With much love to all my followers for the last 5 years, for all the support, love and care you all gave me. For all the friends I made. I don't think I will be returning anytime soon. It's officially been a year since I've been hospitalized and still I cannot find enjoyment in the things that I love.
I am tired of stressing out over well everything. I am tired of messing everything up. Making empty promises. Friendships I feel like I am constantly failing.
For that I am and will always be sorry for the things I was incapable of doing, for what I failed to do, and all of my mishaps and so on. I won't be using my personal blog anymore either.
I don't know when or if I'll comeback, but just know I love all of you very much. ❤️
I know that it has been about roughly two years since I truly posted. I mean stuff to read and things to look at. I know that I have been fairly quiet except a few warnings here and there regarding small updates in my life occasionally.
I know that I have stopped writing fanfiction on this blog, and anything I have written has been in private.
So lets kind of break things down as to why I quit writing. There's one general reason and the major personal reason. I advise you to proceed with caution as it is a trigger warning.
The During & Post Pandemic Readers
While I have enjoyed a whole new group of people new to the fandom, and people reading more of my stuff. What really started to become a drain was a lot of the new people into fandom space.
But.. In truth it got exhausting seeing people tell me over and over and over and over and over and over- "elves don't do x-", "elves do this, not this", "make it x-", "do x-".
It became pretty demanding very very quickly and not in a really fun and exciting way.
2. Mental Health Crisis
I ask that you proceed with caution for I am being very raw, open and vulnerable.
On May 14th or 12AM May 15th I had a psychiatric crisis. I am going to be perfectly honest with all of you, that had been going on- on and off for.. maybe 2 or 3 months.
Two times I had gotten *extremely* close to committing, I am not talking about the pacing and walking back and forth debating.
The first time I was standing in the bathroom with my husbands personal weapon in my hands looking at myself in the mirror trying to decide where in the bathroom it would make the least amount of mess.
The second came with the plan I would tape a note to my car window and put black plastic bags on the windshield and windows so I wouldn't traumatize anyone who found me. It was 1AM, I had the weapon in my purse I had my keys in my hand and I was about to walk out the door.
Call it divine intervention that some feeling washed over me that made me freeze up and get cold feet. I was terrified in that moment I think mostly of myself.
Then came May 14th at 10 or 11PM, my husband had left for his big test to be able to graduate college as it was in another city. I was alone with the kids, mentally not doing well. My life felt like it had absolutely fallen apart.
My anti-depressant I had changed too wasn't working, my anti-psychotic had made me physically sick, the person whom I considered one of my closest friends I felt like I failed and I was why our relationship fell apart. I was so anxious non-stop someone was going to break in as March my neighbor had tried to break down my door screaming at the top of her lungs at me to let her in and me and the kids were barricaded in the bathroom. It took officers 30 minutes to get there.
I knew that if I didn't call someone I wasn't going to be around much longer, I ended up calling 988 hoping to be able to just maybe talk about how I was feeling. But it turned into the person telling me I essentially had a half hour to call family to come watch the kids and admit myself voluntarily or they'd send an ambulance.
So I hustled to call- devastated- my parents, I called the operator back and told them when I arrived to the hospital with my mom. I was considered high risk enough for a 72 hour psychiatric hold.
When I got out, I didn't want to hurt myself anymore. Thankfully, but I still felt awful.
I said things I wasn't and will never be proud of to the person I once called my best friend- no matter what the circumstances was of the falling out of our friendship. Hurt people, hurt people. It's not an excuse but an explanation.
Eventually I cut them out entirely- the friendship wasn't healthy, it couldn't recover. There would be no new normal. Boundaries were crossed on both ends that left a dangerously bitter taste in both our mouths.
I have for the last two years been trying to find myself again. Because to be quite frank... I had *no* fucking idea who I was anymore. I am still trying to figure out who I am, but I feel like I have a better understanding of who I am.
I don't draw or paint as much anymore, I don't write as often as I'd like- yes I write bots on Character.Ai. But we all know it's not entirely the same.
During my 72 Hour hold, when I came out, I found that a lot of people I thought I was friends with had kind of disappeared. Probably under the assumption I ghosted them. I begged my mother before I was admitted to text my friends and let them know what was up. I had already texted one friend- Kylie as you all know her as.
She texted me the whole time while I waited on my parents to come.
I've lost as a result a lot of steam, I have lost a lot of passion for things I love. I'm starting to get some of that back. Slowly. I've had to make myself realize this wouldn't be a quick process.
My husband was and is my biggest supporter. Still is.
Moving out of the apartments and being the very lucky few (thanks to the VA) to be able to buy a house, it has helped tremendously I think with my mental health.
But it's officially been 2 years as of yesterday since I got out of the Mental Hospital. I'm starting to feel, like I said, more of myself.
I made it barely to 28, I turned 29, and this year in July I turn 30. I've been both private, but open and then deleting my personal posts fearful I am sharing too much.
My medication is all sorted, I've been stable for 2 years. We haven't had to change anything, not adjustments. It's not perfect. But.. it's SO much better.
I'm hoping at some point I'll feel good enough to start writing again, I miss writing fanficiton. I miss my comfort characters I miss being able to have fun and see everyone enjoying reading things and sharing theories.
Truly I do.
So here's to hoping maybe I will get to do that again. Dip my toes back in and write again.
Sending you all so much love, and thanks for all of you who have stuck around despite my hiatus. I know I don't owe anyone an answer, but I've always tried to be transparent with my mental health. Hoping maybe someone will resonate with it and get the help they need.
Amrod and Amras I know are the stand alone babies in Beleriand who stuck to the forests and hunted and we love them. But it doesn’t change the fact they committed acts of evil:
- They took the Oath
- They participated in Kinslaying #1
- They helped steal the swan ships
- They burned the swan ships
- They participated in the Kinslaying #2
- They died at Kinslaying #3 in which they probably still killed a lot of people.
These are all events that they WILLINGLY participated in.
I get it- they’re the babies, they’re talked about the least in the Silmarillion. But ignoring that they were thieves, liars, and mass murderers 3x’s over perpetuates that same stereotype people like to give to Maglor about him being “baby” and “harmless”.
Wait so elves only have sex when they want to reproduce?
09.17.2023
Yes!
Sex for elves is- canonically- intrinsically linked SOLELY for marriage and reproduction. But, Tolkien does state that is a VERY fun and pleasurable experience for the elves that they look back on fondly.
It is not- again canonically- a “oooh you’re attractive let’s sleep together.” Type of deal.
Sex is what binds them together and makes them married. So the only times elves have sex- canonically- is 1. When the get married and 2. Solely to have children.
Y’all we need to have a discussion about etiquette on commenting on other peoples fanfiction and works. Especially fanfiction since it’s being done FOR FREE.
I do not mind having discussions about theories or the lore. Y’all know me well enough by now to know I try to be as LORE ACCURATE as I can be. It’s always been my schtick. I love canon, I love the lore.
But I also like writing romance, I like talking about potential theories even if they don’t line up with mine. I love to hear your thoughts, your ideas and I CONSTANTLY encourage people to go write their own fanfiction when they talk about wanting to write it.
But what I do NOT appreciate is being talked too/nitpicked/corrected over fanfiction I give out for FREE. With my own FREE TIME. When I didn’t ask for it.
I know I posted it on the internet, and there’s always someone who is going to complain. I know I can’t stop that. It’s the internet for you.
But just because an artist or a writer posts something you do NOT agree with or do NOT like does NOT automatically give you the right to make corrections or nitpick or complain. Especially if they did not ask for feedback.
If you do not like it, let it be your inspiration to write something contradictory to mine. Be creative, write your own theories, blog about it, start your own books or one shots or whatever you’d like.
But stop trying to force me into your little box of how you want things to be written. And do not be surprised when I get defensive or I’m unhappy with this kind of commentary.
This is the kind of stuff, when unprompted and done constantly or heavily or you go on a little spree of negativity, it makes writers and artists want to quit. And then y’all are surprised that it happened.
If you want a discussion, come have one. If you want to know why I wrote things the way I did ask. Let’s talk. I’m open for discussions. I like having them.
But I’m struggling enough with trying not to quit writing already. You don’t know what someone is going through and what might be the straw that breaks the camels back.
And hey if they didn’t ask for feedback you can always ask “hey can I give you my thoughts? Or give you my feedback?”
But chill out on criticizing my work because I don’t write stringently like Jirt himself.
Request: If there's still headcanon slots available and one of these ideas strikes you: maybe how Glorfindel and/or Penlod would react to reader having an anxiety flair up where their normal coping mechanisms aren't working and they need extra help (platonic or romantic)? Or if that doesn't strike you, maybe vice versa where they need help from reader? I haven't been on Tumblr recently so I'm about to scroll through your blog and play catch up. Looking forward to reading what I've missed/what's coming up! I hope you're well ❤️
A/N: I decided to do this vice versa, and comfort one of our beloveds for a change. So I hope you enjoy! <;3
*****
♕ Glorfindel isn't afraid of his feelings, but he does struggle with showing his most vulnerable emotions with anyone, especially when it makes him feels so weak.
♕ Not to mention Glorfindel doesn't want to worry you about what the toll of war has taken out from him.
♕ Glorfindel will often try and put on a stronger persona in an effort to try and soothe any concerns that you may have about him.
♕ But that doesn't mean that despite all his best efforts that anxiety attacks don't creep up on him.
♕ Usually he can feel when they're about to happen, and he is quick to dismiss himself from the public place if he can.
♕ Even if you try to press if he's okay, he will only assure you he is as he hurries away.
♕ Following him out is the only way you're going to come face to face with the fact that he's having a panic attack.
♕ At first Glorfindel doesn't realize that you've followed him out, so he begins to loosen his collar and breathe shakily and heavily, his hands starting to shake and feeling like he can't breathe.
♕ By the time he turns to see if he's alone, it's too late to hide his symptoms from you, that you recognize immediately for what it is.
♕ Glorfindel is used to having deal with these himself, and he doesn't have the best coping skills, so at first he tries to thwart you from helping him.
♕ But if you persist, albeit, gently Glorfindel gives in as you reach for his hands and gently help him sit on the ground.
♕ You sit in between his legs as he cries and shakes, trying to catch his breath, helping him take slow deep breaths guiding him through it.
♕ At first Glorfindel is a bit hesitant, but your voice and the feel of your hands in his is just so soothing and he starts to listen to what you're saying.
♕ Especially as you reassure him he's safe, and that everything's going to be okay.
♕ IF anything Glorfindel is also panicking that you're going to be mad at him for having kept something like this from you and he profusely apologizes between the tears and his shaky breathing.
♕ Reassuring him calmly that it's okay, and that you're far from mad at him helps ease the anxiety, he is very receptive to your words as he trusts you implicitly.
♕ Glorfindel doesn't just respond to verbal affection and soothing, he also responds well to physical affection.
♕ Now that he knows you're not mad at him, or that you're not going to embarrass him, Glorfindel will take the opportunity to lean forward and rest his head against your shoulder and hold you close to him.
♕ When you embrace him back, he loves the feel of one arm around his neck and the other carding through his hair.
♕ It makes him feel safe and protected, even if he's the one that has to do the protecting more often than not.
♕ Holding him like this, and rocking him gently helps lift the weight off his shoulders and he rests his body weight against you- carefully.
♕ His symptoms start to die down slowly.
♕ Glorfindel's breathing becomes even, his hands stop shaking, he feels more relaxed but tired and most importantly comforted by you.
♕ He's internally kicking himself for not having brought this to your attention sooner, as going through it with you there to help him has made it a less stressful experience.
♕ As you start to check in on him asking if he's okay, Glorfindel is sheepish and confesses to you that he is not okay but he does feel better having you there with him.
♕ He doesn't part from you, but instead clings to you tightly as if he's afraid to let you go.
♕ Finally Glorfindel will start to open up to you, especially as you start to question him and what was going on.
♕ He explains to you what set him off, how long he's been suffering through these still clinging to you.
♕ Glorfindel tells you how much he loves you, and thanks you profusely for your patience with him and your lack of judgement over his predicament.
♕ Your reminder to him that of course you'd do this for him, and that you love him and his partner warms his heart.
♕ Glorfindel knows he's got his perfect one, being with you and the fact that you'd go out of your way selflessly to care for him when he was so vulnerable.
A/N: Thank you @nerdysimpy for the Thranduil idea. Love those bestie privileges. It's my first Thranduil post and I am still getting a feel for his character so forgive me for not making this very long or if it's not wholly ic.
Warnings: NSFWish
****
❁ Thranduil has a really high tolerance for alcohol and rarely indulges himself beyond a glass or two of Dorwinion red.
❁ But there are times where has a bit too much to drink- whether that is in your shared chambers or at a festival.
❁ With the Dorwinion wine being so good and the talk that seems to keep going on and on it's no wonder one glass turns to two, three, four, five and more.
❁ When Thranduil flirts usually it is a bit sophisticated and formal even though you two are married, he likes to try to be poetic and above his station even to his spouse.
❁ He never fails though to make you blush in his complex flirty compliments about how you're his starlight, and how beautiful you are in several different poetic ways.
❁ But when Thranduil has filled his cups and has had a little too much to drink, he becomes a little more blunt and a little less poetic.
❁ At first they still will be suave and a little more on the chaste side of things;
❁ "My starlight, you look ever so ravishing tonight, you're glowing brighter than even the candle light."
❁ "That outfit suits you well, and shows you off perfectly, starlight. Your taste is impeccable."
❁ He will chastely, but no less seductively, offer little touches here or there.
❁ Like brushing your hair out of your face, tracing your jaw as he does so, holding your hand, a hand coming to rest on your knee chastely.
❁ But as he gets more intoxicated the touches become a little more intense and less chaste.
❁ The notes of seduction are definitely known as his hand wanders up higher on your leg, his face flushing a light pink and his lips twitching into a smirk as he eyes you.
❁ Though he is intoxicated, and would want the whole world to know you are his, he doesn't want anyone to overhear any of the flirting he does with you.
❁ So while he holds your thigh, with his thumb gently drawing circles, he leans over to whisper in your ear, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.
❁ Whispering to you all the things he wants to do to you, even if you are in public.
❁ "My starlight it would be positively divine to ravish you right here, I'm aching to feel you."
❁ "You look divine in your outfit, but by Iluvatar I know you look better out of it and laying on our bed bare for me to see."
❁ He'll spend his time teasing you physically, his hidden hand brushing against your most private places but never fully touching you.
❁ Thranduil likes to watch you squirm and see the different expressions, the sounds of your shaky breaths knowing it's all him having that affect on you.
❁ He is also stealing kisses to your lips, not afraid of who it is that might see his loving display of affection for you, emboldened to let propriety fall to the way side.
❁ Nor is he afraid to be steeling kisses on your neck as he brushes your hair away, or nipping at your ear when he leans in close to whisper into it.
❁ Now when the tipsy flirting starts it is a perfect to give into his whims and steal him away for the evening and back to your bed chamber to make love all night long.
❁ But if you continue to let him drink, Thranduil is mostly all bark with no bite as he gets too woozy to be able to do any of lascivious things he's been whispering to you.
❁ On those walks back to your chambers with his arm around your shoulder, holding him up as you two walk back to your bed chambers.
❁ Thranduil will need to be laid down, and e won't bother to undress for the evening but he will coax you into laying down with him at the very least.
❁ He will press soft but sloppy kisses to your face, and pull you in close with him, snuggling close to you.
❁ He loves and adores you and feels so safe and comfortable with you before finally the alcohol wins out and brings him to fall asleep with you tangled in his hold.
Vanifinwë came running down the hallway as she spied Ambarussa walking into the household, squealing with excitement as she bounced and skipped in her run. A big beaming grin on her face, bringing the two from their conversation to see her coming full speed right at them. Pityafinwë leaned down to hold out his arms and lift her from the floor.
“Vani! It is so good to see you!” Pityo said and Vanifinwë threw her arms around his neck as she hugged her hanyo snugly.
“I misseded you so much!” Vanifinwë said to her Pityo before pulling away from him and leaning towards Telufinwë, who reached to take her from Pityafinwë. Her arms also came around his neck to hug him close to her, and Telufinwë rubbed her back tenderly as he held her.
They had been gone on a hunting excursion for the last couple of weeks, missing out on a lot of the excitement that was going on in the household. So had Tyelkormo but Vanifinwë had seen her Tyelko already, who promised her that Pityo and Telvo would play with her when they got home.
“Will you guys play with me?” Vanifinwë asked, Nelyafinwë was busy with their grandfather and Atya. Makalaure was gone for a recital today, and Carnistir was particularly in a mood now that Tyelkormo was back. And Curvo… Well Curvo never wanted to play with Vanifinwë. At least, not in the ways she wanted to play.
“Of course we will nesa! We will have lots of fun together and everything!” Pityafinwë said not thinking about what she might have up her sleeve, and they both watched as a big and happy grin spread across her face at the idea that they were going to come and play with her.
“YAY!” Vanifinwë squealed out, clapping her hands together and the twins began to chuckle at her reaction. The little one began to wiggle out of Telufinwë’s hold, forcing him to set her down and she was quick to grab both of their hands and begin to try and drag them along.
“What are we going to play, Vani?” Telufinwë asked her and Vanifinwë thought for a long moment as they began their trek through the halls to her bedroom. Where there the games could begin and Vanifinwë had the perfect game in mind. She needed their help with talking to Tyelkormo and she was going to make them extra pretty for the occasion.
“It’s a secret.” She whispered out to him, as she continued to drag them down the halls, the pair only exchanged a look between one another. They had an inkling as to where this was going and she didn’t want to get rejected. Both of them sighed out softly knowing that makeup was going to be involved undoubtedly.
They only silently continued their trek through the hallway, both of them deciding it was best not to argue with her whims and desires seeing as she had been without them for so long. Before the finally came to her bedroom door, for it to open and there they saw chaos in her room. Stuffing was everywhere, dolls were torn apart, it looked as though her room had been ransacked, and the only thing that seemed to be safe was King Rabbit that she had Nelyo put up high when she left the room this morning. Knowing this was going to happen.
“Vani? What happened to your room?” Pityafinwë asked as she continued to lead them in before letting go of their hands and pointing to the chairs for them to sit in. Both brothers exchanged another glance between one another and sighed out moving to pick up the knocked over chairs and sitting down in them. While Vanifinwë came over to her dresser to start pulling makeup out of it, before she came over to them with a palette in hand and stopped in front of them.
“I needs to make you pretty, so you can talk to Tyelko.” Vanifinwë said beginning her explanation as she dug her finger into a copper shade on the palette and came to Telufinwë to smear it all over his eyelids.
“And why do we need to talk to Tyelko? What does it have to do with your room?” Telufinwë asked her as she continued- generously- applying copper eyeshadow to his lids. Vanifinwë paused and sighed as Telufinwë opened his eyes,
“Because his puppies keeps getting in here and tearing up my stuffs.” She said to him, before she moved over to Pityafinwë and dug her finger around in a deep chocolate brown shade and Pityo closed his eyes.
“Have you tried talking to him about it Vani?” Pityafinwë asked her and Vanifinwë began to nod her head as she drug her finger over his eyelids and smearing the brown around wildly over his eyelids. Telufinwë only began to snort at the mess she was making on his twins face, at least now people would be able to tell them apart for a short period of time,
“Yes, and he says I should just keeps my door closed. But Amme won’t let me close my doors ‘cause I can’ts open it by myself.” Vanifinwë said to him, and pulled away to march right back to her dresser indignantly, Pityafinwë shot Telufinwë a glare for his snorting. But it didn’t last long as he began to crack up at the copper bits all over his face too. At least he wasn’t the only one who looked crazy.
Vanifinwë marched back over with a blush brush in hand and a palette of blush… or maybe bronzer as Amme had called it before. They knew enough about makeup now thanks to Vanifinwë and what little bit their Amme used,
“Well that’s not very fair.” Telufinwë said with a frown as he watched Vanifinwë swirl the brush into the bronzer before she started on Pityafinwë’s cheeks, applying a heavy orangey brown to his cheeks, and jaw and temple. None of it blended in so he just had spots of “tan” applied to his face. Telufinwë grinned at the sight of him and his now orange face, oh this was just too good. Even if he knew he was next, it was hilarious to see what happened to his brother at Vanifinwë’s hands.
“How do I look, Vani?” Pityafinwë asked her, and Vanifinwë paused to admire her work for a moment.
“Very tan.” She said simply marching back to the dresser and pulling out a different palette of blush, this time it was absolutely a true orange. Telufinwë pulled his lips into a thin line as she dipped her brush in it and approached him and it was Pityafinwë’s turn to begin chuckling at the sight of what was about to happen.
“Why thank you, are you going to make Telvo tan?” Pityafinwë asked, and Vanifinwë shrugged dragging the brush across his nose and cheeks.
“No just blushes. But will you guys talk to Tyelko for me? Please?” She asked as she pulled the brush away from his face and looked up at him with big pleading eyes. Telufinwë felt his heart swell before he looked to Pityafinwë and they both began to nod.
“Yes Vani, we will talk to Tyelko for you.” Telufinwë answered for both of them, and they both watched the way that she began to smile and jump up and down with excitement.
“Thank you hanyo’s!” She squeaked out and they both began to laugh at her excitement, and probably relief that an adult was going to speak with him. Even if they only had eighty years on her, they were still indeed older than she. Vanifinwë hurried to go and put the blush away, before she began to dig around for jewelry in another drawer.
Both twins held still as she attached clip on earrings and put necklaces over their head, layering so many that their necks felt heavy before she hurried off to her toy bin. Still they didn’t move, simply waiting to see what she would do, before she came out with a cape in each hand.
“Here put these on.” She directed firmly and they both took a black cape from her hands. A cape that was only Vanifinwë sized, but that didn’t stop them from doing as she said.Tying the cape around their necks and making sure the little bit of it draped down their backs.
“How do we look, Vani?” Telufinwë asked, and Vanifinwë looked at them for a moment and hummed, placing a hand on her chin as her finger tapped her cheek. Her frilly pink gown swaying as she did so,
“Beautiful! You looks amazing!” Vanifinwë finally decided bouncing in place for a moment, before she ran over to grab their hands and pull them up out of the chairs. The twins got up from their seats and let her pull them along out of the room and down the hallway. Vanifinwë didn’t say anything as she stood between them, holding each of their hands as they began to try and search for Tyelkormo.
It was no secret to those that worked on the estate that the Feanorian brothers were an absolute sucker for their littlest sister and let her draw all over their faces very… um well creatively. But all they did was smile and snicker as they passed them by, or got the occasional awe from the lady servants who found it so cute that they’d indulge their little sister. It really was an endearing sight even despite how crazy and ridiculous the makeup looks might be.
Finally Vanifinwë could hear Tyelkormo talking to someone and she hurriedly began to pull them along with her right in his direction. There he stood talking to Curufinwë, his back to them but Curufinwë’s eyes landed on Ambarussa and began to look them up and down, biting back the sneer at their appearance.
“Tyelko!” Vanifinwë said, bringing the ner to swivel around on the ball of his foot and look at his siblings, with a grin spreading across his face. Laughing at the sight of the “well dressed” twins, and Vanifinwë the little ring leader in the middle. Oh this had worked out better than he thought it would by talking Vanifinwë into asking them to play with her.
After all those weeks of being at her mercy it was nice to see that someone else was at her mercy for a change. His scalp felt relief at the sight of them, as did his face without having to wear anymore makeup.
“My oh my Vanifinwë who do you have here?” He chuckled folding his arms over his chest as Curufinwë took his place next to Tyelkormo. Vanifinwë didn’t smile though, she pursed her lips and scowled some at him. Making him quirk a brow up at her reaction.
“These are my neragotiatorers.” She said seriously, and it made Pityafinwë and Telufinwë begin to chuckle at her words. Trying to look serious as they cleared their throats and stood tall, nodding their heads in unison and in agreement of the little lady.
“Negotiators? For what? To talk to me?” Tyelkormo asked with some surprise, seeing that they were going along with it. They only waited for Vanifinwë to nod her head again,
“Yes, and theys can tell you why.” She said matter-of-factly folding her arms over her chest, and the twins looked down at her before looking back to Tyelkormo.
“Well?” He asked,
“We have come to negotiate on behalf of the Lady Vanifinwë, and her bedroom.” Telufinwë was the first to speak up as he oh so delicately steepled his fingers together. Pointing them in Tyelkormo’s direction, but he only raised his brows and began to shrug,
“Allow me to elaborate, your.. Creatures.. Are wreaking havoc on the young Lady’s room.” Pityafinwë said and then it clicked for Tyelkormo, they were talking about his dogs getting into her room. Tyelkormo began to shrug his shoulders at her “negotiators” words.
“So close the door Vani.” But Vani only stamped her foot down angrily and looked up at him in anger, but Telufinwë placed a hand on her shoulder.
“The Lady’s mother has prohibited her from shutting the bedroom door as it is too hard for the Lady to open it.” Telufinwë said and Tyelkormo sighed out as he looked down at Vanifinwë who was staring intensely back at him.
“I see, that is a problem.” Tyelkormo said nonchalantly, which only seemed to get a rise further out of Vanifinwë, but the twins kept her calm and relaxed. There was an air of reassurance that they were going to handle everything. That she’d be okay and alright to not have to worry about whether or not Tyelkormo would agree or not.
“Yes it is, and you should help out by agreeing to keep the creatures at bay. We don’t need to lose King Rabbit.” At the mention of Vanifinwë’s new stuffed animal that had saved him all those weeks ago from being at her mercy his face dropped. Recognizing immediately where this could go wrong, like he needed another one of his pups to destroy that Rabbit. Carnistir would kill him too if his hard work was torn up and their sister heartbroken again.
“Ah a favor for not only Lady Vanifinwë but for King Rabbit too? Well why didn’t you say so? I suppose I can take extra care to make sure that the pups are confined to a certain part of the estate grounds and keep you and King Rabbit safe.” Tyelkormo said to Vanifinwë who seemed to heave out a heavy sigh of relief at his words to know that she’d not have to worry about the dogs anymore.
“Thank you hanyo.” Vanifinwë said in her relieved voice making everyone smile, though Curufinwë’s eyes were on Ambarussa still and not their littlest sibling. He didn’t and couldn’t understand how Vanifinwë could manage to rope them into playing such games with her.
“Just one more final thing for negotiations, you should have to help pick up her room with our help of course… To make up for the atrocities.” Telufinwë added, and Vanifinwë perked up tremendously and unfolded her arms to go and grab Tyelkormo’s hand. Who didn’t look enthused,
“Yes! I need help! Please hanyo?” She asked with big blue eyes, and Tyelkormo sighed out heavily and relented.
“Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll help.” Vanifinwë released a shriek of a yay and began to pull Tyelkormo along quickly, practically running and making him speedwalk. Ambarussa only laughed and then playfully bowed to Curufinwë who began to scoff,
“Why do you even let her bother? You two look ridiculous.” Curufinwë asked, almost looking down his nose at Ambarussa in their ridiculous makeup and costumes. But it was there turn to wear a darker expression on their faces, always was he making some underhanded comment about Vanifinwë dressing them up. Neither understood why it mattered to him,
“And? She’s happy and that’s what matters.” Pityafinwë responded defensively, and Curufinwë shrugged at his words. Pocketing a small book that he usually kept on his person, a frown still on his lips as he looked his twin brothers over and their ridiculous makeup and costume.
“Well I can say with confidence she’s never going to ensnare me in these childish games you all indulge her.” He said with a snort, before he brushed past the both of them. Telufinwë ground his teeth at his words, before looking over at Pityo.
“I say we find a way to change that.” Telvo said in a soft voice as Curufinwë grew out of earshot. Pityafinwë turned his head to look at his brother with a smile at this, oh that was a perfect idea.
“Let’s bring it up with Tyelko. After we help clean up the room as promised.” Pityafinwë said, beginning to formulate a plan in his head. They’d have to talk to him when they were alone, if not Vanifinwë would proverbially spill the beans about the whole thing and ruin their chance to get back at Curvo.
♕ When it comes to nature celebrations, the elves are certainly no strangers to them, including Rog.
♕ Though the human way of celebrating the Summer Solstice is completely lost on him.
♕ So when you first tell him about what it is you do for the Summer Solstice, Rog's curiosity is peaked and he is very interested in doing things the way you do them.
♕ Rog values putting in effort to make sure that your culture doesn't get left behind and forgotten in the world of Elves that you now live amongst.
♕ He asks you a lot of questions about Summer Solstice and how it is you celebrate the holiday.
♕ As you explain it to him, Rog is more than happy to get amped up and excited to do things your way instead of it being a quiet affair.
♕ Rog will of course go to the King with news of your festivities though he'd prefer to keep things private between the two of you and any of the few elves in his House who may take interest.
♕ It is not because King Turgon will disapprove, it is mostly to get the word out that you are celebrating a holiday from your culture so you aren't rudely interrupted.
♕ When the day of the Solstice comes, Rog gets just as excited as you asking what the first thing it is that you should do.
♕ Because you are human, your concept of the Valar differ from Rog's knowledge so you explain to him how traditionally this is a time where altars and offerings are set up.
♕ While it seems strange to him, nonetheless he works with you making a space to set up an Altar, and listening to you go through your prayers as you set up your offerings on the Altar.
♕ Rog is right there with you handing you things, and offering prayers of his own alongside you really getting into the festive spirit of ritual and celebration.
♕ With your Altar, offerings and prayers prepared, you move onto the next task that might seem more ritualistic and that is water work and eventually fire work as well.
♕ Rog will have made sure that you can go around and spend your time outside blessing the waters, and that a place for a bonfire can be held.
♕ Though Rog will be thrilled to know that one of the more fun practices of your Summer Solstice celebration is swimming and he will encourage his House staff to participate and enjoy themselves too.
♕ He loves how carefree yet important the Holiday is to you and in how you celebrate it.
♕ When it comes time to set up the bonfire, Rog would have made sure that everyone was prepared to have something made and brought to the tables he set up out there.
♕ Before letting you ceremoniously light up your bonfire with a cheering crowd from those in the House.
♕ Lively music will be played as he remembers you telling him about the revelry portion of the celebration.
♕ With outdoor games that you would've told him about that you did in your childhood.
♕ Even if that means it was just a simple game of tag or hide and seek, the fun would still be had amongst nerri and nissi.
♕ What he finds to be the most fun is the dancing around the bonfire with you, the heat reminds him of the forge yet he can be more carefree- to a degree- around this massive bonfire.
♕ Rog will sing with you all the songs you taught him, and teach it to the other elves who will catch on quick and sing along with you and the Lord of the house.
♕ His House will have come alive with other elves who are more than willing to indulge in your culture and celebrations as you guys spend it out enjoying a beautiful summer day and evening.
♕ As the celebration doesn't end until it's well into the next morning
♕ Either way Rog will make sure to make it a memorable experience for you both, and so you can enjoy your culture in your new elven home.
Request: oh i hope your requests are still open! i was wondering if you could do either a headcannon or fic about maglor or maedhros with a reader who suffers from anxiety and depression? maybe how they’d handle a panic attack or how they’d comfort them? i’ve always suffered from this since i was a child, and lately the medication i was surprised has left me with frequent vertigo episodes that can be hard to handle, so reading fics/headcannons like this always leave me feeling comforted and cozy. ❤️❤️
A/N: Requests were definitely still open when you asked for this to be done. <3 I am sorry that you've been suffering with panic attacks for so long and I know thats difficult to handle. I hope you find comfort here in this headcanon set about what Maglor would do for you <3
****
✵ When the shaking starts, the tears, the tightness in your chest and labored breathing grows, Maglor is anything but oblivious to the obvious signs of your panic attack.
✵ Considering panic attacks are a common thing for you, Maglor is going to have memorized what your triggers might be, what it is that might have set you off.
✵ Usually Maglor tries to help you avoid things that might set off your triggers.
✵ Whether that's going to public spaces by yourself, or having to deal with angry people, or maybe it's the sounds in a certain place that set you off, but he knows it's not always going to be avoidable.
✵ Which is why you'll find yourself in a position with a partner who won't judge as soon as they start up.
✵ Maglor will, if anything, gently excuse you both from the situation if there are others around to help bring you somewhere secluded and quiet.
✵ The last thing he wants is for you to be fretting in the mix of all of it about how you're "embarrassing" yourself in front of other people.
✵ He brings you somewhere quiet, where there are no outside stimuli like noise that might help make things worse.
✵ Gently he sits you down on a bench, and starts to go over breathing exercises with you.
✵ "Melda take slow and deep breaths, do it with me. Inhale real deep like this, good you're doing so good, now exhale."
✵ He always exaggerates his actions so you have a clear idea of what you're supposed to be doing.
✵ Meanwhile, while you are doing deep breathing exercises, Maglor is going to be praising you highly in his soft and melodic voice.
✵ Telling you that you're doing such a good job, and how everything is going to be okay.
✵ Maglor doesn't rely on just praise to do the talking for him, he takes your hands in his and holds them to start you out small if you feel constricted.
✵ As you start to calm down it is then Maglor starts to pull you into a hug to hold you.
✵ Wrapping his arms around you snugly, and pressing soft kisses to the top of your head as he holds you close to his chest.
✵ He continues to reassure you that everything is going to be okay and that you're safe in his arms and while he's with you. That he isn't going to let anything bad happen to you.
✵ Maglor will hum softly to you or sing something sweet and soothing to you softly while you rest in his arms coming down from your panic attack.
✵ When he's confident that you are feeling much better, it is then he gets you to open up to him about what might have set you off.
✵ He doesn't pressure you too hard about it if you can't find a reason as to why you had one.
✵ But if you do know why one happened, Maglor listens intently and hums and nods along reassuring you he is listening to what it is you're telling him.
✵ Maglor reassures you that everything is going to be okay, and sympathetically apologizes that you had to go through such intense stress such as dealing with your trigger.
✵ He is very warm and loving towards you, wanting you to see him as a safe space, and know that he is your safe space.
✵ When he is good and sure you are considerably calmed down, it is then he asks what it is you'd like to do.
✵ If you'd like to go back to the event/function/space, or if you'd prefer to go back to the comfort of your room with him and unwind the rest of the way.
✵ Should you want to go back to the space, Maglor won't leave your side the entire time and he simply tells others that you needed a moment of fresh air. Shutting them down pretty quickly if they try and press the matter, very gently.
✵ Should you want to go back to your room, Maglor will help guide you back without questioning your decision. He will spend time helping you unwind, whether that's with a bath or a cuddle session in bed with a shared meal in bed too.
✵ With Maglor you can always guarantee that you are safe and sound in his arms, and he will always comfort and support you with whatever you need.
You rolled over as your eyes blearily opened as you could feel the slivers of Laurelin meeting your lids. Slowly peeling them open to find that it was now waxing into morning, the sounds of birds sang their soft tunes just outside the open windows. With the white sheer curtains billowing as Manwe’s breeze blew into the room. Offering a comfortable coolness as you hunkered beneath the heavy comforter.
You could see the way trinkets of beautiful glass sparkled as Laurelin’s light ebbed into the room. The way that it lit up the warmer tones of burgundy tapestries and the golden family crest on them. The furniture even seemed to have a warmth to it, that made it all the more inviting to stay in your room. Not wishing to leave this space.
Though try as you might to grow comfortable beneath the comforter, you could already hear the sounds of little voices beginning to talk. Indicating that your sons were already up and moving and would soon be expecting you to make an appearance. You sighed out, closing your eyes for a moment, trying to muster up the motivation to get up out of the bed. To not give into your desire to be lazy, so for a moment you rolled over. Wishing to see if Feanaro had already gotten up out of bed, and to your surprise your husband was laying there still asleep.
It was so rare for him to still be in bed at this hour, usually getting out of bed just as Telperion fully waned to get into the forges. But it would appear that you got to have his presence in bed, you rolled over fully onto your side and pressed a kiss to his bare shoulder. Feanaro’s face was fully relaxed and content, instead of the normal furrow that was to his brow, making him look even more beautiful and youthful than he already was.
His black hair was splayed beneath him, fanning out across his pillows entirely. You heard him release a soft breath at your kiss to his shoulders, your lips cold against his hot skin. You smiled softly to yourself, feeling blissful seeing your husband there relaxed. Too bad you didn’t get to enjoy it you thought to yourself, as you rolled over again, this time throwing your side of the comforter off of you to get out of bed.
But before you could move to sit up, you had missed the sounds of your husband rolling over, feeling a strong arm wind around your waist. Pulling you across the bed and your back hitting Feanaro’s chest, as you squeaked out in surprise. Between his sneakier motions and the surprising strength he had used with you to keep you in bed.
“Feanaro..” You argued weakly as he put the comforter back over you, coming to nestle his head behind yours. His grip unrelenting, and you knew even if you tried you weren’t going to be able to escape his hold.
“The children are awake.” You answered him softly, and only heard him hum in response. Only prompting him to wind his other arm beneath you to hold you in full as if a defiant who cares.
“Maitimo has them…” Feanaro argued, and while you usually did not like to put on your eldest son the responsibilities of parenting and being the figure in charge- knowing he was his own person- this was one of the rare times Feanaro was putting it on him. They were in fact in safe hands with Maitimo around, and you knew he wouldn’t let anything happen to Tyelko and Carnistir… Makalaure was old enough to help him if need be. At least you knew that was what Feanaro’s argument would be.
“He is our son, not our babysitter.” You countered weakly, feeling a tinge of guilt still at the idea of your eldest being in the parental role. Feanaro hummed at your words, only giving you a squeeze and not releasing you regardless of what your argument was to him.
“He will be fine if he’s the babysitter for another hour or so.” Feanaro added in his deep voice, almost grumbling as you felt his lips come to press a kiss to your shoulder. For a moment you felt reassured by your husbands argument. Content to be close and trust that you weren’t taking up too much of Maitimo’s time.
Surely he had plans today with Findekano and the rest of his cousins. Plans that didn’t involve rambunctious little heathens for small elflings, Tyelkormo especially. Whom you could hear loudly yelling and running down the hallway back and forth. His little feet stomping on the floor hard with every step he took. Making you snort.
“If I could have half the energy that Tyelkormo has…” You breathed out as you closed your eyes, relaxing in Feanaro’s hold. You heard your husband snort out in response to your words, knowing that any elf in Valinor would wish to have a smidgen of the energy he had. If only he knew how to harness it and distribute it…
“Don’t we all wish for it.” He muttered, knowing that was part of the reason why he hadn’t gotten out of bed for the forges this morning. A rare thing when he felt so low on energy that he couldn’t get out of bed to go and enjoy his passion. Though it was nice to be able to lay in bed with you and just relax. Even if Tyelkormo was screaming bloody murder with Maitimo trying to find ways to shush him.
Bribing him with food, it was a real test of diplomacy trying to get him to comply to anything that wasn’t his idea. Feanaro smirked listening to the retorts, as loud and annoying as it could be on occasions, he certainly wouldn’t trade this for anything. Again he pressed another kiss to you, this time to your neck, lingering for a long moment. Feeling you shudder beneath him as his breath tickled your skin.
“You have equal energy as he does, I don’t know what you are talking about.” You laughed out, bringing your hand to come and rest over the top of his calloused ones. Feanaro huffed in response, knowing it was true. It was certainly where he got all that energy from.
“Like father like son I suppose.” You heard him grumble out, feeling him stretch partial against you before he relaxed against you. His body resting close to yours, his chest against your back. You could feel his heart beating, and feel the gentle breathing as it tickled your hair and skin. You closed your eyes again as it grew quiet outside the bedroom.
Figuring that Maitimo must have been successful in bribing Tyelkormo with food to be quiet. Usually one of the best ways to get him to do something that you needed him too, when it suited him at least. It wasn’t as though you could use outside as a threat or a bribe, it was the only place suitable to entertain his energy. A place that he felt most at peace at and was likely to pick a fight with Carnistir.
You could feel sleep starting to creep back up over you, your breathing slowing down. Your body relaxing in full, you were perfectly warm with Feanaro against you and the comforter over you. Unbothered by the light of Laurelin that came into your room, dozing off perfectly. Even Feanaro’s grip had loosened against you, indicating he too was falling back asleep.
That was until you heard;
“MUTINY!” Coming from your fair haired son at the top of his lungs, making you both jump but you could hear the quiet curses under your husbands breath. No sooner did you hear the screaming did you both open your eyes to see your bedroom door fling open so hard it bounced off the wall. With Tyelkormo zooming across the bedroom, still screaming with Carnistir hot on his heels.
And Maitimo and Makalaure too shushing him and trying to wrangle the two of them, but the tot- Carnistir- only shrieked out when Maitimo tried to grab him. Before you felt Tyelkormo jump into the bed, and Carnistir was at your bedside grabbing the edges of your comforter in an attempt to climb up the bed. Whining as he did so.
“I DON’T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU HANYO!” Tyelkormo yelled out defiantly as he stood there and you felt Feanaro part from you. Bringing you to move over to the edge of the bed and reach down to grab Carnistir who immediately crawled onto the bed with your aid. Coming over to cuddle you and bury his face in your chest.
“Tyelko!” Maitimo said firmly, and you watched as your rambunctious son seemed to reconsider it for a moment. His pointing finger seemed to fall halfway, before he decided against it, opening his mouth to speak before you watched as Feanaro reached up to grab Tyelkormo. Pulling him back to lay against the bed, fighting against flailing limbs and yelp of surprise.
“You know what happens to members who commit mutiny?” Feanaro asked, and you watched as Tyelkormo seemed to grow quiet before shaking his head no at his words,
“They end up jailed, consider this the start of your sentence.” He quipped out, snugly wrapping his arms around his smaller feisty son. Who began to try and fight against his father, who was much stronger than he was and easily overpowered the little elfling. With your eldest sons only watching on in amusement.
“Sorry Ontar and Atya, we tried to keep them from coming in here.” Makalaure said out to the two of you, feeling Carnistir move to lay on your whole body. His head turned away from the disaster happening next to you as Tyelkormo continued to flail and try and fight against Feanaro.
“You’re cheating Atya!!!” Tyelkormo insisted, while you only laughed out.
“It is alright, I was going to get up sooner, but was roped into being lazy.” You answered him, as you brought a hand to rest on Carnistir’s back and began to rub gently. The three of you turned to look over at Feanaro and Tyelkormo to see that Feanaro somehow had managed to subdue the little elfling who was frowning furiously.
“Atya you’re a cheater!” Tyelkormo said angrily and with a pout on his lip as he glared up at the ceiling even as Feanaro came over to press a kiss to his cheek.
“All is fair when you’re committing mutiny, Tyelko.” Feanaro added only making the elfling huff out in response to his words. You snorted out at the situation Tyelkormo found himself in, before you reached over with one hand to pinch his side, making his lips twitch into a smile. Knowing it tickled.
“Aw look at that pouty face Tyelko.” You said in a high pitched voice, with a lighthearted tone to go with it. Continuously going to pinch his little side, making him squirm and start to laugh out. Trying to wiggle in Feanaro’s hold to get away from you and the small attack Feanaro was enacting in kisses on his face.
“Ontar! Stop it!” He laughed out as you continued,
“Only if you yield, anonya.” You laughed out, feeling the dip in the bed as Maitimo and Makalaure both sat on the foot of your bed watching the scene unfold. You continued to tickle him,
“NEVER!” He screamed out in hysterical laughter, but you knew if you kept it up he’d eventually fold and give in. So you kept at it, while he twisted wildly in Feanaro’s hold,
“OKAY! I YIELD ONTAR!” With that you immediately stopped, and Tyelkormo finally took some relieved breaths, and you chuckled along with Feanaro at the situation that your wild son had found himself in.
“How about breakfast?” You said, and before you could get an answer from any of your children you watched as Feanaro gathered Tyelkormo in his arms and stood from the bed. Before slinging the elfling over his shoulder.
“I think that is a wonderful idea.” He said, before moving to make way towards the door. Carefully you gathered Carnistir in your arms before you too scooted and slid out of bed, putting him on your hip. To which he clutched tightly to you.
While you would’ve wished for your lazy morning to not have been interrupted, you wouldn’t trade these moments for the world. They were absolutely worth seeing your husband play with your shared children, and you loved seeing it all.
