Can you do primarchs as teachers and the subject they teach?
Primarchs as teachers
… and school staff because I took some liberties
Lion El’Jonson - Vice Principal The Lion is the vice principal nobody ever sees until they are already in trouble. Students aren’t sent to his office, they simply find themselves there. He knows who threw the paper airplane, who started the group chat, who wrote ‘Mr. Russ smells like wet dog’ on the bathroom wall and who leaked the cafeteria menu early.
His office has no decorations except a locked filing cabinet and a single inspirational poster that says: Preparedness Is Honesty Before Consequence. Nobody understands it but everyone behaves near him.
Fulgrim - Art / Drama / Music Teacher Fulgrim teaches every arts elective because he refuses to allow mediocrity to be distributed across departments. His classroom is beautiful, terrifying and smells expensive. He makes students cry over color theory then somehow convinces them this was growth. His feedback is devastating: “Your composition has enthusiasm but unfortunately so does a fire alarm.”
He directs the school musical and turns it into a 3 hour long tragedy with handmade costumes, rotating sets and one student who now believes they are destined for broadway.
Perturabo - Robotics Teacher Perturabo runs the engineering lab like a military academy with power tools. His class has the highest failure rate and the highest competition wins, students either fear him forever or become terrifyingly competent. The robotics club wins nationals because Perturabo turns twelve teenagers into siege engineers, the robot is technically against the competition’s spirit but not against the rules.
He has one favorite student but denies denies it. Everyone knows it’s the quiet kid who correctly identified a load-bearing flaw in the school bleachers.
Jaghatai - PE Teacher/ Track Coach He hates dodgeball because it becomes static warfare and prefers track, cycling and anything involving speed. His warmups are intense but somehow joyful. “Run until the fence no longer matters.” Administration keeps telling him this isn't a measurable learning objective.
He never takes attendance normally, he just looks at the empty space where a student should be and says they chose the wrong road today.
Russ - PE teacher Russ is the other PE teacher and together with Jaghatai he has created a sports department that makes insurance companies sweat. He runs outdoor education, wrestling, survival weekends and character building activities that are legally hikes but spiritually raids.
He loves school spirit too much and pep rallies under Russ involve chanting, banners, drums and at least one student standing on a table yelling ‘FOR THE PACK!’ The principal has asked him to stop calling homerooms clans but Russ refuses.
Dorn - Math Teacher Dorn teaches math like civilization depends on it because it actually does. His board work is immaculate, the classroom rules are posted, numbered and enforced without emotion. Students think he is boring until they realize he will explain the same concept fifteen different ways if they genuinely try. He has no patience for laziness but infinite patience for sincere confusion.
He also becomes unofficial facilities manager because he can't ignore structural problems. His final exam has one extra credit question: “Design a defensible courtyard with optimal evacuation paths.
Konrad Curze - Detention Supervisor Nobody knows why Malcador allowed this but Curze supervises detention. Detention attendance drops 93% in one semester. Student's don't fear detention but Curze calmly reading their disciplinary file aloud. He also gives students assignments like 'describe the difference between guilt and being caught.' The school counselor has concerns.
He runs the lost and found, every item finds its owner and every owner feels accused.
Sanguinius - Literature teacher Sanguinius teaches literature and works part-time as a counselor because every student ends up talking to him anyway. His class is too beautiful, students who hate reading suddenly have feelings about poetry. He can make Shakespeare understandable, epic poetry intimate and freshman essays feel worth writing.
He is the teacher students visit when they are having a bad day. He remembers everyone’s names, their interests, fears and college dreams. The problem is that when he looks disappointed, students confess things they were not even accused of.
Ferrus Manus - Physics Teacher Ferrus teaches physics and metal shop, and he considers them the same subject with different burns. Students learn quickly and well. He explains force, pressure, torque, heat and momentum by making students build things that either work or fail loudly.
His tests are hard, his labs are harder and his safety rules are absolute. He and Fulgrim coadvise the ‘Design and Craft’ showcase, it’s both a miracle and a war crime.
Angron - Security Guard He is school security which almost sounds like a disaster but students being bullied discover something important: Angron hates bullies. A lot. A senior shoves a freshman into a locker and Angron appears at the end of the hall. The senior never shoves anyone again.
Students with rough home lives respect him because he doesn't talk down to them.
Guilliman - History / Civics / Student Council Advisor Guilliman teaches history, civics and economics because the school board made the mistake of asking what he was qualified for. His classroom is organized, his lectures are clear and his handouts are works of art. Students complain that he assigns too much reading then they realize they understand taxes, voting systems, propaganda, budgets, public policy and why empires collapse.
His student council becomes terrifyingly effective, they create a recycling program with quarterly metrics and Guilliman is proud.
Mortarion - Biology teacher He teaches biology, ecology and environmental science. His classroom has plants, fungi, preserved specimens and one terrarium everyone fears. He is an excellent teacher if you can survive the atmosphere and he doesn’t romanticize nature.
His lessons on disease transmission are unforgettable. His students become fanatically good at lab safety. His environmental science class does a unit on pollution that radicalizes half the students and makes the other half afraid of scented candles.
Magnus - Foreign Languages / philosophy teacher He teaches languages, philosophy, astronomy and an independent study course Malcador keeps trying to shut down. His students love him because he makes knowledge feel magical but also fear him because one question can become a 43 minutes long lecture with diagrams, dead languages and a reference to a civilization no one can verify existed.
His classroom has too many books and he lets students ask impossible questions. Dorn writes on the staff room board: NO OCCULT DEMONSTRATIONS IN CLASSROOMS. Magnus adds underneath: "Define occult." The staff meeting lasts 4 hours.
Horus - Debate Coach / School Ambassador Horus teaches debate and rhetoric, every student leaves his class more confident which is wonderful and concerning. The debate team is unbeatable and cultlike.
He is beloved at open house and parents leave convinced their children are destined for greatness and also somehow signed up to volunteer for the fundraiser.
Lorgar - Religious Studies/ Creative Writing Teacher His classes are packed. Students who enter wanting an easy elective leave writing 12 pages long reflections on shame, devotion and whether cafeteria pizza can be considered a ritual object. Lorgar’s feedback is too intimate, students either cry or become poets, sometimes both.
He also starts a literary magazine and it becomes a little too intense. Issue three is banned for accidental cult aesthetics. Lorgar calls this censorship but Malcador calls it Tuesday.
Vulkan - Home Economics Teacher / School Nurse Backup His classroom is heaven, students learn practical life skills and also how to be kinder without being weak. He never mocks a bad first attempt. He repairs broken chairs, broken lockers, broken projects and occasionally broken confidence.
He is the teacher students visit when they need a button sewn, a lunch heated or someone to encourage them. The cafeteria improves because he quietly teaches the cooks new recipes.
Corvus Corax — English teacher He teaches English, runs the school newspaper and lurks in the library like a benevolent ghost. His classes are quiet, intense and full of students who wear black hoodies and suddenly care about metaphor.
His newspaper students become terrifying. They expose cafeteria budget issues, unfair dress code enforcement and the fact that Alpharius has been submitting fake announcements to the school site. He also runs a poetry club that he insists is not a poetry club.
Alpharius Omegon - Substitute Teacher Alpharius is on the staff list six times. He appears as a substitute teacher for classes that didn't request one. He teaches computer lab, media literacy, study hall, statistics and something called Applied Ambiguity.
Students love him because his worksheets are puzzles but teachers hate him because after he substitutes no one knows what the homework is anymore.
The Emperor - Superintendent The Emperor is the superintendent, he visits twice a year, gives a speech about human potential, approves a terrifying strategic plan and leaves everyone more confused.
He keeps proposing curriculum changes like: mandatory ancient history, rhetoric against alien corruption and advanced genetics. The school board rejects most of these.
At the end of the year test scores are excellent, discipline reports are alarming, the robotics team has been investigated by the Department of Defense, the literary magazine has been cited by three theology departments and one student council meeting accidentally rewrote municipal parking law.
Malcador - Principal Technically runs the school but nobody is entirely sure how much of the school was already running according to his plans before anyone else arrived. Students sent to Malcador rarely get yelled at, he simply offers tea, asks one gentle question and lets them destroy themselves with their own confession.
The teachers fear him because he never raises his voice and somehow still wins every staff meeting. Every year he gives the same opening speech: “This institution exists to shape young minds.” Nobody knows why that sounds like a threat.
