The witch's son

Elliot 🌱

[everythingfox]

“Louis was used to getting up for his morning walk at 10. Schedule changed and morning walk time is now 6am. He was not emotionally prepared for this.”

(via)

[explorerrowan]

I have never seen a dog more clearly communicate “are you fucking kidding me?” before.

[thecasaofjulesie2]

GQ Encyclopedia of Matt Damon, his Bourne co-star Julia Stiles begins to tell the story of their encounter with Prince:

[sometimeslegendsdie-deactivated]

add “I live inside my own heart, Matt Damon” to the things I will now commonly say that nobody will understand

[marqweabyss]

“Pedestrian small talk” ha i love it 😂

[snommelp]

So, I’ve been pulled over a few times in my life. Not many, but a few. And I’ve also been in a couple of cars that got pulled over. And let me tell you, if you were actually doing something wrong, the officer doesn’t make any small talk, just straight into “I clocked you doing 70 in a 55.” The only time I’ve ever gotten the “do you know why I pulled you over?” was the time when I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and I got let go even though he insisted to the end that I was doing 87 in a 70 (white privilege at work).

“Do you know why I pulled you over?” is a trap. It means there’s a good chance the officer doesn’t actually have a good reason to ticket you, and is trying to get you to waive your 5th Amendment rights and incriminate yourself. If you make a guess, that’s a confession of guilt.

But there’s another trap, that I’ve heard of but haven’t yet experienced. It’s “do you know how fast you were going?” With that one, they’re hoping you’ll say no, because then they can name whatever speed they want – you just said you didn’t know how fast you were going, if you deny the speed they name then you’re lying to them.

[themightytej]

Oh, I’ve had that one. Go with “yes.” Don’t give them a number, just say “Yes.” Then they still have to offer a number and you can deny it without contradicting yourself. They could just ask you, at that point, but that’s suspiciously similar to saying they don’t know, and they tend to avoid doing that.

[fattyatomicmutant-deactivated20]

Reblog to save a life

[lesbianshepard]

 i recommend learning other alphabets if for no other reason than it’s very fun to see people replace latin alphabet letters with complete nonsense for Aesthetic

[lesbianshepard]

as julius caesar famously said: “vspph vphdph vphcph”

[wizardlyghost]

as brutus said, tase him again

[cheaphalloweencostume]

walking around like a franking stein

[weaponsofclairvoyance]

being in your 20s is just going to the store

[weaponsofclairvoyance]

its also about feeling very sad. at the store

[snailtongue]

[tupacabra]

[balaclava-trismegistus]

[argonianhammerperson]

[alloverthegaf]

anyone else y’all got those clicky ankles

[gaiusthegenius]

Have you considered that you might be a reindeer?

[alloverthegaf]

did you just fucking know this

[tiktoks-we-like]

[joshpeck]

there is absolutely no way to predict how this video is going to end

[nookisms]

There is exactly one way but none of us noticed it

[beardaxemcbreadhobnob]

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub

[beardaxemcbreadhobnob]

decadence….

[magicalgirlmindcrank]

night sluts

[dragongirltitties]

they’re called vampires

[a13then]

moon whores

[quinintheclouds]

those are called werewolves

[texasfartsupply]

talking to my dad about bugs

[antifaobito]

how is being married to an anime man any different than a nun being married to jesus 🧐

[konnada]

[superarthurl]

[krisiverse]

[video description: a man playing saxophone in front of a large pipe. everything he plays echoes back through the pipe, resulting in a call-and-response type song. the person behind the camera claps along to the beat. end description.]

[heritageposts]

y’all are getting mad as celebrities for sending get well wishes?? i hate trump too but wtf are they supposed to say? ‘die bitch lol’????

yes

[weaver-z]

Obsessed with Eartha Kitt’s absolute power move of risking her entire career to drag Lyndon B. Johnson’s bitch ass so hard that his wife started crying