#extradirty
Fai_Ryy
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Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
Jimmy Eat World
oozey mess
izzy's playlists!
d e v o n
bliss lane
Sade Olutola
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blake kathryn
Monterey Bay Aquarium
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Cookie Run:Kingdom Official!
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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@thirtylizardsinatrenchcoat
No offense but if you're exclusively attracted to white people or cis people that is not a neutral or unbiased thing lmao. I know that may sound uncomfortable. But attraction is not this infallible thing that's completely uninfluenced from broader forces.
i'm not gonna get any sleep tonight either but for a new reason
i'm not gonna get any sleep tonight either but for a new reason
dealing a lot with "i feel like i can't say any sentences correctly online anymore and everyone's mad at me no matter what kind of conversation i'm trying to participate in" and i know realistically if i'm angsting over feeling like Every Person Who Has Ever Liked Me Ever Across Multiple Disparate Social Circles have ALL suddenly decided to hate my guts simultaneously that is ABSOLUTELY an anxiety demon in my brain and not the reality but. it's hard when the feeling has been kinda just getting worse for months and nothing i do privately or publicly alleviates it for more than a day or two
Annoyed with a video essay about misogyny in fandom spaces because the person making the video was saying "men" when they meant men, but they were saying "AFAB people" when they meant women. Quickly. What Demographic Are You Excluding By Saying This. This stupid fucking video essay was supposed to be about misogyny whilst excluding an entire demographic of women that does very much experience a lot of misogyny in fandom spaces (and everywhere else for that matter).
No-one wants to admit we are subject to misogyny. They would rather sweep it under the rug and misgender trans men in the process.
racism literally bleeds through the cracks of everything and if you dare to even barely point it out everyone will kill you
racism runs so deeply in people that if you call it out you are calling out them, and instead of sitting down and examining their own racism they lash out at you for being sooo meansies to them. you don't even have to be talking about anyone's racist behavior in particular because it makes racists so uncomfortable they will come forward themselves and act like you're targeting them specifically. it's okay when they do it because they're doing it in the correct way, in the nice way! they don't mean it like that. in fact they're actually being progressive. you're the cruel one for acting like their racist behavior is racist. you're the problem if you're bothered by their comfort racism. you're the bitchy colored person who makes eeeverything about racism when it so clearly isn't. i'm fucking sick of this.
a lot of people on social media are very cruel about the literacy crisis of course I think everyone should not just read more but read things that challenge them... but when had shaming and mockery ever made you want to do something you're being made fun of for not doing? i don't think you actually care I think you're just glad to have an acceptable target to feel intellectually superior over
in 2024 I felt like I was ready to articulate exactly what troubled me about the way that Neil Gaiman cultivated an image and a particular relationship with his fandom and then. well. and the thing is that it would still have troubled me if he hadn’t turned out to be an evil rapist and was just kind of a self-obsessed guy with poor boundaries, but now it’s impossible to talk about that lol.
I am interested in what you have to say. I am interested in your perspective on this matter of reputation, fandom, and social/parasocial relationships.
I have tried but honestly I can’t really rewind my own brain to 2024 before the scandals broke and when it was all fresh in my mind due to the excitement around the Good Omens show. Ultimately it came down to having bad boundaries with his own fandom… the “rockstar” thing was very purposefully cultivated, and he got way too comfortable publicly encouraging a really extreme degree of hero worship in a way that felt deeply irresponsible from a public figure.
Like… his tumblr was quite active, his askbox was open, and he no doubt received dozens to thousands of asks per day. The ones he chose to publish were frequently over-the-top “you’re literally the reason I’m still breathing” “your books are so important to me I’m going to name my ovaries after you” type shit that’s like… personally I think you have to be a little bit of a creep not to find kind of uncomfortable. He would never attempt to graciously de-escalate or redirect that sort of interaction and really normalized it as the way to speak to and think about him while also courting the down-to-Earth and accessible Tumblr uncle thing. Just. Like. He made himself irresistible to a kind of psychologically vulnerable young queer woman hungry for validation in a way I had thought was shameless and irresponsible and retroactively think was very calculated.
yeah what always got me uncomfortable is that... like, and obviously my experience with this is the lowest stakes possible version, lol, but when you have any kind of somewhat visible internet presence and you Make Things that people see & consume, you'll get a variety of messages that range from "I hate your fucking guts in a weirdly personal way" to like, "I am/was really going through it and seeing you/your words really got me through a super dark time" with a LOT of stuff in the middle. and the latter type of posts often come with shades of "this person is really really vulnerable and is pedestalizing you and whatever you say back is going to have a really really outsized impact on them" and those are messages that I get sometimes, and I've gotten to the point where I'm always REALLY really conscious of the differential that's present there and always always try to respond in ways that emphasize my status as just a person on the same level of personhood as the asker, while at the same time not acting completely like A Peer, because how the person feels about me prevents us from really being equals in terms of the impact I can have on them vs the impact they can have on me. like, there simply is a level of emotional distance it is appriate to maintain when people latch onto you/your work to that degree.
so I would see the asks he chose to publish, and how he chose to respond to them, and my primary thought was always "wow I would never select those messages to publish and if I did I would answer them very differently" because he kind of did the opposite of the thing I try to do; he would act like he was A Peer (in other words, not acknowledging any unevenness between him & a fan) while at the same time not at all discouraging the pedestalizing. like "yes I'm a god, but I'm a god you can talk to!" as opposed to "wow hey, you can talk to me and I'm really glad my work had a positive influence on your life, but I'm not a god, I'm a guy." which I think at best shows someone is really clueless about power dynamics & bad boundaries and self aggrandizing behavior. and I guess we found out what it shows at worst.
blech.
#mmmmhmm.#a tricky line to articulate is that - absolutely the scope and magnitude of what came out against him was shocking#and far beyond what I had expected. I don't make any claims to having 'known all along' or anything of the sort#But also on the face of it. I was not surprised that he was accused of sexual assault.#Because the way he was acting with fans demonstrated a willingness to take advantage of people's admiration to feed his own ego.#which suggests a willingness to take advantage in other ways is at least a potential issue.#and there is something in the shape of hiding 'calculated intent to exploit' under a guise of 'willing to take advantage of fans'#under a guise of 'magnanimously accepting praise and feeding people's fan/idol complex'#under a guise of 'just building an approachable internet personality'#I also feel like. In relation to the whole thing with the sanctification of terry pratchett#I really felt like a lot of gaiman's posturing about the show was pretty transparently an attempt to feed off of that#energy of idolization. In a way that felt pretty shitty to do to the memory of a friend. (via screambirdscreaming)
And on the topic of the ‘crazy ex girlfriend’, a man I know was in a long term relationship with a woman with severe bipolar disorder who was off and on meth and became abusive when she was using. He never called her his crazy ex. He never spoke about her like she was an inhuman piece of shit born simply to inconvenience him. He did not dehumanize her. He was candid about how she was a destructive force in his life and he realized he could not help or save her and that he had wasted years trying to get her out of a quagmire she didn’t want to escape from. I have never heard him refer to her as ‘crazy’ even once, though she suffered from severe bipolar disorder that she was self-medicating with methamphetamine and in turn suffered from meth psychosis.
I do understand that reactive abuse is a thing and victims react in many ways but that is the crux of the little alarm that goes off when that certain type of straight man starts talking about his ‘crazy ex girlfriend(s)’, he does not talk about a human who was flawed and hurt him, he is not speaking about a person who struggled with severe mental health issues, he is not talking about a person at all because women are not people to him. They are nebulous concepts, machinery that malfunctions and can be considered ‘crazy’ when it fails to do the things he wants and pushes back on his behavior. There is a difference between an abusive/unwell/toxic former girlfriend and a ‘crazy ex girlfriend’.
I think it's so important and crucial for 20 year olds to witness older people who are genuinely bad at some aspects of being a person but are still living lives they find meaningful and enjoyable. Not just "oh I got married and you can too" but like. sometimes you cannot for the life of you finish college or find a good job or stay in a relationship or arrive to locations on time or whatever it is you think when you're 20 that you HAVE to be able to do. But you wind up finding a place in the world anyway. It happens!
has anyone noticed the new meta for people being accused of bigotry (esp white people being accused of racism) is to claim they're receiving harassment (often with no proof just on a "trust me" level) so the whole conversation turns into how harassment is always wrong and bringing up the bigotry that sparked it will get you accused of lolcowing
we are NOT bringing 4chan incel terminology to this site, take that "foid" out of your post and go wash your blog out with soap
the memeification of fascism is a proven method of perpetuating and instilling it in other people. Layers of irony will not protect you once you adopt racist, sexist, ableist, transphobic terminology into your lexicon. you'll be acknowledging and nursing the mindsets and connotations borne of those words.
this is going to sound like such a little sibling ass take but i genuinely believe that being a little bit annoying is actually a greater sign of maturity and self awareness than being universally likeable and on good terms with everyone
if some people find me annoying and can't stand me because of how i think and act then that means i'm a fully realized human being with my own personality and opinions and free will and not just a reflective surface for other people's desires, which is in fact a good thing despite what people who want you to just be a reflection of their own opinions and desires will tell you, and why being considered "cringe" or whatever doesn't bother me at all
also it's really funny when you're confident enough in yourself to know that people not liking you isn't always a sign that you're the problem. like there's something undeniably hilarious about being aware your mere existence has the power to piss someone off and ruin their day and i recommend embracing it.
Oh fucking thissss
i actually think that what's being missed in the 'why does everyone love heated rivalry' conversation is just that it's good
it's well made, well shot, well directed, the music is interesting, the costumes are both thoughtful and subtly period accurate, the sex scenes are intentional and, again, accurate to what hooking up when you're like 18 actually feels like...the actors are of course attractive but they look like real people. the characters are varied and well fleshed out, the acting is really, really strong
so many shows and films shoot and then slot in whatever music kind of fits or could be licenced in the budget after time, but you can tell that the scenes in hr were shot with that specific music in mind. and the same intentional approach runs through the whole thing
it feels...so nice to watch a show that cares about itself
i think one of my favourite things about watching sports (beyond the sport itself) is the magical thinking, the way every spectator feels responsible for the success of the team. the people who are physically there need to sing and scream as loud as possible but then everyone at home has their little rituals. who's to say if the goal we scored was because the players know how to play or because i refused to go to the bathroom, this friend of a friend in rio sat down to watch the game for the first time in his life, these dudes in lanús lit a candle, my cat walked into the room, this woman in caballito did an intention ritual to cure the evil eye, my coworkers in núñez switched seats, a friend froze their goalie. i mean clearly the first option but i think it's (1) hilarious that this kind of magical thinking seems to be largely unavoidable (2) a lot of fun. we're all doing our part ❤️
me hanging out with black people in the summer: “aye, yall don’t forget to put on sunscreen”
them:
@flipflibberinflippinghell
Use the Walgreens Brand which is pretty cheap and it does wonders and doesn’t leave me with a white cast. And I’m dark as hell so I hate looking ashy but not all sunscreens are made equally and it’s one of the better ones I’ve used.
Wait cocoa/shea butter and coconut oil don’t protect you from the sun we really do need sunscreen??
Yea fam. All that “we don’t need sunscreen” shit is a myth. Combine that with the fact that most dermatologists don’t know how to spot skin cancer in Black people and it’s a nasty combination.
Yeah, it’s harder for us to get it but when we do it’s deadly. I know two people who died of skin cancer, both were Black.
“While incidence of melanoma is higher in the Caucasian population, a July 2016 study in the Journal of the American Academy of Dermatology showed it is more deadly in people of color. African American patients were most likely to be diagnosed with melanoma in its later stages than any other group in the study, and they also had the worst prognosis and the lowest overall survival rate.”
- https://www.skincancer.org/prevention/skin-cancer-and-skin-of-color
Sorry about the link, I’m on mobile. But this is from August 2016, which I know isn’t the most recent but it’s still SUPER IMPORTANT. Y’all please wear sunscreen. With Google it’s even easy to find smaller, Black-owned brands.
https://blackgirlsunscreen.com/ is Black-owned!
I’m gonna second the rec for Black Girl Sunscreen, it’s affordable, Black owned, and immediately melts into the skin without leaving any gross white cast.
Strange racists and homophobes on the internet seem to have access to an alternate way cooler version of TV than me. "every white character on TV is in an interracial relationship" "every show has a gay couple in it" "main characters keep having to secretly be bisexual and nonbinary" "every show has gratuitous full frontal nudity" like damn promise?? What channel???
as a black gay person real like where y'all be finding this stuff pass the name
for real though, those DO NOT WATCH OR YOU'LL CORRUPT YOUR CHILDREN lists put out by conservative christian family groups is where I find all the stellar tv shows. Like, shit I didn't know half of those existed, thanks for finding them for me, gonna go watch 30 hours of gay tv now!
I think I know how this works.
For personal context, before I went to the '98 Burning Man festival, one of the things I'd read from a couple different journalists was that "everybody" runs around naked. Which, fine by me, I'd already spent a lot of time in clothing-optional spaces, I'm not fanatic about it but it's nice.
So I got there early and set up a public shade structure on one of Black Rock City's main roads and spent most of each afternoon just watching the crowds go by. I don't remember seeing more than one actually naked person the whole week. I think a topless woman passed by my intersection maybe every half an hour, sometimes once an hour. So why in the hell were people, normally pretty smart and observant writers, coming away with the impression that everybody was naked?
Then I remembered an unrelated passage from Joel Garreau's great book about the history of the outer-ring suburbs, Edge City. Mall developers told him flat-out that they tried to keep the crowds in their malls less than 5% black. Not because they themselves were racist, but because they had determined, experimentally, that if more than 5% of the people in the mall are black, the median white shopper will wrongly describe the mall as at least half black, as mostly black. And not a few of them would describe it, at 6% black, as a mall where "only black people go." Why?
Because, emotionally, they were still upset over the last one when the next one came into view.
Same as the journalists describing Black Rock City as all naked. Same as the right-wing religious culture warriors describing television as entirely mixed-race and gender non-conforming. Not because it's even vaguely true, we know that, but because they haven't gotten over their discomfort over the last one by the time the next one comes along. The anger, not the stimulus, is the part that's continuous, so their mind lies to them that it's "all" the thing they can't get over.
Similar effect for the presence/proportion of women in things, by the way: https://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/how-17-equals-496-the-amazing-multiplying-women.htm
