I Like Biting Things

Not telling you internet strangers any info in my bio find it all sprinkled through my posts like god intended

[geminipdf]

me when a fictional woman decides not to get an abortion

[triceratops-skeleton]

Every glimpse into my cousins life baffles me more. She wants to be a trad wife and today she said “my mom says you gotta find a man who is nice and has good teeth and a nice mom because pretty much everything else is changeable” girl is this how people normally act about finding a partner. That’s incomprehensible to me

[kingfucko]

i dont care if monday sucks... tuesday cost me sixty bucks... wednesday thursday give no fucks. it's friday im a duck

[triceratops-skeleton]

It's Friday, I'm is bugs

[vulpinesaint]

quiz enjoyers! i am now inviting you to come create something in my workshop❕

[vulpinesaint]

many people having a wonderful time engaging in the act of creation

[triceratops-skeleton]

Same vibe as that quote like “in the face of such great loss what can you do but breathe deeply; the world is a little quieter now.” Absolute vibe. Would run from heartbreak and get hit by a car to this song. Perhaps drown my lover who has gone dark but ultimately fail and they get a symbolic evil baptism that haunts them for years. U get the vibe

[triceratops-skeleton]

At circle k, tried to buy brownie at the machine checkout. Machine says “who is this? Please scan barcode 😌” and there is no barcode. See a pile of abandoned brownies next to checkout

[venndaai]

have you guys heard about the greenland shark. some crazy shit happening there.

[venndaai]

they are sexually mature at ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY YEARS OLD.

their (live!) young gestate for. wait for it. eight to eighteen (??) YEARS. can have up to 10 at a time. good grief.

longest lifespan of any vertebrate, up to five hundred years

toxic flesh

has giant eyes but is usually blind because of a weird little crustacean that's evolved to live on and eat their eyes. this doesn't seem to bother them much.

lives in deep cold water and has the lowest swim speed and tail-beat frequency for its size across all fish species. just generally lives life in extreme slow motion

largest genome of any shark

eats everything including moose and polar bears

ma'am you are delightfully strange and I'm privileged to share a planet with you

[fluorescentbrains]

this post prompted me to refresh my memory on Greenland Shark Facts and this detail about how they feed goes so hard

just vacuuming up their unsuspecting prey. whole !

[muffinlance]

Good news good news good news! Recent research suggests the eye parasites do NOT blind them!

Eye-opening research: Greenland sharks maintain vision for centuries through DNA repair mechanism

Dorota Skowronska-Krawczyk sits in her office, eyes fixed on the computer monitor in front of her. "You see it move its eye," says the UC Ir

I <3 you a normal amount Greenland sharks

[triceratops-skeleton]

Imagine no burger

[transfemininomenon]

good god when the onions and garlic hit the olive oil..........

[bumblebeesnees]

Panties hit the FLOOR

[transfemininomenon]

you know it sister

[triceratops-skeleton]

Sometimes love is letting a child navigate the map for you through places you already know

[beholdingslut]

in absolute tears about the pride module at my work

[dikdikpronouncedxylophone]

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

HOLY SHIT GUYS, I WAS INSPIRED BY THIS POST TO TRY MAKE THE SONG AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SCREAM I SCRUMPT WHEN I DRAGGED THE TRAINING AUDIO OVER THE BACKING TRACK AND IT LINED UP PERFECTLY

Visit Original Link

Tempted to actually put this on spotify so I can secretly stream it at work...

Tagging @batshit-auspol because as an Australian you're the only big account I know who might share (sorry).

[punkrorschach]

happy first day of pride everyone

[triceratops-skeleton]

This is like the D.A.R.E. Program problem where it’s accidentally incentivized the behavior they want me to stop.

[triceratops-skeleton]

Low key why do I turn into a guard dog when my friends get romantic partners. You are new here ma’am and we’re not friends yet. You are delightful as a person but how do you do as my boys garf? Hurt my bestie and I’ll bite you irl. I’ll cross state lines to do it

[shutyourmoustache]

When my mother forgets a word, she is the queen of coming up with new words. Words that would take a third National Treasure movie to fully decipher. I was talking to her yesterday, and she said this: “You know the time for los jibbities is coming up. You must be so excited!” Oh, is it time for los jibbities already? I must have missed it on my calendar. Are we celebrating something? “Of course! We should all be celebrating, shouldn’t we?” OK, so los jibbities is a happy thing. It’s not like something is giving you the heebie-jeebies, which would have been my one and only guess. “Los heebie-jeebies? Now you’re making things up...and this is my show.” You’re right. The time for los jibbities is coming up. Is this a season? “Yes, the season for love. The season for pride.” OK, los jibbities. “Yeah, sound it out.” Los…jibbities. LGBTs! “Sí, mira cuz you’re gay!” “You couldn’t just say pride season? You couldn’t just… *laughs*

[party-gilmore]

HAPPY LOS JIBBITIES EVERYBODY!!!

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

The time for Los Jibbities has arrived!

[scarlct-vvitch]

grace, who has been alone for five minutes: oh my god. an alien! im not alone anymore! i hope he wants to be friends :)

rocky, coming up on 50 years of solitude, imprinting on grace in ways baby ducklings can only dream of: if you leave me to sleep where i can't watch your heart beat i am blowing up this tunnel with us both in it

[dogpuppy]

[isuggesteatingtherich]

i have a suggestion

[i-suggest-landback]

me too

[i-suggest-anarchism]

me three

[i-suggest-becoming-a-fish]

I have an idea as well

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

If my previous ask said fucks instead of ducks I'm really sorry I'm high as balls on edibles and sleep deprivation

worse <3