. I like talking to people and am open to getting to know other systems but be forewarned that I'm not great at keeping up with messages and can go dark for a bit when I'm having a hard time or switching often.

Hopefully to be continued by other parts who want to be known on this blog.

Some other things to know:

From our understanding, we are a pretty average system in how we present. During stable times in our life we don't switch often and are naturally covert and hidden, so if you get to know us you'll probably be speaking to Amicizia the most often. However, all of our main fronting parts have played a huge role in our life and continue to be integral in our outward life.

As an alter, I (Amicizia) do trigger tag things and will encourage the others to do the same. If one is missed I will likely edit it in. Please be forewarned that I am primarily using this blog as a form of expression, I won't be censoring any of my parts as long as we're all expressing our opinions and thoughts in a respectful and responsible way. Also, most of us are pretty opinionated, so if discourse bothers you you may not want to follow.

As a whole, we are definitely more anti-endo, though some of us are more opinionated or vocal about it than others. Most of us don't really care who follows us and if we do we'll simply block you, but if that's a problem for you then don't interact with us. We generally block TERFs and other bigots.

[the-devils-dozen]

I think I may actually relate to the ICD descriptions of dissociative disorders much more than the DSM, largely because there's just a wider range of things related to dissociated identities. I feel like we almost go back and forth between presenting in a more typical DID way and presenting similarly to P-DID; we've gone months without switching when the current part in charge is handling things fine, and often gone months with only two or three parts switching between each other because it simply wasn't necessary.

I do think there's a very wide range of ways to experience multiplicity - not in an endo way, but in the sense that trauma is incredibly personal and the way children react to trauma is going to depend so heavily on such a large amount of factors, so it makes sense the presentation and manifestation of alters would vary significantly.

Just the fact that overt DID and partial-DID are part of the same experience has made me realize that more. I used to think I must be experiencing something else because I would completely forget I even had DID or amnesia and then it would happen and I'd be confused, I got thrown off when I switched today because we just haven't had a full switch in a while and I'm not used to it at all. We've had a huge range of experiences with how often we switch; we've definitely had times where we go through five parts in a week or switch every day but we've also gone months only switching once or twice. Switching less seems to indicate more stability and less stress in our life overall, so I'm guessing this is a good thing?

[mentoillnessposting]

Why am I always somehow like "Idk... if I had memory gaps I would notice more" like hey!! You've had DID your whole life- of course you're going to not notice those gaps because they're normal to you! You have already developed coping mechanisms unknowingly to deal with them! You don't know what it's like to NOT have memory gaps, of course you wouldn't notice something is off!

[the-devils-dozen]

Actually so sick of the idea that people don't develop alters until adulthood because not only does it not make any sense according to the actual reason DID is developed, but also because I have been able to find absolutely zero actual scientific evidence of this. The oldest source I've been able to find is a TikTok comment from a person who claims to be a counselor saying that patients with DID don't develop alters until their twenties.

Actual studies show that the average appearance of alters is around 5-6 years old. (NAMI reports it as 5.9.)

From 'Formation and Functions of Alter Personalities in Dissociative Identity Disorder: A Theoretical and Clinical Elaboration:' "In fact, emergence of alter personalities starts in childhood. Simply formulated, the child who is faced with an unbearable event, experiences estrangement: i.e. he or she assumes that the subject being exposed to this traumatic condition was not oneself but someone else. Although serving as a way of coping at the beginning, such estrangement interferes with realization of the experience; i.e. the processes of accomodation and assimilation do not occur and integration of the experience to one’s autobiography becomes impossible."

I literally don't understand how this misinformation has become so prolific, especially because the majority of people I've seen spreading this are people claiming to be correcting misinformation. Please call out harmful misinformation, but check to make sure you're actually right before you do that. Not only is this harmful because it's simply incorrect, but also because it completely disregards the way the disorder develops and the reason it forms.

What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)? Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously referred to as multiple personality disorder,

Dissociative identity disorder [DID] is a chronic complex psychiatric condition related to cumulative psychological traumatization in child

[spongeknife]

DID is crying over something you don't even remember

DID is having seemingly random triggers

DID is being unable to do a small task without feeling absolutely under and overwhelmed

DID is feeling so out of control because you don't have control over your own body

DID is not only losing the worst moments of your life, but also the best moments

DID is hearing arguments

DID is being unable to explain what's going on

DID is being in a constant state of fight or flight

DID is feeling your heart race and it's not even you

DID is doing something wrong you don't remember doing, feeling like a shitty person because you didn't remember so it must have not been important

DID is hearing jokes about voices in the head

DID is only finding big media about systems being murderous

DID is trying so hard not to fit into stereotypes just so you won't be judged, just so you can still be valid, just so you won't hurt the community

DID is banging your head against the wall trying to remember important things only to come back empty handed

DID is thinking you've been clean for so long only to lose control and come back to a lost streak

DID is being unable to do things you used to because it wasn't you all along

DID is feeling so broken and useless because you can't fit up to standards like anyone else

DID is being held to the same standards as everyone else and being yelled at for failing over and over again, knowing you're trying so hard for little to no results because not everyone is in the loop

DID is being in a body with someone who hates your guts, someone who's willing to harm you for what they think is best

DID is worrying 24/7 if you're actually you, who you are

DID isn't just having friends

DID isn't being able to switch because you're bored

DID leaves you empty of nutrition and full of plastic wrap

[c0ffinbunnii]

[midnightmothnest]

if you can’t eat a whole meal, eat half. you ate, that’s what is important.

if you can’t get out of bed, try and sit up instead of lying down. it’ll be better for your back and your blood pressure.

if you can’t shower or have a bath today, try and brush your teeth and clean your ears. it’ll keep you a little cleaner, and we often forget those areas. 

if you can’t get dressed today, change underwear and use some deoderant. it’ll leave you a little fresher until you have the strength to change fully.

and remember, i’m very proud of you. your best will look different every day, and that’s okay.

[the-devils-dozen]

We've gotten better at doing at least something during our depressive episodes, it's hard to push yourself but it really does seem to help you start to drag yourself out of it and makes it easier to recover physically once you start to feel better.

We've found wet wipes and mouthwash to be lifesavers during depressive episodes, I wish we'd known about dry shampoo earlier but I plan to use it for that from now on. Putting things near our bed when I have the energy helps. We tend to feel better in the evening and worse at night and in the mornings, so planning on grabbing extra water and some snacks to keep by our bed or something can help in case I wake up and realize I can't physically push myself out of bed. Grabbing a fresh blanket or pillow can feel nice if you have the energy and have extras, there's no way I could do laundry during a depressive episode so sometimes that helps me feel a bit fresher, especially after staying in bed all day.

[glowcowboy]

they should invent a mother who is normal and says normal things and has normal interactions with her child

[too-many-mes]

[loveyourlovelysoul]

High levels of self defense, counter-attacking and over explaining something you said/have done in order to not be misunderstood (and accused/judged), may hide the fact that you were highly criticized, shamed, ridiculed and gaslighted when you were younger or in past experiences, especially by authority figures. You were never able to explain your point of view or your side of the story, as you were generally believed to be guilty of something no matter what. (This tbh may also have led you to the opposite situation: having problems in staying up for yourself nowadays, cause you feel it's unnecessary as it'd be your fault anyway or... you're not enough).

Whenever something happens, even if someone simply states or suggests something or adds something to what you have said/written, you may start attacking them or being defensive, cause you perceive them as a threat: you either feel they are judging you and accusing you of something (and this probably cause all your life you've been belittled or blamed for things that weren't on you), or you may feel that they are accusing you of not being good enough cause of something you said or any mistake you have made (you probably needed to be a top student or excell in everything to be praised and "accepted" by your caregivers, and being "added" something or "corrected" feels like you have failed your task).

When we feel attacked or threatened we start a self defense mechanism to protect ourselves. If we've been abused in our past, the shield may be intensified cause we're also carrying our past shame with us, kinda re-living it everytime a similar event happens. For this reason, we may keep acting as we did when we were children, e.g. over-reacting, to cope with this trigger and emotion, and to keep protecting ourselves and feeling worthy (at times we may also over-replaying the event in our mind to convice us we are right and maybe search for support on that from others too).

We should try and take a breath and ask ourselves what are we trying to protect inside, whenever we feel the need to defend ourselves from others and there's not a real objective threat. To have good relationships with others, we need to be open about our own problems too: relationships should be a safe place for everyone involved, we need to do our part by trying to understand what may make us close off to them and to people, what may trigger us, while simply communicating.

(source + own experience)

[excessivemultiplicity]

Having disjointed beliefs between alters is very common, having completely opposite beliefs is also quite common. Morality is something that’s crafted through your environment and your interaction with others.

So when dealing with alters that have harmful beliefs you have to take a step back and think about why they may feel the way they do rather than admonish them for it.

People don’t often respond well to opposition and neither do alters. The most important question is Why. If you can find a way to figure out why they feel the way they do it will be easier to compromise, to find ways to get their needs met, or find a safe outlet for those beliefs if applicable.

[us-haze-the-kaleidoscope]

I feel like not enough people talk about the True System Experience which is just your head imploding, exploding, and/or pulsing 24/7

[adhbabey]

Honestly y'all need to accept that systems literally are gonna be contradicting themselves and be vaguely inconsistent with others. Like, it's probably not only systems. But my GOD, I fear ending up on a drama channel video, where someone picks apart what I've said because it was different from something I've said previously.

Like stop assuming people will have consistent opinions. I never do. It's only consistent with which alter is speaking.

Like I'm sorry I said something last week. I'm a different person now. Literally.

[the-devils-dozen]

Does anyone else just kind of know/realize their alters' names? Like they just came with them and that's just always been their name, you just kind of know it when they talk to you.

[snorlax-and-co]

[the-devils-dozen]

Sometimes I feel like pro-endos almost try to bog down the pro/anti-endo argument with a bunch of unnecessary bullshit to distract from the main issue which is that there's literally no scientific merit to the concept of endogenic systems and that it's inherently harmful to demedicalize and remove the concept of trauma from an innately trauma-related disorder.

Like honestly I don't even give a fuck who coined the term endo or who's "allowed" to use it or whatever, I'm not even going to engage in that because why would I even care when it's not even a real thing.

A lot of the debates I get into with endos will slowly become derailed because the argument will start as "can people be born multiple?" and somehow they'll just start sending me sources on tulpamancy (actually just that one source that about three people at this point have sent me😭)

I think part of it is the fact that so many people argue that plurality encompasses such a wide variety of things - if you think DID is to natural multiplicity is to tulpamancy is to hallucinations is to imaginary friends it's probably easy to get confused.

[the-devils-dozen]

If there are any DID/OSDD/P-DID systems who would like to chat please let us know, our DMs are always open honestly. I feel like a lot of us would love to get a chance to talk to people who understand us, I know some of my parts would probably love to talk to other protectors/teen alters/etc.