A blog dedicated to uplifting the trans community without putting down others. Full of positivity, visibility, and resources that help various members of the trans community.
[Video Description: a lynx casually walks down a snow covered bank, onto a log and reaches a frozen river. The lynx takes two steps; the ice cracks loudly. Instantly the lynx stands still. It then looks around and then leaps. The lynx makes a landing on the other side of the river, a faint crack can be heard. It continues on its way unfazed. /End VD.]
When we were discussing the surgery I'd need for my sleep apnea, the surgeon told me I'd never be able to speak French properly because the French R is a uvular sound and I'd no longer have a uvula.
... that's okay? I'm not French? I don't speak French? I've always thought it was the weirdest thing for him to say!
We need a digital archive of LGBTQ+ works of art, science, and every other conceivable work we can share between each other because we are beyond the genocide warning level in most countries in the west and they're already trying to purge us from libraries.
Speaking as someone with a background in archives, stuff like this does already exist. No need to reinvent the wheel. Creating an archive and making sure it's accessible and searchable and actually preserves things for the long time (especially digital things) is actually a huge undertaking. Show some love to these already existing collections and maybe even consider contributing. There's the Digital Transgender Archive off the top of my head. I know more I just have to think.
The History Project, based in Boston, is an LGBTQ+ community archive that's existed for decades. Many of their collections are digitized.
The Lesbian Herstory Archives, based in Brooklyn, is similar.
The Digital Public Library of America covers a great many topics, but they also have LGBTQ+ stuff.
I'd also recommend searching "lgbtq+" and "libguide" in your preferred search engine. Many universities list helpful resources and databases, some of which are freely accessible.
Many public and academic libraries in the US and Canada (not sure where you're writing from) subscribe to the Gale Archives of Sexuality and Gender. If you have a library card or are a student at a given library, you can access it for free.
In general, I'd really recommend searching around to see how you can support existing museums, community archives, college and university archives, etc that specialize in LGBTQ+ history and media local to you, whether that's in your same town or regionally.
You are not alone! People are working on this and some of them have institutional budgets!
But also kind of looping back to the first post: you personally might have relevant records. Photos of Pride or protests you've been to, journals, a blog full of trans headcanons even. That's all part of queer history and that's the stuff these archives and museums are made of.
Label your stuff carefully, make backup copies, and get to know your local organizations!
We're also working on building an open access archive and actively looking for content contributions! https://about.jstor.org/revealdigital/hiv-aids-the-arts/
i never see enough tips for trans women/transfem people so. here’s a video that came up about tucking :] (don’t worry she doesn’t use tape at all despite the thumbnail)
“How to tuck for trans Male to Female, or if you’re just really curious.
First, take that fancy-dancy duct tape, that electrical tape, that athletic tape and...
*throws it into a bin with an audible thud*
throw that shit in the trash!
It kinda works, but for the most part it frickin’ hurts, you gotta shave all the time and it’s really bad for your skin.
Instead, go to Walmart, get yourself a pair of high-waisted tights, and a pair of dr scholl's travel compression socks.
*tears packet for high-waisted tights*
Cut the waistband out of your tights, like so.
*tears sock pack with teeth*
You’re gonna take your socks, and cut to right about... here. Then you get this cool little cuff.
Feed waistband into said cuff.
Step into each loop of the cuff. Your thingy should lay nicely in the cuff. Pull up, put on a pair of cute panties and some shorts, and it’s like you never even had a penis!
On the topic of new trans men figuring themselves out and how it’s not like anyone gives out a manual on how to be a man, and also on the topic of supporting more queer POC
Can we talk about the unique experience of genuinely not knowing what haircuts to even consider when you’re black??? Because like… “short hair” happens with both black men and black women, bald/shaved happens with both, long happens with both, braids and locs happen with both, afros happen with both
It took me forever to figure out that I can do all of the variations I’d been doing, just that the unique styling is different on these gender lines.
As a Black trans man who wants a hair cut really bad, it’s hard for me to even visualize a buzz cut on a Black person. Like I see so many posts helping trans men out with how they would look if they got a hair cut, but pretty much all of them have white people as examples. Trans men of color are THAT invisible to the point to were I’ve convinced myself that I wouldn’t look good with short hair.
Sure, I can look up pics of Black men with a buzz cut but 99.9% of them are gonna be cis Black men, folks I look nothing like. And if I add in trans, I’m scared that instead of getting articles about hair cuts, I’m gonna articles about violence we’ve faced over these past few years.
I wanna see sites and articles discussing Black hair and styles for Black trans people. If there’s a site for it, I’d like to know dearly and I want that shit to be boosted to high hell because resources for Black hair, let alone for Black trans people aren’t really around. Especially when it comes to Black folks with 4c hair, like myself.
At the end of the day, no Black trans men or Black trans person in general should be convincing themselves that they’d look ugly with shorter or longer hair, just because they can’t seem themselves being represented anywhere. It shouldn’t get to that point. Ever.
You’re right, even trying to google black trans masc hairstyles mostly just gets you white people with white people hair. Yeah sorry that’s literally not possible with my hair texture.
I’ve sort of had to… make things up as I go along. Like you, I was told repeatedly that my hair texture does not look good when cut short. It took me a very long time to want to try a shorter style as a result. It took me even longer to say fuck it, big chop, and shave my head bald. There. Starting fresh.
What I’ve found has been working for me is to first figure out what hair texture you have. I find just googling “black male hairstyle” will get you mostly 4c hair which is great for those who have it and the facial structure to match! And less great for those who don’t! With me having 3b/3c hair, I was able to find a number of short styles on a wide variety of faces and thus was able to figure out what worked best for how I like to look. And it did take some experimentation and trust, but it ultimately made me really appreciate taking the time to actually do my hair rather than feeling like it was this massive chore.
Once you find your hair texture, you need to do two things:
Figure out what hairstyles you like best with your hair texture. Avoid gendered terms if you can. If you want a short style, look for short styles. If you want a long style, look for long styles. BLACK MEN CAN AND DO WEAR THEIR HAIR LONG frequently as an afro, braids, or locs. It’s up to you to then decide if that long look is something you’re interested in, and how to masculinize it if so. Personally, I prefer the ever popular shaved sides look, and eventually will be getting braids or locs with the length on the top depending if my 3b/3c hair will actually cooperate with locs. I did the fro look for a while and I’ve had cornrows but for the most part I put some product in it and wear my natural curls that way. Protective styling is a big big thing with black men even though it’s mostly only spoken about in the context of female styles. I had a really long conversation with a black coworker about protective styles and how he chooses to do his hair, which is actually longer than mine.
And, figure out the best care for your hair texture. For me, I have a rotating schedule of oil to rub into my scalp and shea butter pomade to style with when wearing my hair natural. All those selfies of mine, if my hair is free, it’s got one of the two in it. I got a lot better about protecting my hair at night, using a leave-in overnight and the day after wash day. Being consistent on the timing of wash day. I use black owned shampoo and conditioner in my hair made specifically for black men. I use a durag and a sport cap to protect my hair on days when its most prone to damage. My hair has never been healthier and I’ve never been happier with the way I can wear and style it.
It was a huge transition for me because I used to have waist-length hair and then shaved my head bald about a year and a half ago to start over and build a better routine than semi resentment from the ground up.
With your 4c hair I would say to take a glance at these:
As there are a number of different styles besides just shaving your head completely bald, and depending on your comfort level, you can try out a good deal of them before making a firm decision on what exactly you want your head to look like.
You can also do like me and just walk into a barber shop and tell them that you have to play a male character for a production and you have no idea what to do with your hair and see if they’ll help you, but I recommend only doing that if you’re willing to get a “we don’t cut girl hair” while you’re trying it. I did that the first time I cut my hair short and to his credit he did cut my hair fairly short and style it well, but it was still far too feminine for me, so I explored a lot of options after that.
Holy shit thank you! @ my followers, PLEASE boost this addition! Black trans folks out there might need this and it might just help them out with their hair or even with just simply feeling seen! A Black trans person taking time out of their day to share their experiences and resources could use some boosting and this carries a lot of personal information and advice in it! DON’T undermine this valuable information!!!
I'm not sure where I read it - I think it was on the wikipedia page of that trans doctor from the 1920s, but I don't remember his name - but basically, it was talking about this trans man's experience being trans in the early 20th century, and his family's reaction. And it made a point of saying how his grandparents were entirely supportive and even wrote him as their grandson on their gravestones. And there's a similar story for a trans girl, also in a similar time period I believe, where her family took her to a doctor when she started Being Trans and the doctor's reaction was literally "Okay, she says she's a girl? Then treat her like a girl! Buy her dresses and call her by whatever name she wants!" and they did!!
Obviously transphobia still existed back then, and it was strong. But throughout time, there have been cases where people heard their loved one say "I am not that gender, that doesn't fit me," and their love and trust in that person overrode any prejudice or lack of understanding, and they just accepted them. Whether it's a doctor encouraging parents to treat their little girl like a little girl, or grandparents marking their grandson's gender in stone (even when, if I remember correctly, his parents had doubts), trans people have always had people who cared for us and believed us and supported us, despite what the rest of society might have said.
UPDATE: IT WAS ALAN L. HART, from his wikipedia page:
Hart wrote later, in 1911, of his happiness during this time, when he was free to present as male, playing with boys' toys made for him by his grandfather. His parents and grandparents largely accepted and supported his gender expression, though his mother described his "desire to be a boy" as "foolish." His grandparents' obituaries, from 1921 and 1924, both list Hart as a grandson.
Not scene but reblogging anyway cuz this is my blog and I think it’s SO FUCKING IMPORTANT as a young trans person to see older trans people that are still happy and alive and in a good place in life with people that love them. We all deserve this <3
This guy just had an amazingly heartwarming Q&A with his grandmother about what it was like for her when he came out as trans
Coming out is never easy — and when you’re coming out to someone who’s more than 60 years your senior, there’s more to overcome than in the usual “here, Grandma, let me explain the internet” conversation. But when 11-year-old Gavin Cueto told his grandma that he’s transgender, it was surprisingly smooth sailing. In fact, Nana Elaine puts any tired stereotype about close-minded older folks to shame.
If a stranger misgenders you, please please please do not ever utter the phrase, “I’m a man.” It sounds very unnatural and immediately sounds overly defensive.
My advice? Just look at the person like they’re an idiot and, in the deepest voice possible, say, “Uh. Alright, then.”
Just act as though they made a huge and obvious mistake, and don’t get flustered. If you’re comfortable with it, handle the situation with humor and say something like, “Man, I know I’ve got a babyface, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”
and if someone doesn’t believe u, say you have a hormonal imbalance + are on meds for it. it’s quick, believable, and most ppl are too uncomfortable discussing health problems with strangers to question it.
Can’t find it, going to just going to explain it. I’ve been out for like 4 and a half years. I saw this post when I was Freshly Out, and this post has been so deep in my fucking rat brain for actual years.
You have to react like you’re not expecting to be misgendered. It’s hard and it’s weird, because I know, you walk out into the world very aware and afraid of how the cis people are going to perceive you. But deadass there is a “Wow, that stranger has made a bold call there” mentality that, yeah it’s a fake it till you make it type of deal. But once I internalized that, I genuinely don’t even hear people misgendering me most of the time.
I’m nonbinary, most of the time my gender presentation priorities are Have Fun and Look Queer.
The first time I noticed that being misgendered slides off my brain like a wet duck I was in a 7/11 and a cashier tried to direct me to the cardboard drink sleeves while I was like 3rd or 4th in line (yeah it was kinda weird, I was holding a large hot coffee in my bare hand and I guess it freaked the dude out, but like my hands are actually really heat resistant I was fine, anyway) He said several variations on “Mam, would you like a cardboard sleeve for your coffee, they’re right there” and I legitimately did not process that he could possibly be talking to me until he tried something like “the one in the red hat” and then I tuned back in and declined the heat protectant sleeve. (I do not know why this human man was so insistent that I needed a heat protection cardboard sleeve, and I’m gathering that me totally zoned the fuck out to his multiple attempts to get my attention holding something that he apparently thought was made out of fucking lava probably had the exact Genderless Eldritch Horror effect that we all know and love)
I accidentally also did this to one of my professors a couple weeks ago, I was given an instruction with she/her pronouns in it, purely by accident, this professor genuinely does right by his trans students as best he can, but I legitimately did not even process that it was for me until he repeated it with they/them.
This compared with a couple years ago a different professor slipped up and used me in an example to the class with she/her pronouns and I literally barely held myself together until the end of the class, made it 4 steps out the door and started silently crying.
It feels fucking powerful in a “that should have hurt, and I didn’t even notice, cis people have no power over me” way. I have a little piece of the security that cis people have in the way that they interact with the world. And that is absolutely precious.
It takes untraining years of social conditioning, and pretending that you can’t fathom that someone would use those words on you, that no one has ever said that to you before and the words are so foreign that they mean nothing to you.
And yeah I started out begging my body not to flinch when a stranger calls out “mam”, and practicing a moment of confusion and unaffected disbelief when cashiers would ask if I found everything I was looking for “young lady” and deliberately ignoring the incorrect gendered terms. And you know op’s “Just look at the person like they’re an idiot, break out the deep voice and say “Um, alright then”” it will feel fake at first.
But fuck at some point it stops being an act, and that feels fucking bulletproof.
Ashley, F. (2019). Surgical informed consent and recognizing perioperative duty to disclose in transgender health care. McGill Journal of Law and Health, 13(1), 73-116
The author is transfeminine themselves and this bit was in a FOOTNOTE. They had NO OBLIGATION to give this information and they are the funniest person on this fucking planet
If you haven't heard the news already, soon you'll be able to self-select the gender marker you would like printed on your U.S. passport!
Here are the two key changes:
The government no longer require medical documentation to change the gender marker on your U.S. passport!
The government now allows you to choose "X" as a gender marker on your U.S. passport!
Using some text from the gov site, I'll explain what those two changes mean below:
Basically, now you don't need to provide any documentation (medical or other) to change your gender marker on your passport.
So even if the gender you select on the application for a new passport doesn't match the gender on your previous passport or other documents, you don't need to supply any evidence or proof that you have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria or have medically, socially, or legally transitioned, or anything else.
This removes a big hurdle for trans people who want to update our IDs; there used to be a lot of hoops to jump through because people used to need a doctor's note which not everyone had access to.
Now, you no longer need to provide medical certification or a physician’s letter if the gender marker you select for your U.S. passport does not match the gender on your citizenship evidence or photo ID.
Instead, you simply self-select the gender you would like them to print on your U.S. passport, by selecting "male (M)", "female (F)", or
"unspecified or another gender identity (X)".
Beyond removing the unnecessary and burdensome gatekeeping, this actually opens up new options for transgender people.
Because your citizenship evidence or identification document does not need to match the gender you are requesting, you can actually have multiple legal gender markers.
That means your passport can say "X" even if you aren't able to legally change your gender marker to X on your state ID or driver's license because that isn't an option in the state you live in yet.
Similarly, your passport can still say "X" even you aren't able to update your birth certificate with an "X" because that isn't an option in the state you were born in.
Because the gender you select for your passport does not need to match the gender on your supporting documentation, you'll still be able to have your passport use your preferred gender marker regardless of the gender marker on your other forms of ID.
That means you can have a driver's license that says "M" and a passport that says "F," for example; the mix-and-match gender marker option isn't restricted only to people who want an "X".
Some people might like to have that flexibility earlier in their transitions when they aren't consistently passing and want to have more than one option for their gender marker on legal identification.
For example, a non-passing trans man wants his driver's license to show "M" because he identifies as male. While he knows that having "M" on his license would out him as being transgender because he isn't passing yet, he doesn't mind that because he feels safe in the state he lives in and the places he goes to and wants his ID to reflect his male gender identity. But when he travels overseas to a less-accepting area, but he wants to keep the "F" on his passport so he can have the option of going into the closet for his own safety in transphobic/homophobic places.
In other cases, some genderfluid or bigender people, for example, might like the validation that comes with having disparate binary gender markers on different forms of ID instead of having an X.
But the legal/logistical consequences of having mixed gender markers on different documents may turn out to be inconvenient at some point because of the difficulty in reconciling the various markers. So I personally would recommend keeping your gender markers congruent for now, and either update them all or leave them all the same. But it's up to you of course!
I currently have "X" on my birth certificate and "F" on my driver's license because I couldn't update my license to "X" where I live since it wasn't an option yet, so I do have mixed legal gender markers and it hasn't been an issue yet.
While you don't need to have the gender on your birth certificate and/or driver’s license changed before you can get the gender marker changed on my passport, the photo you submit with your passport application must look similar to the photo on your ID.
This means that you can't be fully female-presenting on one ID and fully male-presenting in the photo of your other ID to the point where the two photos of you look like you're siblings and not the same person.
So you'll have to choose a single "look" that's similar on both documents, whether you chose to try and aim for a more neutral/androgynous look or go fully masculine or fully feminine for both.
You will need to submit a new photo when applying for a passport, and the photo must look similar to your current appearance, must look similar to the photo on your ID, and must meet the passport photo requirements.
Before folks get too excited about the possibility of getting an X on their passport, I'd keep in mind that it actually isn't an option on all passport-related documents yet.
The government says that they won't have their systems fully updated until sometime late next year:
Beginning April 11, 2022, you can select male (M), female (F), or unspecified or another gender identity (X) as your gender marker if you are applying for a U.S. passport book and selecting routine service.
But it isn't until late 2023 that the government anticipates completing additional technological updates so that the X gender marker will be available on the following documents they issue:
Passport cards
Emergency passports printed at embassies and consulates
Expedited and emergency passports issued at passport agencies and centers
Consular Reports of Birth Abroad (CRBAs)
So before late 2023, if a person visits the public counter of a passport agency needing a passport for immediate travel, like if they suddenly need to go overseas for a family funeral for example, they will have to select a binary gender marker (M or F).
Similarly, U.S. embassies and consulates will not be able to offer emergency passports with X gender markers until all technological updates are complete in late 2023.
If someone who has an X gender marker on their passport then loses their passport while traveling overseas, they will need to select a binary gender marker (M or F) to be issued an emergency passport for the return home.
But once they have completed their travel, they have up to one year from the date of issuance to apply for a free replacement routine passport with an X gender marker using Form DS-5504.
~
How do you actually update the gender marker on your passport?
"Well, the government is in the process of updating their Form Filler and Form Eligibility Wizard tools to incorporate the X gender marker, so you can't use the online website that you'd normally use.
This means you need to download the PDF version of your passport form instead, and complete it by hand (in black ink!) if you are requesting a passport with an X gender marker.
Then you need to follow the steps listed on their "Apply in Person" page.
Children under age 16 must always apply using Form DS-11 and appear in person with both parents or legal guardians (if they have two legal parents/guardians)."
~
What about people who currently have a limited-validity passport?
"Under the previous passport policies, if you were in the process of transitioning to a new gender when you applied for your passport, you may have received a limited-validity passport (issued for less than the full validity period of 10 years for those 16 and older and five years for children under 16).
But the government no longer requires medical documentation or a physician’s letter as evidence of a gender transition.
To replace a limited-validity passport with a full-validity passport in this situation, you'll need to submit Form DS-5504.
To use this form, you must apply within two years of your previous passport's issuance date. You do not have to pay fees unless you are requesting optional, expedited service.
If your limited-validity passport was issued more than two years ago, please use Form DS-11 and follow the steps on our Apply In Person page.
Please note that expedited service is not yet available if you are applying for a passport book with an X gender marker."
~
For folks who are looking to update their legal gender markers, whether it's on your driver's license, birth certificate, passport, social security record, or anything else, I'd highly recommend exploring the Trans Equality Document Center. It's the resource that I used myself when I legally changed my name!
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