Behind the masks

18 and up only. Adult content follows. Gay Texan into hard bodies and BDSM. If you want me to submit to you, be prepared to prove your worthiness; I won't yield to just anyone.

[damn-write]

Prompt: Tease. @hollanovbingo Prompt: Summer Outfits. @shanesummerfest ~250 words.

"But Shaaane, you are being unfair," Ilya whined like he was being tortured. He was sitting cross-legged a couple of feet away from the base of Shane's yoga mat.

"What? How?!" Shane sputtered. "I'm literally just doing yoga."

"No, is lie. You are a really bad liar and a really bad tease." Ilya's eyes were boring a hole into Shane's backside. "You are always teasing me with your tiny yoga shorts."

Shane rolled his eyes. "I'm not! I just haven't been able to finish a yoga session for weeks cause I keep getting interrupted," he said, sounding mildly annoyed.

"I think you like getting interrupted." Ilya was smirking as he said this.

"Not today. Today I'm working on my bone density."

"How about I show you different type of bone density, yes?"

"Ilya, I'm serious. I really need to stretch and get my blood flowing."

"Shane, I will stretch you out and get your blood flowing to your di—!"

"ILYA!" Shane interrupted him and got out of the downward-facing dog pose he'd been holding to sit in front of his husband. He leaned in to press their foreheads together. "Later, okay? Please. Let me finish my yoga," he pleaded.

Ilya sighed and sulked but conceded. "Fine. Ok. Later."

They both knew it wasn't a No. It was a Not Right Now. Because for now, Shane was perfectly happy to pretend that he wasn't doing flexible yoga poses in his tiny shorts just for his husband. Just like Ilya was perfectly happy to pretend that he wasn't the one shrinking Shane's shorts in the dryer.

+ more on A03

[lateghost]

Ilya doesn't really know about trans people. So when he happens to notice that Shane doesn't have a noticeable bulge, he doesn't really question it. Shane wears kinda loose pants, he's probably just kinda small, which Ilya doesn't mind at all.

Except, Ilya has been trying really, really hard to flirt with Shane and get him a little riled up, and he was so sure that Shane was interested. He's chubbed up himself in front of him more than once, notably when they were panting at each other on the hotel gym floor, and he couldn't help but notice that Shane hadn't really had any... noticeable physical reaction. He hadn't meant to leer at him that way but he'd glanced and... it's fine. It's really fine, he hadn't been trying to get to him that much anyway.

But then at their CCM ad, he doesn't get to the showers in time. He's still not sure how Shane got in and out of it so quick but at least he was still on the bench of the locker room when he walked out of the shower, towel riding low on his hips, and look—Ilya saw him stare. Like, guaranteed hard-on stare. The tension was so thick Ilya himself had been rock hard, and unless he was completely mistaken he was sure Shane must be too. And, well, maybe he had been mistaken, because when Shane got up and left without a word there was still not the slightest hint of even a chub bulge through his sort-of-loose joggers.

Ilya has never, ever felt so unsure of himself. Was he somehow reading this all completely wrong? How could he be, Shane was so obviously interested, but... what was going wrong? Was he embarassed or did he not think Ilya was attractive enough?

It's finally at their first All Stars that he manages to get to Shane. They're chatting back and forth, he's pretty sure Shane is flirting with him... He throws his room number at Shane in a wild gamble, and is so surprised when Shane actually shows up that he almost doesn't know what to do. Shane is frazzled himself, seems unsure of why he's here exactly, mumbles about Scott Hunter being next door.

So Ilya does what he knows best. He closes slowly on Shane, who lets himself get trapped against the wall, and doesn't quite register Shane's breathless wait in time before his body is pressed against his from shoulder to knee and- oh.

After some flustered and slightly panicked explanations, Ilya is so relieved that Shane hadn't just somehow found him interesting but not quite attractive enough to get hard that he doesn't even hesitate to take it in stride. He'll just do some more research in the morning.

For now, he gets to figure out just how wet he'd been making Shane this whole time.

[my-castles-crumbling]

surround - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 495 - click here for my hollanov microfic archive on ao3

“Fuck,” Ilya muttered, eyes glued to Shane’s bare ass as he walked into the showers, greeted by the most magnificent sight on earth. “Fuck.”

Troy, who had unfortunately been close enough to hear, rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. “Jar, Rozanov.”

Grumbling, Ilya turned and stomped back to the locker room, fishing out a bill from his wallet and stuffing it into a jar labelled, ‘Stop traumatizing us, you sick fucks.’

Then he moped at his stall until Shane returned, freshly showered and looking extra scrumptious, before getting up to head to the now-safe showers.

-

“More, Hollander,” Ilya murmured in his husband’s ear, spotting him as he lifted weights in the Centaurs’ team gym. “For me.”

Shane, who was sweating and flushed pink, gritted his teeth and lifted the weight again.

“Jar!” Wyatt called cheerfully from the treadmill across the room, making both Shane and Ilya send him a glare.

-

“I think, maybe small change should be made,” Ilya suggested as he watched Shane pose for part of the Centaurs’ Christmas photo shoot, a silly Santa hat jammed on his head.

Harris, who was snapping the pictures, paused and looked to him. “Yeah? What?”

“Hollander should take his shirt off. Not just for me, of course. But for world. Everyone will like-”

“Oh my god, Ilya, jar,” Shane himself said, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms.

-

“Rozanov, what the fuck?” Shane yelled, shoving his husband into the wall as soon as the team made their way into the locker room after the end of the second period. 

Ilya, who was already bleeding from his mouth, hissed at the contact and swore under his breath. “What? You are really mad at me for fighting, Hollander?”

“Yes! Look at you, you’re hurt, you could have been suspended or fined-”

But Ilya didn’t look sorry at all. “They were targeting you, Shane,” he spat. “Saying things about you. I–”

“That’s my business. You’re supposed to play the game.”

“I’m going to defend my husband.”

They stared at each other furiously, anger and attraction crackling through the air between them, the tension high enough that the entire room could feel it. 

Then Ilya leaned forward, as if to kiss Shane.

“Yeah. Jar,” Bood called, smirking.

Ilya swore loudly, stomping his foot, walking towards his bag to grab his wallet.

-

Ilya was flying. Heart racing, cheeks hurting from how wide he’d been grinning, throat aching from how loud he’d been screaming.

The Centaurs had just won the motherfucking Cup. He and Shane, together had just won. And to top it all off? He’d gotten the gamewinning goal.

Beaming, he followed his team into the locker room, which already had music blaring and people yelling with joy.

But it was Shane that he was focused on. Shane, who he saw…grabbing his wallet and shoving the entire thing in the jar? 

Then, he grabbed Ilya’s collar and pulled him in for a searing kiss right there, surrounded by their teammates.

[my-castles-crumbling]

sugar plum - hollanov - @hollanovmicrofic - word count: 322 - cw: mild homophobia - click here to see my microfic archive!

Shane was determined. Montreal had made a grave error, getting caught in a penalty and giving Ottawa a rare power play. Moments like these were the reason why Shane played hockey. The thrumming in his veins, the determination pumping throughout his body, the feeling of his husband only meters away from him on the ice, just as hungry as he was to kick the asses of the team that’d betrayed him. 

As soon as the puck was dropped, he shot off like a rocket. 

It was magic. 

He and Ilya together on the ice, on the same team, always was. Moving seamlessly, communicating without words or even the need to look each other’s way, the puck flew between the two of them before the other team could react. And within seconds, the goal buzzer sounded, and Ottawa was in the lead by two.

Beaming, Shane slammed into Ilya in celebration, shouting with happiness as his husband placed a sloppy kiss on his helmet and yelled, “Fuck yes, sweetheart!” before skating off again.

But as he moved to face off against Monreal’s new star center again, he saw the rage boiling under the other man’s skin.

“Sweetheart?” the player muttered, so low the ref couldn’t hear. “So fucking gross. What’ll it be next? Honey bear? Sweet pea?” He scoffed, face twisted in disgust. “Jesus Chirst, sweetheart, can’t fucking wait for the day the league gets it’s shit together and kicks you both off the ice, god knows how many of us might get some terrible disease just being near you f–”

But the whistle blew and the puck dropped, and Shane skated away with it, allowing the man to chase after him just long enough to turn and slam him into the boards. 

“Careful, Sugar Plum,” he muttered cheerfully, unable to tamp down his joy at how amazing his life had become. “Don’t get in the way. Some of us are playing hockey.”

[whumpologyy]

ily characters that cry when they're angry and then get even more angry because they're crying

[rival2lover]

good night everyone some days are good some days are bad but everyday is a day in which we exist in the same world as heated rivalry. everyday we are lucky enough to have shane hollander

[rival2lover]

good morning glad to see this resonated with everyone. remember we have ilya rozanov too

[bananonbinary]

weird take about fiction: sometimes, actions that would be abusive in real life, hit different in a story. and sometimes i see people react very very strongly to those actions, and i totally get it, because like, that can be extremely triggering and ymmv on whether its handled well or not, but it always makes me a bit. hm.

like, i think the most obvious one is slapping/hitting. in real life, there is basically no situation where that is acceptable, unless you're actively defending yourself/someone else. but fiction is inherently larger than life, its about how it feels, subjectively, over what actually happens, literally. sometimes a character who has never before been violent will hit someone, and it's intended as like, an indicator of how fucked up everything is. that shit is going down. or, a character will trash a room, throwing things and destroying everything in their path. and then its never mentioned again, everything just continues as if they HADNT destroyed their own and other people's property in a frankly terrifying display, because it was just a cathartic moment to represent the storm of emotions the person was feeling. and when i see people like 'this character is an abuser, the story needs to address this,' i think maybe its actually okay for fictional characters to do shitty things and not have it framed as shitty, by the story itself or even on any sort of meta level, with the intended audience reaction. sometimes the point is just to resonate with your emotions, not to dissect the literal sequence of events.

[bananonbinary]

like obviously ive been on the 'you can portray whatever you want in fiction, its all a pretend game' train forever. but i think the important thing to me here is that, you can also defend bad things in fiction. not just 'they did everything wrong and i love that,' but even 'they were 100% justified when they did [thing that would be extremely bad irl].' cause its like, ok, they did do that, but like it was the only way to tell the story well. dont worry about it.

[oldbutchdanielmolloy]

i like my music and it makes me happy and i dance and i smile and i groove to the rhythm

[oldmanpusspuss]

I can't watch a television show until a demon possesses me and compels me to do it

[penandinkprincess]

Wait, does ilya like call bars/clubs to ask if they have ginger ale? Or does he ask when there without shane?

Im also imagining him with a note on his phone for "shane clubs" with notes and rating on how much shane will like them

so ilya has an internal criteria for if shane will like a club or not (is there a place to be outside of the main action? is there a place where you can stand and the music isn't so loud? are the lights predictable or do they have a lot of strobing? etc.), and if the club meets THOSE qualifications, then he will ask at the bar if they have ginger ale. if no, out of the running as a place he will take shane. if yes, success! new Shane Friendly Club.

but it's SO fucking casual, you guys. SO fucking casual. thinking about your hookup and his preferences when he's not even with you and you're actively trying to pick up someone else is SO fucking casual. don't even worry about it.

[release-the-sheep]

just witnessed something devastating

guy on the subway with one ear pierced, little gold hoop. other guy on the subway very quickly and subtly googling "which one is the gay ear". it is not the gay ear. visible disappointment on his face as he puts his phone away.

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

RIP Sisyphus he would've loved emails.

[corvidcall]

to anyone in the areas impacted by the wildfire smoke, my #1 biggest piece of advice as someone whos been dealing with wildfire smoke in the NW united states for years, is build yourself a Corsi-Rosenthal Cube

they perform as well as expensive HEPA air cleaners, and are comparatively VERY inexpensive. all you need is a box fan, 4 air filters, a piece of cardboard, and some duct tape!!!!

i think it took us maybe a half hour to put ours together, if that, and we replace the filters every 3 months. it's really made a HUGE difference, both when the air quality is bad, but also with our allergies

[o0fyuu0o]

Saw these easy to read instructions on Twitter. Stay safe 💚

[sun-cheyne]

Also just a handy, DIY air filter in general, if a bit bulky. For a less bulky and cheaper (but also less effective) solution, you can simply tape one filter to the fan, cut a shroud if you'd like.

[snowriddenwolf]

just FYI, this is quite literally what the climate scientists at my work who specialized in wildfire smoke impacts recommend. it works great, it's cheap to make, and it will make a noticeable impact on your air quality.

[mechanicalriddle]

i have asthma & keep one of these running in my room perpetually. after I set it up the difference in my sleep quality was pretty much night and day. Dont waste your time on proprietary air filters; SIMPLY bust out the duct tape

[tinylilhollander]

During the post-cottage era when Ilya's still playing for Boston, Shane sends Ilya a text one night that's just like "Are you alone?"

And Ilya is like "No I'm out for drinks with the guys. Did you not see that we won, Hollander?"

And Shane texts back like "Of course I saw, that's why I'm texting." Then a few seconds later: "Download this app right now. Be discreet." with an app store link. And Ilya texts back like '??? 🤨 Shane, have you been hacked?'

And Shane is like 'Just download the fucking app, asshole. This is your reward. Username is Jane2481. Fucking HURRY.'

And when Ilya follows the link and finds out that it's the app that controls a vibrating butt plug, he nearly blacks out at the table before disappearing for a suspiciously long smoke break.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

One thing I really like about Beverly Engel's book It Wasn't Your Fault, which is about PTSD-induced toxic shame, is that quite a bit of it deals with people who haven't broken The Cycle of Abuse (TM) and have gone on to hurt others. That's a really underserved and vulnerable patient population, and statistically, it's also MASSIVE. I don't think I've read a single other self-help type book on PTSD and self-loathing that confronts the possibility that you're exactly as bad as you think you are.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

I felt better that it so much as mentioned that children can react to abuse with ungovernable rage. Everybody likes the image of PTSD patients as internalizing everything and becoming doormats, which does happen, and often, but it's not the only narrative. Personally I've always hated my abusers and have always wanted everyone who so much as breathed wrong in my direction from ages 0 to 18 to burn eternally in hell. I *never* thought any of it was my fault and ever since I was a toddler I was willing to make it everybody else's problem, and it's really relieving to read a clinical perspective that acknowledges that abuse victims can act that way too.

[reasonablywittyatbest]

It's wild to me that its such a neglected subset of abuse victims. Its really common. When I still lived with my parents and was still subjected to my father every fucking day I would lash out terribly at my mother, to the point when i went to visit them for years afterwards she was afraid I would lash out again. We've worked it out, I'm a much better person when I'm not regularly subjected to mental and emotional abuse, but like, its just so common.

I think it must be, at least partially, because, people hate the imperfect victim. Its easy for so many people to sympathize with someone who never lashed out. Less so for people to sympathize with people who are angry and lash out. Even though its a perfectly sensible reaction to being hurt over and over. I'm sure most people would like to think they would simply never.

I don't think this is the whole reason, but, I think it plays into it.

[sunspotpony]

Similarly, there’s a narrative of, you cannot experience grief over having fucked up. That if you are hurting because you caused harm, because you were the cause of harm, that you’re not allowed to grieve, because you “earned your sorrow. You deserve to bottle it up and to hurt for the bad things you have done,”

Which is punitive logic. It’s copthink. Which is bad.

[angelofthemornings-deactivated2]

important

In fact, you can actually give yourself trauma over fucking up too badly and doing, witnessing, or failing to prevent something evil that goes against your morals; for instance, if you steal your mother's life savings due to drug addiction, kill a civilian during a military operation (please do not join the military), or became abusive because you didn't have the tools and skills yet to handle BPD. In the field of psychology this is called "moral injury" or "perpetrator trauma."

[headspace-hotel]

I had this realization a while back:

Some kids who experienced trauma would react by becoming violent, disruptive, and rageful.

This is an inherently normal and natural response for a creature to have. Attacking and fighting for survival is inherently something most animals sometimes do, it's fundamental and will always happen sometimes

But children that are violent, disruptive, hateful of authority, or angry are labeled as "bad" and are punished for it, and the label of "bad" is not just temporary but lasts a long time, as though there is something fundamentally wrong with the child

So, I thought, a child's value in the world and whether they deserve to be helped is judged in this harsh, punitive way, based on whatever natural survival response happened to pop out of them

And I thought, that is grotesque. It means that a certain fraction of traumatized kids will not be helped, but instead be considered "bad," because of basically a biological thing that their body had to do to survive.

Also it is a good point about perpetrator trauma. People are very caught up in the idea that PTSD means the same thing as being a victim, or that you have to be "innocent" to be traumatized. And many people think that people that are not "innocent" are not really traumatized, they just act like they are to get sympathy.

But in reality people can get PTSD from killing another person or torturing them or harming them in another way. Committing that violent act against another person is very devastating emotionally and mentally.

And sometimes people think that perpetrators don't deserve help for their trauma, as if trauma is a punishment for doing something bad.

Society has to change a lot for us to understand these things and truly be compassionate towards all people.

[wannabetonthat]

Idk if this is a controversial headcanon or not, but I can't imagine Small Shane Hollander being shy and anxious.

He strikes me as the type of kid who really didn't give a single fuck. Not a one. He was doing his own thing and having fun and being good at it, and whether he had friends or not really wasn't a concern for him because it's not like he wanted to hang out with other gross stupid kids. He was a haughty nonchalant child who didn't even register any kind of bullying attempt from fucking Jimmy, bc who cares about Jimmy?

Any kind of feeling of inadequacy came after puberty when other kids started being slightly more interesting and complex and he became the younger kid on his teams instead of just one more of the lot. When hockey practice actually started to need some team synergy and the dynamics changed on him.

But before that, that kid wasn't shy, and he was having a wonderful time

Ilya Rozanov on the other hand...

[sevenlizardscommitingarson]

Ilya Rozanov on the other hand always tried to blend into the background. He knows that is where it is safe. The voice of his mother speaks to him saying "he cannot hurt us if he cannot see us." A young Ilya Rozanov has spent his young life being told again and again children should be seen and not heard.

And when the other kids are laughing and joking? Too loud he has to distance from them or be seen by authority and he knows the judgment that will be passed. Childish mischief? getting in trouble with Coach or a teacher? With the punishment waiting at home and the risk of disappointing his family an icy anxiety creeping up his spine he shudders away.

So no a young Ilya Rozanov was not always the loud social charmer he grew into.

But that changed the longer he stayed on the ice. At first it was a way to bond with his mama. She would take him out and they would skate together in their own little world. Alone and safe happy in a way he rarely can remember from his childhood.

Skating was never enough. When his father leaned of their excursions he had Ilya put into hockey. A man's sport. Maybe this will build some character in his soft eldest son.

Finally figuring out a way he can prove his worth he puts his all into hockey, his mama takes him to every practice and is there for every match. More than just the team matches she's there when he runs drills alone, always alone, practicing for hours. He knows he has to be the best. If he's not the best then he is nothing. He sees the older kids and the professionals, they all talk about the captain. So that's what he has to be.

To be the captain they need to respect you. And they cannot respect you if they don't know you. Or at least a version of you. He learns what parts of himself he can use to get himself where he needs to be. Being named captain was maybe the first time he can ever remember being enough for his father.

When he lost his mother he was more alone than ever and he knew hockey would be a way out. He was good at this. He knew that this was his ticket and he could make himself anything he needed to be in order to make that happen. He can be quiet he can be loud he can be serious and he can smile for the camera. More more more always needing to give more for everyone in his life.

And he finally was able to take a little of his life back for himself.

[wannabetonthat]

Idk if this is a controversial headcanon or not, but I can't imagine Small Shane Hollander being shy and anxious.

He strikes me as the type of kid who really didn't give a single fuck. Not a one. He was doing his own thing and having fun and being good at it, and whether he had friends or not really wasn't a concern for him because it's not like he wanted to hang out with other gross stupid kids. He was a haughty nonchalant child who didn't even register any kind of bullying attempt from fucking Jimmy, bc who cares about Jimmy?

Any kind of feeling of inadequacy came after puberty when other kids started being slightly more interesting and complex and he became the younger kid on his teams instead of just one more of the lot. When hockey practice actually started to need some team synergy and the dynamics changed on him.

But before that, that kid wasn't shy, and he was having a wonderful time

Ilya Rozanov on the other hand...