“Is there a name you’d like me to call you?”
“Um, yes, it’s… Harry.”
“Well, Harry, I think I ought to be honest and tell you that… I’m just like you. I’m transgender too.”
“…You are?”
“Indeed. And I’m telling you this because I wanted you to know that you are not alone. Never alone. And your parents, Harry, they… they would’ve loved you and supported you unconditionally. Just like they supported me. Never forget that there will always be people that accept us in our most truest.”
You’re born helpless, so you find strength. Then that’s all they want you for, to use you. And you find love, but it isn’t real. It’s a wish someone made once, before they even knew who you were. And you… you find power, and it turns to ash in your hands.
YENNEFER APPRECIATION WEEK
Day One ▸ Favorite Quote or Scene
Kaz: doesn’t dance at all and pretends that he is annoyed by it but when he is alone with Ineji he taps his fingers or his foot in the rhythm of the song, enjoying it and watching her dance
Ineji: loves dancing but not the classical standard dances more the ones she learned from her people and her parents or completely freestyles. Often very acrobatic and elegant but the sight is saved for only a few specific people
Wylan: learned all the classical standard dances of course but prefers Charleston or Rock’n’Roll and other more free, rebel and wild dances especially together with Jesper
Jesper: Charleston king. That’s it. Do I need to say more?
Nina: loves all wild and free dances and enjoys just feeling the music and dance whatever comes to her mind but is also just simply bad at the standard ones and steps often on Matthias feet
Matthias: totally knows all classic standard dances and prefers the calm ones over the wild ones but try’s them for Nina when he feels brave or is just drunk enough
"why are people attracted to vampires theres nothing inherently attractive about them" we all know why people are into vampires its just that none of us wanna be the one to say it
allison swears like a goddamn sailor. like when the mcall pack/puppy pack (and i mean everyone, allison, lydia, scott, stiles, kira, issac, derek, liam, theo, gwen, hayden, mason, corey-EVERYONE) has one big house together, you’ll just hear ‘mother fucking son of a goddamn bitches whore, go fuck your fucking cock you little shitty bastard! jesus fucking tits-damnit!’ and it’s normally allison who’s stubbed her toe, or lost to stiles at a video game (bc he kicks everyone’s ass) or any other reason, but it happens a lot. like a lot, a lot.
bouns: everyone has very different reactions to it.
“[…] I kept thinking about Alex Fierro. You know, maybe just a little. Alex was a force of nature, like the snow thunder. She struck when she felt like it, depending on temperature differentials and storm patterns I couldn’t possibly predict.”
redraw of That One wedding scene in book 2 but with high fantasy viking aesthetics and LOTS of creative license
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thomas is a huge cuddle bear in mornings. not that he isn't one other times, but especially in mornings. he will hold onto alastair and won't let him go. he will prep kisses along alastair's neck, his jaw, his shoulder, his face, to just keep him in bed longer. alastair always gives in.
alastair has started smiling so much more since he got together with thomas. cordelia definitely noticed this and it made her heart so full to see her brother being happy like he deserves to be.
they are both very protective of each other. and they respect each other way too much.
alastair would act like he is the bigger spoon and would wrap his arms and legs around thomas from behind, like an octopus hug. but by the morning, it would always be thomas holding alastair from behind.
they cannot. stop. touching. each other. they are just two touch starved babies, and they need all the physical contact they can get. whenever they are together, they will never be found not touching each other: holding hands, thomas' hand on alastair's shoulder, alastair's arm wrapped around thomas' waist, the back of their hands touching, pinky fingers linked, just always touching each other in some way.
they talk all the time. about everything. it has never been so easy for both of them to talk to another human being. but with each other, they just can't stop talking. (i mean, we all know this because paris.) and because they talk so much, they have a very deep understanding between them.
thomas loves their height difference because whenever alastair hugs him, he gets a chance to wrap his arms around alastair's body and just, envelope him and kiss his head. alastair pretends to hate it but it's very obvious that he loves it too because of the smile that he can't keep off his face.
training together ends with a make out session pretty much always.
thomas loves laying his head in alastair's lap. alastair always ends up playing with his hair and running his hand through his hair, which makes thomas very sleepy because it's so comforting.
even though both of them are not the type to be very vocal about their feelings and would rather express their love through actions and not words, thomas definitely is the one who says 'i love you' more.
alastair has another language to say 'i love you', which is doing things three times, like: he would squeeze thomas' hand three times, press three kisses against his neck, tap his fingers on thomas' wrist thrice, draw three circles on thomas' back. it took a while for thomas to catch on to this, but he enthusiastically started reciprocating when he did.
alastair is a bit shocked when he discovers that thomas is learning persian, but that doesn't last long and he quickly becomes quite fascinated and determined to be the one to teach thomas.
they travel a lot. they love exploring new places together, and they love seeing the world together.
thomas loves alastair's name, loves how it sounds, loves saying it over and over again. and the way thomas always says his name with so much love takes alastair's breath away.
at the end of any long or exhausting day, all they both want is to have some quiet time with each other. they just cuddle, and relax, and softly talk about anything, while exchanging soft, slow kisses and eventually fall asleep in each other's arms.
Okay, I said I was gonna do this and I meant it. It feels too early for this (I’ve spent the past hour waking up enough to type this lmao (I said this around 7:30). It's 2:40 now haha) but we’re doing this, so hopefully, it makes sense. Also, this is just my personal opinion on the lgbtqia+ rep in ACOTAR as a bisexual polyamorous person, I’m not speaking for every lgbtqia+ person who’s read ACOTAR and I’m definitely not saying that my opinions are theirs.
Thank you to @ratabrasileira who read over this and gave some very useful critiques. And also encouraged me to post it.
Please excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes, I probably missed them while editing (and spelling and grammar check is useless at times)
We’re gonna start with Helion. I love him, I think most people in the fandom love him, but he’s very obviously a bunch of harmful bi stereotypes. (side note: I’m going to be using the term bisexual when talking about Helion’s sexuality because it’s the simplest to understand and we know Helion is attracted to males and females. It’s not so much to label him just to make talking about him and his sexuality easier.)
“The first of the High Lords’ responses,” she said sweetly, plucking up a slice of the green fruit and biting off a chunk. No hint of last night’s rage and fear.
“That pleasant, hmm?”
“Helion’s came first this morning. Between all the innuendo, I think he said he’d be willing to … join us.”
*
“Well, now I look as bad as Beron.” He strode straight past me with a wink, stalking into the sitting room. He grinned at Azriel. “You handing Eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.”
*
Helion favors both males and females. Usually together in his bed. And has been hounding after that trio for centuries.
These three lines alone aren’t a big deal and who knows it might seem like I’m being nit-picky with this but together it becomes a bit of an issue. From the start (the 1st line is the 4th mention of Helion in ACOWAR) it says he made plenty of innuendos. His character is very flirtatious (with almost anyone) and talks about sex pretty often. SJM’s characters often make a lot of innuendos and there’s plenty of talk about sex and sex jokes but it’s more prominent with Helion’s character. Again that on its own isn’t an issue but a very common and harmful stereotype about bi people is that we’re sex-obsessed, that we flirt with everyone, that we’re attracted to everyone, that we just want a threesome. There’s nothing wrong with Helion as a character being attracted to both males and females and enjoying sex and threesomes (or foursomes, etc.), it’s the stereotypes it perpetuates that are harmful. It’s the implication that because Helion is bi he wants to have threesomes, that he’s constantly flirting with people and making innuendos. Now, this could just be how she always planned Helion’s character but assuming she also always knew he was bi or that she knew that when writing ACOWAR, intentionally or not, she built his character using a bunch of stereotypes and most likely didn’t give it a second thought. Helion’s character has gotten a bit more development and it seems we’ll be seeing more of him in future books but his personality is still largely centered around his sexuality and the stereotypes associated with it. I’m hoping that will change.
Mor -
To start this off, I have always had very mixed feelings on Mor and I 100% think that’s because her character has been screwed over so many times by SJM and she’s just used whenever it’s convenient. One thing I’ll never do, regardless of my feelings about her, is criticize her for being closeted. Being queer was such a sudden change in Mor’s character that we all know wasn’t planned and was poorly executed but it’s also such an important part of her character now especially because she is in the closet.
Mor rubbed her face. “You were right about me, though. You were …” Her hand shook as she lowered it. She gnawed on her lip, throat bobbing. Her eyes at last met mine—bright and fearful and anguished. Her voice broke as she said, “I don’t love Azriel.”
I remained perfectly still. Listening.
“No, that’s not true, either. I—I do love him. As my family. And sometimes I wonder if it can be … more, but … I do not love him. Not the way he—he feels for me.” The last words were a trembling whisper.
“Have you ever loved him? That way?”
“No.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “No. I don’t … You see …” I’d never seen her at such a loss for words. She closed her eyes, fingers digging into her skin. “I can’t love him like that.”
“Why?”
“Because I prefer females.”
Okay, let’s start here. I think the entire scene of Mor coming out is very emotional but I think on a first read especially some of that is taken away because it’s so unexpected. If SJM did plan this from the start then she didn’t do a very good job at foreshadowing or giving us many context clues (aside from the morning after she slept with Helion maybe?? And then she threw in that thing about Rita’s most likely cause it was easy and convenient).
I also think a lot of people on their first read of this series are shipping Mor x Azriel (I was never very invested in them and I don’t know why but I do know quite a few people were shipping them) and so since that ship was there I don’t think anyone considered Mor being queer and when people started voicing wanting more representation SJM brought up Helion, Mor, Thesan, and Nephelle (I’ll get to the last two later) now Helion, Thesan, and Nephelle were easy to make some mention about them being queer here or there because they’re not part of Feyre’s story, they’re not main characters, but Mor has been vital to the plot and Feyre’s story since ACOMAF as her friend. So that and whatever had been going on with Azriel (which a lot of people thought was some mutual pining, slow-burn thing where eventually they’d realize their feelings and get together) people (including myself) just assumed she was straight. Because sadly that is the default and most of SJM’s characters seem to be straight or at least there is no canon confirmation that they are not hetero.
Even with Mor being closeted if this was planned there could have been bits and pieces here and there that would eventually click together and make sense with Mor’s coming out even if you didn’t pay it much mind at first (Mor sneaking, going to Rita’s alone, staying out later than other, mentions of her gravitating towards females on nights out even when males were flirting and even if it just seemed friendly) really it was very unexpected and poorly executed so it lost its chance to resonate with queer and/or closeted readers unless maybe they related to Mor as a character already. This is a critique of the writing and the poorly planned and executed coming out in case anyone thinks I’m coming after Mor as a character for being queer and closeted (it’s not, she’s queer and that’s great but I do wish it had been executed better on-page).
“I do find pleasure in them. In both.” Her hands were shaking so fiercely that she gripped herself even tighter. “But I’ve known, since I was little more than a child, that I prefer females. That I’m … attracted to them more over males. That I connect with them, care for them more on that soul-deep level. But at the Hewn City … All they care about is breeding their bloodlines, making alliances through marriage. Someone like me … If I were to marry where my heart desired, there would be no offspring. My father’s bloodline would have ended with me. I knew it—knew that I could never tell them. Ever. People like me … we’re reviled by them. Considered selfish, for not being able to pass on the bloodline. So I never breathed a word of it. And then … then my father betrothed me to Eris, and … And it wasn’t just the prospect of marriage to him that scared me. No, I knew I could survive his brutality, his cruelty and coldness. I was—I am stronger than him. It was … It was the idea of being bred like a prize mare, of being forced to give up that one part of me …” Her mouth wobbled, and I reached for her hand, prying it off her arm. I squeezed gently as tears began sliding down her flushed face.
“I slept with Cassian because I knew it would mean little to him, too. Because I knew doing it would buy me a shot at freedom. If I had told my parents that I preferred females … You’ve met my father. He and Beron would have tied me to that marriage bed for Eris. Literally. But sullied … I knew my shot at freedom lay there. And I saw how Azriel looked at me … knew how he felt. And if I’d chosen him …” She shook her head. “It wouldn’t have been fair to him. So I slept with Cassian, and Azriel thought I deemed him unsuitable, and then everything happened and …” Her fingers tightened on mine. “After Azriel found me with that note nailed to my womb … I tried to explain. But he started to confess what he felt, and I panicked, and … and to get him to stop, to keep him from saying he loved me, I just turned and left, and … and I couldn’t face explaining it after that. To Az, to the others.”
She loosed a shuddering breath. “I sleep with males in part because I enjoy it, but … also to keep people from looking too closely.”
I’m basically dissecting this entire scene piece by piece. SJM gives a reason for Mor sleeping with males and being closeted here, though really she doesn’t need an excuse for either. It also shows a deeper part of Mor’s trauma in the marriage situation, “of being forced to give up that one part of me” I assume with the context of the conversation this is about her being queer.
Overall it’s very heartbreaking and her trauma and this situation was already devastating but this adds a whole new layer to it. Growing up in the Hewn City I assume she always knew that they planned to force her into a marriage she wouldn’t be happy in and I can only assume that when she discovers that she’s queer as well it becomes much more terrifying. She’s already subjected to abuse, she knows she’s not valued for anything more than having children because she’s a female, and then she realizes she doesn’t want to be with a male anyway and that means she’s essentially useless in their eyes. Her being queer takes away the only thing they value her for, marrying a male and having kids.
As for her sleeping with males cause she both enjoys it and wants to cover it up, I’m assuming she’s homoromantic bisexual with a preference for females sexually as well. I doubt we’ll ever get clarification on this and I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Mor and her LI got a story if Mor’s sexuality and her story suddenly changed (not like SJM deciding she’s straight but maybe saying “I never enjoyed sleeping with males, I just did it to stay in the closet” kinda stuff. Which is first really sad but also it’s canon contradicting itself again and that would just bug me.)
“Rhys wouldn’t care—I don’t think anyone in Velaris would.”
A nod. “Velaris is … a haven for people like me. Rita’s … the owner is like me. A lot of us go there—without anyone really ever picking up on it.”
No wonder she practically lived at the pleasure hall.
Let’s talk about this now. It makes me so unbelievably sad that Mor feels unable to come out to her closest friends, the IC is also her found family. Now, this may say something about the IC’s relationship and how dysfunctional it actually is but it does say that Mor is terrified that her family will find out (we’ll get to this in just a moment) and they’ll use it to hurt her. So there’s a chance that it translates to telling Rhys and the rest of the IC on the off chance that her being out, even to a small group of people, will get back to the Hewn City.
And this is what I was saying earlier about Rita’s. It probably was something that was thrown in last minute to make it seem less out of the blue and like “look now every time Rita’s is mentioned you’ll see that it was a hint about Mor!” or something. Regardless it’s odd that there are so many people going to Rita’s secretly in Velaris especially if it’s such an accepting place. It just doesn’t make sense that it’d be a secret. Unless the people going there are also out, and Rita’s owner is out, but then it wouldn’t be a secret, and Rhys would probably know and have pieced it together. It’s just not very well thought out but it is a sweet detail to give Mor a safe space.
“But this part of me …” Mor wiped at her tears with her free hand. “It didn’t matter as much, when my family disowned me. When they called me a whore and a piece of trash. When they hurt me. Because those things … they weren’t part of me. Weren’t true, and weren’t … intrinsic. They couldn’t break me because … because they never touched that innermost part of me. They never even guessed. But I hid it … I’ve hidden it because …” She tilted back her head, looking skyward. “Because I live in terror of my family finding out—and shaming me, hurting me about this one thing that has remained wholly mine. This one part of me. I won’t let them … won’t let them destroy it. Or try to. So I’ve rarely … During the War, I finally took my first—female lover.”
And this is what I said we’d get to. This seems to be a huge part of why she’s closeted: because she’s so scared of it being used to hurt her. It’s such a personal thing that she’s kept a secret for so long, as long as people don’t know about it they can’t actually hurt her. So I can see this being a reason she hasn’t come out to the IC but then she’s coming out to Feyre right now and it makes me sad that she doesn’t trust them enough to think that won’t use it to hurt her. I am glad she trusts Feyre enough but this is someone she’s known for what a few months vs people she’s known for centuries so perhaps there is part of this that reflects on how dysfunctional the IC’s relationship really is.
She was quiet for a long moment, blinking away tears. “It was Nephelle and her lover—now her wife, I suppose—who made me dare to try. They made me so jealous. Not of them personally, but just … of what they had. Their openness. That they lived in a place, with a people who thought nothing of it. But with the War, with the traveling across the world … No one from home was with me for months at a time. It was safe, for once. And one of the human queens …”
I know I said I would get to Nephelle later and I’ll probably see how many more mentions there are of her and her wife (unnamed, similarly to Thesan’s lover. Again we’ll get to that later). Nephelle and her wife and two other canonically queer characters but they’re minor characters, and Nephelle’s wife is never developed enough to even get a name. If we’re talking about memorable queer characters we only have Mor and Helion, there are only 5 other confirmed queer characters and they’re all minor characters most people don’t even remember and/or they’re dead (rip Andromache). That’s just really disappointing especially because the two queer characters that we actually remember and that have the possibility to be decent rep are a closeted queer woman who has such a tragic story and doesn’t even trust her own found family enough to come out (and also feels like being closeted is living a lie) and a character made up of bi stereotypes who also has a tragic story.
And Mor says that Nephelle lives in a place where no one thought anything of it so I wonder if it’s just the Hewn City that’s homophobic or if it’s the Night Court entirely that hasn’t been the most accepting even if Rhys doesn’t seem to give a fuck personally. Or maybe it’s the whole of Prythian but that seems a bit odd considering Helion is openly queer and a High Lord. Or it could just be her referring to the Hewn City even though at this time she was living in Velaris and out of the Hewn City (well she wasn’t even in Velaris cause it was during the war but you get what I’m trying to say). So during the war, she only felt safe having a female lover because there was no risk of anyone who knew her in the Night Court finding out.
“If I can even work up the courage to tell the world first. My gift is truth—and yet I have been living a lie my entire existence.”
This living a lie line will forever piss me off. Being closeted is not living a lie and it frustrates me so much that SJM would even say that. Coming out is so fucking terrifying, she’s not living a lie for staying in the closet. She’s fucking scared, she doesn’t feel safe enough to come out. Being closeted is not living a lie. It makes it seem like being closeted is shameful, when it’s not. Mor in the Hewn City would be in even more danger if she came out, people are in the closet because they’re in a situation where it’s dangerous to come out (this isn’t always the case but coming out is always terrifying. And if you’re closeted because you’re in a dangerous situation it is not shameful and those people aren’t living a lie).
Mor is not living a lie because she is closeted. It is not shameful that she is closeted. She grew up in a situation where I’m pretty sure she’d end up dead if she came out. And even now the IC is so dysfunctional that she doesn’t feel safe coming out to them, not to mention she’s expressed that she’s scared of Azriel (her fear at the High Lord’s meeting) and she doesn’t want to break his heart, there’s probably also part of her scared that he’d react badly and be angry with her.
This entire thing pisses me off, she doesn’t owe anyone shit. She doesn’t owe Azriel shit. She doesn’t have to come out for any damn reason if she doesn’t want to.
“I wanted to tell you; I realized I wanted to tell you the moment you and Azriel winnowed to Hybern’s camp. And the thought of not being able to tell you …” Her fingers tightened around mine. “I promised the Mother that if you made it back safely, I would tell you.”
“It seemed she was happy to take the bargain,” I said with a smile.
Mor wiped at her face and grinned. It faded almost instantly. “You must think I’m horrible for stringing along Azriel—and Cassian.”
That last line fucking frustrates me. It makes it seem like her being in the closet is stringing along Cassian and Azriel. It was just a fucking bad move. It shouldn’t be a thing, they’re grown-ass men, she is not responsible for their feelings and should not have to walk on eggshells or coddle their feelings or any of that shit. Mor should not feel any guilt for that at all, but it especially should not be connected in any way to her being in the closet.
Nephelle and Thesan -
“But a young Seraphim cartographer named Nephelle saw Miryam go down. Nephelle’s lover was one of Drakon’s generals, and it was she who realized Miryam and Nephelle were missing.”
“She made it. Suffice to say her lover made Nephelle her wife that night,”
I wondered if Nephelle and her wife were in that legion—if the last time they had drawn swords was that long-ago battle at the bottom of the sea.
We all know the story with Nephelle though I do think it’s often forgotten. Even if the story itself isn’t forgotten Nephelle being queer often is. Her lover isn’t even named (this is a habit SJM has and with both Nephelle and Thesan she just uses the word lover, Nephelle’s lover, Thesan’s lover, on occasion she uses Nephelle’s wife. It’s just very disappointing and if SJM was expecting this to count as rep or good rep, it’s definitely not. Considering most people forget these characters or that they’re even queer).
The male on his left is his captain and lover. Indeed, the handsome male stood just a tad closer to his High Lord, one hand on the fine sword at his side. No mating bond yet, Rhys went on, but I think Thesan didn’t dare acknowledge it while Amarantha reigned
“Welcome,” Thesan said, his voice as deep and rich as those eyes. His lover monitored our every breath from a few feet behind, no doubt realizing our own companions were doing the same behind us.
Thesan stepped forward, ever the good host. For that laugh indeed promised violence. His lover and the other Peregryns seemed to shift into defensive positions—either to guard their High Lord or simply to remind us that we were guests in their home.
his own fierce-eyed lover not uttering a word to anyone.
Thesan’s lover seethed at the High Lord of Day’s tone, but one glance from Thesan had the male relaxing.
His lover, clad in his captain’s armor once more, sized us up, his wings flaring slightly, but kept seated with the other Peregryns.
Thesan and his battered Peregryn captain—whose hand he tightly held
This part was just fun for me. Anyone following me knows I adore Thesan and in turn his lover. This is every mention of them. Again minor characters, one is unnamed, it’s often forgotten that Thesan is even queer. Again another poor attempt at queer rep but at least there are no harmful stereotypes, though that’s probably only because they’re barely developed characters.
I was going to talk about the mating bond and the homophobia and transphobia with it but I think I’m going to make that into its own separate post because this has gotten long and I cannot put up with the inconsistency of the mating bond explanation right now. So that’ll come later.
