Bumbling Buffoon

D&D side blog I'm a very new DM that has no clue what is happening This is where I post my misadventures into this new world along with helpful info

[prokopetz]

Here’s a little trick I’ve used in D&D games where the premise of your campaign calls for the party to have access to lots of Stuff, but you don’t want to do a whole bunch of bookkeeping: the Wagon.

In a nutshell, the party has a horse-drawn wagon that they use to get around between – and often during – adventures. This doesn’t come out of any individual player character’s starting budget; it’s just provided as part of the campaign premise.

Before setting out from a town or other place of rest, the party has to decide how many gold pieces they want to spend on supplies. These funds aren’t spent on anything in particular, and form a running total that represents how much Stuff is in the wagon.

Any time a player character needs something in the way of supplies during a journey or adventure, one of two things can happen:

1. If it’s something that any fool would have packed for the trip and it’s something that could reasonably have been obtained at one of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., rations, spare clothing, fifty feet of rope, etc.), then the wagon contains as much of it as they reasonably need. Just deduct the Player’s Handbook list price for the item(s) in question from the wagon’s total.

2. If it’s something where having packed it would take some explaining, or if it’s something that’s unlikely to have been available for purchase at any of the party’s recent stopovers (e.g., a telescope, a barrel of fine wine, a book of dwarven erotic poetry, etc.), the player in need makes a retroactive Intelligence or Wisdom check, versus a DC set by the GM, to see if they somehow anticipated the need for the item(s) in question. Proficiency may apply to this check, depending on what’s needed. The results are read as follows:

Success: You find what you’re looking for, more or less. If the group is amenable, you can narrate a brief flashback explaining the circumstances of its acquisition. Deduct its list price (or a price set by the GM, if it’s not on the list) from the wagon’s total.

Failure by 5 points or less: You find something sort of close to what you’re looking for. The GM decides exactly what; it won’t ever be useless for the purpose at hand, but depending on her current level of whimsy, it may simply be a lesser version of what you were looking for, or it may be something creatively off the mark. Deduct and optionally flash back as above.

Failure by more than 5 points: You come up empty-handed, and can’t try again for that item or anything closely resembling it until after your next stopover.

As an incidental benefit, all the junk the wagon is carrying acts as a sort of ablative armour. If the wagon or its horses would ever take damage, instead subtract a number of gold pieces from its total equal to the number of hit points of damage it would have suffered. The GM is encouraged to describe what’s been destroyed in lurid detail.

[basalt-dnd]

This type of method makes it *way* easier to keep track of items, and… it’s pretty darn funny when the players succeed a roll to see if they backed something outrageously stupid. Trust me, the flash backs are hilarious. Never skip out on them.

[5theditionhomebrewing-deactivat]

Shkorse. Shark horse. Really friendly, excitable friends who just want to run, swim, and roll in some mud. Thanks to @naimlyarts for letting me use them 🤘 Twitter (Let’s Be Friends)

[5theditionhomebrewing-deactivat]

If you don’t love these bois then we can’t be friends.

[mooretimetoplay]

Just saw this on Twitter. An awesome idea for players who are stuck and for DMs to foster more involvement from your party in the world. @probablynpcrpgideas

[mooretimetoplay]

Heads up, as this has become crazy popular; I’ve now included a link to the original post on twitter on the word “this”, go send him some love.

[battlecrazed-axe-mage]

This is fantastic

[creativerogues]

My Template For Creating Dungeon Rooms...

About Your Dungeon Room…

Dungeon Room Name: What’s this Dungeon Room called? Instead of calling it “Room #3 on Floor 2″, try making each room unique by calling it something like “The Corridor of Knives” or “The Sinking Square”. 

Naming your Dungeon Room peaks the interest of any DM reading it, as well as keeping the Name stuck in your head so you don’t have to flip through all those DM Notes mid-game…

Dungeon Room History: What’s the History of this Room? Is it the bedroom of a mad alchemist? Or is it the bathroom of a powerful necromancer?

Threat Level: This is how deadly this Dungeon Room is. Is it no threat at all, a simple setback, a moderate threat, or straight up deadly to anyone who enters?

Dungeon Motif: Is the Dungeon Underground, Abandoned, or does it lead to another Plane? 

Selecting a Motif for the Dungeon Room based on the Dungeon can be pretty crucial. A mega-dungeon buried in the desert is very different from a ruined mega-dungeon that’s underwater…

Layout

Dungeon Walls: Are they stone or wood? Are they bare or decorated with elaborate tapestries and faded paintings?

Dungeon Floor: Is it stone, glass, wood, or something else? Will it make a noise if an oblivious Adventurer walks in?

Temperature: Is it unnaturally cold or unusually hot in this room? Maybe as the Party ventures deeper to the core of the earth everything gets supernaturally hot, or maybe as they venture deeper into a creatures lair, the air becomes supernaturally cold and the Adventurers can see their own breath!

Illumination: Is the room pitch black or lit by torches, or does the Room have small magical flames that burn forever?

Room Features: This is what’s in the Room. Statues, chests, pools of water, broken bottles. Room Features can be whatever the Adventurers see when they first enter the room, and what they could find if they explore the Room further.

Encounters

NPCs: This is usually a social encounter, such is meeting and talking to a friendly denizen of the dungeon, or maybe the ghost of a long-dead tomb-robber…

Traps: From corridors that flood with lava to false stairs that lead to a pit of boiling oil, these are the dangers a Dungeon Room (or corridor, or even stairs leading to the next Room or Dungeon Level) can have to stop any unwanted treasure-hunters.

Wandering Monsters: These are the Monsters that could possibly be found in this particular Dungeon Room, just in case the DM wants to spark some combat after a long session of busting down Dungeon Doors.

Puzzles: This is for the DM that likes to test their Players smarts. Maybe your Dungeon Room isn’t filled with Monsters, but instead a carefully composed riddle that only the Denizens of the Dungeon would know, and failure to solve such a puzzle could lead to a painful death at the hands of the Dungeon Room itself!

Hidden Treasure: It’s always good to put a little something in every Dungeon Room, most will be missed, but it’s always good to at least have something for the snooping Adventurers to find if they managed to survive whatever else they’ve just been through while going through this Dungeon.

[prokopetz]

Thesis: the unifying theme of the four “core” Dungeons & Dragons character classes is that they’re all the nerds of their respective spheres, and the off-brand version of each class is the jock counterpart.

Fighters are sword nerds; barbarians are sword jocks.

Wizards are spell nerds; sorcerers are spell jocks.

Clerics are god nerds; druids are god jocks.

Rogues are skill nerds; bards are skill jocks.

[prokopetz]

(Monks, paladins, rangers and warlocks exist outside nerd/jock the binary, which is why nobody can figure out what to do with them and their basic game-mechanical toolkits get completely redefined every other edition.)

[the-moti]

“Band kids are jocks” is truly a galaxy-brained take.

[prokopetz]

See, there’s your mistake: bards are theatre kids, not band kids, and you can 100% be both a theatre kid and a jock. I know several!

[chelonautica]

Rangers are sword (bow) preps

Warlocks are spell preps

Paladins are god preps

Monks are skill preps

[commodorecliche]

I'M LOSING MY SHIT AT THESE REPLIES HOLY FUCK

[firebirdeternal]

You know what’s more fun than worldbuilding that makes some fantasy races EEEEVIIIIIIILLLLL!!!!? Worldbuilding that gives the different races cultural differences that help explain why there’s a lot of conflict between them:

Goblin culture doesn’t have a concept of “Property”. A stick on the ground and a tool in a locked shed are equally up for grabs if a thing needs doing. They casually take and leave things all over their communities, eat from communal pots, and genuinely Do Not Understand why the Core Races are so Angry and prone to Violence all the time.

Consequently Goblins who live near Core communities develop a reputation as “Thieves” despite not even having a *word* for that. (The closest word they have is more like “Greedy” and it means a person that hides things so nobody else can use them, and it’s a surefire fight-starter to call a Goblin that)

Common Orc Spiritual beliefs hold that a Soul can only grow stronger by overcoming Challenges in life, and see intruding on another person’s Challenge unasked for as not just Rude, but Deeply Harmful. You’re Stealing their chance to Grow. Asking for help is deeply personal and doing so can be both a way to grow closer with them or a too-personal intrusion, depending on your existing relationship with them. An exception is Children, as far as most Orcs are concerned, all Children are fundamentally the responsibility of the Whole Community, regardless of whose child they are, or even if said child is an Orc at *all*.

This means that Orcs who live near Core neighbors often seem Rude and Standoffish if not outright hostile, because they neither ask for nor offer aid even in times of trouble, and respond to unasked for aid themselves with Anger. There are even rumors that they Steal Children, because if an Orc finds a child lost in the woods they’re pretty much immediately going to start feeding it, and if they can’t find where to bring it back to, or it doesn’t seem to be well cared for, they’re just gonna keep it. 

[crazy-pages]

This. I like this.

[soysaucednd]

So, you want to start a D&D Podcast

Awesome! Share your art! This is going to be my little guide of recommendations as someone who used to work in radio and has been involved with a couple of radio plays and online play readings.

Step one: You are good enough.

The first step is to not get discouraged. You may not be the next Critical Role or The Adventure Zone, but you will have a podcast project. The first priority should be a philosophy of sharing rather than ambition of success. Even if you don’t amass a following, you will be sharing a piece of yourself, and that is always something to be admired.

Step two: Set clear expectations with your players.

Making a podcast of a d&d campaign is harder than running a home game. There are a lot of things that you have to take into account during a recording session that aren’t that important in your everyday game.

This is a performance. Players need to be focused on you and the game.

Eating makes sounds that can be picked up by the microphones.

Your levels may be overwhelmed by the dice, consider using dice pads.

You and your players have to be understood, and it has to be clear when they are in character and out of character.

No matter how much you think you won’t, you will have to edit some sections.

If players are talking over each other or having outside of game conversations, it will be picked up by the microphone and it will disturb the flow of the game.

Step three: The equipment and software.

As I said in the previous section, you and your players have to be heard and understood. To that end, you will need to have the right equipment to make that happen. Here is what you will need:

A microphone. Do some research on what microphone to get. It will have to be better than one that is connected on a set of headphones, but you don’t necessarily have to break the bank for a good one.

Audacity open source audio editing software.

This is the program I used to edit all of my pre-recorded radio segments and I still use it when I have to edit any kind of audio. It has a bit of a learning curve, but once you get used to it it has almost unlimited potential.

(it is also super useful for untraceably pirating music)

A room with minimal background noise.

Ideally, you will want a soundproofed room with no windows, but that is not possible for most people. Record some sample audio in different rooms in your house and see what works best. You’ll be able to tell the difference.

A padded dice box or a dice mat.

You do not want to be rolling your dice straight on a table next to a microphone, it will be loud and will be jarring to people listening to the recording.

Step four: Get used to your voice on recording.

We all hate our voices on recording. I had a recurring segment on a local radio station for four years and I deeply hated the way I sounded. It is just something you need to get used to. If you are going to use a character voice, rehearse it. Troubleshoot it in the recording software. See if you can get it to sound the way you want it to. If you are dming, you have your work cut out for you. I would recommend pre-writing introductions and very important pieces of description because once you are on recording, you will forget everything you wanted to say WAY more often.

Step five: Editing

You’ve gotten your first session out of the way! Yay! You might be tempted to just upload it and be done, but that is not going to be the best decision. Here are a few things to do to make the quality just a little bit better.

Get a background noise profile.

Open the audio file in audacity and open the effects tab.

It will ask you to get a noise profile, select a section of the audio where no one is speaking. (Ideally a period of around 10 seconds where everyone is quiet.)

The program will isolate the sounds present in that 10 seconds and do its best to remove those sounds from the whole sound profile.

Normalize.

If a few of your players are slightly quieter than your louder players, there is a tool in the effects window called “Normalize.”

This will take all of the audio in the file and standardize it at a volume you choose (measured in decibels). It will boost quieter voices and bring down the volume of louder voices while keeping things like shouting distinct. Be careful, but it is fairly easy to understand.

Compress.

This effect will reduce clipping (I will explain later). It brings any very loud sounds into a safer range for the ear and brings very quiet sounds up to be audible.

Beware of clipping.

If the spikes on the audio file’s waveform go above a certain point, we call this clipping. It will distort the audio in the final product and be uncomfortable to listen to. You can sometimes fix it by using the amplify tool or the normalization and compression tools, but it is better to set a lower input level on your microphone to avoid it and amplify your volume in the editing process. It is easier to add more volume than to take away too much.

Background music.

If you are using background music, make sure it is licensed for you to use. Royalty free or self-produced music is usually best. If you drag new audio files into audacity, you can create new layers and adjust positioning by adding in silence or by manipulating the start time and end time of your background music. There is also a fade in/fade out function that you can access by selecting a piece of audio in one layer and then going into the effects tab.

Step six: Recaps and Rules

For a produced show, you should start every session with a recap both for anyone tuning in to your podcast and to remind the players of their given circumstances. Take notes during the session if you can, or listen back to the previous episode to study before your next one. This is a good way to get used to your voice, remind yourself of the voices you have given NPCs, and remember where in your story you are.

When you are running a game on stream, you will not have time to stop the game and look up a rule, so get used to problem solving as a dm. Make reminder cards, spell cards, have statblocks ready, and if you do not have a rule in front of you, make a ruling. If you are uploading a prerecorded game, you have a bit more leeway, but it depends on how much time you want to spend editing. My advice would be to get used to making rulings on the fly and confirming them later.

Step seven: General Performance tips

Players:

Stay engaged.

Not paying attention and missing the fact that it is your turn, or not understanding how your sheet works is similar to an actor forgetting their lines and stopping on stage.

Don’t fudge your dice rolls.

I know. It is tempting. No one can see them and if you got a nat 20 here it would be SO POETIC. But seriously, don’t.

Listen to your DM and try to limit off topic conversations.

Make your voice for your character distinct from your own.

DMs:

Be prepared.

Have your statblocks ready, bring any visual aids you need, have your notes opened, have a compendium of spells available, have an initiative tracker, have enough dice, know what the shape of the session will be.

Don’t bring your sourcebooks.

This seems weird, but it is a recommendation I can’t stress enough. If you have it with you, I guarantee you will flip through it to check rules and such. Don’t.

Practice your timing on certain levels of narration.

Try to figure out some fun ways to add tension through how you narrate.

Watch a LOT of liveplay d&d and study what you like about the dms.

I would recommend Dimension 20, Naddpod, Critical Role, The Adventure Zone, or any other piece of media you can find.

Now go out there and get started! Message me and I will try to tune in to whatever you produce!

[jennaflare]

This is amaaaaazing advice

[gburanddragons]

Well, guess I have a new trick for my bag (of tricks).

[dungeons-and-danis]

How I Introduce a Main Villain

So recently, I introduced my campaign’s main/top villain. Basically, the villain that they’re gonna be chasing around the entire campaign in their travels. And I wanted it to be extra special. So I wanna talk a little bit about how to really build up to a villain and make their first appearance truly terrifying, from the perspective of a creative writing major who’s entire life has revolved itself around good storytelling and narratives.

Introduce a common goal and get your players asking questions.

It’s very important to not just throw the villain at the players and say “fight them”. You want to build up to the experience, really set up the reputation of this villain. My villain is a prophet to a forbidden goddess of war who wants to reign war on the continent for both it’s punishment and salvation. So with her being so worldly, I intertwined her into each character’s backstory without telling any of the other characters. I’d drop something simple like a symbol they saw in each background, and told them this is their only clue to their goals. Then, when they finally all saw the symbol again, they were all like “OH FUCK! I KNOW THAT! Wait… you know that too? Wtf is going on?” And from there, they start asking questions about this symbol. You don’t have to do it this way, as it’s just one example of course. But your goal is to get them asking questions. Maybe have your players witness a brutal execution, or solve a murder, and eventually relate it back to the villain without actually having them show up. Just get them asking questions. Make them care about stopping whatever is going on, without actually knowing who is behind it.

Set the reputation of your villain and introduce some foreshadowing.

Once the players start asking questions, you obviously need to have some answers. And I say “some” very earnestly here. You don’t want them to have all the answers, so don’t reveal too much. Just give them an inch and let them take a mile if they want to. Let them build an idea of this villain in their mind. Have most relevant NPCs have at least a little bit of information on your villain, even if it’s just a name or a title. But be prepared for difficulties such as divination magics and the like. Sometimes players dig too hard before you’re ready, so think hard about what you’re ready to reveal and prepare in advance for spells and trickery. When it comes to setting this reputation, you wanna give tidbits of information like rumors of their atrocities and cruelties. Gossip can be outlandish and crazy, so don’t be afraid to have conflicting accounts of things. It makes things interesting. You can introduce encounters with henchmen of said villain and reveal information that way, too. Mislead, fool, and lie to your players to confuse them if you can. Hell, you can even throw in some things you can parallel much later on in the final reveal. The more mysterious this villain is, the more enticing they’ll be and the more the players will want to seek them out.

Think about what your villain knows about the players and how they try to stop them from getting in the way.

Players love their backstories coming into play. Everyone loves everything being about them. So maybe your villain knows some good shit about your players and uses it against them. Maybe someone gets kidnapped, or tortured, or even killed. You want some motivation to really go after this villain, so have them pull some sketchy shit long before ever revealing themselves. Having someone you’ve never met before come after you from behind a curtain can really piss someone off and motivate them to seek you out. And it can make the final reveal that much more important and dramatic.

The final reveal of your main villain.

This is the biggest and final step. You want to take everything the characters have learned and put it all together in this final reveal. There can be a lot of pressure, and yet a lot of fun involved in this step. The first you wanna do though, is set the mood/atmosphere. How I did it was I turned all the lights down to very low, but still visible lighting. I played eerie music, and then I began to use a little strobe light i got from spirit halloween from behind my dm station, and I used the scariest, deepest voice I could possibly muster when speaking as her. I gave her a long winded introduction that confirmed to everyone that this was indeed the one they’ve been seeking. I believe it went “My name is Nirnasha. Prophet to Apollyon. Among the last of the Aasimar. The only war cleric left in Sephias…. And I am the one who cannot die.” Introductions are important, because it establishes the truth of who this person is and how they carry themselves. But your villain might not even do it like this. It really depends on their personality. Maybe they just go straight for the kill. Maybe they’re super cruel and brutal and attack with a viciousness and intent to mutilate. Really think about how they fight and keep it interesting. And definitely don’t forget dialogue. Please, guys. This part is so important to keep the atmosphere. Bring up rumors, gossip, trickery, lies, shit talk, low blows, anything and everything to piss off the players and make the win even better…. if they win. You can even throw in disadvantages for being so enraged that you can’t control yourself. But the three important things for your final reveal is: atmosphere, dialogue, and descriptions. And finally, don’t forget to ask your players how they wanna do this when/if they get the final blow on their villain. That will make everything feel like a major play off.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Random mansion generator

The Procgen Mansion Generator produces large three-dee dwellings to toy with your imagination, offering various architectural styles and other options. Each mansion even comes with floorplans:

https://boingboing.net/2019/07/12/random-mansion-generator.html

[something-from-elsewhere]

Oooooh! Saving this

[lady-feral]

That’s fun

[vesperlionheart]

Hey, but don’t fall asleep on this Medieval Fantasy City Generator   

[dope-dm]

10 quick adventure ideas #3

Someone has stolen farmer Martin's prize pig, and the tracks lead into the woods

A ghost has been haunting the local tavern for the past few weeks, and it's bad for business.

A giant has laid claim to the town, saying it is within his domain, and requires everyone to swear loyalty.

The nearby lake has had reports of strange monsters lurking in the shore at night, scaring away the local fisherman.

A man calling himself the King of Bees has been attacking citizens with his swarms of insects. (Bonus points if he steals honey)

Deep in the snowy mountains, a ruined city has just been discovered and is rumored to be ripe with treasure.

The town's folk are holding a lunar festival, but during the ceremony the moon vanishes.

A knight in black armor blocks a small bridge nearby, and refuses to let anyone pass.

Everyone in a small village have started turning into anthropomorphic animals, usually in their sleep.

A wizard has accidentally turned himself invisible indefinitely, and needs specific ingredients to reverse the effects.

[thesezombiestastelikeashes]

Not that anyone asked but I wanna tell y'all how I organize my games.

I have a very specific set up for my games with timelines at the beginning.

Game 1: introduce setting and characters to each other. Let them get the feel of the world, let the players learn their character, and see if the group will work. Tell the players they can rewrite if the group dynamic doesn't work.

Game 2: if needed: more intro. If you started in a small town, introduce the bigger country/empire. Start laying groundwork for BBEG (big bad evil guy). Last chance to add new players.

Game 3: set the theme. If this is going to very a dungeon crawl heavy game, your first dungeon goes here. If this is political intrigue, your first council meeting/political event goes here. If your players are going up against the lvl 20 BBEG at the end of the chronicle and you want to teach them to trust no one and do Intel gathering and play smart not reckless, their first loss encounter goes here.

Setting up theme early is important. If its a joking game until the party loses and it comes as a big shock, that can ruin the game. If your players realize early on that they're playing a losing game and have to play smarter they'll take that lesson into the remainder of their sessions. If they don't like political intrigue and your plot is based on them schmoozing courtiers you need to know early to change things.

Game 4 is redemption. Its the attempt to fix the problems discovered in game 3. Its giving your players a redemption against their first loss. Its changing from political to dungeon crawl or the other way around. If you make it past this point you have a solid game.

[radnewworld]

LISTEN. You’re a GM. You have a world. You need to give your players information about that world without info-dumping on them as the game develops.

Your campaign world needs a newspaper. There is no better way of relaying the setting’s lore and exposition than through the lens of the NPCs who live there. They can post work opportunities! They can discuss current events! They can use local lingo! They can post scurrilous lies about whatever you want!

And your players will eat it up!

Are you feeling heady with power yet? Do you realize what a tool this is?!

They will be shocked when they first realize that the papers lied to them… Or they’ll feel oh so very clever for being skeptical about what they read! Hell, they might even want to put out ads or articles in the paper of their own creation! Imagine their faces when the paper talks about them and their heroic exploits… Or attributes credit for what they did to someone else entirely! Or makes the whole thing a hit piece painting them as villains! What if the whole tone of the paper suddenly changes? What if a favorite columnist suddenly shows up dead? What if an obituary for one of the player characters gets printed? Your options are literally limitless.

Give your game a newspaper. You’ll thank me. You’re welcome.

[wodneswynn-deactivated-deactiva]

[Heavy breathing]

[probablybadrpgideas]

A kenku who only communicates through Skyrim guard quotes

[dykes-for-dnd]

Image of my mental thoughts being a first time DM:

[dungeonmemes]

Every time.