h*ck man

i dont know what the fuck im doing

[lovestory]

Just saw a tiktok abt how people in their 20s always forget that cereal exists but then one day every 6 months they remember and pour a massive bowl I feel attacked

[azaleatown]

Reblog to have a very sexy and very interesting 2013

[sadwhore04]

if a demon possessed me I’d just b like ok take it from here good luck man

[thepersonalquotes]

I’m thinking too much and I can’t sleep.

[chessys]

s/o to the me in the alternate universe where i have halloween plans i hope she looks hot

[localtiktoks]

[mielparaoshun]

The dog is missing from this

[sandersstudies]

Hey kids, not to be a party pooping adult, but if you start noticing signs of having an addictive personality/tendencies at a young age, be really careful when experimenting with alcohol, marijuana, or nicotine (and other illegal drugs, which I would encourage you to avoid entirely; and medicinal drugs like opioids acquired after a surgery).

Like, if you can't tear yourself away from a video game, even to make it to an important event on time? Addictive tendencies.

If you keep spending your allowance money on those funny collectibles or new shoes even when you promise yourself you're going to save it? Addictive tendencies.

If you find yourself unable to resist and manage food cravings, or frequently overeating even when it makes you feel bad? Addictive tendencies.

Be aware of yourself, kids. Be cautious and don't be anybody's fool. I love you, be safe!

[thebootydiaries]

person i love: hey, i care about you and genuinely like being around you

me: okay......... that sounds fake but alright

[not-safe-for-democracy]

[thepurelands-deactivated2021031]

I don’t know who this bloke is, but I definitely think we should all start saying “thriving wage” until it becomes a thing

[rad-and-i-dont-stop]

That’s what living wage used to mean. A wage to live a decent life and retirement.

[wolfchasing]

i can’t fucken believe that one of the main arguments against wind farms is that they’re an eyesore

do you know what’s an even bigger eyesore?

not having fuckin trees or coral reefs or glaciers or any number of incredible natural beauties because fossil fuels and pollution and global fuckin warming killed it all dead

[subtract-me-from-your-heart]

“Why’d you let the planet die?”

“Aesthetic.”

[shittyasmr]

kidzbop is gonna be like “my anaconda don’t want none unless u like fun, hun!!”

“oh my gosh. look at her heart!”

[highschoolhandjobs]

im sorry to everyone who has ever tried to talk to me and then realized my communication skills are equivalent to a stale piece of bread

[gaynfl-moved]

pick your fighter

the ‘$1000 to go to Hawaii’ bride, the ‘I bought a $99 polygraph on amazon’ lady, or the ‘why was $200 so huge’ birthday girl

[marisatomay]

a lot of people seem to be confused and think the hawaii bride and the polygraph lady are the same but they’re actually 2 separate people so here’s all 3 in one go

the “$1500 to go to hawaii” bride

Ms Polygraph Test

$200 birthday

bask in the unfiltered nonsense of it all

[gaynfl-moved]

since someone mentioned this and I had forgotten, a last minute entry fighter: “Squire Sebastian” lady

[imsuchacapricorn]

New to the arena, Kristie and her surprise wedding

[history-freak1]

Y'all really gonna pass up childless millennial Disney Mom?

[gaynfl-moved]

my FAVORITE angry facebook post of all time

[ahundredhundredheartbeats]

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE “CHANGE YOUR DOG’S NAME” PREGNANT LADY

[orchidvioletindigo]

That surprise wedding situation sounds like a murder-suicide waiting to happen

[memewhore]

These are amazing.

[g0dtier]

americans are wild.

theres a convo on reddit going on rn abt how europeans see americans working conditions and a bunch of americans are like "its really not bad unless you work an entry level job, i have a medium wage job i got with my degree and i get about 15 days of paid vacation a year and i even get some sick days and can accrue more, the people complaining are low wage workers who should get something better"

like. you realize that for a fulltime job 20 paid vacation days are mandatory here right? and that even entry level job offer more paid vacation days? and that any ot you work gets paid more AND counts as more vacation time right? like if your work week is 38 hours and you work 40 hours a week you get paid overtime AND an extra paid 12 vacation days a year right? and that sick days are mandatory to be paid by your employer right? that theres no limit on sick days, right?

you realize that what youre listing as good benefits is literally the bare minimum here right?

[coolsaddad-blog]

Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue.

[feels-for-the-fictional]

I have been waiting for this post all my life.

[marzipanandminutiae]

They are indeed purple, But one thing you’ve missed: The concept of “purple” Didn’t always exist.

Some cultures lack names For a color, you see. Hence good old Homer And his “wine-dark sea.”

A usage so quaint, A phrasing so old, For verses of romance Is sheer fucking gold.

So roses are red. Violets once were called blue. I’m hugely pedantic But what else is new?

[ineptshieldmaid]

My friend you’re not wrong About Homer’s wine-ey sea! Colours are a matter Of cultural contingency;

Words are in flux And meanings they drift But the word purple You’ve given short shrift.

The concept of purple, My friends, is old And refers to a pigment once precious as gold.

By crushing up molluscs From the wine-dark sea You make a dye: Imperial decree

Meant that in Rome, to wear purpura was a privilege reserved

For only the emperor!

The word ‘purple’, for clothes so fancy, Entered English By the ninth century

.

Why then are voilets Not purple in song? The dye from this mollusc, known for so long

Is almost magenta; More red than blue. The concept of purple is old, and yet new.

The dye is red, So this might be true: Roses are purple And violets are blue

.

[squeeful]

While this song makes me merry, Tyrian purple dyes many a hue From magenta to berry And a true purple too.

But fun as it is to watch this poetic race The answer is staring you right in the face: Roses are red and violets are blue Because nothing fucking rhymes with purple.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

[last-flight-of-dickarus]

Hirple - To limp or walk awkwardly

Cirple - An old Scots word for the hindquarters of a horse

[nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear]

“Roses are red, violets are purple,

My boner for you has caused me to hirple.”

…

My, how romantic!

[wouldthatcreationhadformedmeman]

DYING. I AM DYING.

[kiranovember]

Calling theshitpostcalligrapher! We need @theshitpostcalligrapher

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

@kiranovember u better buy this as a commission lmao

[simonalkenmayer]

This post has evolved.

[minotaur-in-my-labyrinth]

I am 100 percent all for every part of this thread. I have laughed loudly and long. Thank you, thou glorious purple-hirple rhyme.

[black-bloc-antifa]

[rad-dragon]

working in the drive-thru

[lubricates]

me: and would you like a hot wheels or barbie toy with that, ma'am?

woman: uh… it’s for a boy.

me: okay congratulations

me: do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy

woman: i want a boy toy please

me: haha dont we all

woman:

me:

me: so do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy you have to choose