Hell

Just your average unstable lesbian wasian borderline | 18 yo | memes, vents, etc | @recoveringlesbian is my old account!!!!

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If you’re new to my account welcome and just fyi I generally post like 4 things at once and then forget tumblr exists for 3-5 weeks so if you’re looking for constancy you won’t find it here my friend

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When you post a meme and it gets no likes and you start questioning whether you’re really funny or even matter and then you cry for two hours because your feelings are turned up to one hundred all the time

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There’s nothing like the anxiety of waiting for a car that you don’t know what it looks like

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Yk when you misjudge the relationship and think you’re closer with someone then they do?

Like you think you’re good friends and then you realize you’re the one who always asks to hang out, you have to text first, they always sit next to their closer friends and only next to you if their other friends aren’t there… and it hits you you’re their second choice and they’re probably only talking to you out of pity….

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That moment when you’ve been waiting for a response from them all day and you get a message and you get so excited and you go to open it and it’s a fucking bot like shut the fuck up no I don’t want to connect with other mentally unstable people through your app I want my fucking fp to text me

[mosscaller]

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We’ve all drunk texted but have you ever pretended to be drunk so you could have an excuse to spam your ex

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It’s so weird coming to terms with the realization that someone you idolized and loved has been manipulating and gaslighting you for years cus like you gotta reinvent your entire memory and perception of them. The person you thought you knew and looked up to never really existed. Not to mention overcoming the misplaced guilt you’ve carried around for years…

[iamathornydeviltoo]

Hell fucking yes.

And you still love the person in your head. It's s.h.i.t.

Years later you still can't get over feeling like an idiot for not seeing it.

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Yup exactlyyyt

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Why does my brain gotta be so dramatic like shut up and sit down we’re all sick of your shit already

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fuck this disorder I can’t do this shit rn like god can my brain just chill the fuck out

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Idk ig it’s like, sometimes I genuinely want more trauma to happen to me, I want someone to hurt me, I want to suffer… I just want a good reason to feel the way I do

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That feeling when you purposely ignore and don’t text someone for revenge or to see what they’ll do and they literally don’t even notice….

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Tell me why being texted “hey I gotta go have a good evening” makes me so angry and insulted I could rip someone’s head off

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Someone: omg your breath smells so good what do you use

Me:

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Okay y’all especially my mentally ill/depressed/BPD folks: is it just me or can anyone else literally not function whatsoever without structure??

Like vacations, holidays - basically any time where I don’t have work or school regularly for more than like three or four days at a time.

It’s not like there’s nothing to do. I could be catching up with friends, working on projects, catching up on work, running errands, literally doing any of the dozens of things I need to get done and I… can’t. Trust me, I’ve tried.

Without a strict schedule to follow my life kinda falls apart. I just lay on my couch in a nest of blankets eating cereal and ramen and Nutella (separately, I’m not that unstable yet tg) and watching shitty TV and scrolling through my phone. I’ll be honest, it’s nice and relaxing at first but after a week straight of this I’m like five pounds heavier, wearing the same sweatpants for the 6th day in a row, and my self respect and mental health have (understandably) plummeted.

I don’t even start out depressed, but by the end of the week I feel so useless and disgusting and lazy that I start getting really depressed and anxious, and…. Well, you can see how I get caught in that loop.

Yeahhh. I don’t wanna make this too long but that’s definitely where I’m at rn. Comment or DM me or whatever you want if you relate to this 😭♥️

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That moment when it just hits you that you’re not particularly good at anything and you’re not particularly interested in anything and you’re not super close to anyone and you don’t have any plans or passions or personality and you’re literally just…. There