Born in May 16, 2010. Litharoace Multi-spec Demigirl. This is my current main social media. I always post random content, mainly my art, out of boredom.
I just found out that Garbo is actually chubby, not fat. I could not be able to make them chubby again because I already merge all layers, and I am unable to fix it back, especially I merge it with the noise layer. I will be making Garbo chubby in the future.
Cannot put this down even tho I tried this earlier, and after looking through the MV, VD and report again, Mikoto seriously needs a major overhaul because he and everyone deserved better.
Report/Backstory
Changes to Mikoto's backstory isn't as happy as the original as it made out to be. He was told his father chose work over his family, but really Mikoto was put under stress from a young age to be successful instead of finding joy in hobbies and playing with friends. This led to abuse, both physically and emotionally and while Mikoto tried to be good because he loved his family and tried to be positive, this caused him to snap and hurt his dad back (possibly pushing him down the stairs or actually grabbing his baseball bat to hit him back and wouldn't stop). His dad was severely injured, and while questioning Mikoto, John manifested and took the blame as Mikoto couldn't believe he just tried to hurt his dad with the intent to kill. Since Mikoto was very young and there were signs of abuse on him and also Mikoto's mother, the divorce happened. Mikoto doesn't remember anything about the incident and the police interrogation, so he just took his mother's answer that his father left because he chose work over family as the truth. John remains dormant as Mikoto starts to live a stress free life and is friendly to everyone with his carefree and optimistic personality.
Eventually he gets into the design company he aimed for, and things just don't go well with him. Not just because he's slower to finish the work and keep making mistakes like the original report says, but the boss keeps expecting more from him, slowly reminding Mikoto of his dad as John starts to front for him. One night while getting home from work, Mikoto sees his boss coming out of a bar, laughing without a care in the world and declaring that everyone basically works for him. Seeing how he forced Mikoto to stay back at work every night while the boss went out to get plastered, he snapped again, grabbing a nearby bat or some sort of metal pipe to stalk his boss and bash him to death.
From then on, any irritations Mikoto felt made John come forth and deal with the problems for him, mistakenly thinking this was what Mikoto wanted and his need to not break apart from the stress he's going through. This is a nightly or once in a while thing after work instead of it all happening within 48 hours, but soon he's caught by the police, but was quickly whisked away to Milgram to be part of the project.
Third trial interrogation
(Please bear with me on my writing here as I try to be as accurate as I can)
At first it was believed John did disappear as promised if Mikoto is forgiven, but as it turned out...no, he fronted again as Mikoto starts to become distressed over what he could recall what John did. Since Es knows that LGBTQ is more accepted in 2025 while talking to Kazui, they also explain to Mikoto/John how their case of DID, despite still being a mystery, is more understood now. Like for example, John can't just disappear whenever he wishes, and that Es deduce John's origin must have come from Mikoto's childhood, thus explaining the murders must be to avoid trauma so Es was more forgiving this time after researching about Mikoto's case, while also explaining to Mikoto didn't do anything wrong and had no control over what John did.
However, John still doesn't want to front, but can feel Mikoto being in distress, while Mikoto, this time co-conscious with John, demands to know why John did all this now that he is kind of aware of his presence. Es tries to reassure the two that despite what John did, he did it to protect Mikoto, as that's what alters do - to protect themselves so then Mikoto could function normally in his life. How he did it made Mikoto get into the worse troubles, but John wanted to help because that's why he's here. John, not believing he's here to help Mikoto anymore, tries to disappear again (closest he could manage might be to be dormant maybe), and Mikoto then ask Es if he's really not a murderer, even though he now recalls this body was the one to deliver the fatal blows despite whoever was in control then. Es then ask if Mikoto wants to forgive himself if he is a murderer, and in extension, forgive John for it too. With that, Mikoto decides to think about it, but knew they're both responsible and will face whatever happens once they leave. Although he does wish to be able to meet John again properly if he's ever given the chance.
Requiem MV
Since the song keeps mentioning hide-and-seek and feeling like he's missing something, the MV starts with little Mikoto, bruised up and crying, feeling like he notice a presence but never finds him. He keeps looking around, but never finds that presence, who is John as he appears behind him to handle the threat who is Mikoto's father.
Mikoto wakes up on the train, confused about how he got on here before looking out the window, seeing his past life playing. It's of his childhood, but he notice another presence there, "himself," always watching but never interacting, yet looked like ready to pounce when needed. Mikoto has a happier life now, but as he continue to explore the train, each cart reveals the next part of his life and he sees himself when he got his job at the graphics design company. When he was getting home, he sees his boss coming out of the bar, laughing, causing Mikoto to snap and John fronted to deal with the stress for him, literally. The Mikoto on the train is appalled by what himself, or really John did, and how he meticulously took care of the body and any traces that could lead to him too, all to protect Mikoto as this continued on from time to time.
Mikoto is sickened, but as the lines play:
Just so I can make Me into Me
Oh my Me, please stay the same
Here’s to Me, just so I can make Me into Me
No one’s here, just forget about Me
Mikoto learns that John was trying to keep Mikoto safe and be his happy and optimistic self, while John is the one who carries all the negativity he couldn't handle, but now wishes for Mikoto to forget about him after causing him this much trouble. This is when Mikoto finally finds John, who quickly tries to run and hide in the train. John manages to lock himself away in the next compartment, separating himself from Mikoto even as he desperately tries to open the door separating them.
Hide-and-seek without you
It will never reach you, this good night
It’s not just for anyone, this requiem for someone
How is it that I can sing it
The train is nearing their final stop, and Mikoto, deciding he can't talk to John now, leaves to get off the train to face whatever is to come. The final shot is of Mikoto's back as he faces the police stranding before him, and the camera gets closer - leaving the viewers to interpret that as John joining him to take responsibility, face this together, or not.
There is no Pursuer in the area you are hiding in.
Also, there is a blood.
Drawing the new mastery skin on Pursuer is harder than I thought. His eyes reminds me of Ghostwalker from Phighting.
The update of the game is harder for survivors, and most of the reworks on both sides are solid. I don’t know how does Pursuer’s Howl works now. Apparently, Hotdog can no longer take your 5 stamina away!? I can finally use that thing without sacrificing my stamina!
One of the first bits of information that you can find on Dissociative Identity Disorder is that it is a disorder founded in childhood trauma, usually causing polyfragmentation of the self. A single fragmentation of the self caused in FULL ADULTHOOD may as well be psychologically impossible. I’m a college student with one psychology course under my belt and I know that. Yamanaka has a fucking psych degree and somehow put less research into writing Mikoto’s disorder than I did writing fanfiction about him. IN HIGH SCHOOL. Because he didn’t want to let go of his ableist narrative.
Because let’s be frank, it is absolutely an ableist narrative. I can see that the intention is to critique the intense stress of Japanese workplace culture on the mentally ill, which is a noble idea, but the fact remains that the narrative of people with disorders like schizophrenia and DID being habitually violent and dangerous is rooted in the idea that mentally ill people are to be othered and shunned instead of helped and empathized with. All this time, I thought the intention with Mikoto was to employ the trappings of this harmful trope as a framing device that the writers then intended to deconstruct. Clearly, that was too much to hope for.
How do we go from Camouflage and Non-Denominum, two of the most intelligent and empathetic episodes in the entire series, to sensationalist trash like this? I’ve been a MILGRAM fan for five years now. It’s been one of my greatest creative inspirations. I have never been so close to dropping the series as I have been today. I won’t - there’s only one episode left, I may as well see how it ends - and even though I don’t think I could ever hate the series, this, along with the handling of Mahiru’s case, is a massive black stain upon a series and a case with so much potential. Shame on you, Yamanaka. Do better.
Addition to this. While I think, if SOMEONE had actually bothered to do their homework, Mikoto having DID could have absolutely worked and been super interesting with the workplace abuse storyline they had going, they absolutely didn’t need to go there to showcase the “two sides” or “repressed id” narrative they were going for. In fact, I know they could have, because I actively know a story where a similar plotline having DID removed from it in development made it actively better.
For those of you who follow my blog, it should come as no surprise my favorite video game of all time is the 2001 survival horror classic Silent Hill 2, along with its 2024 remake. In fact, I highly recommend playing either the original or the remake (or both!) to MILGRAM fans - the game is somewhat similar to MILGRAM at its best in dealing with themes of personal guilt and what drives a normal person to do heinous things, explored through visual metaphor and psychological analysis. One of the core ideas surrounding the protagonist, James, is that he lives in a state of constant psychological contradiction - he is able to at the same time love and hate the same person fiercely, or to desperately desire something while also being horrified at the very thought. In the early stages of the game’s development, the developers confirmed that the original plan was to give him some form of DID or OSDD. However, they scrapped the idea, instead making James a single, whole character who held all these contradictory views - and it’s a big part of what makes him so interesting. You play the game and James is constantly at the crossroads of trying to resolve the parts of himself he feels he’s justified in feeling and the part’s he’s disgusted by. He is constantly repressing and justifying and concealing the parts of himself he finds shameful from even us the audience - and yet even still, we see those parts of him shine through. Still, the parts of him that he chooses to show never feel like an act or disingenuous - they instead feel like the flip side of the coin, something that can’t exist without his other, darker side. Even when his mind is so full of contradictions, he’s fundamentally incomplete without them, and it makes him fascinating to pick apart, and makes him feel not like a cartoonish monster of a man, but like a person who is neither fully good nor fully bad, capable of great evil and yet full of self-loathing and guilt for everything he’s done.
So my question is: if MILGRAM was never invested in exploring DID as a disorder, why not write Mikoto as a character similar to James? I would have LOVED to see a version of Mikoto who wasn’t necessarily a system, but instead a man desperately pushing down his rage and exhaustion at his mistreatment under his genuine belief that he was fortunate to have his position and shouldn’t complain, until one day, he broke fully under the pressure. Of course, his crime of 12 serial murders (seriously???) would have to be changed, but instead of sectioning him off into two separate halves, his contradictions would be allowed to intermingle and play off each other, causing greater inner conflict and development.
But you know what else I would have loved to see? A system Mikoto who was written with genuine research involved. Now, I’m not a system, I’m just going based on what I know from my friends who are and from my own research I’ve done on DID (mostly to try and make my writing for Mikoto in the MILGRAM fics I’ve written accurate - guess I shouldn’t have bothered), but on its own, the idea of a more morally dubious system character isn’t inherently a bad thing. Generally, from my understanding, the writing of a character of a certain minority as morally imperfect isn’t inherently bad. The problem is when you make that character into a stereotype - and even then, sometimes stereotypes are worth deconstructing and interrogating. I’ve seen characters such as an “angry Black man” who was a deeply emotional and sensitive person, and only exaggerated his anger because he felt it was the only way he’d be taken seriously as a man by others, or a “flamboyant sassy gay man” who spent his entire childhood raised in repressive high society, and now that he was free to break the rules he’d been raised with his whole life, was diving headfirst into every bit of self-expression he’d been denied. An examination of the “violent system” trope could have worked if MILGRAM had bothered to write it. For example, Mikoto mentions in his T1 interrogation that his mother left his father and took him and his sister with her when he was small, and that he has no memories of life before this point. Traumatic memory repression is common in DID, so let’s say that the reason that Mikoto’s mother left and that he can’t remember his father was that his father was in some way violent and abusive. (This is what I thought they genuinely were going for before… this.) Mikoto develops DID as a result of spending his formative years in that environment. Instead of John forming alone years later, he forms with a small group of other alters in this childhood stage as a self-defense mechanism - a way for host Mikoto to distance himself from the rage and fear he feels at the violence surrounding him, and to give it a release valve if he’s in enough danger that he needs to fight back. After his mother moves him and his sister out, Mikoto’s condition persists, but his mother is too afraid of the stigma of having an ill child to get him formally diagnosed. Mikoto never knows about his condition, assuming his massive memory gaps and the voices he hears occasionally are normal. As he grows up, his DID doesn’t completely disappear, but it becomes significantly less prominent - he’s not surrounded by violence enough to be triggered nearly as often, so many of his alters go dormant or start fronting less frequently. He goes to college, gets his degree, is hired by a black company, and is immediately stuffed into an abusive workplace environment. His stress and anxiety skyrocket, and because his mind feels like it’s in danger again, his alters start majorly resurfacing. Slowly, Mikoto starts collapsing under the stress of both his job and his re-emerging trauma and condition, until one day, he gets into a verbal confrontation with his boss. When the boss begins to raise their voice at him, he flashes back to his father, and John emerges, and we all know how that ends.
Look, I’m not a professional writer (though I hope to be one day), and even I was able to come up with two rough sketches of the way that MILGRAM could have explored these ideas infinitely better. This hurts especially because of how much I loved Mikoto before now. It’s so rare to see a character with a more stigmatized condition like DID be presented in an empathetic light, and he had so much potential to say so many interesting things. But I guess we’ll never get that now. Fantastic.
God, let’s just hope they don’t fuck up Kotoko too bad. 7/10 cases being at least good (I have my issues with Yuno and Mahiru too but those are for another day) would leave me mostly content with this series at the end but with how genuinely bad this was I’m not sure if 6/10 would be enough for me to feel like MILGRAM was worth all these years…
If a character from different media will likely sent to Milgram, it would be James Sunderland.
Also, there is a fanmade film of Silent Hill, which I don't remember the name of it. According to my memory, it has a main character named Michael, who has DID. I can't tell if it's a good representation of DID or not because I could not fully recall the entire plot.
Trial 3's writing felt off. Sure, I do like half of the characters written, and the songs are bangers. I don't like how they executed it, and the interrogations right now are just the answers we already know.
It's 'interesting' that people are initially going to lean Amane 'guilty' and Mikoto 'innocent', and now it's the opposite. I think Mikoto will still be 'innocent', but maybe it's lower than Amane's verdict.
I have a feeling that Mikoto would be everyone's favorite to least favourite.
I am very hesitant about putting 'who has better DID representation' because a lot of the fanbases on both sides consider them that their portrayals are shitty.
!I am not good at explaining clearly and not an expert in the portrayal of DID. Just correct me if I'm wrong!
If I remember it correctly, Toko Fukawa has DID when she is young after suffering from child abuse and bullying. I saw a lot of Danganronpa fans I saw considered that Toko is a bad representation of DID because the alter ego, Genocide Jack/Jill, suffers from the alter ego being the serial killer trope.
Mikoto, on the other hand, is also the same, except Mikoto got DID because of his stress of job. According to my research, people can get DID from childhood, not from adulthood. I am lowkey 'surprised'(if this is the right word) that John managed to kill 12 people by 48 hours, and the police are just spawn camping on Mikoto's apartment. It makes me question how the police managed to know that 'Mikoto' is the one who killed someone.
It sucks that I like the concept that a prisoner with DID, but Milgram Trial 3 is being Milgram Trial 3.
It’s kinda funny that Ayanami and Adachi have ‘Rei’ as their name. This is the 1st time for a long time that I color their eyes instead of normally color it on the darker line.
Drawing lineless Adachi's clothes is so much hard.
I am so fucking upset on how the interrogations lately are so irrelevant!
I already ranted, and it's just wasting the questions.
Yesterday, I commented in this post that I was betting that question 19 would reveal Amane's mom. When I checked the lastest interrogation, I don't know what to feel, and I think it's the answers we already know it.
I don't know if the teams really just want to get it over with since Amane's crimes are revealed, and they decided to pick random questions without 2nd thought, or they forgot about the aspects.
I don't think there will be another interesting answer tomorrow because I can imagine that, just like every last question of the 3rd trial interrogations, Es asks Amane if she forgives them, and it's either 'yes' or in rare case, 'no'.
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