Nacho Biz

Mars | They/Them | Running on pure spite against the universe

[cheacegirl]

I made a bad comic and now you have to look at it

[hauntedhotel]

Me, on the welcome desk in the library: Good morning, how are you today?

Customer: I have welcomed Jesus into my heart and so I am well today and every day.

Me, a little unnerved: Okay then! Is there something I can help you with?

Customer, digging around in his bag and pulling out an iPhone in a box: Unfortunately, Jesus can't help me with this fucking phone, so I came to the library.

[gallusrostromegalus]

The Library!

For When Not Even God Can Help You!

[tarragonthedragon]

irish coworker: *is back from a month in italy*

me: the weather must have been great, you're looking so tanned!

irish coworker: *stares down at his arms, which are a shade of eggshell white i associate with tasteful wedding table settings* i suppose i am!

welsh coworker: *enters room* wow, youre looking so tanned!

ghanaian coworker: *looks around like hes on the truman show*

[hussyknee]

[maeaneke]

Sometimes, I need to take photos for work.

Sometimes, those photos need to be taken underneath vehicles. This is difficult as underneath a vehicle is very dark, but metal is very reflective, which makes using a flashlight both necessary and an issue.

Now, my favorite manager once said of me, "look at her. she burns if she looks at the forecast for too long" which is the meanest and truest thing ever said about my complexion.

Did I, partially as a joke, try to diffuse the flashlight beam off the underside of my forearm in order to get pictures underneath a truck once? Yes. Did it work? Also yes.

When I explained how I got the photos to my (different) manager, he looked at me and said very tiredly, "that is the saddest thing I've ever heard."

"oh no it's even worse than that," I assured him, and proceeded to remove my watch to show him my tan lines.

He was very distressed about this for months.

[tranthony]

grout white shark

[evilscientist3]

i swear if the wizard doesnt let me out of his abandoned salt mine soon im gonna fucking LOSE IT

[ttechniic]

what did you do to be put into the salt mine

[evilscientist3]

i MAY have eaten his special wizard meal. but i think he should let me out tbh

[ttechniic]

was it good? was it worth it? are you able to bear the weight of your sin?

[evilscientist3]

im not gonna lie it was fucking delicious i would fucking do it again. wait shit youre the fucking wizard in disguise seeing if ive learned my lesson arent you. fuck.

[ttechniic]

10 YEARS IN THE ABANDONED SALT MINE.

[siderealglimmer]

[animentality]

[fireleaptfromhousetohouse]

[quendergeer]

if you think about it making your readers picture stuff in their heads is lk noncon and problematic

[theabigailthorn]

okay but this is Vladimir Nabokov's whole schtick, he'll say some shit about the reflections or the bedsheets and you'll go "Oh you greasy fucker you just made me imagine what must be going on to cause that to happen" and he'll rub his hands and go "He he he he, bring meee more butterflieeeeees"

[delugeofconsciousness]

I've got high blood pressure but it's actually not a problem. My body works like a hydraulic press. It's a high efficiency system you wouldn't even begin to understand.

[groenendaze]

doggy doggy

[groenendaze]

you guys are not ready for this update

[idlelizard]

Prehistoric pal for a last minute junicorn! Inspired by Lascaux horse cave painting.

[idlelizard]

Already has a horn!

[sugarsylvie]

Eevee finally accepts the cone!

[cuppydogshane]

podracer Sebulba notably absent from swift-kelce wedding attendees............

[charl0ttan]

horses cant scratch themselves but humans cant go fast. we support this legandary partnership

[druggonaut]

Wrong! Humans irrelevant and obsolete now

[charl0ttan]

agnostic horse: we just dont know where scratch posts come from

[woodsdyke]

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

[sootandspine]

there used to be an old mine near where i'm staying. it's flooded now, so all that's left is this round opening in the rock filled with water. the rock walls surrounding it are steep, and people like to climb up and jump into it. the water is dark that even though it's crystal clear, you can't see the bottom. it's just this endless black void beneath you.

well, one night a friend and i decided to jump in without bothering to check the water first. it was late, nobody else was around, and we figured it'd be fine.

it was not fine.

we hit the water and immediately realized we'd landed in what i can only describe as tadpole soup. i am not exaggerating when i say it felt like swimming through boba tea that was 70% pearls. every stroke meant hundreds of tiny, squishy little bodies slipping between my fingers.

1/10 experience. one point awarded solely for the fact that it was, technically, an experience.

[counttwinkula]

hey did you know that uhh

i. the monster's body is a cultural body

ii. the monster always escapes

iii. the monster is the harbinger of category crisis

iv. the monster dwells at the gates of difference

v. the monster polices the borders of the possible

vi. fear of the monster is really a kind of desire

vii. the monster stands at the threshold… of becoming

[counttwinkula]

oh shit i didn't expect this to actually get notes lmao

these are all direct quotes from jeffrey jerome cohen's "monster culture (seven theses)" (full pdf linked) i highly encourage you to read it yourself!

that said, while i think cohen's writing is evocative, it can be a little dense, so while i'm here, here's my capsule summary (you can also hear me talk about this in the first episode of my podcast) (listen to @ghostswerepeopletoo)

i. the monster's body is a cultural body - The monster is a work of fiction to be analyzed through tools of literary and sociological theory.

ii. the monster always escapes - As long as the cultural fear from which the monster stems persists, the monster will reappear in retellings, reimaginings, and sequels.

iii. the monster is the harbinger of category crisis - Monsters defy binaries and challenge easy comprehension or categorization.

iv. the monster dwells at the gates of difference - The monster represents the Other.

v. the monster polices the borders of the possible - Tales of the monster exist to discourage unacceptable or taboo behaviors.

vi. fear of the monster is really a kind of desire - Subjects can vicariously participate in the disruption of the social order through the monster.

vii. the monster stands at the threshold… of becoming - Within the monster we find information about the self.

[kaijufluffs]

She's being so big and brave.

[snazzyscarf]

[achesspiece]

the real moral lesson in chess is that you can only move forwards 5-6 times in your life before you're turned into a beautiful queen but also rarely you might be turned into a horse