Ava

Studying the world, the stars, and all our people. Psychic Medium & Astrologer

[thesolarrealms]

My name is Ava

I’m an Astrologer, Psychic, Poet and Philosopher who studies Psychology and the meaning of life. I have a insatiable hunger to learn about the divine, the human mind, the psyche, the planets and stars, and the Truths of this dimension. \ 

In Vedic: (hasta moon, bharani sun, uttara phalguni rising)  I offer birth chart analysis and personal readings; My bookings are currently open.

[thesolarrealms]

the magician 🪞

‘Perfectly capable. Wise enough. Talented enough. In control of enough. Has enough time left. Skilled and educated enough, but are you willing? Your wishes and desires will not come to life without action and willpower. Daydreaming is not enough. The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something.’ - Ava

“It is for your soul to go out into the world, to be brave enough to see what you do and don’t love for yourself. Love for you may be the other, it may be freedom, it may be nature, it may be child care, animals or experiences related to mechanics, machinery, technology or sports. Love for you may be activity, it may be cerebral and literary orientated, it may be cooking, it may be painting. If you want to spend the rest of your days on earth painting sunflowers, and daisies, drinking jasmine tea in your little studio out in nature - you have the opportunity. 

This is your time after all, this is your chance, your one opportunity in this body to create that. Wishful thinking and day dreaming about a potential reality or dream is different from planning to actually allow yourself to physically and tangibly experience something. Is it important to ask yourself, “Do I want to just secretly day dream and long for this thing which I love for the rest of my life? Or do I want to take action, now, today and tomorrow, to ensure that I experience it.” Do you want to have the memory one day of you having wished for something? Or do you want to have the memory of you having fully experienced that something for yourself? 

We are all drawn to different things, people and experiences. The soul next to you may long to climb a distant mountain, you may long to enjoy rest near the lake or forest. We are all harbouring different desires, and it is important to ask yourself in each moment whether you actually want to do something, or if somebody told you to do something, or if you’re doing something because you want to make somebody else like you, because you want love. 

People often act or behave with the intention or motivation to a) keep themselves alive (money, finances, ‘hunting’) or b) gain love and approval from others. What do you love? And how honest with yourself are you about that? And how much do you fear that others won’t approve of your pursuing of that which you love?

Maybe you do love working, and making money. Maybe you do just love helping and assisting others, those around you. Maybe you love listening to people, or telling stories, or being outside in silence. Whatever it is that your heart calls out to do and naturally leans towards, listen. Because chances are, fighting that is going to make life here a whole lot harder for you. It is painful and unnatural to go against yourself.” Fall seven times, stand up eight. The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground. Author Unknown. What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight – it’s the size of the fight in the dog. Dwight D. Eisenhower. Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Theodore Roosevelt. When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal, you do not change your goal. Zig. Some people dream of success… while others wake up and work hard at it. Unknown. I learned that I had the willpower and ability to reshape my body and life. Mardy Fish

[thesolarrealms]

the world card 🪞

‘The ending to a massive cycle of your life, a pause before the next big cycle begins. The start of major change. Achievement, possibilities, successful completions.’ “Don't mistake activity with achievement.” - John Wooden 

“The joy in life is his who has the heart to demand it.” - Theodore Roosevelt. A sense of wholeness, fullness, pride. Don’t ”be yourself”, but work on yourself. Don’t ”be who you are”, but be who you ought. Don’t ”follow your dreams”, but face your realities. And don’t ”live your life”, but live a respectable life. Then you will find out that you cannot do everything, but at least you have to do something. - Jakub Wiśniewski / There is success and accomplishment here. A need to smile, and pat yourself on the back. You did what you wanted to do, it went well, probably better than expected. You overcame hurdles, and grew, and learnt so much. 

Do you want to achieve again? Do you want to take a break before achieving? What do you want to achieve next? Who do you want to be next, what do you want to do? What would you like to create? How can you start to plan for the next wish, the next desire and the next project? 

In Gestalt psychology when any aspect of your life is left hanging we call it unfinished business. This can eat away at you slowly, really affecting the quality of your relationships and how you see the world. Some common experiences that are attached to unfinished business are abuse suffered at the hands of primary caregivers, difficult endings of romantic relationships, and deaths of important people. These situations usually elicit grief. Sometimes we don’t finish the cycle, sometimes things are not finished and they’re left abandoned - right in the middle of the project. Sometimes we don’t get what we want (reversed World), or it has not been brought into reality yet. 

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” - Paulo Coelho. “Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” Robert F. Kennedy. “Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed.” - Paulo Coelho. There’s got to be something you want to complete. Something you want to attempt. Something you wish to acquire. 

[thesolarrealms]

the moon card 🪞

“Illusion, deception, seeing things for what you want them to be rather than what they are, casting illusion, being under one, mental confusion, cloudy, foggy, hazy, fear. Only the naive are confused. Only those who don’t seek the truth are deceived. The world is only dangerous to those who wish to wear blindfolds because it feels soft. ” - Ava

‘Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.’ - CJ This card can show running away with your imagination. Confusion is a mental disturbance characterised by bewilderment, the inability to think clearly or act decisively, and disorientation for time, place, and person. Women, especially young ones tend to be the most naive, the most easily confused, the most easy to influence. Men tend to be more discerning, in my opinion - especially grown ones. The story of this card is to observe more, watch more, listen more, open your eyes. Do not jump into this situation, as you are not in safe waters. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men. How can you be confused if you know what you want? If you know what you seek, if you carry and hold precise values within yourself? Who can deceive you? Things not being what they seem, people not being who they portray themselves at, situations not being what you think they are. 

*Mind you, confusion in humans can also be caused by dementia, delirium, alcohol, drugs, fever, brain trauma, infections, lack of sleep, blood sugar and temperature level abnormalities, low oxygen levels, and vitamin deficiencies.

‘Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.’ - André Malraux. “Oh, what a tangled web we weave...when first we practice to deceive.” Walter Scott. ‘People are secretive when they have secrets.’ Deb Caletti. ‘The most confused you will ever get is when you try to convince your heart and spirit of something your mind knows is a lie.’ -Shan Alder. ‘But why, why, why can't people just say what they mean?’ Graeme Simsion. Tricks and treachery are the practice of fools, that don't have brains enough to be honest.  - Benjamin Franklin. The most effective way to destroy people is to deny and obliterate their own understanding of their history. - George Orwell. ‘Confidence, once lost or betrayed, can never be restored again to the same measure; and we learn too late in life that our acts of deception are irrevocable - they may be forgiven, but they cannot be forgotten by their victims. Sydney J. Harris

‘It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit. Noel Coward’

[thesolarrealms]

Three of swords

“How hurt are you? How distraught and disappointed? How bad was the rejection, betrayal or discouragement? What’s painful for you may not be painful for me. Pain is a subjective experience.” - Ava

Objectively I can think of a long list of things that would pertain to the three of swords though. Unhappiness, heartache, sorrow, loss and sadness are a part of life. It’s a part of nature. It is a part of survival and growth. Emotions can’t all be positive, that is unrealistic. The process of pain does however interrupts a person's attention and focus, forcing them into an unwanted and unwelcome situation. It could be emotional pain, mental pain, financial pain, physical pain - either way its unwanted displeasure. You may be losing a relationship or an identity, a belief, a purpose or goal. Numbing a pain for a while may make it far worse when you finally feel it. Pain is a pesky part of being human. Most people can bear any pain as long as it has meaning.

‘The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. - Ernest Hemingway. ‘Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word.’ - George R.R. The enjoyment of pain on the other hand and seeking out of it can be referred to as Masochism, which should be looked at by a psychotherapist for you. ‘One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.’ - John Lennon. ‘One word Frees us of all the weight and pain of life and that word is love.’ - Sophocles. 'Tragedy should be utilised as a source of strength. No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that's our real disaster.” - Dalai Lama 

“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive.” - James Baldwin

[thesolarrealms]

the empress card 🪞

‘A creation; whether that be a project, a painting, a baby, a life, a new opportunity, abundance, care, nurturing an existing creation, pregnancy or love.’

Femininity, nurturing, fertility, abundance. A life-giver, a creator, a source from which life has sprung. The desire within every living thing to grow or flourish. It represents the world bringing you forth, asking you to simply be. The pleasure principle. Care. Self-care, care for others. Compassion. Kindness. Making sure your needs are met, knowing your needs, not holding shame for them, voicing them; meeting the needs of others. 

The careful creation of safe spaces. Creating nourishing space. Bringing people together and encouraging them to together. Radical acceptance, radical self-acceptance, the willingness to be in your own skin and allow others the same bliss. The Divine Mother says, ‘I am here and I love myself. I belong. There is space for me. There is space for you, too.’

The Empress card can be very triggering in that not all beings experienced safety and unconditional love. Narcissism runs rampant on the planet, a disease spreading further by the day, sinking its claws into more and more women; more fathers. We all deserve to feel loved, it’s not something we have to ‘earn’. The Empress represents meeting your own needs, and receiving care from others. This is not a person who only cares for others and neglects their own self. Neither is this a person who is focused only on their own needs. 

The Empress correlates to Venus; the planet of love, the concept of love and its overall complexity and depth as a subject. 

“Love. The highest vibration on Earth. The one thing most souls on this planet long for, but complain of having been deprived of. The force that fuels peace, the substance behind passion, the very thing fuelling your being to move forward. The reason that billions of us wake up in the morning, the reason tears form and fall, the medication which alleviates most pains. The thing that hopefully your Mother gave you upon first entering this world, a precious precious thing that many don’t even harbour, and may never experience. A patient thing. A thing free from all devious intent and evil. Greek philosopher Plato once said, "Every heart sings a song incomplete until another heart whispers back.” This reflects that most souls upon incarnating on Earth deeply desire to experience being loved by another, unconditionally, even if just momentarily. It’s a lonely realm if you wander around in isolation for what would feel like forever, your voice would just echo for eternity. 

This realm would be hollow, with nobody to express your thoughts and feelings to, nobody to teach, nobody to see, no voice to hear but your own, none to learn from, none to observe, none to look up to and none to eventually adore with your whole heart, your whole being. This world would be empty without each other. There are many beings and characters that you may not like on this Earth, millions you may not look up to, or agree with. There are those you’ll feel sorry for, those you’ll despise. Those who will cause and intend you harm, attempt to manipulate and use you and that’s why the pull or draw for unconditional love is that much stronger in most of us, because we can tell that this world is full of cold and callous hands, strange hardened hearts. We feel safer in the softness and protection of love.” - Ava

“Love coats and insulates things with light, with a vibrant frequency of the highest order. To love somebody is to coat them with light, to protect them and to be loved is to be coated in the most purity that another being can possibly offer.” - Ava Alexis (Psychic Medium & Astrologer)

[thesolarrealms]

the devil card 🪞

“Fear. Being scared. Engaging in something unhealthy. Danger and bondage. Feeling trapped. Materialism. Tempted and eventually manipulated. Utterly addicted.”

“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.” - Jung. I suspect it may be like the difference between a drinker and an alcoholic; the one merely reads books, the other needs books to make it through the day - Gail. 

The question is frequently asked: Why does a man become a drug addict? The answer is that he usually does not intend to become an addict. You don’t wake up one morning and decide to be a drug addict. You become a narcotics addict because you do not have strong motivations in the other direction. Junk wins by default. I tried it as a matter of curiosity. I drifted along taking shots when I could score. I ended up hooked. Most addicts I have talked to report a similar experience. They did not start using drugs for any reason they can remember. They just drifted along until they got hooked. If you have never been addicted, you can have no clear idea what it means to need junk with the addict’s special need. You don’t decide to be an addict. One morning you wake up sick and you’re an addict. ― William S. Burroughs. “There are all kinds of addicts, I guess. We all have pain. And we all look for ways to make the pain go away.” ― Sherman Alexie. “This diary is my kief, hashish and opium pipe. This is my drug and my vice.” ― Anais Nin

‘Put the addiction down. Walk away. Get help. Get to the root of the addiction, the trauma behind it, the reason you lean on the crutch. Do not let it become you. Don’t let that become your legacy. Do not spend your precious time on earth running from your blessings and opportunities, spitting them in the face. Or do, but do not complain then at the end for having had wasted your time.’ - Ava

“Shame was an emotion he had abandoned years earlier. Addicts know no shame. You disgrace yourself so many times you become immune to it.” ― John Grisham

[thesolarrealms]

the hermit card 🪞

“Introspection, Meditation, Self-reflection, Solitude, Soul-searching, Withdrawing from society temporarily.”

Healthy and unhealthy isolation. Anxiety, fear, shame pain and deep helplessness can describe how loneliness can make a soul feel. “Some people can go for a walk or listen to music and feel that they are deeply in touch with themselves. Others cannot.” Many great thinkers have championed the intellectual & spiritual benefits of solitude, Lao Tzu, Moses, Nietzsche, Emerson, Woolf, but many modern humans seem hell-bent on avoiding it. 

“Every single time we have a chance to go running we plug in our headphones. Every time we sit in the car we listen to the radio, I mean, my students today tell me they can’t go to the bathroom without their phone on.” - the Atlantic. That is where solitude comes in. Such a separation requires what psychoanalysts refers to as the “capacity to be alone.” You have to have that capacity, the ability to know that you’re going to survive, that you’re going to be okay if you’re not supported by entire group. Put another way, a person who can find a rich self-experience in a solitary state is far less likely to feel lonely when alone.

Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god. Solitude vivifies but isolation kills. There is a different between some time and space out, VS exile, being anti-social, a misfit, sadness and dangerously withdrawing from loved ones. “The monotony and solitude of a quiet life stimulates the creative mind.” – Einstien. “Silence is only frightening to people who are compulsively verbalising.” – William S. Boroughs. “Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.” – Edward Gibbon

“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone, and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom, for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” – Arthur 

[thesolarrealms]

the hierophant card 🪞

“Your unique set of spiritual values and beliefs, either adopted from others, or developed on your own. Nonetheless, essential to have as a being on this planet either way.” - Ava

Destructive values, or ethical and moral ones. Religious beliefs, or spiritual and unconventional ones. What do you believe in? Not forming values out of fear, but rather authentically expressing them. Being able to think for yourself and challenge a system if you feel the need to. Will you do things the traditional and conventional way? Will you challenge the status quo? Will you seeking counsel or advice, or follow your own spiritual guidance. Why do you or don’t you believe in what you do? 

Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your actions - and your actions the story of your life. Your legacy. Your everything. The truth of who you are, not who you think you are. Your behaviour reflects your values, what you value. When your values are clear to you, making all other choices becomes easier. We are all born empty vessels which can be shaped by moral values. - JS. Do you stand for honesty, kindness, compassion, treating people the way you want to be treated and teaching? What do you commit yourself to? The aim of your education should be knowledge, not facts, but values. Maturity is achieved when you postpone immediate pleasures for your long-term values.

‘Are you a moral or immoral being? A slave or a rebel? A leader or a follower? A devoted wife or husband, or a heartbreaker? A King or a thief?’ - Ava * Never violate your own code of values and ethics, but don't waste energy trying to make other people violate theirs - Melody Beattie

[thesolarrealms]

the lovers card

“I love him, and you love her, and I love this, and you love that, and that is okay.” - Ava  The lovers can is all about choices, not just in romance. It is about your choice to create a partnership with anything else. Your motivations behind doing so, your current feelings about having done so. It’s about reality - facing the reality of the results of the choices you’ve made. Theres no way that you're not going to have relationships or make choices in life.  “When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or a profession, the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere within ourselves.” - Freud  The remarkable thing is, we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude and experiences we will embrace for that day. Will you make the choice to do something you love or hate? Something healthy or unhealthy for you? Something mind numbing or exciting? Something cowardly or brave? A mans life is a photograph of his series of choices. Every choice you make has an end result. What do you want your end result to be? How can you change or alter your choices? How can you bend them to match the reality you want? It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny. - JN If you choose not to decide, you have still made a choice. The difficult in life is the choice? How many of your choices are being influenced by others, by fear? How many of your choices have been your own, are your own now? Have you taken accountability for your choices? 

‘Make a choice - a choice to be happy, or miserable for longer, to be a victim, or a brave fighter, a lover or a being of hate, a choice to intellectually challenge yourself, or remain stagnant. A choice to earn, or wallow in poverty, a choice to seek help, or remain down. But make a choice before you don’t have any time left here in which to do so.’ - Ava

Choose your love and love your choice. -Monson. 

[thesolarrealms]

the fool card 🪞

New beginnings, faith, pure joy, excitement.

That’s the whole point of new beginnings. You start off with a clean slate, wipe away all the past muck that’s negative and focus on that which you do want. Why not? What does it cost you to be upbeat? Are you losing anything in gaining excitement about your goals, passions and desires? How healthy are your goals?

This is literally your life. Your special and limited time. How do you want to live and experience it? Have you taken ownership over your time and directed yourself along the path that you want to travel? Life is full of new streets. You will never, never be fully prepared for what lies ahead. But you have your hopes and authentic dreams to carry with you. Start today, start this evening - hell start tomorrow but make the pledge to start making your life the best trip you can. Look back on your time and feel, ‘I am still so in love with the reality I created.’ 

- Ava (Psychic Medium and Astrologer)

[thesolarrealms]

the death card 🪞

It is not about avoiding change, as it will inevitably catch up to you, but rather finding strategies to help cope. Things to make the change pleasurable, ways in which to ensure the transformation is fun, and exciting - and not at all scary. 

Any life is a life of change. We experience transitions in work and love, changes in everything, all the time. Sometimes we know a change will occur, while other times it comes unexpectedly. Maybe it’s a displeasure, or maybe it’s a pleasure.

If you can learn to cope with change, accept it and love it as one of the most natural and healthy parts of life, you’ll dramatically increase your chance of an exciting incarnation - a great time on the planet. Your relationships will flourish, and your mind and body will feel lighter. But if you can’t cope with change, even a minor amount of stress will make you feel overwhelmed by life. 

Being able to cope with change is called resilience. Firstly; don’t go and become fixated on events over which you have absolutely zero power or control, set your sights on what you can control now. When you look at your available remaining opportunities, you will empower yourself and work towards change that is actually possible. 

A death, a big move, the loss of a job, or a relationship ending; never push away any grief you feel. Acknowledge it, hold it really tight, love it and then let it go. Seek support among friends or family, and consider speaking with a therapist if you feel far too deeply shattered. Remind yourself about transitions and changes you successfully navigated in the past. Make a list of ways you’ve been resilient and consider what traits and actions might be able to see you through the current challenge. 

What do you want to change, how do you want to change it, when do you want to change it, who do you want to ask for help? Why do you want to make the change? How many changes might you want to make? Is there something on the work front, or relationship front that needs mending? 

[thesolarrealms]

taurus rising ♡︎

The rising shows us a lot about your physical body, outward style, appearance, the way others see you, your general impression on people and your mannerisms. It reflects the zodiacal sign that was ascending on the eastern horizon the moment you were born. Your sun sign is more your ego and core, your moon sign represents your secret mushy centre, whilst your rising or ascendant is the mask that you wear. It isn’t necessarily your life purpose, or your feelings either. If you compare a person to an egg, it would be the shell or outer protective layer - not the inside or the actual egg itself.

Similar to cows, Taurus Risings come off as peaceful and they belong in nature. Taurus is ruled by the planet of love and beauty, Venus, which blesses many Taurus Risings with naturally pleasing faces. They understand that appearances matter and prefer to share their “best face” with the outside world. They have a gentle but stubborn disposition and their energy feels very earthy and stable to others. The embodiment of the feminine principle, ruled by the planet of Venus, goddess of beauty, leads to a stunningly beautiful creature. 

Physically, Taurus tend to be on the bulkier side with wide sloping shoulders, and thick arms, and a narrow waist with long sinewy legs with usually quite massive feet. Those with Taurus on the Ascendant experience the world through their possessions and properties. They have the voice of an absolute angel, a breath of fresh air, the finest taste in all the things, broad shoulders that make for a natural born cuddler. Venus on the ascendant is always going to give a person an extra ‘beautiful’ appearance. They may literally be above average attractive. 

The face of a Taurus can be aptly described as artistic. A low gentle brow, narrow nose, contoured facial edges and thick wedge like shapely lips, with wide vibrant eyes, fringed with sooty lashes. Taurus risings universally share gorgeous necks, whether thick powerful and corded, or smooth long and elegant, the neck of a Taurus rising is alluring. Taurus risings also have a tendency to put on a some weight now, and again, though they are no less beautiful. 

The face of a Taurus female is one of naïveté, and innocence. Wide doe like eyes, or petite doll like nose, and full lips with a rounded face. Great charisma, beauty inside and outside. Sweet, lovable and romantic people. Sentimental, loving and expressive. Soul of artists, they see beauty in so many things in life. They usually take care of their appearance. They are also usually due to Venus here, popular and charming  in a laid back manner. 

[thesolarrealms]

aries rising ♡︎

The rising shows us a lot about your physical body, outward style, appearance, the way others see you, your general impression on people and your mannerisms. It reflects the zodiacal sign that was ascending on the eastern horizon the moment you were born. Your sun sign is more your ego and core, your moon sign represents your secret mushy centre, whilst your rising or ascendant is the mask that you wear. It isn’t necessarily your life purpose, or your feelings either. If you compare a person to an egg, it would be the shell or outer protective layer - not the inside or the actual egg itself.  With Aries, you are dealing with planet Mars, giving a very sexy appearance and vibe, somewhat intimidating and creating a very intense way of being / behaving in a person. They exert a lot of energy and passion. They are super sexual, active people with a strong temperament. They can be a little impatient and easily irritated. They make excellent leaders and impose a lot of self-confidence. An ease to catch other’s eyes easily. They always dressed up for combat. They project themselves with great strength, and once you’ve met them you can instantly tell there is something rather commanding about them, because of how much desire and passion they put into everything they set themselves to do. 

These aren’t your soft cupcake types. They do not exude angel energy, they almost have a devilish appearance. Mars is hot and masculine, fiery and dangerous. This is someone with loads of overflowing fiery energy, so they may appear like they are always on the move. We would hardly find them resting, unoccupied or still. Their sheer presence may be felt by others as restless. Their walk may be perceived as agitated or stirring. They can come across as always fighting for something or in a rush. Aries Rising individuals have a lot of vitality. Their bodies are naturally strong and firm. 

Their presence may be compelling and assertive, exerting much courage. Through their view, life resembles a battlefield of constant and dynamic action, and they appear to participate actively in it like resolute warriors. True warriors, one could say. There is so much boldness in Aries Risings that they are most often seen acting on their own. They are usually running way ahead of us. But it is important to note that this is a rather candid attitude. They may appear individualistic, but they sure wouldn’t mind followers on their journey, people to be on their side. They appear fiery, hard and harsh. 

[thesolarrealms]

The Terrible Wounds Caused 
by Narcissistic Mothers

  A Narcissistic Mother who cannot empathise, completely damages her child’s emotional and psychological development. Classically, a Narcissistic Mother attempts to shape her daughter into a version of herself, or her idealised self, through immense and on-going criticism. Recovery from having been raised by one is absolutely horrific, but is usually possible through by replacing the internalised, negative maternal voice with self-nurturing. The Mother is our very first introduction to life and more importantly in psychology, to ourselves. We learn about ourselves and the world first, through interactions with her. We biologically long for her emotional sustenance, her presence and protection. In healthy cases, her empathetic reflections of our feelings, wants, and needs informs us of who we are and that we have value. Very similar to Narcissus in Greek mythology, she sees her children only a reflection of herself. There is no boundary of separateness between her and her children. She simply cannot see them as unique and special individuals worthy of love. The Narc mother sees her daughter as a tremendous threat and she will project onto her children the unwanted aspects of herself, such as selfishness, self-centredness and coldness but also disliked traits and characteristic of her own mother. How does the Narcissistic Mother actually abuse though you may ask? Well, repeated shaming and control, which deeply undermine the developing identity of a young girl. This creates terrible insecurity, that seems to follow her everywhere she may go. She teaches her from a young age - or programmes and conditions her - to not trust her own feelings. The Narc mother is always unhappy - which the child internalises as their own fault. The Mother is somehow always displeased, and sadly the daughter or child doesn’t realise that The Narc Mother will never ever be satisfied. In more severe cases of emotional abuse or neglect, the daughter may begin to feel like she truly has no right to exist, is a massive burden to her mother and should never have been born. Often husbands or partners of Narc Mothers, if not also abusive, are passive - and do not protect their daughters from this maternal psychological abuse. Many of these mothers lie, and of course hide their abuse. The daughter never actually learns how to dis-engage herself or protect herself at all from this harm. She feels defenceless in terms of standing up for herself and doesn’t even recognise this terrible mistreatment until much later in life. She is never accepted by her Mother for just being herself. She has to choose constantly between sacrificing herself or having no love, which leads later on in life to codependency in adult relationships. Her true self is by her Mother constantly rejected, and then later eventually by herself too. The repeated abuse leads to internalised shame - based on the false belief that she is not lovable. But she does not know that, because she has not experienced anything else, until a much older age, she is not aware that this is not normal. How could she ever be worthy of love from another human being when her own mother didn’t love or accept anything about her?

This shame within the daughter is compounded by bubbling anger or hatred toward her mother that she does not understand or can’t even explain. She believes it is further evidence of her wrongness and that all of her mother’s criticisms must be true. Never ever feeling good enough, her life becomes one long drawn out pattern of striving and lacking any real fulfilment. Since she has been trained and taught that love must be earned, and is not unconditional, her adult relationships become extremely heartbreaking cycles of repeated abandonment. Emotional comfort and closeness is normal in maternal experience and care giving, but here, of course - they are absent. She is not provided with closeness or comfort as others are. The Narcissistic Mother tends to dismiss her child’s psychological or emotional needs, leaving her absolutely starving. Her daughter of course cannot pin point what has been missing her whole life but deeply craves warmth and understanding from her mother. She may experience this warmth, love and understanding from friends or relatives sometimes, or witness it in other mother-daughter relationships, but never actually for herself. She yearns for connection. She doesn’t learn to identify or value her emotional needs, nor learn how to meet them. Mothers with NPD are sick in that they believe the world revolves around them - they completely control and manipulate their children’s emotions and choices, where and when they can - and take it as punishment worthy when they can’t. Parenting becomes their way or the high way. Total self involvement leads these Mothers to often completely just neglect or deprive their daughters. They want their daughter to look, dress and behave just as they do, and date people they would date, and work at places they would work, and have hobbies they would have. Essentially they do not see their most likely highly lovable daughter as a separate person. They see their child as a copy of them and attempt to live through their daughter. If their daughter has a different clothing style, for example, or chooses a different line of work to what they consider acceptable, they are even further emotionally abused. They are condemned and criticised and met with disgust by their Mother. Unknown to them, their Mother is a Narcissist, who cannot be happy for others when they experience happiness. They probably feel jealousy or envy, but never happy for them, and this becomes very known and obvious. The daughter is met with backhanded comments and rude remarks, glares, grins or smirks - but never love and acceptance. They criticise absolutely everything their daughter likes or wants - undermining her ability to think for herself, to choose for herself and to pursue her own happiness in life. Later on in life, these daughters often fall into controlling and abusive relationships. The Narc Mother also loves to compete, as often she fears that she is not any longer ‘the fairest of them all’ which motivates her her compete with her daughter for affection and love from others. If there is another person in the home for example, like a Father or sibling, the mother may not step in and protect their daughter against abuse. They may also reject every single partner that the child brings home, claiming that they are ‘not good enough’ whilst simultaneously inappropriately flirting with them or competing in conversations for attention. They also constantly invade their daughter’s privacy and undermine her relationships with her friends and other relatives. The mother essentially keeps pushing her down, either overtly or subtlety. Recovery from narcissistic abuse is difficult because this person has grown up with terribly persistent feelings of rejection and shame that take time and effort to unravel. The first step in truly understanding it though, is that the negative messages that the Mother has relayed to the Daughter in hopes to suppress her, are untrue. Replacing the negative internal voice created by her with a positive one is essential. One has to practice self compassion. These Mothers are only concerned about their daughters appearance and accomplishments, but never their feelings or emotions. They tend to also be very verbally aggressive towards their daughters. These Mothers absolutely love to gaslight and guilt-trip. They compare their daughters constantly with other siblings or peers, and somehow simultaneously expect praise for raising children. It is ghastly how they train the child to accept verbal abuse and manipulation from others in relationships later on in life. The damage they do is truly too deep. They daughters go on to later become people pleasers who accept blame for everything unfairly, either chasing love as an adult or entirely avoiding it. It makes them question whether they are even actually safe around other people. It negatively impacts how they navigate love later on and connect with others through life at all. The abuse throughout childhood can lead to eating disorders, personality disorders and anxiety related disorders in the daughter too. 

[thesolarrealms]

the divine feminine ♡︎

“Divine feminine energy is all about embracing and expressing your creative self through everything and anything that makes you feel like you. Prioritise yourself. Self-care is so important. We cannot nurture souls around us if we don't take time to nurture ourselves. The divine feminine is an energy also known as shakti, yin, and lunar energy, and is often connected symbolically to the moon, Gaia (Mother Earth), and water.” the divine feminine is generally representative of the half of our consciousness that connects us to qualities like intuition, feeling, nurturing, receptivity, and interconnectedness. It’s energy that everyone can tap into — not something tangible or some elaborate secret club that you need membership access to

Divine feminine energy is nurturing, soft, grounded with strong boundaries, and trusting of her intuition.

Rest. In the power of the pause we can tap into the divine feminine. Try sitting in silence for just five minutes. No music or distractions, just a moment's rest.

Journal. Reflection and going within is a big part of divine feminine energy.

Self-love. One of the biggest components of self-love is self-compassion, and compassion is the love language of the sacred feminine.

Me time. Time to reconnect with your inner self, examples; a prayer, a meditation, an afternoon nap, or reading a book - The wounded masculine present in a man's body is attracted to the wounded feminine in a woman because they both vibrate at the same frequency. Wounded Feminine:

Shame

Insecurity

People pleasing

Burnout Cycles

External Validation

Constant comparing of self

Afraid to speak her truth

Easily attached

Manipulative 

Victim story

Drowning in emotions

Weak boundaries 

Over - explaining 

[thesolarrealms]

Until feminine-energy has been impregnated with masculine-consciousness, it is blind, nescient, disordered.

Shakti and Shiva: (Energy and Consciousness)