ender at the beginning of ender in exile
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ender at the beginning of ender in exile
so im actually about halfway through exile right now but i was wondering how u felt about the way ender was so quick to dismiss the relationships that he had with his jeeshmates (especially alai)
by dismiss i mean he made it seem as though the relationships he had with them were purely professional when i personally thought they were more intimate and intricate esp considering enders despair when he felt as though he were drifting from alai
i did, as you pointed out later, already talk about this a bit. i’ve had arguments/conversations about this a lot recently, though; partly i think it’s because people cling to the process i mentioned (the expectation that in fiction, all of our favorite characters will remain tied together and connected forever on some level) so i kind of want to go into this more.
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jellyfish lifecycles piss me off a little bit
you don't have to do that. you can just not do that
:D they can do more :D (x)
Today
I finished an oil painting I have been working on
Touched base with several associates
Many of whom I “made” with my generous business invitations
Received several offers to step in as CEO to salvage downward spiralling companies
That I am unable to name for legal reasons (I told them I would consider this.)
Completed a 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle
Without even trying or looking up the answers
And still had time
to record “Game of Thrones”
On my wide screen TV
Simply by using the voice control feature
And what did you do
Gathered fifty power coins in Legend of Zelda
I see
do you have radiation/biohazard themed things perchance? :3333
radioactive and biohazardous graphics
GAG HIM!!
worst_pain_possible.png
this is the trans womanest character of all time
how are we even still talking about this
he just threw a “welcome to being a man” at his ABUSIVE FATHER FIGURE on the subject of being CONSTANTLY SUBJECTED TO CORRECTIVE MALE VIOLENCE if you cannot see that that is some TMA SHIT then you are FUNCTIONALLY MEDIA-ILLITERATE
stop and ask yourself, really ask yourself, how many of jesse’s problems are so inextricably linked to his status as a man in a world of men and the question of his worth vis a vis a masculinized concept of personal value that if he renounced his status as a man and simply abdicated the question of what he is “worth” as a man in the currency of masculinity, if he did that how many of his problems would just fucking go away. not all, perhaps, but these are the issues on whose ground he keeps getting hooked back in when he tries over and over again to get out
for fuck’s sake in the sequel film where he finally gets away, the final plot element that allows him to succeed is that he IGNORES THE FAIR RULES OF A MAN ON MAN DUEL, USES A HIDDEN GUN WHICH NOBODY EXPECTED HIM TO HAVE CONCEALED, AND FINISHES THE JOB WITH A SMALLER PISTOL WHICH GETS EXPLICITLY CALLED OUT IN THE TEXT AS AN EFFEMINATE WEAPON AS CONTRASTED WITH THE HIGH CALIBER PISTOL OF HIS OPPONENT. HOW FUCKING ROCK STUPID DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO BE NOT TO SEE THIS
I hate being an Enderverse fan. Anytime someone mentions Achilles the Greek guy I always think of Achilles De Flandres. Every time someone talks about dragons I think of Dragon Army. Every single ant is a bugger. Every pig is a Pequinino. Every virus is the Descolada. Every vaccine is the recolada. Valentine’s Day is Valentine Wiggin day. Fuck my fucking Enderverse life.
Mikhail Kalashnikov at the 60th anniversary celebrations of his invention, the iconic “AK-47.” (Photo: 2007)
one-sided platonic feelings always hit me so hard. like. i want you to love me like a son, but to you i’m not much more than a servant. i swore our oath of brotherhood out of real devotion, and you swore it out of convenience. i want to go to the ends of the earth and the depths of hell for you and follow you until the end of time, and in your mind that’s no more than what i owe you
maybe 2026 is the year of bogus EV AUs which means i can start talking abt soul eater again. do you guys remember when the weapon/meister thing was trending. that made me read SE for like 12 chapters until i felt that it was kind of dumb. i miss it. anyways
much to peter's chagrin he would probably be a weapon. val would also be a weapon though she'd be a far better sport about it. also it's cool how weapons can wield each other i think they'd have top-notch soul resonance. idk if i want ender to be a weapon or a meister... weapon is really fitting... he's probably a weapon... and wiggin is practically synonymous with weapon anyways.... no i don't even want to think about their weapon types stop. all i know is that val is something unassuming & peter is probably lame-looking (which gets on his nerves even more). alai is prob a weapon too...
achilles & petra would be meisters for sure. also bean (??? i think??? (it would be funny-slash-unexpected to watch this little boy walking around holding a gigantic gun or something that's like half of the appeal)). plus novinha for my obligatory ender saga cameo. suriyawong is a weapon who parades around as a meister. ok peter would do the same thing but to a much more unbearable scale because He is Himself.
val&peter would be one of the most formidable duos out of all of them i think. also petra&ender. surprisingly enough peter&achilles only have decent soul resonance in my book. on the other end of the scale bean&ender would have incredible soul resonance but ender probably would not entertain the notion of letting bean wield him in weapon-mode for a hundred years. and it makes bean sad:(
ender’s game comicverse - Petra Arkanian
"valll vallll will you share your extensive list of achilles headcanons please" said absolutely no one. aw well i'd love to indulge you ☺️ (spoilers for all of the books that he appears in below)
> human furnace; in poke's gang the younger kids would lay on his arms during the colder nights because he is warm and emits heat like a pocket-warmer (and they also wanted papa. i guess) (he didn't enjoy how numb and sore it made his arms in the morning, but it also inflated his ego in a way)
^wears socks to bed despite this
> (ty to nadia for this one!) also in his rotterdam days, pre-poke's gang: whenever he got a hold of spare change, achilles would wait to save some up, then visit this one particular arcade and play on the machines until his money ran out (this made him decent at computer games, & was a minor part of the sway factor when it came to enlisting him at BS... not to say that it made him a 100% viable candidate, but it did help)
> was given meds in the mental hospital for mood regulation, but he didn't like how they made him feel so after a while he only pretended to take them
> worst diet known to man; solely eats rice paper or some other barebones & easily-available snack when busy, especially in the indian compound
^ (pre-BS he was big on enjoying food, but with his subsequent institutionalization, his view on eating became "it doesn't matter what i eat as long as it keeps me sustained enough to focus on doing what i need to do" and "enjoyable food should be eaten when you're actually enjoying yourself". so that's that. he doesn't really seek out good food, moreso eats whatever he's given (this is sort of echoed w/ his bread thing when he was a papa). the hegemon's complex in ribeirão preto was the best achilles had eaten in a long time, and the majority of that is because peter was dragging him off to lunch dates and getting him to eat things of actual substance)
^potato chips are reserved for better command days, and they became his main snack during that stint when he was in control of peter's compound. not sure what his favourite food would be, but i'm thinking it would be something basic yet hearty that he first tried in that private catholic boys' school. that being said, he'd love sour candy
> would enjoy watching pig races. chicken fights too. placed bets on them a few times in rotterdam & only stopped once he lost for the first time. how unethical...
> his favourite colour is red :) really stereotypical for a murderer but whatever :) he just likes its vibes :)
> doesn't care for animals, though he does enjoy petting cats when he passes them by (there are lots of strays in ribeirão preto; he appreciates how soft and non-obtrusive they are, especially in comparison to other domesticated animals (cough cough dogs))
> somewhat wary when crossing roads because of the times he's witnessed children getting run over by cars in rotterdam (he had to have gotten his idea for ulysses' beatdown excuse somewhere!). of course no one knows about this but him. hashtag anti-pedestrian life
^back to the dogs thing: he feels the same way about them for similar reasons (specifically, the rare aggressive starved ones on the streets that'd eat anything in desperation, or the ones with rabies)
> since achilles is the kind of guy to act like "yes👍 yep👍 sounds good👍" in any social setting where he's expected to be equal/inferior to others around him, in a modern hs AU one of his "friends" (read: classmate who finds him fun and reliable even though achilles barely even remembers that they exist) would ask him if he'd be up to join their school's theatre production because they're short on a few actors and he'd be like "Sure Why Not" (insert placating smile). well it turns out he's a good actor and he thinks it's a little entertaining... so he lands the role of male lead for the next show. the other cast members either love him or resent him
^i also love how whenever he is pissed off by basically anything he just plays it off. he'd hate loud music and he'd hate his one-sided friends blasting it from their bluetooth speakers or vehicles but when they ask him what he thinks of it he's like "wow that's a cool song :) " (<- lying straight thru his teeth) (<- plotting a way to break their devices without them noticing)
> (obligatory pride month headcanon) aroace. as i've said. yes he was genuinely infatuated with petra 👆 but in his very own weird special way.
they killed him for this
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my thesis for enderverse breaking bad (/better call saul)… i think a Lot about the parallels between characters and the roles they play in their respective universes. so. Massive yap below!!! and spoilers for all three series ofc 👆
bean is walter white. this whole thing started because i was watching breaking bad at the same time i started rereading enders shadow and was endeared by how narcissistic they both are. and i had the thought that walter’s cancer functions similarly in the narrative as anton’s key in the sense that it puts a definite cap on both of their lifespans, accelerates the rate at which they get into soo much crazy shit, and also walter trying to afford treatment/bean looking for a cure is a major part of their story that conflicts with the crazy shit they get into. at the very beginning of their stories, walter and bean are both constantly overlooked and underestimated, bean mostly for his size/age and walter for a multitude of reasons, but i think both of them have a struggle with masculinity in this way because they are not as strong and masculine and In Control like the others around them. they both start off in positions where their intellect is extremely underutilized and are frustrated that people who are less intelligent than them have gotten so much further ahead (though obviously bean being homeless and the runt of a street gang who licks food wrappers for survival and walter being a caltech grad who barely scrapes by as an overqualified highschool teacher/car wash employee are very different scenarios). thus when they’re presented with an opportunity to do something where their skills will actually be useful (battle school, cooking meth…this is kind of cracking me up) gaining the power and control they so covet ends up becoming a motivation in addition to the immediate concern for their survival (bean escaping rotterdam, walter paying for his cancer treatment).
like walter, bean automatically assumes he is the smartest person in the room no matter what, and they both make this known (usually in internal monologue for bean because 80% of the book is his thoughts but i like to imagine if you laid out walter’s thoughts in book format they’d look somewhat similar). when it comes to raw intelligence, they’re typically right—they are both arguably the most intelligent characters in their respective universes. and bean and walter also both make a lot of judgements when it comes to the intellect and skills they perceive in other people, looking down on almost everyone and defining others by how valuable they are. even those they don’t look down on (primarily gus/ender) they run into trouble by being too hasty to assert their own value and intellectual superiority. i really enjoy how unreliable of a narrator bean is because he is so quick to assume everyone knows who he is and that he Should be recognized and appreciated for his brilliance a lot more than he is already. AND THEN they both run into a lot of problems when forced to face the reality that intelligence is not the only thing that matters. they both are insanely lacking in experience when it comes to their respective fields (bean as a soldier/prospective commander, walter as a drug dealer/prospective kingpin) and they struggle because a lot of people skills, understanding of others, and making the right decisions in the interest of others is necessary to do those their jobs. they do not necessarily share this in common but i want to acknowledge that bean goes through sooo much character development in ES that starts when he realizes how much being loveable matters to other people, and because he feels like he is fundamentally lacking in what Should make him human (though there’s also an internal battle between this and him believing he’s the normal one and everyone else is WRONG!!). so bean looks for a lot of what he is missing in ender. in a way i think walter also looks for what he is missing in gus, and for a while there i think for both of them it had a lot to do with craving a sense of power and accomplishment that they have been denied their whole lives. they also share a sense of entitlement and grandiosity when it comes to what they think they are actually going to accomplish in that professional relationship. but what separates them is that beans love and admiration for ender and desire to coexist with him prevails, while in walter’s case his pride always ends up winning. bean becomes a more self aware and well rounded person while walter destroys everyone around him and then himself. though i also like to think about how bean might behave if he was in walter’s shoes instead! i want to let bean break bad and see what happens 💭💭💭
they both are also just kind of autistic with it sometimes. like for example thinking about the scene where hank was showing walter his crystals and he just starts yapping about manganese. this is bean coded to me but don’t ask me to explain why.)
things start to fall apart however when i try to think about jesse and skyler. petra and nikolai are kind of a toss up them…? maybe..? i considered his jesse being nikolai, because nikolai is his real “in” to the world of battle school by virtue of being beans first real friend there and bc he bridges the gap that takes him out of his isolation. like how jesse brings walter into the meth business. but in the rest of the shadow series petra is more of his partner in crime and i honestly don’t remember what nikolai gets up to but it seems more within beans interests to protect him from achilles and the other crazy shit. i dont know. i can see some parallels between jesse and petra in terms of like. they love kids and strong desire for genuine connection and actively fight very hard to overcome their nature as addicts (jesse to drugs and petra i think to war). maybe i can see some similarities in their personalities too if i look hard enough. but i also don’t like this and it’s pretty uncomfortable because if you look past the very upper most surface layer of the walter jesse relationship they are really nothing like bean and petra or bean and nikolai At All. [i think the most walter jesse dynamic in the enderverse is probably some combination of graff/mazer and ender, because of the emotionally abusive teacher/traumatized student, where ender/jesse go back and forth between hating them and looking for connection in them as the closest thing they have to a paternal figure and friend. ender/jesse are also both constantly under their control, put into situations by graff/walter where their lives are in danger and they are forced to kill someone they don’t think deserves to die (thinking of bonzo/gale specifically but there are more), and both of them have their own lives and sanity sacrificed to fulfill a purpose they end up despising. i definitely can see some similarities between ender and jesse! but that’s just food for thought.]
in the context of bean as walter, though, i think ender would be gus. of course there is a lot that is different about these two characters but gus and ender both sort of occupy a similar role in brba/ES. where they are at the absolute top and but also still under a different organizations control, the IF for ender and the cartel for gus. gus owns the cartels main supply chain for methamphetamine and they need him, but like ender he is also just treated terribly by them and holds so much hatred in his heart for them. especially because of how hector salamanca killed gus’s partner (in both business and in life… they are gay confirmed💗) before committing to working with him, and how the teachers destroy enders closest connections with valentine and alai before deciding he can serve as their chosen commander. both gus and ender are also very polite, professional, and have a lot of people who work for them and are willing to follow them into very dangerous situations. they are also both incredibly intelligent (side note: i see it argued often whether gus or walter is the most intelligent character in the universe and, similarly to ender and bean, i think walter has him beat in raw intellect but gus more than makes up for it in other ways that make him a much better businessman and kingpin. including his willingness to work with the cartel and letting them push him around, which walter really does not do. and i honestly think beans defiance is a non insignificant factor in why he was not given the chance to take enders place as chosen commander). but it’s also very important to both of their characters that they are emotionally distant and very closed off, keeping people at arms distance after gus loses max and ender loses val/alai. this is both because of the fear of getting too attached and losing someone again, but also because it just interferes with the role they have taken on. when faced with the very rare opportunity to be close to someone, ender and gus both run away and return back to the miserable role they must fill as a leader who stands at the top, all alone. when they first meet gus/ender, walter and bean both have delusions of getting closer to gus/ender and are extremely preoccupied with making their importance and value known to them (walter even shows up at his house in the middle of the night and gets a call telling him to leave before getting the chance to get to his door. i dont entirely remember why but this is hilarious and very bean coded to me). gus and ender are both very distant from them though of course and the only time they are able to have productive conversations are when gus/ender initiates it and calls walter/bean to a specific location, in particular i think of ender calling bean to his room and gus bringing walter over to his house for dinner. anyways i also just think ender being the manager of a restaurant is very silly. long live los pollos hermanos
peter is saul goodman/jimmy mcgill. IM REALLY PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS ONE. scumbag politician & scumbag lawyer have very similar energy to me LMAO and i like the idea of peter wearing his obnoxious colorful suits. but!! they actually have a lot of similarities. from an objective outsider perspective both jimmy and peter seem like bad people But we the audience are given a empathetic look into both of their histories and how complex both of them are, making the way they turn out a combination of both nurture and nature. how they both have cruelty or being a criminal in their nature, but are also heavily shaped by family who treats them as irredeemable and incapable of being anything else, and thus it is a self fulfilling prophecy. chuck and jimmy were neglected by their parents like val and peter, but i think the way chuck treats jimmy kind of represents how peter is treated by both val and his mother ("god knows why i love you" type shit). jimmy/peters accomplishments were constantly undermined because chuck/theresa wished him to be different, but could never really see anything good in him when he tried. however i do think the most similarities are between chuck and val, because they both have very rigid perceptions of good and evil, and in their minds jimmy/peter is ontologically evil no matter what good they do. at the same time, val and chuck read and understand their brothers better than anyone else and are often the only ones who are able to fully see and understand their actual flaws. but the way they perceive and talk to their brothers is also just so wrapped in resentment and anger and spite that from jimmy/peters perspective, they are just unable to see anything beyond the bad in them. jimmy and peter are both perpetually unable to shake their past and become anything more than the way they were as kids. even when they are actively doing things that help people, to val/chuck it means nothing because of how they perceive the intentions and the means behind it. i think if peter were to pursue a career in law instead of becoming president of the world he would end up a lot like jimmy. both of them are brilliant (jimmy is a really fucking good lawyer) but they also are prone to crippling boredom and just have an inherent lack of respect for rules they perceive as arbitrary, and are incapable of cooperating with authority. they cant fit in anywhere. and no one trusts them. even when jimmy gets a good job at davis&main, he clashes with his bosses and ends up purposefully acting out until they fire him because he cannot take their rules seriously and he Needs to not be under anyone else’s control. it makes me think a lot about peter purposefully flunking at his gifted school. both he and jimmy were doing work that was brilliant and produced results (jimmys ads bringing in insane amounts of clients, peter’s writings being praised in online forums) but it angered their bosses and teachers because it broke the rules. they don’t complete the assignment and don’t have any respect for the framework or curriculum they are being expected to follow. i think a lot about this passage in enders stocking every day
it genuinely fucks me up so badly like. oh my god bro. very very strong associations with jimmy mcgill here because this is his entire life when he is trying to be a law abiding lawyer. and there’s just SO many lines from chuck>jimmy that seriously remind me of the way val talks and thinks about peter. but anyways this pushes jimmy to become saul and peter to become locke and they both find their niche!! and in this universe the locke persona is exactly like saul goodman where he is a Criminal criminal laywer who is very involved in the actual scene and is by far the best one out there. YAY! i also somewhat remember locke in soth and saul in brba serving a similar role where they provide support and connections to bean/walter and help clean up all the crazy shit they each get into without actually getting their own hands dirty in the action. i think the relationships are both very entertaining and i quite like thinking about peter being beans lawyer.
achilles would be a stand in for the salamanca family in terms of the conflict that he presents for bean. character wise i actually think he is a lotttt like lalo and this comparison makes me very giddy!! but lalo does not actually appear in breaking bad so the story will have to be twisted to accommodate it. oh achilles…making things so difficult… but it needs to happen. i saw a reddit post about lalo and gus theoretically Could coexist in brba and it inspired me so im needing to think about this more. anyways their similarities. lalo is not like the rest of his family (who operate with occasional cordiality but typically only with brute force)(kind of like the other bullies in rotterdam.wink wink nudge nudge) because he is INCREDIBLY charismatic and lively. it’s just so easy to love this guy he gets along with people so well and is so friendly and smiley you just want him to like you. you can look at him and have a conversation and share a meal with him and enjoy every second of it. but if you know him you know there’s something Off about it all because he is a psychopath and he is out here killing and torturing people, sometimes for completely unnecessary reasons. like achilles, lalo kills a lot of people who really just did not need to die, but they both feel no remorse for murder and will kill as a stepping stone in achieving a larger goal or just to assert their control over a situation. both of them are extremely calculating, perceptive, and intelligent, but there are also times where their own arrogance ends up trumping logical reasoning and their ability to fully read people, which is what ends up getting lalo killed and achilles thrown into prison. lalo and gus’ relationship also itches my achilles and ender pilled brain but this isnt really based on the actual text of enders shadow so i wont go into it here right now.
who else. i guess bonzo and nacho remind me of each other a little bit, not really their roles in the story at all but just personality wise and because they’ve both got a resting angry face and are also very pretty. and have close relationships with their fathers. but when i think of how they interact with other characters it all falls apart. also no matter how hard i try i can’t think of someone who fits the role of mike ehrmantraut which is INFURIATING because i love him so much and he’s so important to the story. Wait. maybe i can make petra be mike. hold up i just thought of this and now im thinking about it… 🤔🤔 this would make her interactions with everyone else so much better i need to come up with how to justify it bc their personalities are pretty different but we’re putting a major pin in this one.
anyways thank you for reading my long delusional post… hopefully this provides some context to anyone who is interested. big love!!!!