â sapphic allyship handbook â
Contemporary radfem (TERF/TIRF/SWERF) rhetoric may permeate your 𫵠algorithm! Stop đ and think đ¤ when you see đ content such as:
âď¸ Lesbianism is the most politically correct sexuality to combat patriarchy due to its exclusion of men. Therefore, other queer women shouldnât âroll back their queernessâ by dating men during the current climate. Who you date should not be made political, and to demand this from an individual for their participation in feminism is authoritarian conversion rhetoric. Sexual orientation (and who you love) is not a choice; it is a morally neutral natural human identity. A queer woman is not less or more queer due to her current partner, and a straight or bi woman in a relationship with a man is not automatically a lesser feminist. âPolitical lesbianismâ during second-wave feminism ultimately invalidated lesbianism as an authentic romantic and sexual orientation, and caused devastating sapphic culture erasure.
âď¸ Lesbians and trans women are minoritised even within the LGBTQ+ community and can therefore never cause tangible harm to bisexual women and trans men respectively. This is because lesbians and trans women do not hold any power over bisexual women and trans men under cisheterosexism. This generalisation does not account for intersectional systems of oppression across race, nationality, class, disability, etc. Privilege (or lack thereof) is not quantitative and depends on context. Additionally, lateral phobias across different minoritised groups can cause harm. A lesbian can be biphobic, or participate in monosexism (a historically enduring system that causes alarmingly high levels of documented life-threatening harm to bisexuals), despite not systematically oppressing bisexuals under cisheterosexism. A trans woman can be transandrophobic/transmisandrist towards a trans man, despite not holding systematic power over trans men. Obviously, bisexuals can exhibit lesbophobia and transmascs can exhibit transmisogyny as well.
âď¸ Queer women who switch away from the lesbian label, and/or choose to date men rather than being loyal to WLW encourage lesbophobia by implying to men that lesbians can be corrected by âtradwifeâ culture. When formerly lesbian-identified women say they feel âhealedâ by discovery of their fluid sexuality or by a specific partner who happens to be a man, it actively harms lesbian visibility, validity, and safety. Slut shaming and victim-blaming a bi+ woman for the behaviour of bigots is known as bimisogyny. It buys into the bioessentialist, radfem and patriarchal belief that men are innately violent and only exercise restraint when women demonstrate puritanical abstinence, rather than acknowledging men are fellow flawed humans taught to be oppressors under the system of patriarchy. A woman who consensually engages in sexual and romantic relations with men is not responsible for sexual assault culture from men. Queer folks of any gender/sexuality are allowed to proudly find comfort in their identities and partners, as this is the goal of LGBTQ+ movement. It is monosexist to imply bi+ attractions are untrustworthy and never monogamous, and femmephobic to label feminine queer women as tradwifes that can never be queer âenoughâ.
âď¸ It is by default unfeminist for a woman to cater to the male gaze and male pleasure, because it will thwart feminism. Feminist movement should exclude and aim to eradicate sex work, sex workers, and the porn industry. Even fem(me) lesbians who pass as straight center the âmale gazeâ. This is once again misogynistic slut-shaming and victim-blaming, and leads to villification of sex work. The patriarchy depends on maintaining authority over womenâs sexuality; attempting to oppose that using further suppression is just compliance towards and repackaging of patriarchal purity culture. The feminist goal is womenâs sexual liberation. Femininity and feminine sexuality are a complex performance done for the self, for other non-men, and can also be to contrast/complement/seek admiration of masculine partner (who may be a man or non-man). It can be conforming or queer/non-conforming to conventionally patriarchal standards. All of these effects are highly subjective and context-dependent. To imply fem(me) lesbians center men due to their femininity is lesbophobic and ignorant of lesbian culture. The media term âmale gazeâ was coined to criticize cinematography by male directors and it should not be misused to slut-shame real-life women. A more coherent feminist goal would be to advocate for more women to have agency over their own sexuality under the patriarchy, as actual sex workers are often the most underprivileged women, and globally many marginalised ethnic BIPOC LGBTQ+ groups (especially trans folks) resort to that industry due to being refused jobs elsewhere.
âď¸ Validity discourse about cis nonbinary folks, and cis bi folks in M/F relationships, is a redundant and non-issue purposefully distracting from real LGBTQ+ rights crises. These groups are privileged under the patriarchy just like any cishetero folks only want to seek attention and center themselves in any conversation despite not being oppressed or facing any real-life hardships. They are not really âqueerâ anyway as they assimilate into patriarchy, have cisheteronormative lives, and pass as cishetero, so justifiably criticising these groups is not phobia. Lack of validation is only actually dangerous for binary trans mental health, or when folks expect lesbians to be attracted to men. Affirming the queerness and belonging of perceived liminal LGBTQ+ identities such as the bi+, aro/ace, and nonbinary spectrums (who are all queer enough) is crucial to preventing well-documented life-threatening hardships faced by these groups. Many of these folks do not present or âpassâ as cishetero, and neither do they wish or consent to. Forced assimilation (or acceptance under probation) into the patriarchy is violent and not a privilege, and these subgroups are often not welcomed by queer found families as an alternative support system either due to these harmful sweeping generations. Bi+ folks experience increased rates of suppression, poor mental health and substance abuse, poverty, and intimate partner violence compared to monosexual peers and this does not occur in a vacuum. It is not for anyone else to decide whether a person of a marginalized identity is experiencing phobia, and we all have a responsibility to quietly listen to our peer subgroups who are minoritised under the patriarchy, are statistically not treated well as if they were allocishetero, and largely do not have the power to be our oppressors. Opposing erasure and promoting visibility is an important part of LGBTQ+ movement, and as important to other subgroups as it is for lesbians and trans folks.
âď¸ âBi/pan/mspec lesbianâ is a recently-invented label for invading lesbian spaces and stoking lesbophobia by validating to cis men that all lesbians are attracted to them. âBi lesbiansâ do not exist. They are lesbian TERFs because they believe lesbians donât include trans women in their attraction. Or they are bisexuals with internalised biphobia as they donât believe in bi fluidity. Lesbian identity is exclusive and can never be used by those who are mspec. âBi sapphicâ should be used instead. âBi lesbianâ is one of many valid LGBTQ+ labels that may appear complex, contradictory, or trivial. Statistically, a portion of lesbian-identifying women are mspec; bi lesbians make this part of their own identity explicit but do not intend to establish or imply that all lesbians are mspec, as it is lesbophobic to impose attraction to cis men on lesbians. It remains bimisogynystic victim blaming to hold queer womenâs identities (such as âbi lesbianâ) responsible for the potential bigotry from cis men. Before the establishment of political lesbianism (by mainly cishet white women), âlesbianâ, was a universal umbrella term for all sapphics rather than an exclusive label. It functioned similarly to the word âgayâ, which can refer to an exclusively gay man, but can be used by anyone. âBi lesbianâ is a historically significant identity that emerged as resistance to the destructive effects of separatism on lesbian community. Prominent activists identified explicitly as bisexual lesbian to take pride in their bisexuality when purity culture-based bimisogynistic monosexism was rife in the community. There are many valid reasons one may identify as a bi lesbian today, including limited non-actionable attraction to men, affirming trans/genderqueer identity (of the self and/or partner), or intimate connection to lesbian sexuality, gender, community, history, movement and lifestyle. While most contemporary bi+ sapphics choose to no longer identify as lesbians, they are not obligated to surrender lesbian terminology to radfem ideology; mspec sapphics have a right to lay claim to lesbian culture and identity, which they have equally partaken in for all history. The usage of the term âsapphicâ is fairly new and a label like âbi sapphicâ often feels redundant and doesnât effectively communicate identity.
âď¸ Trans men can never be lesbians as true lesbianism entirely excludes men, and you would misgender a trans man by implying heâs sapphic anyway. Real lesbians (and individuals whom lesbians are really attracted to) are conventionally feminine, must identify as women, use she/her pronouns, and never want to be known as âboyfriendsâ or âhusbandsâ; otherwise youâre just bisexual and want straight cis men. Lesbians must always be non-men who are exclusively attracted to non-men. Non-men who present masculine, donât identify as women, or are attracted to non-feminine genders âinvadeâ lesbian spaces. This is lebophobia, butchphobia, and transandrophia. One of the stripes of the lesbian flag denotes gender non-conformity; butches, mascs, gender non-conforming women, genderqueer folks including multigender folks (who may identify as men), and transmascs (including many, though obviously not all, trans men) identifying as lesbians are not only perfectly valid but also a well-documented important part of lesbian community, including histories of lesbian boyfriends and husbandsâso yes, lesbian attraction and existence (with some obvious caveats) can include masculinity, manhood and men.
âď¸ Butchfemme culture historically belongs only to lesbians. Other identities should use masc/fem. Femme4femme and butch4butch are less queer than butchfemme. Butchfemme is not by default superior to other sapphic dynamics. Historical lesbian butchfemme identity and spaces were inclusive of all sapphics (including bisexuals) before lesbian separatism. Decades before that, butchfemme originated in ballroom culture that included BIPOC men-aligned queers. Bi+ sapphics can perform lesbian butchfemme, and all other LGBTQ+ identities can also use these terms.
âď¸ Compulsory heterosexuality is a lesbian-only experience. Bi women inevitably center men because their sexuality is inclusive of men. Bi women cannot love women the way lesbians do since only lesbians have fully decentered men, and itâs valid for lesbians to find it repulsive to date bi women who have been with men. WLW relationships are not by default more queer whenever the participants are exclusively lesbian, as bi women are not âtaintedâ by men; that would be a bimisogynistic purity culture stereotype again. Just like lesbians, bi women also have to unlearn comphet, alongside additional stereotypes. Bi WLW demonstrate unique devotion by choosing sapphic love despite having other, âmore convenientâ options under patriarchy. (Even though dating men may appear convenient, statistically, bi women are at highest risk of intimate partner violence.) WLW exist regardless of any alternate attractions, not in spite of them. Bi WLW exist in spite of monosexist, lesbophobic and androcentric pressures from both the LGBTQ+ community and the patriarchy to âjust date men since you can never fully commit to womenâ. There are many bi and straight women who happen to have men as partners but have unlearned comphet and are well-involved in womenâs and queer coalition, mutual aid and activism. On the other hand, there are lesbians whose activism consists of entirely hypothetical online identity discourse centering the exclusion of men, rather than focusing on building sapphic community.
âď¸ You are born with your sexuality and all real lesbians eventually realise they were never any other sexuality in the first place, and if they initially identified as straight or bisexual itâs always because they must have been mistaken due to compulsory heterosexuality. Someone who was once legitimately attracted to cis men can never be a real lesbian. Sexuality is only fluid for bisexuals. This is a bioessentialist view towards sexuality (popularised by contemporary views towards âcomphetâ in the Lesbian Masterdoc) and is harmful, especially towards trans and genderqueer lesbians whose gender and sexual identities are linked and evolving. Sexuality can be fluid for anyone, and a self-identified lesbian may well have been legitimately bisexual or straight at some point, and may have legitimately felt attracted to cis men in their past. It is unacceptably lesbophobic to invalidate lesbian identity based on pseudoscientific âborn this wayâ gatekeeping that only serves to make the patriarchy comfortable.
âď¸ âWLWâ and âsapphicâ are online euphemisms for âlesbianâ and itâs implicitly lesbophobic to use these terms. As the English âlesbianâ label evolved into a more exclusive identity after second-wave feminist separatism in the US, the terms âWLWâ and âsapphicâ were coined in the 2020s media landscape to be more exclusive of sapphics who are not exclusive lesbiansâsuch as bi+ women. Of course, historically, all sapphics were considered âlesbianâ, and if âlesbianâ is used to mean âWLWâ again in contemporary times, this usage should openly include all sapphics, rather than erasing mspec and genderqueer sapphic identities for convenience and simplicity informed by and aimed at binary patriarchal values.
âď¸ Kinks do not belong at Pride because no one consented to seeing public sex acts, it is offensive to folks on the asexual spectrum, and children will also be present. Public sex is not being performed at Pride. Some queer folks wear kink-representing outfits that are no more revealing than regular outdoor summer festival wear. Puritanical respectability politics based on exaggerated sexualization is a tool to erase LGBTQ+ folks from public life, by dividing and conquering one âbadâ group at a time.
âď¸ Bisexuality is a TERF identity because it implies the existance of binary gender, and doesnât include trans, genderqueer and non-binary folks. You should use âpansexualâ or other terms instead. Bisexuality includes all genders, as the âbiâ refers to âtwo or more gendersâ or âtwo or more kinds of attractionâ. The bi+ or multisexual spectrum contains many MOGAI identities, including pan. Every queer person should choose the term that they personally feel fits best.
âď¸ Trans sapphics are men in disguise trying to invade lesbian spaces. Trans lesbians encourage the idea that lesbians are also attracted to men. Real lesbians have a genital preference for vulvas, but transfem sapphics decieve cis lesbians into dating them anyway. These are transphobic and lesbophobic stereotypes. Trans women are women, and trans folks are not responsible for the existence of any bigoted cis men, who have barely ever crossdressed just to commit assault anyway. Transfems with penises are not interested in dating anyone who is not attracted to them; many lesbians also do not have a genital preference. While having a âtypeâ is normal, publicly announcing and imposing it with no relevant context is body-shaming, and, in this case, transphobic, regardless of your personal internalised reasons. (You would not keep repeating how you wouldnât date a fat person and no one else should either, because that would be fatphobic.) Trans men sapphics are also uninterested in dating lesbians who donât wish to date men-identified sapphics. A good way to ensure lesbian community growth is to wholeheartedly accept transbians.
âď¸ Formerly lesbian-identified trans men and bi women purposefully chose new identities that conform to and offer more privilege under the patriarchy. Because of their greed and/or brainwashing, exclusive lesbian community is disappearing. Bi women and trans men are hardly âprivilegedâ in the cisheteropatriarchy, and are subject to similar phobias as lesbians since all oppression is linked. An individualâs coming out into their authentic identity is cause for celebration. Queer identity is often in flux; it is normal and healthy to reevaluate identity through multiple LGBTQ+ letters within a lifetime. No one owes their gender and sexual identity to feminism, nor do they have a choice in these identities; to dismiss an individualâs intelligence and demand otherwise is authoritarian bimisogynistic/transandrophobic conversion rhetoric. They will always be part of our community, even if they no longer identify with a certain subcategory. Lesbian community is smaller now because lesbianism by definition used to include more mspecs and genderqueers. Resources such as the âLesbian Masterdocâ (whose very author now identifies as bi) are useful to some, but may cause others to not identify as lesbian if they face gatekeeping. Lesbian community can be grown by avoiding exclusion of those who are (or are dating) âexcessivelyâ mspec, fem, masc, or genderqueer folks.
âď¸ Cis bi women with boyfriends are invading lesbian spaces. Bisexuals should create their own communities rather than invading gay and lesbian spaces. Bi women shouldnât bring their boyfriends to Pride. This is generally a hypothetical issue, as the vast majority of in-person lesbian events and bars depend on attendance numbers to survive, and all sapphics, often along with friends and plus ones, are welcome regardless of their labels. The most important requirement is to be polite and present good allyship. Due to the fluid nature of bisexuality, bisexuals have historically participated in gay and lesbian spaces as well as their own, and it is monosexist to demand their exclusion from a culture they were fully involved in building. Many bisexuals are in bi4bi M/F relationships, and their queer partners belong at Pride. Bisexuals should also bring their straight partners to Pride as LGBTQ+ community is small, and we need dedicated allies to show up for our movements.
âď¸ Most bi-identified women are secretly straight and bicurious and being gay is just a phase to them, so itâs valid for other sapphics to avoid dating them and to look down on them. Most bi-identified men are secretly gay and will never be satisfied with a cis girlfriend, itâs valid for women to be repelled by a man who has dated or has attraction towards other men. This is an androcentric biphobic stereotype and another manifestation of patriarchal purity culture. Many bi men identify as gay to avoid poor treatment, so the opposite is actually true. Bi men are not âtaintedâ by their relations with men, nor are they less masculine simply due to their sexuality. Bi women are particularly vulnerable to compulsory heterosexuality as it preys specifically on their mspec attractions and polices their ability to explore queer relationships. It is counterintuitive and hypocritical (and sadly a documented phenomenon) for fellow sapphics to participate in that discriminatory behaviour.
âď¸ Cis women are biologically fragile and should be separated from everyone else in sports for their own safety and to avoid being dominated by trans women. Trans folks should have their own category. This belief is based in white supremacist and bioessentialist pseudoscientific views toward womenâs physicality. Scientifically, gender is one of the least logical ways to universally divide physical sport categories to maintain âfairnessâ, but the practice has held strong due to patriarchal stereotypes based on binary beliefs of biological sex (ignoring and invalidating intersex folks completely). Each sport requires a unique set of ideal physical characteristics. Many cis women are statistically at least equally as capable as cis men in many sports. Currently, transfems who are allowed to play professionally in womenâs sections have to pass strict physical exams that even cis women are not subjected toâand increasing these restrictions will only limit all womensâ ability to excel, while menâs sections are given free rein. Trans women are a tiny minority and statistically cannot dominate womenâs sports. This line of exaggerated transphobia is dangerous as it aims to gatekeep normal human experiences from trans folks, especially trans kids.
âď¸ Gender-neutral bathrooms, and trans people in womenâs bathrooms, are dangerous for cis women as this may invite predatory men. Gender-neutral bathrooms are not uncommon in global cultures, and public bathrooms are a historical vehicle for restricting marginalized groups from public lifeâsuch as when bathrooms were segregated by race in the US. It is transphobic to misplace blame and police trans peoplesâ existence for potential bigoted cis men, who donât at all need to disguise themselves as women in order to commit assault.
âď¸ Lesbians who have never been with men or someone with a penis are more queer and superior to those who have. âGold-star gayâ rhetoric is harmful to all queer and trans folks, and misogynistically implies a woman can be tainted by a penis. This is lesbophobic and transmisogynistic purity culture.
âď¸ Bisexuality is a stepping stone to being gay and nonbinary is a stepping stone to being a binary trans individual. This is based in monosexism and normative gender stereotypes, and the opposite is often trueâgay men and lesbians often come out as fluid, and trans men and women often come out as non-binary. The creator of the lesbian masterdoc herself now identifies as bisexual.
âď¸ Lesbians seeking les4les are biphobic. Women are much harder to date than men anyway.* Like trans folks who feel most comfortable and understood in T4T relationships, lesbians are valid for seeking out les4les. Highly marginalised groups prioritising relationships with one another is not automatically a slight against outside identities. While monosexism is a real issue within the LGBTQ+ community, it is perpetuated by all sapphics (not just monosexual lesbians), and there are many women open to dating any sapphics. Sapphic dating under the patriarchy may be difficult, but it is a misogynystic stereotype to proclaim women are by default âhigher maintenanceâ than men.
âď¸ Everyone is a little bit bisexual, so all lesbians must be somewhat mspec and attracted to cis men, they just havenât met the right man yet.* This generalisation is lesbophobic. It is disrespectful to the severe challenges many lesbians withstand to realise their sexuality excludes cis men under the patriarchyâs compulsory heterosexuality. Self-identified queer folks should be wholeheartedly believed, and this obviously includes monosexuals. Expressing suspicion towards an individualsâs identity is violating.
âď¸ Most lesbians are biphobic, most bi+ sapphics are lesbophobic, most trans men are transmisogynistic, most trans women are transandrophobic, and so on. Just like all humans, small fractions of LGBTQ+ subcommunities are very loudly phobic on the internet, amplified by algorithms that prefer rage bait. They often unknowingly adopting divisive radfem ideology with limited knowledge of queer history. Internet exclusionists are symptoms of wider issues, but are not representative of the real life vast majority of these groups, who are incredibly kind, empathetic, and inclusive. Our priority is to dismantle systems together, not play oppression olympics with other marginalized subgroups.
âď¸ Second-wave radical feminism was right about everything because it did include BIPOC. Second-wave feminism was a complex, white-dominated movement that ultimately died due to its divisive and exclusionary ideology. There were many oft-erased marginalized BIPOC second-wave feminist voices, including queer Black women who favored intersectionality/inclusion and wrote excellent texts about it; for example, Bell Hooks critiqued the pervasive harmful rhetoric within the movement.
âď¸ LGBTQ+ identities are meant to be exclusive, with orderly definitions that are essential for meaningfully gaining relevant rights for each subcommunity. We reserve the right to correct or ignore people who misuse labels. Preserving lesbian spaces for monosexual non-men lesbians only will achieve the eradication lesbophobia under patriarchy. LGBTQ+ identities have historically been based in complex shared experiences by multifacted individuals. For example, historical western lesbian spaces were comprised of bi+ women, genderqueer and non binary folks, trans women, and trans men alongside exclusive cis lesbians. Imposing a queer person with labels they do not identify with is violating. Labels (and identities) are not definitive categories, and it is unrealistic (and colonial) to presume the English language can achieve that. Labels are meant for individual comfort and communication with no assigned ârightâ and âwrongâ usage. The only âmisuseâ would be by a bigot specifically using a label to harm the subgroup, which is an arbitrary hypothetical. Safe spaces for minoritized groups with similar experiences, backgrounds and identities are important for recuperation and rehabilitation, but overall separatism is to the detriment to LGBTQ+ survival. The community at large is minoritised, and subgroups alone do not have a loud enough voice or visibility within the patriarchy. Historically, surviving queer spaces have welcomed all to even label-specific events.
Queerness is in opposition to patriarchy, which limits individuals in divisive assigned roles and separated classes. Queerness, by definition, is messy, complicated, and a celebration of unique individual agency. Movement cannot be sustainably achieved without intersectional inclusion and coalitionâalongside those you do not relate to, and even those you may not agree with on all politics. This may require you to step out of your comfort zone, but thatâs okay!
*not necessarily radfem rhetoric but still important!
Questions? Please read my sources! :)
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Disclaimer: I am a cis south asian demisexual, bisexual femme WLW. Colonialism has erased historical sapphic cultures in many countries, including my own. As the US has established cultural dominance, my understanding is based off western texts and studies. LGBTQ+ experiences are diverse, but we also reproduce patterns of existence and resistance globally, even without historical context. Unfortunately, this includes our mistakes, like succumbing to divisive rhetoric. Thanks for reading and kind suggestions & corrections are appreciated! :)
