JAN 05 ‘24 — Update
cw: loss, grief
I’ve been away for a few months, and I’ll likely be away for a few more.
In September, my mom passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. She was my best friend, biggest supporter, constant cheerleader, and my endless source of comfort.
Since then, I’ve been managing her estate, helping my dad transition, and trying to provide a source of comfort for my younger siblings.
I didn’t finish the semester and there is uncertainty surrounding my immediate academic future. I’ve felt untethered for months. It’s as if I’m grieving the loss of school, too.
Part of me yearns to hurry up and finish everything I’ve always dreamed I would do — that which my mom ceaselessly encouraged — as both a tribute to her and a statement of my strength. Another part of me dreads even attempting it without having her a phone call away.
A year ago, as my parents dropped me off at the airport, they hugged me and said, “We’re so proud of you. You’re doing all the things we never had a chance to do. Keep going.”
Perhaps I will. I have to imagine I will. Perhaps there will come a day when my yearning outweighs my dread. I have to imagine it will. For now, though, I need to focus on my family and healing my grieving heart.
Every path is different.
@thegirlnextstar, signing off (for now)
xo