when i was a very young child, the woman who titled herself my mother decided that she needed to check to ensure i was sleeping through the night. this involved coming into my room at random and scolding me if my eyes were even open. obviously, i learned quickly to pretend to be asleep if i heard her coming.
fast forward to literally every doctors visit i had after learning this: every year, on my checkup, the doctor asks if i have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep through the night. every year, i say “yes” only for my mother to stop me and say “no you don’t, i check on you every night and you’re always dead asleep” and for whatever reason the pediatrician never once asked to have a checkup without her in the room or asked her to stop interrupting me. so i waited until i was 16 and under the care of OTHER abusers who my mother payed to hold me on a ranch against my will. those caretakers found that i was unable to sleep though the night and THEY were the ones to advocate for me to get sleeping meds. not so i could have a more comfortable rest, but so that i wouldn’t be so tired on the ranch.
anyway i smoke weed now and i don’t dread bedtime anymore because falling asleep is easy now, and even when it isn’t, i know i won’t be in trouble for it anymore.
i bring up the weed for a very important reason. many people believe that using weed to fall asleep will remove your ability to fall asleep without it. people will see me struggling to sleep without weed and they will assume that i’ve done this to myself, that i’ve smoked so much i cant be without it. many people even believe this about themselves. weed is not the reason you cant sleep without weed. most people who cant sleep without weed COULDNT SLEEP BEFORE WEED!!!!!!!
