My other car is a spacebar @tizztoon - Tumblr Blog

i was speaking with a guy i work with and when leaving i said okay see you monday and he went oh no i wont be in monday. im going bald. and i said ?you're what? and he just repeated im going bald monday. wont be in

deadandphilgames

update: he didn’t show up on Monday and on Tuesday he was bald

sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog

My signature is worth negative 2 dollars and 82 cents.

captaindibbzy

theconcealedweapon

maarvarq

Always bear in mind that there is absolutely no legitimate evidence that Luigi was actually the one who killed the insurance company guy.

theconcealedweapon

Of course he wasn't. He was at a party with me that day.

tiny-space-whale

No but like literally, actually. All bits aside.

He didn't do it.

The cops very clearly planted evidence on him because they had to make an arrest because all eyes were on them and whoever actually did the deed was making them look stupid.

Why would the real killer hero have kept the weapon on his person and traveled two states over while carrying it and a manifesto in his bag, conveniently turning the crime into a federal matter? The same guy whose bag they found in a park, filled with monopoly money? Why did the police turn off their bodycams, take Luigi's stuff, drive a block away, turn their bodycams back on, go back into the restaurant, and then arrest him?

From the moment of his arrest, even left-of-center media has been presuming his guilt without examining anything (e.g. calling him "the killer" instead of "alleged" or "accused") and then when I say he didn't do it, the nearest person chimes in with some quip that tells me they think he did do it but should go free anyway. Don't get me wrong, I would have the same attitude if he had done it. But he didn't. It makes me feel like the only sane person in the world, even among my staunchly leftist friends.

passionpeachy

The way adult fandom people hold indie online creators and cartoons to a much higher standard than their actual local politicians. You could be putting that energy into terrorizing and protesting conservatives at your town hall and actually make a good material impact on the world but instead you're background checking everything the trans woman who made the amazing digital circus has ever said

mephistopheles

yall i swear to god if a bitch says her pronouns are she/her then her pronouns are she/her

mephistopheles

my close friend from uni was a cis girl who had the audacity to wear pants and cut her hair short and like nobody at this school, a place OBSESSED with ‘respecting everyone’s gender identities,’ would call her ‘she.’ after MONTHS of this she started wearing a fucking pronoun pin to work and i dont even think that fixed it. me, im sorta androgynous; i have shaggy self-cut hair and go by a neutral name, but i always say my pronouns are she/her, and people ive worked with for months and have introduced myself in front of fifty times will STILL reflexively say ‘they’ for me. i respect the progressive circles i run in, but this IS evidence of misogyny. people’s definition of “woman” or “girl” is so narrow and high-maintenance that even the tiniest deviation from the norm gets you forcibly defeminized. but it’s a compliment, right? like who would wanna be a girl anyway?

mephistopheles

replacing an inescapable gender binary with an equally-inescapable gender trinary is stupid 🩷

beardedmrbean

kontrapoetik

see when people try and nitpick me because i call my dog "my dog" when it's technically "the family dog".......well first of all i still call my brother "my brother" and not "the family boy". although maybe that should change. second of all sorry i'm still thinking about the family boy. btw i fell asleep while making this post last night and i think you can tell

unashamedly-enthusiastic

Very tenuous link to one of my favourite tweets

cranberrylimes

The left image as a rug and the right image as a ceiling poster

desaturate-worlds

this on the bedspread

str8aura-no-not-that-one

This as every wallpaper

cranberrylimes

Wow guys, we’ve really come together to make this House MD into a Home MD 💙

derinthescarletpescatarian

Hey, uh. So. What do you mean, "Nameless country that predated the Republic of Texas"? How much data did humanity lose between the 21st century and Aspen's time period? Or is like, "America" just a word that means "nameless" in Interlingua? Or did "America" become a taboo word and it was lost the same way that the old word for bear was taboo? Is the Republic of Texas censoring all mention of America??

How do you lose the name of a country like that????????????

America is the name of a continent -- two continents, in fact. It's not the name of a country.

iamthedukeofurl

okay but I'm actually fascinated by this because, yeah, that makes sense. Our country is called "The United States of America". America is a continent, "The United States of America" is a descriptor, it sounds like a shorthand way of referring to an alliance of various states (Which, admittedly, is how the country was initially conceived). Looking at the historical record, it would be impossible NOT to know that there was a single powerful nation in that region, but all references you can find instead refer to some sort of multistate alliance. Neocambrian historians might be perfectly aware of the existence of, say, Tennessee, but to them it seems like somebody has carefully erased the name of a powerful empire from that period. It may be granted the unofficial name of the "Washingtonian" Empire, since it was ruled from "Washington", which was either a city on the east coast or a state on the West coast (That presumably went on to conquer the others).

derinthescarletpescatarian

This is the story we're discussing, in case anyone's wondering

small-witch-big-hat

"Clearly the city-state of Washington was named for the primary war-god of the region, but a splinter faction of archaeologists posit that the nation dedicated to Washington was actually named for the goddess of love and prosperity often portrayed as his wife, Martha-Columbia."

derinthescarletpescatarian

HAHA TRAPPED

hedge-rambles

The Nameless Country or Empire or whatever was a peak bit of worldbuilding tbh. Like, yeah, without context "the United States of Continent" sounds like a descriptor, not a country. It sounds like a taboo avoidance term, like "bear" or "deer", where you aren't allowed to say the word itself.

bishonen

youre not yaoiful at all

amethystsoda

fwizard

I’m getting threatening scam emails from author john green

borzoibabe

did you know?

- the menu at a restaurant is not an ingredient list you can use to create new dishes we could hypothetically make for you instead of the choices on the menu

- we do not have omelets on the menu because we do not make or serve omelets

- yes, i know we have eggs on the menu, but we still do not have omelets.

- yes, i realize omelets are eggs, but not all eggs are omelets, and the eggs we serve are not omelets.

- you cannot out-logic me so that i cave in and ring in an omelet for you. i am better at arguing than you are.

- there are no omelets here. there have not been, and will not be, omelets here. if you want an omelet you will need to go somewhere else.

- i can also promise that you do not want an omelet cooked by line cooks who have not been trained how to make omelets. because we don't sell omelets.

- no, i am not going to single-handedly put service on pause for the next twenty minutes while three cooks google how to make an omelet and then proceed to fuck up multiple omelets that our kitchen is not set up to prepare, so you can have an omelet.

-and we both know you'd bitch if it takes longer than six minutes to come out anyway.

- no, you may not just go back into the kitchen and make yourself an omelet. the line cooks do not take kindly to trespassing. also, what the hell.

- i hear that you want an omelet. that does not change the fact that we do not offer omelets. if you want to eat an omelet, you will need to go to another restaurant that does have omelets on the menu. this is not negotiable.

- i am the manager.

- yeah, alright, go fuck yourself too, bob.

depsidase

inkskinned

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

toastyglow

(some guy on the internet voice) it's so unrealistic and forced when women win fights against men in stories. of course, when a young boy defeats a huge man I'm cheering and screaming because it is so badass, and when a frail old man defeats a cocky young warrior I feel nothing but satisfaction. I love these power fantasies about easily dispatching people who underestimate you, a thing I desire despite the fact that I will likely never have the skill to achieve it in real life, but I'm pretty sure women don't have that same desire, and even if they do, they shouldn't get to see it in media. because it's so unrealistic, you see. I mean I'm smart enough to know I can't take down a big man in a fight but the women, you know, they'll get ideas. I could probably do it if I trained hard enough, but the women??? for some reason I can't see it happening, and who can say why that is.