The only leader they can have, is Pan. There could be no other leader than him.
At first Wendy didn't noticed it. She was certian that this island, the island that free from rules and hierarchy, there was no need in an actual leader. She told herself that the boys are all behave, and that they are all happy here and do what they want.
When she started to notice that the boys do only what Pan wants, she told herself that it was because he was responsible. He was smart, and creative, and always came up with the best games to play. In her naivity she told herself that those were the traits that drawn the boys to him.
She started to notice that something was wrong when one of the new lost boys, Fred, offered that they'll go find a tresure. Pan imdytly got intrested and said he'll organized a search party that would find the best tresure in the world. Fred didn't said anything, but by the look in his eyes it was clear he was disapointed that he didn't got any credit. Feeling him, she turned over Pan and asked, "shouldn't Fred orgenaized the search party? I'm sure he wants to."
Fred's face light up like christmas tree. However, Pan looked directly at her. She didn't noticed that the boys around her all turned quiet, or the little smirk on Felix's face. Pan said, "Come again?"
"I think that Fred should be in charge on the search party."
"No, that's a stupid idea."
The way he said it, as if it was a fact, insulted Wendy. Why did he thought her ideas were stupid? She never critisissed him before. "Just let him be in chargerged this one time, it will be fun."
The redhead boy turned over to Fred. He looked at him directly, as if there was no one else in the island. He asked, "do you want to lead?"
Fred, the pure little soul that he was, nodd exited.
Still soer, Pan let him be in charged. Wendy was excited for Fred until the search party which the newly- lost- boy lead retuned without Fred, and Pan was the one who declared that his bad leadership got him dead. She cried for monthes after that, and it didn't helped that Pan reminded her, "it was your fault for encourage him to lead."
The next time was years later, when the mask started to sleep and she relized that not everything was as it seemed. She noticed that Felix helped one of the lost to improve his shooting skills. She watched how the other boys looked admirely at him and without thinking she said, "wow Felix, the boys really trust you."
Everyone stoped. Felix looked at her blaimingly. Suddenly she knew she had said something that was really, really wrong. Felix took a threatining step towards her and said, "I only do what any other lost boy would do."
"That's true," Wendy hurried to say, to fix it.
But Edgar, the newest and youngest lost boy, disagree. "That's not true Felix. You do beyond that."
Another lost boy shut him up right away, and Wendy was greatful. Pan was nowhere around and she had almost let herself to calm down when in the next day Felix is gone. She is paniced. Maybe she and Felix are not best friends, yet she didn't want him to die. She, Tootles, Slightly and the twins searched for him and Pan all around the camp. They all feared the worst and Wendy blamed herself for that.
Thankfully, they came back a few hours later. Felix had a new scar, nothing else bad. She made sure not to say ever again something about how helpful Felix was.
And whatever Pan and him had been through that day they were gone, it sank in. Felix stopped helping the other boys around. When they got hurt, when they needed something, there was no responsible lost boy to turn to. No older lost boy who knew how to shoot an arrow. No lost boy who came to disinfect their injured knees.
Wendy knew it can't last like this forever. If every lost boy would only have himself to take care of, they would be in troubles. Pan might be the leader, but he didn't cared enough to help them with all their little problems. Someone had to put an end to that.
So she was the one who helped. She learned how to shoot the target to teach the other boys how to shoot well. She learned how to make medicines from wild flowers and how to encourage the boys to go on adventures. She payed attention to them, and helped them whenever she could.
She couldn't tell when the change started exactly. One day she was all alone, doing her everyday tasks. The next day she barely had any free time for herself. The boys were starved for attention. They asked her all day, they wanted her to help them. They always wanted to know what was on her mind, what she had thought about their ideas and if she was proud at them.
Wendy really didn't thought that Pan would mind it. It wasn't like she had done something out of the ordinery. She just helped them as she could.
Maybe he really didn't cared. Not really. At least not until the day he offered that they would go to fight the pirates and Eddie, little Eddie, whispered, "what mom thinks of that?"
The boys all looked at her. Wendy felt ice swiming in her veins. Surly Eddie just got it a little mixed up. He just missed him mother so badly that he thought of her accidently as such.
And then Gabriel, who was just a little bit older asked, "yeah, what mom thinks?"
More and more mumbles repeated the question. The older boys, Rufio, Felix, Nibs and all those who watched it all before kept their mouth shut. It didn't made up for the other twenty boys who eagerly waited for her reply.
She could feel Pan's eyes on her. The memory of the day poor Fred died crossed her mind. She felt her lower lips shaken. Pan stood in front of her. His eyes drilled a hole into her soul. With the coldest voice she heard, he said, "very well, what mom thinks?"
Wendy wearked her mind in a way out of this question. She couldn't have let Pan know what she really thinks about fighting against pirates. She couldn't lie to him either, not when he knew all too well how much she hated those fights.
Her voice broke, "I think... that your leader knows what he is doing. He brought you're all hear safetly, to this wonderful land where you should never grow old. He always comes up with the best plan. I'm sure you all should listen to him."
Pan and her kept staring at each other. From the corner of her eyes she noticed that Nibs covered his mouth. It was probably look into snake's eyes.
Finally, Pan looked away from her. His lips quirk into a wild smile and he called, "you heard mom boys! Let's go fight the pirates!"
The boys all cheers. Rufio tapped on her back in cheer. Wendy was shocked. She did it. She passed the test. And she proved to Pan that she was not a threat to him.
That was what she thought. A few days later, after they won several battles against the pirates, Pan showed up behind her. He scared her so much that she almost lost her balance. Her reaction amused him. He said, "come with me."
Wendy was surprised. Not from the invatetion. From the tone he used. It was actually a more soft tone than she was used to hear him use. It almost sounded like a request. If he could request stuff. "Sure."
It wasn't like she had any choice.
He gave her his arm, and Wendy tried to ignore the little spark she felt when he did so. They held hands, such a grown- up thingy, and walked deeper into the woods. Pan had a seriuse expression on his face, one that Wendy not often had seen.
She wanted to ask him how was his victory, or tell him any other compliment that would make it easier for her. She couldn't. The next words should come from Pan himself. She waited paitently to open his mouth. Only when they were farther into the woods he spoke, "You really like the lost boys, right Wendy?"
Wendy bited her tounge. His question was so inecent, and yet Wendy knew she should be careful with her words. She looked at his boyish face and thought how misleading he looked. "Of course I like the lost boys. All of them."
"Hm-hm." He removed another bench from her way. How noble of him. "How much you like the lost boys, Wendy?"
"Could you be more specific? I really want to know how much you like them."
She heard the edge in his voice when he said that word. Wendy felt her words escaping her. She had to come up with something to say, fast. "I'm- I'm-"
When he grabbed her shoulders, she sileneced. She let him pull her over one tree and press her back against it. She gasped. Pan smiled at her, his nails dugg into her flash hard. He said again, "go ahead Wendy, tell me how much you love them."
Dear god, this was the end. She would never see her brothers or her parents again. Wendy forced herself to look at him without blinking. She whispered, "I love them- very deeply. Very- very deeply."
Pan nodd, as if it was the answer he wanted. His nails cut her flash. "Would you say you love them... as a mother, loves her children?"
Obviusly not. She was a kid. She could not really love them as if they were her children. Well, what's worst? That they'll feel towards her parenting affection, or normal one? "I love them as a mother loves her children," she said the words quickly.
Pan removed one hand from her shoulder. She noticed he lowered it down to his side, close to where he put his dagger. "See, I'm a little... lost here, Wendy. How does a mother loves her children?"
If only she could run. Maybe if she'll scream someone would come to help her. But they'll have to fight Pan, and Wendy would never forgive herself if they'll get in troubles because of her. She said quickly, "A mother- a mother always thinks of what's good for her children. She reads them stories, and comfort them when they cry, and they can come to her if there is any trouble-"
She saw that his smile tighten. No, please no. "She can solves problem?" His hand touched the handle of his weapon.
In the real world, mom was her leader. But this was in another life. Better life. And Wendy knew from Pan's expression that she have to find another answer. She can't delete her words, she can't take them back. She worked her mind of what to say.
Right before Pan pulled out his dagger she squeezed, "she is secondery."
Pan stopped. He didn't let her go, but he looked at her lips. He was listening.
Wendy didn't knew if this was right. She didn't cared either. She had to come up with something. "Mom is always secondery. The real leader."
His eyebrows raised up. He pushed her harder against the tree. "And who-" he whispered in her ear, "-is the real leader?"
Her back hurt her. It was hard to think this way. "It's dad."
Pan's grip on her losen slightly. If he was surprised by her words, he didn't shown it. He repeated. "Dad."
"Yes. Dad is... He is the one that in charged on everyone."
She had his attention now. She noticed the way his lips moved up, the way that he smiled when he had thought about a new advanture. "What does dad do?"
"Dad is the one... He is in charged on the family. He tells everyone what to do. And there are problems mom can never solve, you know? So dad is the one that fix those for her."
Things that mom can't do, and he can. This thought is more like him. Gaining more cinfident, Wendy went on: "he is the strongest, the smartest, and the most important parent. Mom always have to listen to dad. And everyone loves him."
And that is the key sentence. She knew all too well how much Pan wanted to be loved.
His grip turned gentler now. The dagger had been forgoten. Pan thought about her words, considered her idea. The look he had was softer, and Wendy knew she was almost there.
"Mom loves dad more than anyone else in the world."
"She does. She have to love him more than anyone. He is dad."
Pan likes that idea even more. She can see it. She feels it from Pan. He let her go from the tree and ofers her again his hand. "We should come back, they probably looking for us."
Wendy didn't said a word. Not when they come back, not when all the sudden the young lost- boys called pan "dad". Not when Rufio gave her that worried gaze, or when Nibs thanked heaven quietly that she came back.
She had never forget that dagger, and that Pan is the one true leader.
