welcome to my mind

life with anxiety, depression, trauma and addiciton

[sunsetquotes]

“Bury your past. Let flowers grow where you lay.”

— Unknown

[therecoveryquotes]

I must change my life so that I can live it, not wait for it.

— Susan Sontag, Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1964

[bravecrab]

Casual reminder that you can choose to be sober regardless of if you have an addiction problem or not. Despite how prolific drinking is in many cultures, drinking is not necessary to be fun, to be sociable, to be vulnerable. You are not a downer for opting out of drug use (including alcohol). You are not on the side of weird, puritan drug programs and the cops for being sober, just like you're not a booster for alcohol company capitalists by enjoying a drink. Being sober should not be solely associated with purity and trauma.

[bravecrab]

Casual reminder that you can choose to be sober regardless of if you have an addiction problem or not. Despite how prolific drinking is in many cultures, drinking is not necessary to be fun, to be sociable, to be vulnerable. You are not a downer for opting out of drug use (including alcohol). You are not on the side of weird, puritan drug programs and the cops for being sober, just like you're not a booster for alcohol company capitalists by enjoying a drink. Being sober should not be solely associated with purity and trauma.

[finding-avalon]

[the-thoughts-in-my-silence]

Sometimes I really wonder who I would’ve been and what I would’ve done if I never decided to let myself waste my days ruining myself.

[remanence-of-love]

[feelingsoftheday]

i respect someone who is vocal. Tell me why ur into me. Tell me why i pissed you off & tell me how i can fix it. Tell me everything. Talk.

[theaddictspoetry]

Grief is weird I think of you every day, Some days I smile. some days I cry. some days I just drown, drown in the could have beens, should have beens, the unknown. the unknown- is what truly kills us. this wasn't supposed to be this way, i'll spend forever trying to find out why you're not here anymore.

@theaddictspoetry

[trapped-on-earth]

bin ich zu viel

oder doch viel zu wenig?

ich weiß es nicht

oh gott ich verstehs nicht!

zu viel dies und zu viel das

das kissen unter mir

ist tropfend nass.

wollt nie zu viel sein

auch nie zu wenig.

wollt alles geben

für dich

du verstehst nicht!

es tut weh

niemals genug zu sein.

niemals ehrlich genug.

niemals lustig genug.

niemals schön genug.

niemals dünn genug.

niemals einfühlsam genug.

niemals gut genug.

es tut weh niemals weniger zu sein.

weniger anstrengend.

weniger emotional.

weniger unberechenbar.

weniger belastung.

du hast die welt verdient

aber bleibst bei mir

und ich versteh nicht

warum bleibst du hier?

würde dir alles geben

doch alles ist nie genug.

aber nach allem was war..

sag mir

was ist mit deinem leben?

ist es das wert?

ich glaube kaum.

du hättest alles haben können,

könntest leben wie im traum.

doch da sitzt du nun

mit mir.

und irgendwie

glaube ich es kaum.

[trapped-on-earth]

und alles in mir

schreit nach dir,

verlass mich nicht!

bitte bleib hier!

[trapped-on-earth]

und ich frage mich..

wer bin ich

wenn die krankheit nicht bleibt?

wer bin ich

wenn die zeit alle wunden verheilt?

wer bin ich

ohne den schmerz und das leid?

wer bin ich

wenn mir das alles

wirklich stärke verleiht?

und wer bin ich

wenn das wahre ich nicht länger schweigt?

wenn das wahre ich

endlich nicht länger im innen verweilt?

wer bin ich

ohne die fesseln der dunkelheit?

wer bin ich

wenn nun wirklich das licht in mir scheint?

ich frage mich wirklich,

wer bin ich ohne mein leid?

ich habe es so lange prophezeit

das ich nicht mehr hier sein würde

zu dieser zeit.

doch hier bin ich

fast wie befreit.

wer weiß..

vielleicht war es noch nicht soweit?

aber lass mich dir sagen

alles in mir schreit

"DU HAST NICHTS VERDIENT..

AUßER DER DUNKELHEIT"

[dailydivergent]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

[only-knives]

there is no shame in being an alcoholic. there is no shame in being any kind of addict. it's a chronic illness and anti-addict stigma is ableist.

it's okay to exist and voice your struggle. in fact, it's encouraged. even if you never recover or don't intend on recovering, your voice matters.

[only-knives]

if you're a recovering addict, i want you to know you're doing good.

you didn't use today? you're doing good. you used recently and you're still recovering? you're doing good. you sought support today? you're doing good. you practiced harm reduction? you're doing good. you want to relapse and haven't? you're doing good. you're getting involved, even if others are doing more? you're doing good. you're resting today? you're doing good. you're alive? you're doing good.

this shit takes time. you have spent a considerable amount of time doing harmful things to yourself, or others. you're not going to change overnight. all you can reasonably do is get through the day, adding as much good to your life/the lives of others as you can. it doesn't matter what happened yesterday, or what's going to happen tomorrow.

all you have is this moment, and if you're on the path of recovery... you're doing good. this is your story. not someone else's. not some idealized version of yourself. it's yours, just as you exist, right now. that's all you have, and all you need.

keep going. you got this. i'm glad you're here (and so is everyone else who interacted with this post).

[trapped-on-earth]

Coming out of addiction is strange. There is so much fear of relapse and yet so much desire to go back. such a great desire to destroy everything.

[unsentluvletters]