Kiana Khansmith
Not today Justin
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KIROKAZE
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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almost home
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@thetorturedpoetsss
The Black Dog????
You mean Sirius Black?
You mean the love of Remus, mr. “When I felt like I was an old cardigan, you put me on and said I was your favorites”, life?
Yeah ok blondie I promise to be normal about this one (I won’t.) 🖤
shane (a little tipsy) being cornered by a few fans at a bar one night and they ask him what’s the best thing about coming out, expecting him to say something motivating like self-expression and liberation and shane just goes
“i don’t know, probably that i can have ilya’s photos on my phone now :).”
and the whole of non bigot hockey twt just fucking crash out and montreal metros and crowell gets burned at the stake
These tags are my fave
Shane like. idk 2014 post Boston winning the cup, meeting his future self. his future self in an Ottawa Centaurs jersey. with no C on his chest. and 2014 Shane sees that and he thinks I failed. I failed I lost so badly they traded me to the worst team in the league. they found out about Rozanov and they traded me. they stripped me of my captaincy and I will never be anything again and his future self, with his wedding ring to Ilya hanging around his neck and looking happier than he's ever looked, looks at 2014!Shane and goes no. this is what winning looks like, kid. this is what we have always wanted, you just don't know it yet. things will be hard but I'd do it all again because it got me here. and then future Shane thinks for a moment and goes I never thought I'd get to be myself in this league. I also never thought I'd get to play on the same team as my husband. But now both things are true. and 2014!Shane looks stunned, tears in his eyes, and future Shane smiles and starts to walk away and then 2014!Shane calls back to him wait! just tell me one thing and future Shane pauses and 2014!Shane steels himself and goes just tell me. is it Rozanov? and future Shane looks back over his shoulder with the biggest grin ever and goes no. but it is Ilya and then he's gone
Like everything in his life, Shane is very pragmatic about sex.
First it’s planning their meet-ups months ahead. Shane has time to plan his outfit, do a pre-workout, and complete his prep routine. When he’s hosting, the temperature is perfectly set, lights low, fresh towels set out on the counters. When Ilya’s hosting or a hotel, he builds in time to do everything he needs beforehand.
Once they’re married, that changes. Living together means things can be a lot more spontaneous (which he loves) but he also likes to know The Plan™️.
And once they’re married, Shane has no problem asking for what he wants so he can plan out his day and routine. It’s not particularly sexy, but he guesses that’s married life.
“Ilya?”
“Hm?”
“Do you want to eat me out after the Canada match tonight?”
They had both been rooting for Canada at the world cup - Ilya even got them jerseys.
Ilya chokes and Shane frowns at him. “You okay?”
“I - just - what?”
“Well I’m going to do a full shower after my physio session with Amelia - I should be done by the time the Canada game starts. Oh - and I meant to ask if you liked those new frozen meals Lyn brought over. They’re a new brand.”
“I - yes, please Shane if I ever don’t want to eat you out, I have been replaced by aliens.”
“Okay, cool. And the meals?”
“Gross,” Ilya said. “But normal gross.”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya?”
“What?”
“Can we fuck on the couch tonight? With the fire going?”
Ilya grit his teeth and for a second Shane thought he would say no.
“Of course.”
“Maybe around 8? I bought 2 hour logs and the fire needs to be completely out by bedtime.”
“Okay.”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya!”
“Shane?”
“Look at your messages! I want to try that position. Maybe after we get back from our afternoon skate?”
~*~*~*~
“Ilya?” Shane asked through his cars bluetooth. Ilya was cooking and keeping him company on the phone as he drove back from an optometrist appointment. Much to his husband’s (fake) disappointment, his slight nearsightedness still didn’t need glasses for anything besides reading comfortably.
“Hm?”
“Did my package get delivered?”
“A package did. I put it on side table for you.”
“Can you go ahead and open it? I wasn’t sure what size to get so I got a few options. I want to try them this weekend - maybe Saturday? If they don’t fit, I’ll need to do another order tonight for 3 day shipping.”
He heard Ilya take a deep breath. He hated to give him another thing to do on top of making dinner, but he wanted to make sure they had the right sizes before they wanted to use them.
~*~*~*~
“Hey Ilya?” Shane said quietly, so the other people at the stuffy fundraiser couldn’t hear.
“Yes?” Ilya, his hand coming up to run through the back of Shane’s hair.
“I’m exhausted. Can we do shower blowjobs when we get home tonight?”
Ilya hand stuttered in his hair. Shane hated to disappoint him but he was too tired for his prep routine, his post routine, and cleaning the sheets. Or even getting up for Ilya to do it. Shower blowjobs had excellent clean up time and he could fall right into bed afterwards.
“That sounds perfect,” Ilya said, a little roughly.
~*~*~*~
Shane was going to kill him. Murder him. Like a sniper - out of the blue, at any given moment, Shane might call out to him all softly and then ask for hottest sex imaginable (all sex with Shane) AND THEN plan it for later, leaving Ilya incredibly worked up.
The worst part was Shane did not even know he did this to him - for Shane, it was just planning - run at 6, breakfast at 8:15, workout at 8:30, shower at 10, fuck husband at 10:45, off ice training at 12:15, etc. It drove Ilya insane.
But Ilya didn’t want to mess it up by acting on the extreme horniness he felt every time his husband causally planned out mind blowing sex. He knew routine was good for Shane’s brain and it would mess the routine up if Shane asked to pencil in a blowjob at 3:15pm and Ilya dropped to his knees right then. So he had to wait and wait until the clocked ticked down for their scheduled appointment. He loved it.
So I think the way you know you suck at hockey (at the professional level, I know no one in the NHL actually sucks) is if you’re playing poorly and Shane Hollander is still nice to you. “You you did good out there, man. No sweat.” He’s mean to the players who have potential (“What the FUCK were you thinking Haas?”), or the really good players fucking up on bad nights. He doesn’t even talk to his husband out at Monks after Rozanov missed his pass on the power play (“I set it up perfectly for you, Ilya, if you’d just admit it then maybe I could help you fix it for next time—“) but he’s asking you about the kids and where you go for Christmas. You’re never getting off the fourth line bud. Actually, Hollander just bought you a beer, which means you’ll be back in the minors next week.
OP you read my mind. I’ve been thinking all week that Shane is like that meme of Gordon Ramsey with kids vs Gordon Ramsey with adults
I mean, Shane is going to express himself wildly differently from Ramsey lol. But if you’re someone who Should Know Better and you play hockey badly, he’s going to murder you with his brain. If you suck but are a cocky shit, he’s gonna put you in your place. But if you are Doing Your Actual Best, he’ll privately think you should be sent down to the AHL and he definitely doesn’t want you on his line, and he might forget you exist sometimes, but he’s not gonna be cruel to you about it.
(He’s very polite and supportive about Rose’s brothers who never achieved hockey success. Wow✨ he almost got into the AHL✨ that’s great!✨ he tells Rose magnanimously)
@nyxlyx okay NOW i’m adding your brilliant tags to the CORRECT post jfc. Time to get off tumblr. But what I was saying is that it’s sending me that Luca is essentially like “if you like Tanner Dillon So Much Then Why Don’t You Marry Him!”
i think if hollanov decide to have more than one kid at least one of them will be a goalie. and you know that kid is going first in whichever draft they end up in because they practiced on shane fucking hollander and ilya fucking rozanov (because if your dads were casually the two best centres in the nhl and two of the most successful hockey players on the planet, then you defend that net like your life depends on it)
everyone else in that years draft thinks this hollander-rozanov child got picked first out of nepotism (because who the fuck is that desperate to pick a goalie first overall in the draft?) until one day that team’s starting goalie is injured and all of a sudden your scoring chances have gone to hell because you’re trying to get the puck past cerberus, the three headed dog that guards the gates of hell
someone says something about nepotism and in a fit of rage ilya posts a bunch of videos of their kid at the grand age of eight years old defending the net from their father. and it’s an unacknowledged fact that The Shane Hollander has never gone easy on the ice at all, and the fact he’s playing his still single-digit kid does not change this one iota
and the kid is WINNING. shane is clearly not pulling his punches and a significant number ARE going into the net (because, at the end of the day this is still The Shane Hollander vs a middle-schooler) but the kid is saving enough goals that it’s noticeable
and ilya captions the post. “if our child is capable of this level of goaltending at 8 imagine how good he’ll be in ten years” and then his next post is “oh wait, you don’t need to imagine” and the accompanying video is some of the best saves he’s made that year
(their child also has a brutal sense of humour that the world discovers the first time he’s mic’d up. “why are they mic’ing the goalie?” everyone asks, then the commentary starts and they immediately understand. a petition goes round for him to be mic’d every game. he’s not, but he is mic’d more frequently than the average goaltender)
This is my favourite Hollanov edit! https://www.tumblr.com/sosaneitsinsane/811269524381925376?source=share
it’s so well done 🥹
,
Some art about coffee and certainly nothing else
I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:
Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.
Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"
Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."
They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.
“I want to thank my husband and captain Ilya Rozanov for his support and leadership and for the fact that his shot accuracy was down by 5% this season. The puck’s supposed to go into the net, sweetheart.” — Shane Hollander after winning the award for most goals after his first season as a centaur
let’s all remember that ilya professed his love to shane twice in a whispered rush and then in a hoarse tearful confession and then shane hit him with the holy shit and i love you too in his startled flat affect and then ilya’s entire face crumpled and he collapsed on top of him and shane held his head in both his big hands and kissed him on the forehead twice. let’s hold on to that ok
The “do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” is genuinely such a fucking cunty comment and all Shane does is throw his underwear at Ilya and then grin like he’s so proud of himself.
What I’m saying is this, sometimes Ilya will say something to Shane in front of the Centaurs that makes the whole locker room freeze up because if they said that shit to their own partners, they would be in the doghouse for months. But Shane will just shove Ilya or punch him in the shoulder and then they grin at each other like it was the funniest shit ever.
They learn the hard way that although there seems to be no boundry to what Ilya can chirp Shane with, the same does not apply to anyone else. If anyone makes a comment to Shane that is deemed not appropriately playful, you will be facing the wrath of his husband and you will wish you were dead.
See, the thing is that even though Ilya loves to rage bait Shane and say cunty things like “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?”, he is never cruel or mean. He never says anything that would actually hurt Shane, he never goes for the jugular. And that’s because the chirping is meant almost as a backwards compliment to Shane. He can say “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” BECAUSE he knows (and Shane knows, and Shane knows that Ilya knows) that Shane will likely/definitely hold the cup one day himself. Shane even replies “I’ll know for myself soon enough.”
Imagine if Ilya said that to someone who wasn’t Shane, like maybe someone on an AHL team who has pretty much zero chance of ever winning a Stanley Cup. Then Ilya would be a total asshole who is trying to make the AHL player feel shitty. It’s an asshole move because the power dynamics are different: star MLH player taunting AHL player about something they want but will never get.
But no, Ilya’s saying this to Shane, BECAUSE he knows just how good Shane is and knows that Shane will definitely win at least one cup at some point. It’s almost like an in-joke: I know you’re good, you know you’re good, but I’m a chaos gremlin and a competitive little shit so I’m gonna rub it in your face a little that I got there before you did, just to get a reaction out of you. But the joke hinges on the fact that Ilya thinks Shane is amazing, they are equals, and it wouldn’t work otherwise.
Rinse, lather, repeat for all of his other digs at Shane, i.e. “this slow fucking player” only works because Shane is incredibly fast, “with a weak backhand” only works if Ilya has the best backhand in the league and Shane has the best forehand and the second-best backhand, etc. He wouldn’t say this to Shane if Shane was actually kinda slow or had been frustrated with his backhand. They’re both in on the joke, and it’s one way they can bridge the competitive divide between them. It acknowledges “hey, we’re the two best players in the world, and it’s lonely at the top, except now we have these little jokes that acknowledge our competitive sides and the fact that I really want to beat you, but also tie us together, because no one else can make these jokes except us.”
He just wants to protect him so bad 🥺
ilya's worth the wait? gets me every time because sure it's said in jokey manner but also it's did you like it? did i do a good job? do you want to do it more? i really liked it and i hope you liked it too, i wanted to make it so so good for you, did i do it right?
The missing sex scene in Tampa haunts my dreams. The fact that it happens after their first real and honest conversation, the fact that Ilya is desperate for validation that Shane still wants him, not only after leaving him in Boston and going on to date Rose Landry but also after seeing him emotionally vulnerable. The catharsis that took place in that bed is beyond anything they have ever experienced before and it is, at times, the only thing I can think about.
when ilya walked into the cottage for the first time, it must have been such a bizarre moment of déjà vu. he goes to the window and there's the garden sloping down to the water and he's seeing shane doing yoga in the documentary. he's looking out the window and thinking, "oh he's moved the chairs. will we sit there together, maybe?"
shane is telling him about the well, and all ilya wants to say is, "i know. i know. i know. i know about the well and the water, and the way the sun looks when it hits the lake. what time was that? what time of day did you film it? i want to see it for myself. with you. is this still your fortress of solitude if i'm here? can it still be your favourite place in the world if you share it with me? i've waited for years to see the heart of you and you're welcoming me in with cokes and a fruit bowl of doritos."
There really is something so incredibly compelling about the dynamic of a man who has never experienced open desire learning to let go and finding out he's actually a downright slut for it in the right circumstances with a specific man who happens to be an absolute whore but who grows obsessed with this quiet, unassuming, secret deviant to the point that literally nothing else matters. And they're rivals. Like, wow, no wonder this show has me in such a chokehold.
shane hollander who prefers subbing because it's one of his very few outlets that allows him to relinquish control and turn his brain off.
and ilya rozanov who prefers domming because he feeds off of the active appreciation he receives from shane.
guys they mean so much to me
