Certified Plant Friend🌵

Hello, welcome to my collection of nonsense. If you're a bot, leave me alone.

[totallynotanarsonist]

Reblog if you've never had a consistent blog theme/post schedule

My target audience is me

[weavemama]

SHE IS A TRUE HERO 

[fluffy-luffy]

No, she’s a bitch is what she is

[weavemama]

what do u mean???? it was clearly an accident she even said “Oooppsss”

[blackmodel]

LMFAOOOO

[reducedrose]

Look, rather than being petty and destroying it, why not talk to the girl. Really ask them why they are using the confederate flag. But no, low level terrorism is the answer.

[peppylilspitfuck]

LOW LEVEL TERRORISM?

[capacity]

Low level terrorism

[wereralph]

ICONIC

[world-heritage-posts]

world heritage post

[chrispypineappleburger]

Saw this and thought of sharing it because it is very beautiful

[the-haiku-bot]

Saw this and thought of

sharing it because it is

very beautiful

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[syn4k]

"lock in" is probably one of the most important phrases to enter the public lexicon in the 2020s

[joyflameball]

[nqsa]

you know who’s gay? paul the real estate novelist who never had time for a wife and davey who’s still in the navy and probably will be for life

[mooncustafer]

New headcannon: everyone in that song is gay except the Piano Man who has no idea he’s playing at a gay bar and the staff and regulars have a betting pool on how long he’ll take to finally figure it out. So far John is ahead.

[skeleton-richard]

[spacegay-yx]

[freshdonuts]

“The manager gives me a smile ‘cause he knows that it’s me they’ve been coming to see” also implies that the Piano Man is possibly an incredibly attractive but oblivious himbo, and if you listen to the rest of it imagining that, this all fits a little too well.

[spacedandelions]

this makes too much sense. Also, the full quote is “Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he’s quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. But there’s someplace that he’d rather be” Yes, your bed, he wants to be on your bed honey, that’s not a joke, he is flirting with you.

[madgastronomer]

Lighting another man’s cigarette is some old-school gay cruising.

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

Billy Joel actually addressed this interpretation!

[lyricwritesprose]

You know, good on him for just rolling with it.

[mossy-cobble]

crazy how i find myself thinking i've got a handle on it all finally and then i see the ways that other people tangle their lives together so easily and live so easily together with their friends and i feel like that girl at the top of the stairs painting by norman rockwell

[mossy-cobble]

i'll always be here

[sex-favorable-aces]

we all should start headcanoning more characters as sex favorable aces

Absolutely.

[nudesornaw]

if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

[wizardshark]

99% of queer discourse stops right before they define the true difference between bisexual and pansexual!

[saspitite]

FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME

BISEXUALS GROW FROM THE GROUND

PANSEXUALS GROW FROM THE CEILING

[elizapad]

Happy Pride, cave dwellers 🦇

[kabber]

[rubyvroom]

[rubyvroom]

Yeah, it's time to get this post out again

[tieflingkisser]

[aromantic-diaries]

"everyone should get more aromantic" can appeal to tumblr's sensibilities but I genuinely think everyone should also get more asexual. I don't mean everyone stop having sex, what I mean is

Sex is not essential. You can live without it. Full stop.

Not having sex isn't shameful or a sign of failure. It also doesn't make anyone boring.

You are not entitled to having sex with anybody and nobody is entitled to having sex with you.

Sex is not what makes someone an adult.

Nobody's worth is defined by how much sex they have or don't have.

Sex is not equally important to everyone.

You can have fulfilling and happy relationships without sex.

You should only have sex on your own terms, not because you feel like you owe it to someone, or because you feel like you'd be incomplete without it.

Know your boundaries around sex and be firm about them. Know how to respect other people's boundaries.

The previous point also applies when it comes to discussing sex. If someone doesn't wanna talk about it or hear about it you have to back down.

Anything can be sexual but not everything has to be sexual.

[doona-baes]

#mood today

[led-lite]

The convergence 

[shap3shifter-witch]

Just wanna say how much I LOVE being asexual. Theres so much joy and whimsy to find in life when not worrying about the confines of relationship expectations.I literally cannot imagine myself any other way. I would not be the same person at all if I were not asexual. I understand that a lot of people accept and acknowledge their queerness while not considering it be a core part of their personality, but for me it is So Integral to how I operate as a human being that i consider it a huge part of my personality. Which is a good thing for me!! Just thinking about my asexuality and being confident in who I am brings me such euphoria. I love love love being asexual. I love that this is the way I am. I love existing sometimes it is so great 10/10 would recommend. Asexuals of the world, you are loved.

[noccolibroccoli]

So I had a hysterectomy today (hooray!) and I brought along my stuffed orca, Shamu, as a comfort object. And everyone i interacted with during my pre-op was like "Oh! Who's this?" so I was telling them all about him, how he's been with me since I was 9 and gone on every single vacation and road trip, and they were telling me about their own stuffed buddies (one lady said she still has hers after 40 years!) and all of this while I was signing consent forms and providing a list of the things I'd brought with me, you know, small talk.

So then a nurse comes over and goes "Okay, I've got some stickers I'll put on your things so we know they're yours" and I'm like "OK cool" so she puts a sticker on my coat and stickers on my bags of clothes and then she turns to Shamu and I'm like "oh I guess he gets a sticker too"

But no. She pulls out a hospital bracelet that's an exact copy of mine and slaps it on his tail, like so:

And i was delighted by this, so I took a picture to send to my friends, who were equally delighted, and were cracking me up with their reactions (like so:)

Anyway, they take me back and put me under, and when I awake groggily a few hours later it takes me a minute to get my bearings, so I don't notice Shamu at first. But then I realize he's tucked up next to me in the gurney, so I grab him, and my hand touches gauze.

And I'm like "huh?" so I look at him and I realize

They gave my fucking orca a hysterectomy

[boltlightning]

like. i'll leave this alone. but HOW are historical romance books not sexualizing the fall of breeches. literally a blowjob flap. not to mention the collars that open to the diaphragm. the décolletage with a wide neckline one swift tug from being revealed. the calves on display. the intimacy of finally seeing the real hair beneath the wig. cmon it's basic storytelling

[boltlightning]

i love making a post that attracts everyone with usernames like mozartswigsweat and bonnetenthusiast and foppishrake and petticoatsonpetticoatsonpetticoats and dandyismunlimited within 48 hours. blessed webbed site. merry christmas to us all.