Hi There

I'm Taylor (he/him), I'm awkward, and I'm hella queer. That's pretty much it.

[fuks]

[deleted-deleted-byyyyeeee-deact]

I love the sound of the innocent laughing.

[soflobrat]

😂😂

[thedarkestlovee]

This is what I imagine having children is like

[fatherofthebride]

is that a property brother

[221cbakerstreet]

It was

[itsagifnotagif]

These memes

[writing-prompt-s]

You’re in charge of assigning every child on Earth the monster under their bed. One child in particular has caused every monster assigned to him/her to quit. You decide to assign yourself.

[kittenwiskers]

Case: #273402 Status: Disastrous.

I stare at the file and realize I have no options, over the last 2 years every monster assigned to Charlotte Dower has quit, every last one. Her first monster; a giant goldfish-faced humanoid named Bubba, had been with her for four years, and then she wasn’t scared of him anymore. After that it was a string of different common, uncommon, and rare monsters… I even assigned a sentient sock monster to her. He came back crying! I look on my tablet, only one assignable monster left; myself. Field work has never been my cup of tea, but desperate times call for desperate measures. So at 8:03 pm, after Mrs. Gideon tucks in Charlotte and her little brother Daniel; I slither into the space beneath Charlotte’s bed. Across the room underneath Daniel’s crib is a rookie, Chico, a standard Creep kind of monster. I turn my attention to the bed above me, Charlotte is still awake but barely, I reach up over the bed and run an ice cold finger over her cheek, silence, so I do it again. “I’m not afraid of you monster!” She whispers, but her voice is shaking. I can see a small clock on the wall 8:14, a door somewhere in the house slams and there is an audible hitch of breath from above me. A few minutes go by I can hear Francis Gideon yelling at his wife. There are heavy footsteps on the stairs, and loud panting breaths, Charlotte scrambles off the bed and… She. CRAWLS. Under. The. Bed. With. Me. “Move. Over!” Charlotte hisses at me. I do. The door to the bedroom slams open and I smell the stench of human intoxicants before the man even steps inside. I know why Charlotte isn’t afraid of any of my monsters; she’s afraid of her own. Francis reaches a hand under the bed and I thrust my wrist into it, he starts to pull, I slither out. “What the…” I cut Francis’s next words off by unfolding to my full 12 foot height. Looming over the drunken man I caress my cold fingers down his face. “If you ever touch, scare, or harm my child again, I will find you, and I will do the same to you, for all eternity.” I promise to him. As Francis runs from the room he soils himself. I pull Charlotte from under the bed, tuck her back under her covers and kiss her forehead goodnight. “I’ll be back tomorrow night, sleep well darling.” Charlotte Dower is my child, I am the monster under her bed.

[bi-est-witch-of-middleearth]

WELL GODAMN, WE HAVE OURSELVES A WINNER

[gabbyzvolt25]

Holy shit I’m gonna cry that’s beautiful.

[codestielckles]

MARY. COMPLIMENTING. DEAN.

[wattpadfic-deactivated20170213]

its so funny when men hug each other and start slamming their palms against each other’s backs to keep it from bein a romantic embrace like they gotta give each other fucking scoliosis to prevent gayness

[allaboutschool]

[pandavalkyrie]

[coffeetwosugars]

so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count

[actualtrashbag-deactivated20170]

holy f uck jane

[coffeetwosugars]

its a serious question

[tinfoil-on-the-windows]

well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.

[coffeetwosugars]

new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing

[tinfoil-on-the-windows]

no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.

you gotta digest it.

so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?

[coffeetwosugars]

huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?

[generallyhuxurious]

Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”

[coffeetwosugars]

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”

“you what now”

[the-negotiator]

i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic

[coffeetwosugars]

now that u said it im really surprised as well

[rainnecassidy]

what the fuck did i just read

[manynamedshe]

Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?

[thewinterotter]

I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.

[audsbot]

I’m not convinced by this, actually!

Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”

But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:

“I’ll do you this favor, but if you don’t guess my name you’ll have to give me your first-born child.”

“You’re gonna be real good at everything but when you’re 16 you’re gonna prick your finger and die.”

“You loaned me $2 for the bus when I looked like a beggar, so now here’s a literal pile of gold and shit.”

Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.

The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.

(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)

Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.

And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”

Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years. 

[constant-instigator]

Or they feel obligated to show up at your house a couple days a year. So, like

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man I’m so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now he always comes by over memorial day weekend and helps me out with minor home repairs.”

“you what now”

[thewinterotter]

This is my favorite act of intellectual bugfuckery on this entire website, when I die I want someone to print this out and place it in my grave with me so I can cherish it forever.

[weavemama]

NOTHING

[communistbakery-deactivated2017]

mutuals do this it's really fun

help me

[tofuimpala]

anyone else feel like they missed the entire month of october. And the entire month of september. and the whole summer. and everything before that. anyone else passively floating through space and time. anyone else feeling like a member of the audience in a movie theater screening their own consciousness who’s just sitting back and eating snacks while everything plays out before them

[ryebreadgf]

‘when you spot the person who stole your shoes’ GIVE THIS AN OSCAR

[ryebreadgf]

i haven’t seen a single one of his vines being commemorated……. look what we’ll lose

[kiefbowl]

So You Were Called a TERF and You Don't Know Why! A Guide:

It’s one of these reasons why you’re now a TERF, welcome!!!

1) you’re a lesbian 2) you know biological sex isn’t a social construct 3) you were openly critical of BDMS and pedophilia 4) you used the words “gender critical” 5) you talked about female anatomy and biology, especially if you talked about it in relation to a) sexuality or b) women being oppressed 6) you reblogged from someone who is considered a TERF, whether you realized it or not 7) you asked a genuine question that betrayed the fact that you’re confused about some of the gender advocacy on tumblr

That’s it!! That’s why!! That’s why every other single TERF on this website is a TERF!! Every single TERF you hate is because they were called a TERF for one of these reasons, that’s what makes a TERF a TERF

[clairenovac]

actually, quick lil edit:

it was cause you hate trans women and call them perverts who can never truly understand what it means to be a woman, tell trans men they’re confused lesbians who just want to be men so they can gain privilege, and defend the completely unfounded argument that all human beings can be categorized as either male or female and their whole life and identity revolves around their genitalia

i have literally never seen anyone called a terf for any reason other than the fact that they were, in fact, a terf

[dicristallo-deactivated20210529]

[purelintrash]

[champagnemoon]

[officialcrow]

idk why the royal family is still a thing like it boggles me and any of my followers from over there feel free to answer me why does anyone give a shit about let alone financially support these people like they don’t even look good they’re just passing on these flat butt, bad back, balding at age 18 genes like theres anything desirable and do they even have jobs these niggas in a castle living on super welfare like let that bloodline die out for mankind they look like polio incarnate