Okay, first? Pay off all your debts. Take out a small loan and pay it off right away.
Buy several hundred vacant houses. Schedule repairs for said houses with reputable contractors and make sizable down payments in advance. Get everything in writing and hang onto those deeds.
Buy a large open parcel of land that is being auctioned for development. And when I say large, I mean LARGE.
Sink millions into paying off people’s Kickstarters / college loans / medical bills / mortgages, and give generously charity organizations. That alone will carry off a lot of money.
Once you’ve got things down to a reasonable level, say $1m, buy yourself a house, furnishings, appliances, and a dependable car. Pay everything off so that you own it free and clear. Purchase about $200k worth of something easy to liquidate (i.e. gold, gems, bonds, stocks). Put the rest onto prepaid credit cards and wait for Monday to roll around.
You now have commendable credit and a shining public reputation.
Fix up and flip those houses, sell them for fair market value or below to families who need them, or create non-profit homeless shelters. (After all, it’s not like you need to “make” money, this is all running on the proceeds from the property sales.)
Sell the parcel of land to developers, or donate it to public works as a park or open space. Have them name it after you.
Retire to your fully furnished home. Liquidate your extra assets, or leave them to appreciate in value for a later date. Make Christmas epic with those gift cards. Keep the extra money in the bank and keep your day job.
And don’t worry about taxes when return time rolls around, because you’ll be able to write off several millions’ worth of charitable donations.
