Trying To Cosplay

That’s literally it. It’s in the name, what did y’all expect? | Bird | they/them |

[innerchildabortionclinic]

commenting "obvious ai slop" on a photo of your newborn baby

[miiilowo]

accidentally following someone and hurriedly unfollowing them invokes the same feeling to me as being a kid and accidentally talking to a complete stranger because you mistook them for your mom

[byjove]

crime/mystery media where the main character is just a nosy fuck and not a cop is always so entertaining and so much better than police procedurals

[suave-fucker]

Anticopaganda is peak. Like yes please show the cops as the incompetent idiots they are

[the-supernatural-atheist]

tell me what are the scoundrel cars that i shouldnt trust

WELL. it kinda comes down to roughly 3 different categories of drivers which can be identified by their distinctive choices of conveyance—

rich shitheads:

every stereotype you've ever heard about bmw drivers is true. this goes for every goddamn bmw besides maybe precious vintage ones on a day out. the louder and sportier sedans are worse about this but suv drivers are no slouches at sucking ass either. mercedes owners are about 70% better but you still may encounter some. tesla drivers are VERY much like this also. kind of concentrated essence of Horrible Douchebag Driver. these people are the reason i avoid the left 2 lanes on i-285 because they're trying to do 90 mph on there and seem deeply enraged that there's things like "people" and "traffic".

conservative shitheads:

encompasses quite a bit. the first subsegment is basically any mid-tier non-classic american quote unquote "musscle car", i.e. you got ford mustangs, chevy camaros, dodge chargers and challengers. corvette drivers don't really act like this. second subsegment is truck freak. basically any pickup truck manufactured after 2015 is going to come out of the factory being so high up that you could have a line of 4 pedestrians in front of you before you could even see the top of one's head. if someone has raised it, or, FUCK them, carolina squatted it, this is going to make the visibility so so much worse. not a single one of these trucks has done a day's work in its life either. all of these vehicles are driven by people who think things like "safety measures" and "consideration to fellow drivers" are a wokebiden mind virus of 5g and they act like it on the road.

(addendum: white dodge chargers and ford explorers are generally driven by people trying to On Purpose look like cops)

people who don't value their lives or yours:

this is a pretty broad one, basically you can identify this type of guy by their very cheap car with extensive visible damage. obviously this isn't universal, but like, if someone's in accidents that frequently, there may be a common denominator. it has to be something reliable enough to keep going after all that. like if you see a 2005 nissan altima coming up the freeway with its front bumper being held on by a bungee cord, give it a veeeery wide berth.

obviously dangerous drivers on the road can be out there driving anything. but. i have noticed many patterns

[frownyalfred]

in a sea of outages today…

…the fandom shield holds strong

[teaboot]

Ollie just leapt off of the back of a chair onto my kitchen table to land on the tablecloth and do a cinematically perfect Akira slide across the surface and into my bowl of soup

[teaboot]

Like this

[prokopetz]

More favourite numerical memes:

Implicit or implicit enumeration of uncountable things (example: taking inventory of the fucks which one gives)

Suggesting the divisibility of things which are not customarily thought of as able to be subdivided (example: "six whole people")

Using words that aren't numbers as numbers (example: "one William dollars")

Technically correct but contextually misleading estimates (example: looking at a group of several thousand things and observing that there are "at least three")

Incongruous qualifiers for apparently simple sums or tallies (example: she was twenty-seven years old, not counting 2014)

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

I love all of these, plus I would like to propose two additional, both things that I do on the regular:

6. Comparing a stated number to a somewhat larger number in a context where this adds no information. (example: "I found 50 dollars!" "Wow, that's almost 60 dollars!")

7. Improper use and conversion of units. "I'm turning 21 tomorrow!" "Wow, that's 69.8 in Fahrenheit!"

[everydaylouie]

shallow waters

[guerrillatech]

[txttletale]

tumblr live is so funny like what kind of insane backroom deal got cut for that to happen i really want to know

[txttletale]

LOOK at these fucking viewership numbers. what is this. what canh the economics of this possibly be. joke website

[txttletale]

theres been a lot of reasonable criticism on this site about how tumblr powerusers love to frame their personal opinions on website changes as universally reviled with no proof but this is like the one thing that we can empirically see nobody wanted or uses and thats so funny. why did they do this. why is it still going

[b0nkcreat]

i drew a horse from memory one like and i will reveal my beautiful boy to the world

[b0nkcreat]

my son philip he eats pencils and drinks paint

[lycanthrop-ee]

omg i did the same thing w a cow the other day .. i hope its ok that i introduced him maybe they can have a playdate. .?

[b0nkcreat]

oh my goodness gracious… yes of course

[mandibugs]

I think they should frolic together..

[b0nkcreat]

the world is so beautiful here

[libraford]

Happy anniversary to the time I ordered a burrito from taco bell and instead they gave me like 100$ worth of THC vape cartridges.

[libraford]

THE YEAR IS 2021 and I am on my way home from a VERY long day at my new job as a school photographer. Its 5:30, I have driven an hour and a half just to get home and all I want is a beefy five layer burrito and to go to bed early.

I go through the drive through at the taco bell. This is the same taco bell that, three years prior, asked us how many sauces we wanted. My roommate responded with "we'd like to get lost in the sauce."

To which he said "lost in the sauce. Ok boss!"

And gave us an entire brown bag full of sauce packets that we are still working through to this day.

So our conclusion is that this store is operated by stoners, which is on par for a taco bell.

But anyhow, 2021, all I want is a burrito.

Pull up in the drive thru, order burrito. Compliment the cashier's nails, take the bag without checking, drive off.

I get home. I carry the bag all the way to the kitchen and set it down. The sound it makes is not the sound of a beefy five layer burrito. It rattles.

I realize now that something is wrong.

I look inside.

I find this:

Which I realize now in 2022 after hanging out with potheads that this is considerably more than 100$ of THC products but that's unimportant. I sit there for a few moments and just kind of stare at them asking myself

WHY does this KEEP HAPPENING to me?

Girlfriend comes in and sees this.

"Did someone pay you in smokeables again?"

"No, this is the new beefy 5 layer burrito from taco bell. Obviously."

I could keep them, but what would I DO with them? I didnt know any smokers at the time that I could sell them to. You cant really... pawn THC products in my state because it's a consumable and uhhhh... possession of such products is probably illegal? Fucking I dont know, if there's a law about it everyone seems to be ignoring it.

And I cannot stress this enough: I dont smoke! And yet people keep handing me these things for some reason.

But more importantly: it is now 6:00, I am starving, and I did not get my burrito. So i make a decision and i grab the bag of vape carts and I go back to get the food I ordered.

I go inside and stand at the counter. I quietly tell the cashier that I ordered a beefy five layer burrito, and I got this instead. I lift the bag. I gently drop the bag. It makes the very non beefy burrito rattle sound.

The cashier knows by sound what is in the bag. Her eyes go wide.

"I'm not mad," I tell her. "I dont want anyone in trouble. I'm just very hungry and would like the food I ordered."

She very quietly takes the bag beneath the counter and produces six coupons for a free taco. "We'll get your order to you in a moment, thank you for your patience."

I am... containing my urge to burst out in laughter because this urban legend stuff. This is 'tumblr will call this fake' material. This is 'that happened to my friends cousin' kind of story material and I'm just... waiting for my burrito.

The manager on duty approaches me and says:

"I understand you received something uhh.. other than your order." She thinks I'm gonna tell corporate. This shit is too funny for corporate. I am not telling corporate.

"I dont want anyone in trouble," I repeated. "I'd just like to make sure it gets back to its owner and make sure I get the burrito I ordered."

"Right. Right. Right away."

She gives me six more free taco coupons.

It is deathly quiet back there and I am trying so hard not to laugh at the absurdity of all of this. Like... how did I get here? What happened back there to lead me to this awkward situation? What farcical theater piece am I now a minor character in? Will I exit left persued by a bear?

The cashier returns with a bag. "Once again, I'm REALLY sorry."

I take the bag. I check it this time.

This is indeed a burrito.

"No need, all is well."

I leave with my burrito, twelve free taco coupons, and the sense that I just created chaos for an hour.

[libraford]

Well, looks like this one is gonna escape containment.

[wagahai-da]

[mirakurutaimu]

Mimi how many edibles do I have tonight

none. throw that shit in the garbage and start doing whippets right now. its perfectly safe and healthy to do so

⚠️ JOKE! ⚠️

⚠️

ABOVE POST IS FICTITOUS (FALSE)

[obedientlyviolentshepherd]

i was going to reblog this long post abt different signs u might be addicted bc some of them where helpful indicators and i think people should be aware of how their substance impact their life so they can make informed decisions but like so much of it was just wrapped in this veneer of judgement and like underlying view that "acknowledging your addiction" = "going sober"

[obedientlyviolentshepherd]

like

okay yeah thats a helpful lil guage for if your depedent on your drug of choice

now just wait a minute

[obedientlyviolentshepherd]

all of you are so fucking correct. the response to addiction doesnt have to be "oh all these other things (coffee, weed, cigarettes etc) are no different than other addictive substances so we should all adopt a mentality of hate the sin and love (pity) the sinner" instead of "people self medicate with a variety of substances and that can lead to physical and mental dependencies and people should be able to make their own decisions of what they put in their body and should be supported in doing so in ways that can reduce harm"

but thats a lot less dramatic and condescending tho so *shrugs*

[e-phemeric]

[thecostryer]

I have accidentally quick reblogged so many posts in this forgotten side account lmao

[thecraftgremlin]

We need to embrace the fact that the tumblr userbase is aging. What’s everybody’s favorite kitchen appliance?