the most tired DM in all existence

19 /// he/him /// lgb(t)(q)

[revenantghost]

[balkansoul-deactivated20220924]

love how tumblr staff has time to censor words like “paint mixing” and “my face” and yet they can’t get rid of ssexsophie8127 thats been liking my posts from 2017

[ssexsophie8127]

fuck you

[ssexsophie8127]

i won

[b33tl3b0y]

homunculus let out into the yard for a few minutes of recreational getting thrown from the roof time

[grimeclown]

This is a fucking new one

[tchaikovskaya]

[veryberryskye]

yeah i like to give my blessing to the most pathetic looking weak little knight at the tournament. she can’t even look me in the eye when i give her my flower and she stutters out that she’ll do her best or something of the like. i think its funny when she has to cry and beg my forgiveness and i get to say “such a shame, i suppose my hand in marriage will have to go to someone else…” and then i get to hear her whimper like a dog. ive done this like 6 times alrea-

did she just win.

[the-stew-goblin]

I shall prepare a stew for the wedding! Extra salt!

[veryberryskye]

wait wait wait stew goblin wait

[peachdelta]

get ready for the wedding

[kitsuneharmony]

one year into the marriage

[hollanderthoughts]

Wait…. 😳 there’s a way out?

[hollanderthoughts]

Fuuuuuuck me. It’s through? And that’s the only way? Fuuuuuuuck dude

[lyril]

[cornedbeefhashtags]

[battletoads]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Let’s do a Wild Hunt larp where we kidnap Jeff Bezos and release him in the forest and then give all the larpers (who are amazon employees) weird masks and motorbikes painted to look like fucked up horses and wolves.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Somewhat disturbed at how fast this post started picking up notes.

[bisexualshakespeare]

don’t set out food if you don’t want us to eat

[wonderwomemes]

i love that i can’t write the word fuck on facebook without risking getting zucced and here I’m greeted everyday by posts like this

[cgaratenby-deactivated20220830]

my only problem with this is that this sounds less like a larp and more like the actual Wild Hunt

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Quality larps are as realistic as is practical.

[strandnreyes]

“I don’t like this song because I can’t relate to it” skill issue. I’m mad at my husband I love my girlfriend I’m a lone cowboy I’m growing old I’m growing up I’m depressed I love my friends I’m perpetually horny I’m drunk at the club I love my husband again

[strandnreyes]

this is exactly what I’m talking about

[pinene]

Why are we forgetting the old texts

[wannab-urs]

he definitely fucks but there’s no way he fucks normal

[archliches]

man c'mon

[broken-horn-of-equius]

[enlightened-moth]

[felixcloud6288]

I've survived my first day on Tumblr

Achievements:

Don't shoot! I'm friendly!: Prove you're not a bot

AI dismemberment: Disable algorithm settings

Friends?: Gained a mutual

I recognize you: Follow someone you know from r/Tumblr

MY EYES!: Change the site palette

Great Idea: Reblog a post

They love me: Have a post reblogged

[chrono-meter-r]

Oh boy oh boy you're gonna get a Rare achievement for this one

Containment Breach

[curseworm]

the secret cheat code for women is realizing you dont have to date men

[curseworm]

this doesnt just go for lesbians it goes for bi women and straight women too. i cant even count how many times straight women have told me “i wish i was a lesbian so i didnt have to date men” but guess what … u Dont have to date men 

[curseworm]

to be clear this also isnt necessarily saying ‘go date women instead!!’ its just saying…. u dont have to date men. u dont have to be dating women in order to not date men! in fact if ur not attracted to women at all please dont date women just as a substitute for men. but if dating men isnt making u happy… u dont have to do that. u dont have to make a space in ur life for men

[curseworm]

im singlehandedly destroying every mans mental health by telling women its ok to not date them

[cannibal-flowerbomb]

Every reblog = less mental health awareness for men and more actual autonomy and love for women

[tredlocity]

there’s a twitter account where this guy thinks every tweet is directed at him and it’s great

[famicom]

this is how everyone on this website acts

[bluwubewwy]

Thats not true i dont think i act like this

[knowndesert]

looked up and miss girl was sitting on the roof STARING at me. tried to get her with her head right behind the moon but she took off too early!

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Hey. Heyhey. Do me a favor real quick.

If you don't already know you have issues doing so, squat down real quick. Bend your knees all the way and touch the floor. Just make sure you can do it. Okay? For me? And then stand up all the way and make sure you can balance on one foot.

Like. You don't need to blow it into some huge thing. Just. Make sure all your bits and peices still work the way you think they do.

[sea-salted-wolverine]

Can you turn your head to look behind you without twisting your shoulders? What about standing on your toes? If you sit down on the floor can you get back up without using your hands?

If there was ever a tumblr post worth sending to your mom, it's this one.

Just saying, bodies are a use it or lose it kinda thing.

[sea-salted-wolverine]

okay so every time I see this post crop back up in queues and notifications I end up thinking about it. Because I made the post and even I'm still doing the thing where I read the post about maintaining range of motion in my delicate meatsuit and I nod and hmm and think yeah that's a good idea and then dont move from where I'm curled up shrimp style staring at the nightmare rectangle.

So like. Thinking real hard about moving doesn't count as moving. Major bummer. Anyways. Joints.

[rose-coloured-bi]

[cannibalchicken]

your friends love you, your brain is just mean