The Light Prophecy

I created this as a means to promote my book. However it's not finished yet so I'll probably just post weird stuff until it is. I have a few chapters posted for anyone who is interested.

[secifosseluce]

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE. 

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating

[secifosseluce]

normal person in 1st century Nazareth: making my way downtown, walking fast

*sees J boy, 8 yo, staring at you from across the street*

normal person: walking faster 

[secifosseluce]

even funnier, the only person 100% on board with his Prophetic Kid Talk is his mother Miriam, an otherwise placid, absolutely normal woman around 25 or so

kid JC, coming home at twilight, a single white dove following him and chirping with weirdly human-like precision:

 moth̫́er,̦͌ ̮̉i h͙̉av͔̽e ͓͗b̘̃r̞̓o̮͘u̲̒gh̟͒t̺́ you a do̗͐ṽ͙e̢͘ ͈̾m͒͢a͈̽dē̝ ỏ̘f ͈̓c̆͜l͔̂aỷ͇ aṋ̑d̳̿ g͢͞i̹̾fted̖͡ ̻͐it ͓͂w̖̿it̎͜h t̥̃h͙͒e ̨̒m̧̂i̡̍ŗ͒â̫cḷ̔è̤ ̛̻of̞̅ l̘̈i̛̦fè̳

Miriam: ! that’s my little boy :) now let’s go get ready for dinner :) 

her husband Yosef, a carpenter who only marginally got signed up for this: 

[bargains-by-duckface]

This post is so Christian, but it’s the spicy kind of Christian that gets you murdered by other Christians for heresy, so I’m torn.

[secifosseluce]

literally biggest form of compliment i’ve ever gotten

[moonsterm]

that means the angels are babysitters then

[moonsterm]

here have more

[patricia-von-arundel]

You guys really need to read Christopher Moore’s Lamb, if you haven’t.

[frikinnerd]

Always reblog Cryptid Jesus

[moonsterm]

I made more. cause it’s fun

[crap-copper]

I love that you guys used their actual names

[roane72]

I did not consider Eldritch Baby Jesus.

[lilaccatholic]

God I know you have a sense of humor because otherwise there’s no explanation for the platypus and I hope it extends to comics about baby cryptid Jesus

[bogwitchbooks]

a horse: *neighs*

Kaladin:

[onceiwashere]

people on here give yoda a lot of shit and say that he was a bad mentor but i’d like to contest that Yoda is and has always been cool as hell and the real problem was that in the days of the Republic he was forced into a shitty managerial position, where he had to worry about paperwork and massive unauthorized clone orders and vetting chosen ones and shit like that when really all he wanted all along was to be a delightfully shitty impish little grandpa living in a hut giving cryptic advice to teenagers 

Like remember that episode of the Clone Wars where the jedi council finally tries to put yoda in a retirement home because he starts talking to Qui Gon’s ghost and yoda calls anakin over like “hmmm…. friends, we are, young skywalker. help me escape this silly place, you must. in it for you, a handful of Werther’s Originals is” like that’s who Yoda is, at his core, and the stifling weight of Force monk bureaucracy took that away from him

[onceiwashere]

Hand to god if all of the like administrative work of running the Jedi Order had been left to someone just slightly more competent and business savvy like IDK Mace Windu or Plo or Luminara or even That One Guy Who’s Allowed To Fuck and yoda had been allowed to scamper off and just like, occasionally impart funny wisdom to jedi children and cheekily break all of the rules in front of them, this Darth Vader shit would have NEVER happened. Instead Anakin would have had the fun-loving, devil may care, “as long as in the house, you do it, young Skywalker” Bad Grandpa influence he desperately needed to balance out frazzled and terminally high-strung Teen Dad Kenobi

[onceiwashere]

Anakin is out on one of the Temple balconies just stewing angrily about his sexual frustration towards Padmé and how Obi-Wan keeps warning him that he will be expelled from the Jedi order and then thrown into a big pit of lava if he ever even talks to a girl and that makes him sad and angry and emotionally confused, when he notices tiny little old man Yoda’s hobbling over to stand next to him with a knowing expression on his face.

“Forbidden emotional attachments, we both have,” Yoda winks at him and pulls out a box of cigarettes. “To nicotine, mine is” 

[onceiwashere]

“Wish to save your mother from a life of unlawful bondage on Planet Shit, you do. Very well. Feel like being bad, I do. Tell anyone I am helping you, you must not. Murder me, the rest of the Council would. ;)”

[nibeul]

CRYING OVER THE “To nicotine, mine is” HELP

[harleyivy-deactivated20200726]

You are not enough.

[von-felden]

Booty (licious)

[theworsethingsgettheharderifight]

Pussy (vicious)

[atlas-prime]

Cock (nutritious)

[faggo-tron-prime]

Tits (malicious)

[hidingoutbackstage]

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Best and worst things to discover at a dig?

Worst is a body that shouldn’t be there.

_Areid

[audkitty]

Conversely, best is a body that should.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

Absolute worst case scenario: You find a body that should be there but when you come back it’s gone

[theeclectickoalastudent]

“Guys?  Where’d she go?”

[chaotic-archaeologist]

She’s behind you

[art-thropologist]

Me [beating at the bog body with a shovel]: WE. DIDN’T. TAKE. SITU. PHOTOS. YET. Get back in that hole! You can go for a walk after.

[archaeo-geek]

The fact that I can picture myself and pretty much all of my archaeologist colleagues grabbing a shovel and doing this last bit just makes it that much funnier.

[mias-back-from-the-dead]

god this has to be one of the dumbest things i spent 5 minutes on but it sprouted fully formed in my brain the second i saw this post

(sorry for quality i’m drawing on a mouse)

[imhilien]

That episode of Time Team you didn’t see.

[spacelizart]

You know you fucked up when archaeologists drop their coffee. Always take photos before you take a break, just in case the dead come back to life and destroy your trench!

[chaotic-archaeologist]

OH MY GOD

[ohbae-me]

Guys help 😭😭 I read Ice Planet Barbarians as a joke and now I'm on book 17 in a week 😳😳😳

I wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much?? I wanted a light and happy, smutty book to read and Ruby Dixon absolutely delivered lmao

[myresin]

THIS IS HOW IT STARTS

You see the cheesy cover and think “Omg this looks ridiculous!”

And then you see it’s KindleUnlimited and would cost you *nothing* to download. And you go “I’m gonna read it for the ‘lols’ — it’ll be hilarious to read”

And then the book taps into something inside you and you CAN’T PUT IT DOWN.

[thelightprophecy]

I started reading it to humor my wife and then I finished before she did. WHY ARE THEY SO GOOD?!

[myresin]

Truthfully, I think it’s probably like Hallmark movies. I’ve never watched one, but people are obsessed.

Firstly — a lot of sex every so often. It’s kind of funny in that everyone is getting aroused SO DAMN OFTEN. Like, I used to have a high libido in my 20’s and I don’t even know if I would be that easily aroused.

Second — They’re really not ‘deep’. Sometimes, there’s conflict to help build story… but it’s easily resolved. Sometimes that sucks, as they COULD have had a great ending, but they resolved things way too easy.

But it has an attraction for those who aren’t big readers and those who just really go in NOT expecting much/low expectations. I had super low expectations, and even so, I was actually enjoying the books *for what they were*.

They’re not the greatest novels of our time, by far… but they’re really cheesy.

[thelightprophecy]

Oh I totally agree especially about the conflict. I would have liked to see some of their problems explored a little more but sometimes it’s nice to know that there’s always going to be a happy ending. For me the sex stuff was mostly silly but every now and then something would happen that really did the trick. At the end of the day I think the biggest thing about them for me was this idea of a community that genuinely cared about each other. They had conflict and arguments but everyone was willing to go above and beyond to help everyone else. Weird that that was my biggest take away in a sci-fi romance series about fuzzy blue giants with ridged cocks.

[hopeful-trekkie-deactivated2022]

James T. Kirk:

-Graduated in the top 4% of his year -was bullied by jocks -Is a history nerd -was so much of a teacher’s pet that he cheated on an exam and was commended for it -Was referred to as “a stack of books with legs”

Jean-Luc Picard:

-Spent all his free time drinking in pubs and playing billiards -broke more hearts than he can remember -started a bar fight that ended up in him being stabbed in the heart -likes to explore dangerous ruins of ancient civilizations for fun -wouldn’t even have become a starship captain if he wasn’t this much of a hothead

And yet people still manage to get it backwards???

[kalinara]

I think it’s a problem of First Officer, really.

Jim Kirk seems like a wild man because he’s standing next to calm, logical Spock.*  

Meanwhile, Picard seems stately and dignified because he’s standing next to Will “Any alien physiology is bangable if you just put some thought into it” Riker*.  

* Of course THEN, we get to the next layer, which is that Spock is the dude who told the Vulcan Science Academy to fuck itself, while Riker plays the trombone.

The Federation is a confusing place.

[ohbae-me]

Guys help 😭😭 I read Ice Planet Barbarians as a joke and now I'm on book 17 in a week 😳😳😳

I wasn't expecting to enjoy it so much?? I wanted a light and happy, smutty book to read and Ruby Dixon absolutely delivered lmao

[myresin]

THIS IS HOW IT STARTS

You see the cheesy cover and think “Omg this looks ridiculous!”

And then you see it’s KindleUnlimited and would cost you *nothing* to download. And you go “I’m gonna read it for the ‘lols’ — it’ll be hilarious to read”

And then the book taps into something inside you and you CAN’T PUT IT DOWN.

[thelightprophecy]

I started reading it to humor my wife and then I finished before she did. WHY ARE THEY SO GOOD?!

[porkue-deactivated20230306]

I'm telling you being furry is natural.

[porkue-deactivated20230306]

Half joking but cmon ppl have been anthropomorphizing and making human/animal hybrids in art for literally all of human history. It's one of the earliest motifs seen in art and human creation. Like, the epic of Gilgamesh did it. Egyptian mythology did it. Greek mythology did it. Norse mythology did it. I'm not arguing that modern furry stuff is equally culturally significant but there's an undeniable pattern in thought. It's human nature to want a werewolf to raw you

[chadlesbianjasontodd]

you ever think about how in star wars the four heroes that overthrew the tyrannical empire and inagurated a new government are the princess of a tragically destroyed planet, a wisecracking rogue, the last heir of a religious order of wizards who do actual literal magic, and.........a city mayor

[chadlesbianjasontodd]

i should clarify that im not disparaging lando here i'm just wondering what it's like to be in a space fantasy adventure as the ONE member of your friend group who knows what a zoning law is

[ekjohnston]

You can frequently see this in Lando's face.

[ankle-beez]

Normal people on Twitter are having an absolutely normal one over muppet babies letting gonzo wear a dress

[ankle-beez]

The thing about the episode is that it didn't even have an inherently trans meesage? Gonzo wanted to wear a dress to this ball they were having and he was scared he was gonna be made fun of so he disguises himself as Gonzorella so he can wear the dress and then the plot to Cinderella plays out like usual, and all the other muppet babies were like "we love you gonzo, we sorry we made you feel that way, we love you just the way you are"

The moral was literally the same "be yourself" stuff every kids media does, it's just that involves a boy wearing a dress this time

[thefriendlylover]

“Manly muppets”

FOR FU–

[stabbedthrutheeye]

bring back manly muppets? bring back manly muppets? BRING BACK MANLY MUPPETS?

DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE FUCKING PINNACLE OF MANLINESS TO YOU?

IS THIS MANLET OF A FROG YOUR IDEAL MAN?

AH YES, THIS IS THE EPITOME OF MACHO

LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THIS ISNT A WHOLE FUCKING TWINK

BRING BACK MANLY MUPPETS. CHRIST HELP ME

[stabbedthrutheeye]

THIS

ISN’T

EVEN

THE

FIRST

TIME

THE ORIGINAL MUPPET BABIES AIRED IN 1984

[clownboybeebop]

is she trying to argue that gonzo has a dick while he canonically has a fist in his ass

[smoldragonborn]

“we need to stop the stigma towards drug users and addicts” and “we need to challenge the idea that being sober makes you boring” and “we need to stop acting like binge drinking to the extent you’re doing medical damage is fun and normal for young people” are all ideas that can and should coexist.

[fatfemmefreaquency]

just so we’re clear, the threshold for “binge drinking to the extent you’re doing medical damage” is waaaay lower than you think.

I work in an obstetrician and gynaecologist’s office. we have to tell patients on a regular basis that they are binge drinking weekly when they think they are simply consuming a normal amount of alcohol on the weekends.

having more than 3 drinks in a single sitting if you have an estrogen based endocrine system is a binge that is medically significant.

having more than 5 in a sitting is a medically significant binge for someone with a testosterone based endocrine system.

every time you do this, it significantly impacts your risk of getting breast cancer, and damages your liver. it takes time to recover from that liver damage. if you’re having a 3-5 or more drink binge on a weekly basis, you are an alcoholic, medically speaking, and your liver is not recovering.

again: the bar for what binge drinking is, medically, is so much lower than what you think it is.

alcohol is a really toxic substance and not something you should fuck around with.

again: if you have an estrogenized hormone system (common for most women), then 3 drinks is a binge. if you have a testosteronized hormone system (common for most men), then 5 drinks is a binge.

anything above that number, consumed as frequently as weekly or more, and you’re medically a binge drinking alcoholic.

also, if you’re drinking any quantity of alcohol 6 days a week or more, that’s another threshold at which, medically speaking, you meet the definition of alcoholism. your liver needs more days without alcohol in your system than just one a week to recover and be healthy.

I don’t say any of this to shame anyone—to me, alcoholism or substance use disorders aren’t a sign of weakness or moral failing. and most of us genuinely don’t know this stuff.

rather—I point this out because it’s important to reduce harm, and find ways to live healthier, happier lives. there is a life outside of constant binge drinking. it’s not always easy to find it. but it’s out there. you deserve a life where your emotional needs are met by something other than alcohol, and a life in which your liver is healthy, and the ways you cope and celebrate and find joy don’t put you at increased risk of cancer.

[qweerhet]

also–even if alcohol is the only way you can self-medicate, or if you choose to go on with your alcohol usage anyway regardless of other options–you still deserve to know what it’s doing to your body.

information is key. you don’t have to stop drinking, but the utter lack of education on alcohol + the normalization of binge drinking in current society leads to many people drinking without any idea of what it’s doing to their bodies.

addicts deserve accurate medical information regardless of what they decide to do with it. for some people, losing liver function is worth the benefits they get from binge drinking, but they can’t make that choice if they don’t know what the consequences are to begin with.

[jeanjauthor]

addicts deserve accurate medical information regardless of what they decide to do with it.

[tarrkin]

PETER CUSHING on playing Grand Moff Tarkin in carpet slippers

They hadn’t got time to have my boots made for me, which is usually the case, because of my large feet, so I had to do with a pair out of stock. Now there I was, on the first day of shooting, this very, very cross, unpleasant gentleman, Grand Moff Tarkin, stomping around, and it was agony, it really was.

So the next day I said to dear George Lucas, the director, I said, “George, I am not asking for close ups, but do you think you could shoot me from the waist upwards from now on?” And he said “Why,” and I explained the reasons, so he said “Oh, all right,” and he gave me a pair of carpet slippers.

So for the rest of the film I stomped around looking extremely angry, very cross, with that dear little Carrie Fisher, as Grand Moff Tarkin in carpet slippers!

[adi-fitri]

[grubloved]

humans are an essential part of the ecosystem. nearly every ecosystem on earth had humans as an essential part of its function. the earth would be worse off than before if we were gone suddenly overnight. send tweet

[interstellarsailor]

I don’t remember dinosaurs drilling for oil and dumping trash everywhere…

[grubloved]

very gently: yes. some humans have been doing destruction recently. yes, some humans are living in unsustainable ways. yes, the world is suffering for the actions of the humans who exploit the natural world.

however.

this has not been the case for the vast majority of time. this is not currently the case for many people on the earth right now. we evolved alongside earth’s ecosystems, as they evolved alongside us. we are part of it. we are embedded in the world. we have never been seperate from it, and the idea that we are – that our actions somehow could have no consequences for the world at large – is the mindset that allowed the current crisis to reach where it is.

it’s. hard to truly get a sense of the scale of humans’ existence on the planet– under the readmore i’ve drawn out a rough timeline for you. it is very long, so i’ll put it under the cut.

suffice it to say: humans, homo sapiens, have existed on the earth for 315,000 years. we did not invent agriculture until 11,500 years ago. the industrial revolution, the drilling for oil and dumping plastic? that has happened only in the last 250 years. 

we are part of the world. we are in the world. some of us have very, very recently forgotten this fact. but we are remembering, and remembering quickly.

the earth needs us. it needs us to fix the things we’ve gotten wrong, yes. but it also needs us to be humans. to hunt, to burn, to care for the forests and the fields and the grasslands. it has always needed us. we are not interlopers here. we belong. we have simply forgotten our manners.

Keep reading

[thischick25]

it is easy to just say ah humans are a plague no hope for us this is easy and comforting in its finality despair is easy it removes your responsibility from the equation but if we are to fix what we have broken we need to remember what we have always been supposed to do you can learn. you can help. it will be okay. we can fix it but we all have to WORK! we dont have to live alone! big and spacious history

[wot-tidbits]

[romanirainbow]