A strong impression: analyzing KPDH Fics to show how a strong opener can elevate a work.
Hi everyone! I love first lines. They’re some of my favorite lines of the whole story!
First lines aren’t required to do anything special. Your fic isn’t worse if you have a purely functional first line. However, sometimes authors take the extra effort to really make their first lines pop. Today I thought I would share some of my favorite first lines among the fandom, along with why they work! Spoilers ahead for all of these fics, but like, there’s only so much you can glean from the first line. I’ll try to not spoil anything further than tags when discussing why I like the line.
So what makes a really good first line? Ideally, it should be memorable, instantly establish tone of the fic, be thought provoking, and striking. This is the equivalent to the first shot of a movie! I wanna be wow’d.
(Please note, all my wonderful author friends, if your fic didn’t make this list, it’s not that it had a bad first line. There's just only so much I can put!)
So starting out, let’s look at @arendellesfirstwinter! This author makes great first lines, so we have two fics from her.
paint my frozen heart with fire
"Mira wants.
She wants so desperately much. (It's ironic, for a person no one wants in return.)"
Okay, already breaking my own rules here. Technically, this is the first three lines. But like, cmon. Even if I left it at “Mira wants”, that would still be excellent. This instantly clues us into Mira's motivations, character, and just. Hngh. It’s such a strong start. Mira wants. Wants what, exactly? Well, read and find out! This fic is about these girls, their wants, how they hide themselves. Both superficially and on a deeper level.
This works so, so well on a first read because of the striking language. She wants. That is Mira, her character, her arc. And you keep reading, and find out about the audition. But then we get hints at her poverty, at her family, at her abandonment. This is a girl that wants and my mind kept going back to that first line when reading the chapter. An excellent start to this list from an excellent author.
Moving onto another fic from Aren! so we were liars
“In an unexpected twist of fate, Rumi falls first.”
This fic is about Rumi. Her rise, her fall, her redemption. Her mind, her lies, her barest self laid bare. It’s really, really intimate to her. This is reflected in the heavy use of sex scenes to move the plot, this is a deeply personal story to Rumi as an individual.
So of course, right up front, what’s the most fundamental undeniable truth about Rumi? More than her shame, more than her lies, more than her talent, what makes Rumi? She loves her girls. Her love for them is the only thing that isn’t tested in this fic. It’s one of the only constants. And we start with that and are reminded of that.
I have another post about why I like Rumi so much in this fic, and this line plays into that. She loves them so, so desperately. It’s the first thing we learn about them! This is Rumi’s story, Rumi’s fall. And we learn about her most primal motivation first: she fell first.
Next we’re gonna move onto @ramblingarachnid Hi, V. I have chosen the crowd favorite, Comeback (How to Tame Your Rumi)!
“Gold overtook the bright blue of the Honmoon as the final notes of Golden echoed through the stadium. The audience exploded into applause, and Rumi’s chest heaved as she recovered from the intense performance.”
Another two lines, sue me. But anyways. This fic is about the girls successfully turning the Honmoon Golden. Yipee!! They won! And then the fallout. This is established immediately, the very first words being “Gold overtook”.
I really like this first line for more subtle reasons. Gold overtook. This feels like very charged language. It didn’t become gold, morph into gold, but gold overtook i9t, washing out the bright blue. I love the addition of Bright blue. This Honmoon was strong! It was already strong. It didn’t strengthen by becoming Gold, but changed. Shifted sideways. Was… overtook?
And then Rumi heaving and recovering. The obvious effort this took from Rumi, established upfront. The Honmoon is Golden, because of Rumi. Her effort. It sets up her motivation early, and immediately tells us why she does what she does.
This could also be me reading too far into it, but these two lines don’t feel celebratory. They feel somber. The final notes of Golden. Overtaking. Drowning out the bright blue. It doesn’t feel like achievement, but a slow cage being lowered on Rumi. She’s heaving and recovering like an animal trapped, not a woman freed. I feel like you can tell from these two lines that this is not a good thing.
Let's talk about @somethinglikesawyer! God, do I adore this author. And this fic, I had it all (I had you). I’m going straight for the depressing part, so.
“She’s happy, for a while.”
This fic is about Immortal Rumi. It’s sad. I’m sad. But god, what a start. She’s happy, for a while. What a distillation of the first chapter. Rumi is happy with her girls. For a while. And then, (major fic spoilers), she becomes happy again with their returned souls. For a while.
I don’t know how this fic is going to go. It’s not finished. But to me, the themes are already shaping: find joy where you can. Obviously it’s deeper than that, but we’re talking the base base themes. (This fic deserves it’s own entire post, but for another time.) The intro embodies this theme. She’s happy, for a while. Just instantly primes you for this fic to rip your heart out. But what do we focus on? She was happy. It says it right there. First two words. She’s happy.
I think this fic is about focus. What part do you focus on? The happiness, or the fleetingness of it? This question is posed at the front. What’s more important to you? She was happy. Isn’t that worth something, even if it ended?
I’m going to bully @yanniest now. (I’m realizing now, that every author so far is one I’ve made a post abt before. Oops.)
You crave the applause (yet hate the attention). Love this fic! What’s the first line?
“Rumi had always liked routine. A schedule, a structure, a set of rules—the contents mattered less than the security of it.”
On this surface, this starting line seems pretty standard. We’re establishing our focus, Rumi, with some character traits. She likes routine. But we have to actually read the fic to realize the genius behind this.
Read the tags. OCD Rumi. This fic is about Rumi having undiagnosed OCD. Now re-read the first line.
God! It’s so fucking obvious! The first fucking line. I adore this because if you don’t know what you’re looking for, it seems standard. But on re-read? I’m screaming. This line haunts me. She doesn’t know. I’m about to read thousands of words of her suffering about a condition that should’ve been obvious.
(Not saying this is the only trait of OCD, or even a required trait. But in retrospect it’s a big tell, for Rumi).
Finally, we get to some authors I haven’t talked abt! The first is @kayr0ss, with wolfish behavior.
“Rumi taps her finger against her desk, her perfectly-manicured nail striking against the polished wood, the sound echoing through the silence of her office.”
I really like this starting line for two reasons. One, the character intro. Showing Rumi as this polished, organized, structured woman. She has an office. (That’s silent). Perfect nails. Wood desk. This instantly shows us she is successful, she is lonely, she is smart. All things this Rumi is!
The second reason I like this intro. It’s funny as fuck in retrospect. We open up with such a strong, confident Rumi. And she devolves into pathetic wet dog girlfailure so fucking fast. This first line is so ironic on re-reads. It’s the dichotomy of Rumi. She deserves to be soaked in milk and thrown against a wall in this fic. But she’s also smart, capable, witty, Rumi! But also a failure. And I love how the first line is just. So, so funny in retrospect. Love you, Woomi.
And finally, we’re going to talk about show me (how to love you) by @honestground!
I’ve briefly mentioned this fic before, I adore it. And the intro is very nice.
“The hotel is far nicer than Mira had anticipated.”
This intro may seem simple but shines on re-reads. Mira, in this fic, is a sex worker. She’s meeting a new client, Rumi. She states in the first few chapters that she’s really fine with it, but cracks have slowly leaked in. Learning she’s a lesbian but mainly services men, (spoilers) her only servicing Rumi in the future, thinking about Rumi while alone or with other women. Mira starts this fic claiming to be a stone wall, confident, uncrackable. But the cracks were visible from the start! From the very first line.
“The hotel” sets up she goes to hotels for her work. “Is far nicer” shows normally they aren’t this nice. This is explained later with her curated lists, but we get the sense she’s seen some shit. And finally “Than Mira had anticipated.” She wasn’t expecting this.
It’s actually kind of a microcosm for the entire fic. The hotel is Rumi! Rumi is far nicer than Mira had anticipated. She fell so fucking hard. This entire situation is far better than she thought. This opening line both foreshadows how the fic goes, and establishes that Mira doesn’t really like her job, if she’s dreading a so/so hotel.
I also enjoy establishing the tone of Mira’s internal dialogue. She’s all business here. The hotel is nice. Nicer than she thought. No immediate comments on the actual hotel (we get those in a few lines.) But up front? She’s not overwhelmed by luxury. She’s here for a job. It’s nice. God, Mira, you girlfailure. I love her. Excellent fic, by the way, please read it.
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