A WORK IN PROGRESS

blog by Tito Mendoza

[titomendoza]

Brother.

Listen to the song HERE

"Brother" is a song that was inspired by my brother @rvxmendoza

🇵🇭 When we moved to America as immigrants from the Philippines, all we really had was each other. Everything was so new to us, and we had to navigate the whole thing together. Maybe it's the older brother in me, but I've always felt a responsibility to protect him.

I remember one time when one of the kids from his class made him cry about something. When I found out about it, it was too late for me to do anything about it. At the time, I was absolutely FUMING and it absolutely killed me that I couldn't do anything about it. I hated seeing him hurt. I'm not sure if he remembers this, but at the time, the only way I could express was to be outwardly enraged when I found out about it. Although we were by ourselves in our house, I was screaming about how mad I was at the kid who just messed with my little brother. 

Maybe I did this because I wanted it to be extremely obvious that he wasn't alone in this. In that moment, I wanted him to feel that even though the world can hurt him, he had someone in his life that would go to bat for me. I really hope that he felt that, and it was what he needed. At the core, this is why I wrote this song. To express that no matter how far away we are from each other, or how different we are, we'll always be those same kids that always had each others backs.

Although this song was inspired by a specific person, it’s not just for a beloved sibling. It is a reminder to ones close to us that no matter what life throws their way, we’ll be there to hold them up even if everything else seems to be falling apart around them. At the end of the day, this song is ALL LOVE and it is the highest reason why I write music. I'm proud of this one and I will play this song for the rest of my life because I want you to hear it from me as much as possible.

Check out the song HERE

Enjoy.

[titomendoza]

Sneaking It In

I have plenty of days where I can't commit a lot of time making music or being creative. Lately, I've been trying to be more intentional about sneaking in even 5-10 min out of my day to sing and play guitar. Some days, I’ll settle for literally 2 minutes of just strumming. I’ll take what I can get.

I typically find myself making excuses that I don't have enough time to practice. I often beat myself up about it rather than actually changing my approach.  I'm not saying my newly found method can replace an hour long practice sessions. Not at all. But if I make more of a habit working on my craft in these small pockets of time, then maybe I am more likely to have success in sharpening my skills during periods where I may have more of it.

I've found that these short bursts of creativity has help me produce new ideas that I can mess around with and potentially turn into something real. It's actually become an interesting turn of events. For me claiming to not have any time, I seem to be putting out more content than ever. Go figure! Could it be because of this new thing I'm trying? Maybe.

Because of these "mini" practice sessions, it naturally takes the pressure off of feeling like I have to produce solid gold every single time. It doesn't even allow me to overthink the creative choices I make (which I do too often). If I don't think of something "good enough", it's not a big deal, it was only 10 minutes of my time, and I have another chance to catch that great idea on the next round.

Somewhere in those ideas, lies buried gold. Keep on digging and eventually you will find it.

If you're a creative type like myself, or just someone trying to find even just 5 minutes to pursue something you want to get better at, sneak it in no matter how short. What's the worse that could happen?

Good Luck!

[titomendoza]

Product of Restlessness

This is a phrase that has always stuck with me. A part of the reason why artists keep creating is because our minds don't/cannot rest . Luckily, we are able to funnel that energy into something artistic. For me it is a necessary outlet for me to get out of my head. The downside to having this tendency is that it can be absolutely EXHAUSTING. I burn myself out a lot. You feelin' me on this?

Somewhere in this whole thing, there is balance. I intend to find it.

This year, I made an intentional focus to share my experiences and work specifically on Instagram (@titodoes). In the practice of sharing, my hope is to harness my sense of restlessness and use it towards creativity, songwriting, and overall storytelling. Maybe through those things, I would connect with people out there who have similar thought processes. 

Within that, I also hope to being more at peace with my creative output rather than always feeling like what I put out is never enough. Often times, because of my restlessness, my mind is tricked into thinking that "I'm not being productive enough" 

The goal is to push out as much as I can, and be satisfied with it no matter how big or small. Celebrate it for what it is RIGHT NOW. I need to be reasonable with how much I expect out of myself, or else I will never be truly happy about my work. It is important to me to be present in my married life, full time job, health and fitness, friends and family, other responsibilities and my art. All of those aspects of my life is just as important, and requires room. The fact that I am still able to be creative with all of that should be celebrated rather than create disappointment or feeling of lack.

To wrap this up and bring it on home, the idea of restlessness has their upsides and downsides. It keeps me constantly thinking of new ideas and wants me to continue being creative. At the same time, having a better understanding of my capacity will help tame the negative aspects of my restlessness, and allow me to become a better, more balanced ME.

Somewhere in this whole thing, there is balance. I intend to find it.

[titomendoza]

The Half-Song Dilemma

Right now I’m sitting on a few new half written songs. They are showing some promise so I definitely want to keep going, but the process of finishing is slow. Usually around this time, I get discouraged because I feel like I’m not being productive enough or get really anxious because I “should have it done by now”. Have you ever felt like this?

I’ve been working on changing my perspective on this. The reality is, I don’t do music full time. Hell, I don’t even do it part time. The reality is, I have full life with my wife, dog, friends, family, job and whatever else I choose to occupy my time. I put time into those things because I think that they’re just as important as my art. All of it is included in the package. I need to let go of this unrealistic idea that if I’m not writing songs every single second, then it means that I am failing at being a creative person. It’s just not true.

I know that in time, I will get over that hump so I can finish these songs, record them and finally be able to share. If you’re on the same boat that I am, keep on keepin on! It will happen, and when we get some wins under our belt, WE’RE GONNA CELEBRATE.

[titomendoza]

🎧 "I'm just trying to do it right. I wonder if I am. I hope so"

This track is a part of my instrumental project called "Renaissance". In this song, I layered a vocal track of me just speaking into the microphone of some thoughts on top of a really hyped up beat.

📓It's pretty much a diary entry of what I was feeling whatever day I decided to record it. I mixed it so you can barely hear what I'm saying. Some words come out more than others and I like it that way. It keeps a little bit of the mystery, but you can also catch a glimpse of some of what I was thinking.

I think at the time when I released this instrumental album, I was a little lost musically. I didn’t really have enough new material to put out a singer songwriter type project like I normally do, and I was sitting on all of these instrumentals that I didn’t know what to do with. Looking back, I’m really glad that I decided to put it out and add it to my collection.

Check it out and see what you can make out! 👍🏽

[titomendoza]

Before and After

Initial thought when you finish something that you think is your best work yet:

"I'm about to change the landscape of how people view the world as we know it."

Thought a week after you've released the revolutionary idea:

"I'm a hack just like the rest of them."

[titomendoza]

If you don’t have Spotify, you can listen to the song HERE

“Don't lose yourself in the picture frames. Don't lose yourself in all kinds of ways.”

These lyrics became the foundation of this song and has also become an ongoing theme or resolution on how I want to live out my life. 

side note - I’d like to emphasise the word “want”. I'm in a constant process of improving how I live my life, and this statement is not a declaration of me reaching some greater wisdom. It's simply a wish for myself, maybe some close friends and potentially even others if this resonates with them.

The words popped out of my head when I was walking down a promenade overlooking the Mediterranean Sea while I was on vacation in France with my wife, Amanda. (Another side note - Whenever I read that out loud, I imagine you rolling your eyes and mocking me by raising your pinky up and reciting my words with a very high-brow tone and to be frank, it’s super rude and it really makes me nervous so please bear with me, and let me paint the picture real quick.) I mean, what a sight! It felt like it was straight from a scene in a movie. The blue of the water was a shade that must have been unique to this place. The sun was gently setting on the horizon as I heard a local street artist playing saxophone on a nearby bench. The combination of that and the beautiful French language being spoken all around me created the rich and lush soundtrack to this cinematic masterpiece. I even had a freaking baguette sticking out of my backpack for God sakes. How French is this moment right now?! It couldn't get any more French than this. Okay fine... I does sound like I’m bragging a little bit...but anyways!! 

In this moment, I quickly noticed that I had a specific tendency that I was not very fond of. In this beautiful, almost unreal scene, the first thing I think of is "ooooh. This would make a cool post on Instagram. That would be really awesome, and people will really like this" We’ve all been here before, yes? As I reached for phone like a social media fiend that we all tend to have become, I was struck with WOKENESS. (that sentence made me laugh so much. It's so stupid, but I decided to keep it) I immediately started to question my motives. Why was this my immediate reaction? What am I really trying to say when I post? If social media never saw any of the pictures on this trip, would I be okay with that? What am I truly missing by thinking like this? On behalf of all over-thinkers around the world, know that you are not alone in this dilemma.

In that moment, I was hit with pure clarity. In that split second, the mantra was born:  "Don't lose yourself in the picture frames"

The truth of the matter is, right now is the real thing and you can never get it back. I’m so bad at realizing this on a day to day basis that it pains me to think about it. I don’t want to miss out on the real deal because I was too involved looking at it through a screen. To be genuinely present, sometimes it’s important that we have experiences that is ours and ours alone. In my case and this trip, it was Amanda and I's adventure to soak in. Not yours. This was OUR experience and shouldn’t matter how many other people see it. The truth is, I actually still took a ton of pictures during my trip and to be clear, I don’t think it’s a bad thing to take photos, capture moments, and even share it on social media. I just realized that being there was actually more important than proving that I was there. Understanding the distinction between the two changes the lens on how I viewed this whole thing.

As with most lessons I learn, a song usually comes out of it, so out comes “Picture Frames”. It has become a reminder for me to just enjoy the ride and I hope that if you hear it, it’ll help you enjoy yours too. 

Au Revior (don’t you dare roll your eyes at me. love you. bye.)

[titomendoza]

The onions are too damn strong.

Below is a list of tv shows, movies, or songs that have either gotten me choked up, teary eyed, or straight up bawling like baby. I don’t know if this list has any correlation to each other. If you read this list and tell me you’ve never felt even a hint of crying,  I don’t think we can be friends. Descriptors to help with accuracy of the severity of how strong the onions were at the time.

The Office - Few moments throughout, Finale tears every time

Scrubs - About the same as the office

Click - Watched with friends in a movie theater in 2006. Held back the tears during, but wanted to Full on Cry. My friends also admit to the same feelings.

UP - Definitely got teary and choked up the first time watching. watched it again on an airplane. It was waaay worse up in altitude. Coincidence?

Parenthood - Why do I put myself through watching these shows?

Marley and Me - Obviously

Toy Story 3 -  Again at the theater with friends. Super Duper Choked up. Not as Severe as UP

Wall - E - Choked up. Not as severe as Toy Story

Stuck in Love - Unexpected find on netflix. Full on Crying.

Beautiful Mess by Jason Mraz - it was 4am on the red plaid couch in my first apartment in Florida. I remember it.

Fix You by Coldplay - While on an eliptical at the gym. Random hit. People thought I was sweating a lot.

I’m sure there are more I’m forgetting. Your turn. Let me hear what you got.

[titomendoza]

A Quick Thank you

Dear Autonomic nervous system,

If humans had to constantly remember to breath, we would forget to do it just as much as we forget our daily responsibilities in life #dead.

Love, Me

[titomendoza]

Chicken.

In a past entry, I posted a video of an argument between two New Yorkers on a bus. The whole thing started when someone began complaining to the driver about the bus running late. At this point, this guy decided that he was not having it that morning, and starts calling the complainer out in front of everybody. Here's the glorious video in question.

As the story unfolds, you find out why the bus is running late. There was a disabled person on a wheelchair getting on the bus. The driver was helping them and in result, they start running late. At this point, the side to be on was a lot easier to choose. As said before, I watched this video repeatedly. I showed it to co-workers, I even quoted it now and again. Who would have thought that a vertical video could have impacted me a certain way. I captioned it like ,"Why can't I stop watching this video”, or “I'm a fan of this dude" blah blah blah.., but in the back of my head, I knew the truth.

Deep inside, I wish I could do that, but I can't because I’m a chicken. 

Knowing myself, I would sit there quietly not ruffling any feathers. In most scenarios, it's probably the way to go. There's no need to put energy into something that is trivial. Sometimes people are just venting out, and there's no need to verbally destroy them. But there have been occasions where there could have been an opportunity for anybody in a room to speak up and say something, but nobody does. It makes me embarrassed of myself. I recreate the scenario over and over but instead of timid me, I replaced him with my braver self. Once in a while someone steps up like the man in the video and says something we're all thinking. I'm not saying that his rant was the most effective way to communicate to someone, but underneath a lot of the jokes were truths that resonated. He made great points about not ruining other people's days because something bad's happening to you. He is trying to say that when life happens, we need to adjust (in his own beautifully crafted poetry)

There's no lesson to this blog entry. It is an observation of this video and myself. Everybody reacts differently based on their personality and experiences. Everybody has bad days also, so sometimes we must chose to just let it go. If this little pixelated video made such an impact on me, then that personality lives somewhere inside me. It's afraid to come out, but it's there. Most days it won't, but I hope that when the moment is right, it can eat you alive.

[titomendoza]

Where is it?!

You know when you're frantically looking for something and soon after you realize that you were holding it the whole time?

That happens to me a lot... with MY BRAIN.

[titomendoza]

Shoutout to Jon

The Shoutout Series is a series where I tell you about the special people in my life and who they are. Find out why I started HERE.

This shoutout for Jon Kirbitz has been a tough one to put together. Challenging in that the standard manner that I’ve been doing it the last few times doesn’t seem to fit how I want to share my experience with Jon. I started out by brainstorming random ideas about him, hoping that I could pull something from the list and be able to tell a story. A collection of memories, experiences, and fragments of time, with the hopes of being able to pick a starting point for my writing. For some reason I was not having any luck. I was stuck with a list. 

At a certain point, I realized that for Jon, the list might just be the perfect way to tell our story. Experiences are only as good as the company you have them with, and with Jon, experiences are his forte. He’s the type of person that really goes out of his way to make sure you are having a great time no matter what. He is someone who will drive hours out of his way just to pick you up so he can take you to a concert. He has Spotify playlists that took him years to build just so you can hear new music he’s discovered. He will research the best restaurant or coffee shops around you just so when he comes to visit, you could both experience it together. He’ll order the guacamole even if it’s extra. Does this makes sense? It’s not about the guac. It’s about the experience.

For some reason, the food and wine taste even better when you’re with Jon. That is special. Find friends that can do THAT. 

I’m sure there are a lot more points that I’m forgetting, but for now, I’ll leave you with these:

One of my favorite pictures from my wedding (although there are many) is one with Jon. See Below.

When I used to work a lot of late shifts, I would have deep conversations about life with Jon on my drive home

I had one of the best beers I’ve ever tasted with Jon. It was a Saison.

I wrote one of my favorite songs with Jon - Listen to it Here.

My first and most likely last time I was in a mosh pit was experienced with Jon ( If I remember correctly, it was Relient K, Mae, and Sherwood)

The best sushi I’ve ever had was with Jon.

One of my very first jobs ever lasted a total of 3 days. It involved selling gutters out of a really shady van who was being driven by an alcoholic. The epic story deserves it’s own separate blog or even a podcast. Nonetheless, I experienced it with Jon.

The best manhattan I’ve ever tasted was with the company of Jon.

The first time I was ever hungover in my life, was with Jon (Not from the manhattan. Different time and unrelated to #8.)

A lot of my creative works, get inspired by our conversations. Here’s one about Soulmates.

The only time I shot a potato gun, was with Jon… And he was the target.

Jon and I have started a tradition of watching youtube competitive eater, Matt Stonie. The first time we saw his video of him eating 7 burritos in a minute, Jon said “I could totally do that” He thought he could eat 4 burritos in 3 minutes. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

Jon would visit me in Florida during really bad breakups. Although, an unfortunate circumstance, I’m honored to be considered as his someone to go to during the rough times. 

I was in the same car with Jon when I realized that my first real relationship with my girlfriend was over. 

I remember blasting Limp Bizkit in Jon’s white Van, with his dad driving us around Detroit, eating mexican food and going to a concert (not Limp Bizkit)

I snuck out of summer camp at 3am and fell down superman style down a gravel hill.. with Jon

The first time I ever saw Beauty and The Beast was not the Disney Movie. It was a Flushing High School Musical. Jon was Gaston.

We played in a Marching band, Choirs, a Jazz Trio, a Chicago Cover band, and one night we even dabbled in freestyle rap (there’s a video floating around youtube somewhere)

We were asked to play our high school graduation song during our commencement. The song was “Life is a Highway”. We play the intro to “Changes” by Tupac and “Señorita” by Justin Timberlake instead.

We’ve talked about doing a “Hot Ones” style video. It’s gonna happen.

When I read through this list, I realized how much these moments have shaped me into who I am. He’s someone that knew me when I was a kid, learning how to grow up and fit in. He’s helped me get out of my comfort zone and get a little crazy. He’s a friend that’s seen me live through the heartaches, and the vulnerable states life puts you through and vice versa. He’s a brother who knows who I am now, and will know who I’ll be in the future. We’ll always be a part of each other’s lives, and I am grateful that he is a part of mine.

Shoutout to you my friend.

this is the wedding picture I was talking about. I mean c’mon. that’s a damn good picture. Photo Credit - Corban Young

More Pictures Below

The kid doing what he loves to do. He’s a drummer for One Blown Speaker and other misc groups in Michigan.

Us at the best sushi spot to date. I haven’t found a better place.

Gaston Signing autographs

Us somewhere in Detroit. Poor fashion choices and all.

Taken during one of Jon’s visits. He was going through a tough time. But we still had fun.

Pretending to be grown up. Cheers!

[titomendoza]

Shoutout to Amanda

The Shoutout Series is a series where I tell you about the special people in my life and who they are. Find out why I started HERE.

I want to share something about my wife that I am very proud of. As of December 15th, 2017 she graduated Magna Cum Laude from University of Central Florida with a Bachelor’s Degree in Health Sciences (Pre-Clinical).  The slow and long journey it took to get to this moment is something that she does not brag about because that’s just the kind of person that she is. BUT, on this little corner of the internet, I’d like to take the time to do it for her. This is a story about living with the doubts, not allowing them to stop you and #puttingindatwork

Amanda’s 26th birthday was an odd one. It wasn’t one of those “Yay! it’s my Birthday” type of day like it should be. There was a lot on her mind. Let me set the scene: At this point, we have been married for 3 years. I was slowly moving up at my job, making a little bit more money each year. She was doing the same at a hospital in the nutritional department. We were getting to a place financially where we were able to live comfortably, slowly and steadily pay off debts, and be able to have a little extra on the side to do some traveling. Not baller status by any means, but a comfortable place to be. It was enough for us at least. On June 1st, 2014, that comfortable feeling started to waver, because of course, what's a content life without a surprise existential crisis to greet you on your special day right?

It started off as a casual afternoon coffee date, talking about this and that, celebrating her day with a little birthday brew. But as all great conversations usually go, it started getting deeper and more interesting. Somehow or another, it led to her starting to question who she was and if she was happy with what she was doing. Could she see herself doing this much longer? Could it lead anywhere and if it did, would she even want it?

At some point have you ever thought “Is this all I got in me?” “Is this it?"

That feeling hit us like a freight train and the conversation weighed heavily on us that afternoon. We had no answers, and for pockets in time, we sat there in silence. In one of those moments, we specifically remember hearing Damien Rice’s “Cannonball” come on. How appropriate. A hauntingly somber song to encapsulate the mood. We had no answers, and we felt helpless. These answerless periods are the crucial pivot points to our dilemmas. This is where the character is truly tested. This is the where you either face your fears and make the moves or let the doubt take over.

I saw it in her eyes, the doubts. Yet it never stopped her.

That's Amanda to me. She does not give up. There were a ton of steps, trials and errors it took to even get her to the first day of class. For the next year or so, she focused on figuring out what program fits her interest the most, applied to different schools, and experienced the brutal pains of “figuring it out”. She moved down to a part time job and shortly afterwards realized that even doing that wasn't enough to fully succeed in her goal. We decided together that she should step away from work all together to pursue being a full time student. There were so many scary obstacles and the journey has yet to even begin. I continued to see it in her eyes, the doubts. Yet in never stopped her.

When school finally arrived, there were even more hurdles to jump through to get the diploma. Class registration issues, horrible professors, condensed summer semesters with difficult classes and the dealing with financial aid. Non-stop studying, note taking and unwanted group projects, she lived and breathed college. Crying phone calls during failed exams, wondering if she can make it through this, and even ones of surprise when she does unexpectedly well on something.

For the better part of 3 or so years, she worked tirelessly. She lived in the unanswered periods and she faced them. The doubt never stopped, but neither did she. Achieving the accomplishment did not come in an instant, but the day eventually came. SHE DID IT.

When you get a chance, tell her congratulations. She put in everything she had to get here and stayed quiet and humble through the entire process. I am extremely proud and inspired by her each day. Shout out to you my love.

Afterword:

Currently, she is celebrating a short well deserved break before her next journey. Grad school.

Although Cannonball has always been a favorite of ours, the song is even more special to us now. It reminds us how that day felt, and always be reminded we can make it through. I recorded a cover of it because of that afternoon. You can listen to it here #shamelessplug

[titomendoza]

Shoutout to Robby.

The Shoutout Series is a series where I tell you about the special people in my life and who they are. Find out why I started HERE. 

Fighting monotony is a battle that we all face…and then there’s Robby. 

Have you ever met someone who just seems to have something special about them? Where in a world full of copy cats, they just happen to stand out from the rest? You can’t quite put a finger on what it is, but you know something is different about that person. The first shoutout of my series goes to this individual. Because there’s everybody else… and then there’s Robby.

Robby Fischer is a multi-talented artist who is good at every damn thing he puts effort into. Robby creates EVERYTHING. Music, Screen Printing, Illustration, Design, Video Production, even Wood Working. He can do it all. He’s like Etsy but in human form. If he doesn’t know how to do something, he’ll figure it out. Most people have a hard time figuring out ONE thing to be good at and… (say it with me one more time)…then there’s Robby.

Whatever Robby touches seems to have a certain aesthetic that is uniquely his. As an artist, creating a recognizable and distinct feel to our work is one of the hardest goals to achieve. He breaks that monotony that I was talking about. He does not conform to what is “popular” or what’s “in”. He follows his gut and produces the work that is true to himself. When I see his work. I know it’s his.

In addition to the prolific amounts of work that Robby puts in, he also possesses a super contagious spirit that makes you believe that you can do anything you want to do. Whenever I talk to him about a creative concept that I have, he legitimately gets more excited about the idea than I do. While I fill myself with doubt about my abilities and the logistics of how to execute, he has already sent me 20 text messages IN ALL CAPS talking about how awesome the idea is, and how I should go for it. The energy is so infectious that I end up actually going for it. His encouragement becomes louder than my doubts and sometimes, a push like that is what we need. 

Without Robby, I don’t know if I could be as brave. Thank you Brother.

I hope that all of you have a kick ass friend like Robby. At the same time, I encourage you to be a “Robby” for someone else. Together, we can fight the monotony, and build something cool that is uniquely us.

YOOU CAN DO IT YESSS GO FOR IT GOOO!!! (this is an example of what Robby would text me)

If you want to learn more about Robby and see his works, check out his creation called Dogtown Studio.

[titomendoza]

The Shoutout Series | Introduction

This is totally on me, but I feel weird talking about myself. Telling stories of my experiences and how they make me feel is something I’m not the most comfortable with. I sure picked a hell of a hobby/passion of being an artist. 

A couple sides to this dillema:

One side is the artist’s judgmental side. It’s the side that thinks that if I talk too much about myself, then it means that I’m self-centered, self-serving, and self-pretending aka “ all of the things that I disliked a lot about social media.”

In social media, we talk a lot about ourselves to prop up who we want to be perceived as. 

While I understand that I am guilty of this as the next person, This is something that I try to be self aware of as much as I can. I’m afraid that if I share too much, then I become the very thing that I try the most to avoid. 

The other side is the artist’s expressional side. This side is the urge to feel the need to share something. Whether it’s just thoughts or actual artistic works, I’m compelled to connect, to express, and to communicate. If I don’t, then I feel very unfulfilled creatively.

Do you see this huge self contradiction that I’ve set up for myself? It’s a curse that I’ve been living with forever.

For me to be fully content about how I view myself as an artist, then I have to be true to both sides of the coin. To hit my sweet spot, I must be a pro at balancing on the tightrope because if I ignore too much of one side, then I will lose the balance that allows me to feel fully myself. So how can I achieve both of those ideas without feeling compromised? How do I satisfy both beasts? By way of the “Shoutout Series”,  I think I may have found a workaround.

By celebrating the people in my life and telling stories about our experiences, I subsequently also get to share who I am in the process. (How’s that for a loophole?) This is almost a revamp of my series called “The Little Things” where I talk about the small aspects of items or processes that define who I am as an artist. It’s pretty much like that, but now I’m opening it up to everything. People, things, concepts, anything I could think of shouting out. This can go from a long drawn out entry about why my wife is the coolest, or a quick blip about someone I knew for a short period of time and what impact they’ve played in my life.

I hope along the way, you discover who I am and get to understand my work even just a little bit better. Even more so, I hope that you get to learn the greatness of who some of these people are coming from a filter of someone who is simply just grateful to them and nothing more. Not for promotional reasons. No extra hype. Just gratitude.

So let’s get started.

First of, shoutout to introductions, because without you, there would be no beginnings.

SHOUTOUT 1 - ROBBY

SHOUTOUT 2 - AMANDA

SHOUTOUT 3 - JON

[titomendoza]

High Fives All Around.

This is how I think it should go: 

The older I get, the more I embrace failure.

It sounds like a very mature way to think about it right? The whole “failure makes us stronger” idea. I’d like to think that my outlook is this way for the most part. I do embrace failure. Maybe not at the exact moment where I embarrassingly crash and burn in front of everybody. But after some time of reflection and adjustments, I’ve become more equipped to handle situations differently the next time. I understand myself better, and that’s a good thing.

But after all of that, how come the next failure feels even worse than the one before it? How come I get more stressed about it? Shouldn’t I be less scared ? and how come it’s not easier?  I think learning from our past mistakes gives us an advantage in choices we make in the future. Although outcomes are never guaranteed, I genuinely think that we’re doing what we think is for the better (whatever that may mean in our heads) based on outcomes of previous decisions. In this way, since we are coming from a place of “wisdom”, we’ve made the stakes much higher in our heads. Now that we‘re supposedly more experienced, we should be able to make the right choice. Unlike our younger, dumber selves, we have this thing figured out. Talk about pressure. It is way scarier, because if we fail, then our whole “wisdom” thing is thrown out the window and we’re left alone in our living room staring into blank space wondering what the hell we’re doing with our life. (…Or so I hear from a friend… not me though.. a friend…)

The cruel thing about this rant, is that I can’t offer solutions for us. I guess I can go with a “failure makes us stronger” motivational rant, but honestly, you could go to Pinterest for really great motivational quotes with really cool and trendy fonts and that would probably give you the same effect. Other people have done it way better than me, and there’s great stuff out there. Maybe in future posts, I’ll share some of those great things that I’ve come across. 

What I do hope to offer is my own personal “high five” to those who have felt this way. Maybe you can relate to the feeling and have never been able to put it to words before. Maybe you’ve found yourself alone in your living room or in your car staring into blank space wondering what the hell you’re doing with your life. If that’s you, High Five. Cause a lot of times, that’s me too (Surprise! it wasn’t really a friend... it was me all along).

To revise my first statement:

The older I get, the scarier it is to embrace failure, and that’s just how it goes. High Five.

[titomendoza]

Bad Things.

I have moments where I feel like I shouldn't share what I'm doing creatively because there are so many bad things happening in the world. At times I feel like I'm disrespecting the suffering and misfortunes of other peoples by posting a status update about my music. As if I am deliberately avoiding the true and real issues of life and filling my time with my own musical propaganda. Where’s the balance?

The world can be a dark place. I can't believe all the hardships that people go through all around the world. The large scale of war, politics, social issues and religion can be a lot to keep up with. It seems impossible to fully understand the complexity of these subject while we deal with our individual day to day challenges at the same time. It’s paralyzing.

I would like to believe our whole lives are spent doing our best to hold on to some type of light in the midst of the bad.

My little songs might not move the entire world at once. But maybe for even a couple minutes, I can offer a temporary break for someone.

If you have light to offer the world, do not second guess yourself. In the dark, we need you the most.