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Goodbye
Nothing Beastly About It is going on a beastly break for about a year and will be back at some point this century with a whole horde of monstrous new stories, which will curl your blood, wobble your knees and twist the happy cells in your heart. Till then, a big shout out thank you to folks in over 64 countries for reading and writing-in to tell me how much you loved these little stories of…
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So Long And Thanks For All The
So Long And Thanks For All The
The dolphins had decided to leave earth. Finally. It was the honking that got to them. Bowriders, Pontoons, Trawlers, Cruisers, Deck Boats and even dinghies had horns. Loud, piercing, ocean-peace shattering monsters carved out of gaudy-coloured plastic. Biology was of no help, as the dolphins could hear a rather impressively huge range of frequencies from 20 HZ to 20 Khz. The misery of having…
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How To Bite Back Fate
How To Bite Back Fate
Gallopavo shivered and his 6000 feathers created a gentle rustle in the air. The still, icy cold, blue-black sky spilled around, an ominous highway on which death rode. He knew in his heart what he had heard was true. In 7 days he was going to be turkey or more precisely stuffed Christmas turkey (He was already turkey, in fact, born turkey) (How many turkeys can you use in a sentence?)
Seven…
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How To Work Towards Laziness
How To Work Towards Laziness
The ciliate, moth, beetle, fungus and algae held on to dear life. They were moving again. This was too much. When they had found a warm sloth slumped on a tree they quickly assumed his body would be their immovable planet for the rest of their lives. Dream on creatures.
Bradypod didn’t know it but he was mirroring the exact irritation the lifeforms snuggled in his fur were feeling. When he was…
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A Killer Aphrodisiac
The old man lost his 134th girlfriend to a whim (Hers not his). Till now he had drunk 154 bird nest soups and was firmly convinced this was the reason why in his 67th year he was still considered the most dangerous casanova around the seven-hill region. Legend had it he just needed to look you in the eye and you would follow him home. Women were warned to flee when they saw the jaunty bobbing of…
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The Friend Who Never Left
The Friend Who Never Left
Mama licked the fetal sac off Lupus’s head and he saw the world for the first time. Or more precisely he saw Mr Moon. With a calmness born of many deliveries she gnawed at the placenta till it was dangling free of Lupus’s body and wolfed it down. She wouldn’t be able to hunt for some time and nutrients were a must to survive.
Lupus didn’t even notice his mom snacking on parts of himself. He was…
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The Green Gangstah
Caelifera loved weed. Not the kind you would pull out of the earth muttering about their asinine stubbornness to not die but the sorts you would pop into a leaf, roll into a fine tube and smoke sweet heaven in slow mouthfuls.
Nobody knew when the habit developed but one day Caelifera was found sprawled on a rock, doing some chill-umm. Since then, every day, you would find him at 11 sharp hitting…
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The Hair Of No Return
The Hair Of No Return
The terrified cries of a passing bee reached his resting ears. He didn’t stop chewing and continued to grind the grass between his teeth, which would eventually fall into his four-chambered stomach. This week alone a giddy-headed butterfly, a slow scorpion and a bunch of ants giving a group hug had been caught in his lovely, white matted hair.
It had begun growing the minute he was born from the…
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Silencing A Quiet Life
Silencing A Quiet Life
She was told sparrows were extinct in the part of the city she lived. She didn’t understand. How did she exist if she was supposed to be extinct? Was her living a lie? Was it because she was a bitsy, brown, indistinguishable bump of meat? Was her cheep not loud enough to proclaim the existence of breath?
It was true she had no friends or mates or family who looked like her. From birth she had…
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The Sickness OF Health
She woke-up and rushed to the watering hole. She peered in intensely as if to look for someone other than her in her reflection. ‘Yes, it is still there and last night it has gotten worse.’ Oh, no! She rushed back at the same speed and almost bumped into Dither.
‘See, see it has gotten worse.’
Dither had just woken up wasn’t particularly bright at that time of the morning. ‘Huh?’
‘My black…
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A Parasite Called Love
A Parasite Called Love
From the corner of her eye, Linophryne watched an underdeveloped male swim towards her. In a matter of seconds he would bite into her skin, release an enzyme, which would digest the skin of her body and his mouth so their blood vessels could fuse into one. Literally not romantically or metaphorically. Nothing gross about it. It was just biology.
She needed him to fertilise her spawn and in…
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The Good Luck Of Luck
The Good Luck Of Luck
Like most of her species, Diomedia nestled on one of the most remote oceanic islands in the world. She couldn’t complain, the sun, sand and sea packaged with a sparse population and ample squid, fish and krill, which could be caught efficiently by scavenging, surface seizing or diving made life filled with all the good stuff that kept depression away.
These birds also had the conscience of a…
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The Rage Of The Unwanted
The Rage Of The Unwanted
When Der Kleine Proteus was born he loved the world and wanted to make as many friends as he could. He would extend his pseudopodia and move towards the closest human around. The tip held his heart begging someone, anyone to accept this gesture of friendship.
In the beginning the human didn’t mind, why, it barely registered his presence but the middle he settled down and called the host body his…
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Everybody Hates Me and Vice Versa
Everybody Hates Me and Vice Versa
The panther sauntered past a frowning Pilosa and yelled a cheery, ‘Lovely day, isn’t it?.’ With characteristic familiarity she stuck out her tongue at him. It was a really long tongue, longer than her head and it accentuated her rudeness.
The panther felt his cheerful mood popping like a balloon on a burner and much to the dismay of the frolicking rabbits he was in a nasty mood the whole day.…
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Free Falling to Fly
Free Falling to Fly
Plexippus seemed to be measuring the earth as he inched towards the edge of his world. He was born on a branch and unlike most caterpillars he wasn’t content to die on one. He aspired for bigger things like flying. Spreading his nonexistent wings and tasting the freedom of air.
His twelve eyes were focused on the end of the branch. His plan was simple. Crawl up to the tip, fall over and…
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The UnDelivered
Most storks loved the babies they carried, their little gurgling, the delicate smell of the falling bits of pee and poo (They couldn’t wear diapers as it added to the weight) but you could safely say Aequon wasn’t one of them.
It was almost as if the babies understood his hatred. They would bawl through the entire route, fart heavily and pee in a whorl, sometimes splashing poor Aequon’s neck. He…
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Pork-Owww-Pine
Stachelschwein was a little porcupine who had just been informed by his Biology teacher he was a rodent. Blurrgh! Indignantly, he exploded, ‘Rodents are uggghy rats, I’m not one of them!’ and stormed out of class. His best friends, Frosch the frog and Ameiselowe the antlion scampered after him.
The three of them decided to bunk school and were gambolling around the jungle when they came across…
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