Dont Touch Me @twistymints - Tumblr Blog

I think the funniest dynamic for arranged-marriage royalty would be a queen who came here 100% prepared to murder her future husband and rule as a widow queen in her own right, only to discover that the king is autistic as hell and responds to her wish to rule with "oh thank god please do, I don't want to be bothered by these people. I can just tell them to go bother you instead, if you really want that. I've got beetles I wanted to study."

stele3

"I'm really not good at it," the king admits with horrible, aching grief. The country is in disarray. Peasants go hungry. Nobles trade power amongst themselves with impunity.

So the queen takes over and ruthlessly sets things to rights. Fires several generals, hangs nobles, redirects wealth to the peasantry. It isn't long before the first assassination attempt, which she expected.

She did not expect her docile, beetle-obsessed husband to go absolutely feral and fling himself at the assassins wielding a pair of sharp knives.

stele3

Also, the beetles are intended to attack and kill a certain type of invasive worm that has been killing off the gourd and potato crops for decades. He’s been trying since he was a child to crossbreed several native species to be hardier and better diggers. When he finally gets it right it’s all over for you bitches (“you bitches” being mass starvation of subsistence farmers).

alexaloraetheris

Mad Scientist and the Head of HR ass dynamic

woundliqour

Sword w cellphone charms

pancakeke

headspace-hotel

random, but I think the way people talk about abusers as hypercompetent, calculating manipulators that Know exactly what they're doing makes it easier for people to get into abusive relationships

teaboot

The people who abused me prolly had no idea what the fuck they were doing. It was still bad! I still don't regret buggin out!! But I don't think they had a secret wall covered in red string linking notes like "How to fuck up this person specifically". Pretty sure they were in their own bubble the whole damn time, actually, and yeah, that does make it harder to recognize or get out of

identitty-dickruption

my toxic trait is that I believe deep down that I’m always bothering people. “oh I can’t keep blogging so much on my own blog, I’ll get annoying on peoples’ dash”, “oh I can’t text my besties, I have to wait for them to text me so I know it’s not an inconvenient time”, etc etc. I know it’s all bullshit because I love it when my friends bother me. I love to be bothered by the people I love. but here I am. worrying. as usual

jodiefosterwallace

"let people be wrong about you" is such good advice that i am unfortunately physically incapable of following. if i am incorrectly perceived by anyone i will simply start ripping things with my teeth

moveslikekeithrichards

whatbigotspost

Food Fun Facts for dad types!!!

•Adding butter or cheese or salt or whatever to your veggies so that you like them doesn’t change the nutritional content you get from said veggies.

•Additional calories eaten don’t negate the healthy benefits of food. And, stay with me here, low calorie foods are not more morally pure than high calorie foods.

•If making a food more palatable by adding butter (or whatever) is the make-or-break for someone to actually eat the vegetable, then the Brussel sprouts with butter are FUCKING HEALTHIER for you than the Brussel sprouts you don’t eat. A salad with ranch dressing is healthier for you than the dry greens you don’t eat. A sandwich with cheese and mayo is more healthy than the plain sandwich you don’t eat. The strawberry with whipped cream is more healthy than the strawberry you don’t eat.

•We actually don’t have to buy the bullshit that food that makes us happy or tastes good is less healthy.

bogleech

“nothing you add actually removes the healthy nutrition in the food” applies to everything by the way. Your body will still use all the good protein and things in “junk food,” and the only “junky” thing is that those foods may give you far more sodium or sugar than your body can use if you aren’t balancing them right.

I haven’t forgotten the specific Tumblr dudes who tried to give me shit for saying this in the past and want them to know they’re still extremely fucking stupid, hope that keto diet hasn’t given you guys a deadly liver disease yet!

pawgliacci

At the end of my rope and it keeps getting longer like some sort of clown handkerchief bit?

hollowboobtheory

not enough people understand that disability benefits are basically what it would look like if you turned "if you're too sick for school you're too sick for video games" into an official public policy

fancyparadisetale

quasi-normalcy

I really cannot emphasize enough the mental health benefits of abandoning the idea that you're special.

quasi-normalcy

This goes both ways, both "You don't have to do everything singlehanded" and "You're not uniquely awful."

fluidstatick

When I was little, my dad hired a Cambodian refugee called Jack to help him drywall a dining room ceiling. Jack spoke very little English; he'd recently gotten a part time job in a little Asian deli not far from our home and needed to pick up some extra work. He was very kind to six year old me and my exhausted mom; he brought us day old leftovers from the deli counter often, and liked to tuck the knuckle of his index finger into the dimple in my cheek whenever I smiled at him.

He soaked up construction skills and other information like a sponge, and by the time he left my dad's tiny construction company he'd gotten his GED, learned to drive, reunited with his sister and her family, and had begun remodeling a vacant business on the rich side of town into a Cambodian restaurant. He invited us to their grand opening on lunar new year, and I'll never forget when he gave me a red envelope with five dollars in it and told me, "tonight I am the luckiest man in the world, so this will bring you luck, too."

Years later, my dad told me that Jack had witnessed his parents' murder during the khmer rouge, and was immediately separated from his sister. He had to cross the killing fields at Choeung Ek alone, on foot, eating grass and insects to survive. He somehow made it to Cam Ranh on the coast of Vietnam, where a distant friend of his father's put him on a boat to Seattle. Jack was nine years old.

I tell this story because, even though I haven't seen Jack or any of his relatives in thirty years, I pray he's well and happy and eating like a king tonight with everyone he loves, celebrating the long overdue demise of the pestilential sonofabitch who tried to wipe them out.

Fuck Henry Kissinger's pathetic ghost, and fuck all those who praise him. Fuck Imperialism. Fuck the genocidal war machine. Drink deep for the freedom of all souls tonight, my friends. And tomorrow, keep fighting.

misantherapy

US people with disabilities in the supplemental security income (SSI) program can't have a penny over $2K in their bank account at any time in order to keep their benefits.

You know this economy. That amount is completely unlivable & makes it hard for people with disability to save for the future or have a safety net for emergencies.

A new bill would raise the max to $10K (or $20K for married couples). It would make a world of difference.

Show support, sign this petition.