i call this the “when you’re exploring the gothic castle that you’ve been warned to stay away from by the locals because it’s rumored to be the home of one or more vampires after dark” look
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if i look back, i am lost
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
One Nice Bug Per Day
wallacepolsom
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Peter Solarz

pixel skylines

Kiana Khansmith

⁂

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Not today Justin

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blake kathryn
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Xuebing Du
occasionally subtle

★
trying on a metaphor
Cosimo Galluzzi

seen from Argentina

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@these-staining-wounds
i call this the “when you’re exploring the gothic castle that you’ve been warned to stay away from by the locals because it’s rumored to be the home of one or more vampires after dark” look
this meme made me realise that other people apparently know how to show empathy without personal anecdotes
… how…. please teach me
I’m pretty sure none of us will get answers but please…if someone knows the secrets to showing empathy without personal anecdotes please speak up. We need answers
(Me (adhd + autism) can show empathy, but not sympathy. For me, it’s like I do the exact same thing, but as well as showing empathy through anecdotes I show sympathy through empathy).
@decabus @some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat @messynogenderpotato
I have somethin I guess? I’ve been the Support Friend for most of my life so I managed to get it down to a formula. TW: dog death
1. Ask Questions
This is mainly to keep them talking, that way a) they feel like they have a confidante in you, and b) the pressure is less on you to Say Things. In fact it shouldn’t be about you Saying Things at all, it should be you figuring out where they’re at and trying to understand. E.g. “My dog died, I miss him.” Ask questions, and when they start talking, let them talk. “What was his name?” “How and when did he die?” “Tell me about him.” “What was he like?” “What’s your favourite memory of him?” “When did you first meet him?” “Did you teach him any tricks?” Again the point is to keep them talking, the questions are just to get them on a roll. If you’re worrying about what to say next, listen to what they’re saying and ask details of what they’re currently talking about, or mentally prepare your next question.
2. Listen
Let them talk. The more you listen to them talk, the more they feel like it’s okay to talk to you. If they dwindle off, ask them something else to get them talking again. Upset people usually have a lot to say.
Every now and again you can throw in little sentences like “Wow, what a bitch!” “Aw, so sad.” “What the fuck? Why?” just to prove you’re still listening and following, and haven’t wandered off into space.
3. When they’re done, give it back to them
It’s a technique called mirroring. Sum up whatever you heard in short form - if they’ve talked for half an hour about the little details of their deceased pet, say something like “It sounds like he was a very good boy/sounds like he meant a lot to you/sounds like you will miss him.” It’s been known to make people dissolve into a sobbing mess, because this is the part where you prove you’ve done your homework, you listened, you care, you get it.
4. If you really want to offer a solution, ask first. You can just skip this step altogether tbh.
Only when someone has finished talking about whatever is upsetting them, ask if you can help. “Can I offer some advice?” Now is the time for SHORT anecdotes. Short. It’s not about you sharing your story, it’s about them getting advice. Remember they don’t have to take your advice, again it’s about them and their emotions, and they know themselves best. “When my dog died, I did this. Would that help?” “I read somewhere about doing this. Maybe try that and see how it goes?”
Hope this helps y’all. The TL;DR of all this is basically listen, and prove you’re listening.
Thank you!!!
That explanation really is so good!
thank you SO MUCH. I’ve lost a lot of friends for “making everything about me”. I didn’t know how to help them without personal anecdotes. thank you for this!
*opens fortune cookie and it just says BITCH in all caps*
not to hop in on the Hottest Discourse but:
age gaps aren’t inherently bad between adults, but they are incredibly suspect in instances where one party has significantly more agency and experience due to their age. a thirty year old dating a forty year old, for instance, isn’t all that big a deal. but an eighteen year old should be VERY suspicious of a thirty year old wanting to get with them. they’ve had twelve years to establish themselves as an adult. an eighteen year old has had maybe a few months to do so.
i’m saying this as a person who briefly dated a thirty year old at age 19 (it wasn’t good lol), and also as a person with happily married parents who have a 12 year age gap. the difference is that my mom was in her thirties when she met my dad; she’d had plenty of time to find a career and a name for herself in the world.
stay safe, love urself, try to make good decisions but don’t beat yourself up if you’ve ever been the victim of an unbalanced or abusive relationship
Evangeline Lilly getting buff for her role as The Wasp is one of the most beautiful things I’ve seen
SHE STRONK
MUSCLES😍
Stop pairing her with Scott and give her a girlfriend who will properly appreciate those arms
my only disappointment in Ant-Man and The Wasp was the lack of screen time for Evangeline Lilly’s biceps and shoulders
we couldn’t have gotten one shot of her in a tank-top? really?
girls are dying of thirst here
moral of the story is…..being racist and bitter makes you age like milk
this bitch is FORTY THREE????
me with 0 drinks in me, unprompted: lorde literally INVENTED the sad indie girl pop sound that artists like alessia cara and halsey are using today when she was only fifteen years old and the reason royals was such a hit was because it sounded like nothing else on the radio or the charts at the moment and for someone who has been so influential she is criminally underappreciated in this essay i will
imagine talking about alexander the great and not mentioning that he died of grief only 8 months after hephaestion died, that he petitioned the oracle to give hephaestion literal divine status so that people could worship him as a god, that he threw himself on hephaestion’s dead body and refused to leave for two days, that he put together the biggest funeral procession known to the world at the time, that he gave hephaestion a lock of his own hair at the funeral in blatant reference to achilles doing the same with patroclus….like heteronormativity is so wild that he could come back from the dead and come out to every historian personally and it still wouldn’t be enough to render him anything but straight
That’s so sad wiretap play Despacito
Seeing you in your element, doing what you love, makes me smile and love you even more, it’s like I’m capturing a glimpse of your soul, the real you, for the very first time. My gosh, I’ve never seen anyone or anything more sublime than you my darling.
— Marley C. // Shine…
great stage park, manchester, tn | june 8, 2018
Fighting over the ball by Tambako The Jaguar // Edited by MFL
This is why I love cats.
Crochet Playgrounds by Toshiko Horiuchi MacAdam
Japanese artist Toshiko Horiuchi-MacAdam is considered one of Japan’s leading fiber artists, using knitting and crochet as the foundation for much of her work.
Her website explains that she specializes in “creating large, interactive textile environments that function both as imaginative and vibrant explorations of color and form, at the same time as providing thrilling play environments.”
Instagram.com/WeTheUrban
listen i know you’d be shot for breaching security or whatever if you tried, but the fact that you can swim in those giant tanks of water they use to cool the spent fuel rods in nuclear power plants without suffering lethal levels of exposure to radiation makes them a temptation of biblical proportions
forbidden swimming pool
It’s actually pretty safe to swim in the pools as long as you don’t dive too deep. I got this picture from the “What If?” Books where the author answers a ton of really absurd and funny questions using the science as we currently understand it.
“But just to be sure, I got in touch with a friend of mine who works at a research reactor, and asked him what he thought would happen to you if you tried to swim in their radiation containment pool.
“In our reactor?” He thought about it for a moment. “You’d die pretty quickly, before reaching the water, from gunshot wounds.””
Our Love Story (2016)
we’re all young and gay and depressed and trying to grapple with the fact that we may never experience love like “normal” people so we all just long for warmth and comfort and like we can’t find it within ourselves or in the people around us and no offense but we all need therapy